“funny” book quotes

i have a photo album full of book screenshots with funny book quotes we all have our niche hobbies sav 19

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Feel free to submit me any funny book quotes. Make sure you include series, book title and author as well as the character names.

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feel free to follow my main acc @darialane !!!!!

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Alex: Don’t act like this all isn’t part of your extra-long game of abusing your position to murder Woody Allen and make it look like an accident.

June: He’s just so frail; it’d only take one good push-

Ellen: How many times do I have to tell y'all not to discuss your murder plots in front of a sitting president? Plausible deniability. Come on.

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Zoe: Let us find the dam snack bar. We should eat while we can.

Grover: The dam snack bar?

Zoe: Yes. What is funny.

Grover: Nothing, I could use some dam French fries.

Thalia: And I need to use the dam restroom.

Zoe: I do not understand.

Grover: I want to use the dam water fountain.

Thalia: And… I want to buy a dam t-shirt.

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Atticus: We may have a faery tail.

Oberon: Yeah! This is the kind of faery tale with children who wander off and get in trouble in the forest. Usually they die because they don't have a wolfhound along-or parents. You ever notice the rampant child neglect going on in faery tales?

Atticus: No, Oberon, I said we might have a faery tail, as in a faery who is tailing us.

Oberon: English is stupid sometimes.

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Sydney: It really was an accident. Marcus thought I was there to abduct him.

Adrian: If someone like you showed up to abduct me, I’d let them.

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Kami: You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watching, Jared.

Jared: Have you considered that perhaps nobody’s watching because they’re too embarrassed for you?

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Ezekiel: Tell us again. How does this all work?

Solomon: My pleasure, old friend. I do so enjoy repeating myself.

Ezekiel: Nobody asked for your sarcasm, Solomon.

Solomon: No, but I’m a generous soul.

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Nezha: You let me think you were dead.

Rin: What did you want, a letter? It’s not like it was terribly easy to track you down, either.

Nezha: A letter would have been better than bombing my ship!

Rin: Are you ever going to let that go?

Nezha: It’s a rather large thing to let go!

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Fin: Wait, we’re gonna just let her in here? I don’t want to get all judgy, but this girl has murdered us nine times today.

Zila: Eight times.

Fin: Oh, well, that’s okay then.

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Adam: What is your plan with these things anyway?

Ronan: Ramp. BMW. The goddamn moon.

Adam: The trajectory you’re building doesn’t suggest the moon. It suggest the end of your suspension.

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Clary: What are you doing here, anyway?

Jace: ‘Here’ as in your bedroom or ‘here’ as in the great spiritual question of our purpose here on this planet? If you're asking whether it's all just a cosmic coincidence or there's a greater metaethical purpose to life, well, that's a puzzler for the ages. I mean, simple ontological reductionism is clearly a fallacious argument, but-

Clary: I’m going back to bed.

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Evie: Who would want to follow you?

Sam: You want me to make a list?

Evie: No, thanks. I hate to see you have to work so hard. I know what a toll thinking takes on you.

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Nik: Welcher…

Hanna: …What?

Nik: Bet you I’d get shot, ‘member? Owe me a kiss. Maybe a feel, too.

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Jean: I suspect that drink has made you impulsive.

Locke: Drink makes me see funny; the gods made me impulsive.

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Emma: I’ve never really thought of serial killers as having shower gel.

Julian: No one likes a filthy warlock.

Emma: Some might disagree.

Julian: No comment.

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Diego: Your mom’s cool.

Henry: Sorry about the interrogation.

Diego: At least she didn’t pull out my fingernails or electrocute my genitals.

Henry: She’s probably saving that for next time.