XVII @furibundae-blog - Tumblr Blog

GLOW IN THE DARK

#glow in the dark #midget golf #golf #colorful #holiday #bright #bright colors #bright colours cw #dark #black

Beach

#beachlife #beach #beachbody #footsteps #earth #earthtones #sand #brown #doc martens #beach sand jewelry #i'm so tired #tire tracks

footsteps on the beach

#beach #beach girl #beachlife #footsteps #aesthetic #aestheitcs #ocean #photography #selfmade #texel

Milano 2016 I went to a Bruce Springsteen concert in San Siro. It was a truly amazing experience, I loved every second of it.

#bruce springsteen #Bruce #milano #inter milan #milan fashion week #concert #music #rock #life #lit #one direction #meme #memories #love #e street band

EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY

#moon #lunar #nasa #nasasupermoon #supermoon #sunset #sunrise #eclipse #moonlight #expectations #reality #maan #alternate universe #universe #space #star #stars

• Kensington

#band #concert #music #dutch #kensington #love #passion #great #enjoy #enjoyinglife

#books #aesthetic #aestheitcs #bookworm #booklr #woman #autumn #autumnal #harry styles #harry potter #the hobbit #dan and phil #danisnotonfire #america #route66 #cars #trees #leaves #Tumblr #phil lester

Tomorrow is my 17th birthday. That means today is my last day of being 16 year old. When I was a little girl I always wanted to be 16. I imagined going to party's, having boyfriends, having the perfect Barbie body and laughing a lot. Then the day came, I turned 16. And now, on my last day of being 16, I can say none of my expectations were turned into reality. I'm not sure whether I'm bothered by it tho. I suffer from major social anxiety, I'm very shy and extremely insecure. This year has been my worst year ever regarding my anxiety. I've had so many panic attacks and I can't even count all the times I lay in bed at night and just crie my eyes out because I was so anxious. These last few months have been extremely difficult. My mental state has never been this bad. But still, I enjoy life. I don't go to parties because I'm terrified of them. I hate them. I don't have a boyfriend simply because I don't want one. I don't have the perfect Barbie body and I can accept that. I'm writing this during my last few hours of being 16. And I want to say sorry to my younger self. I know if she saw me right now, she wouldn't be proud. She would say I let her down. I didn't realize her dreams. And that's probably what's hurting me the most. I didn't live up to my own expectations. I just couldn't and for that I'm truely sorry. But you must know I'm happy. I haven't been able to say I'm happy in a long time but now I can. I have a panic attack nearly every day but somehow I always manage to get through it. But I can truely say I'm happy. I'm also very thankful for some people and I don't have to courage to tell them face to face so I'll write it. I'm extremely thankful for my parents. I realized they really want what's best for me and they try everything in their power to help me. We argue a lot but they mean the world to me. I love them so so much. I'm thankful for my brother and sister. We might be opposites but they always find a way to make me laugh. They bring me a lot of joy. I love them. The main reason I'm writing this is because I want something to remember my 16th year by. Once again I want to apoligize to my younger self. I'm so sorry I let you down, I'm so sorry for all the things I did and didn't do. I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations. But I want you to know that I'm happy, even though it might not always seem that way. If I could do it all over, I wouldn't change much. And now to my future self: I want you to always remember this feeling, the feeling you had when you finally felt happy. Dark times may come, but always remember to find joy in life. Because that's what life is for: joy. I love you

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