Am I watching My Royal Nemesis simply because I noticed it was color-coded?
NO! I started watching it because I noticed the almost $4,000 red leather Gucci purse.
And that's how I realized the purse (along with everything else) was color relevant.
So now I am watching it because it's color coded.
But that's not the only reason I'm watching it! I'm also watching it because it's sun and moon coded/light x dark dynamic, which is why an eclipse happened in both timelines.
But also, there's a whole thing about red flowers, specifically peonies, "the king of flowers," and how they are the most beautiful flower in a garden full of beautiful flowers.
(The flowers are her)
Because she was the most beautiful flower blooming in the royal garden before she was plucked and crushed.
But she wasn't always the red flower and her love interest wasn't always the dark cloud.
He was blue. Loyal. Smart. Kind (to her).
And she was pink, even in the current timeline.
So I think the past and the present Shin Seo-Ri are the same person since the grandmother mentioned an accident occurred and Shin Seo-Ri forgot who she was then, so maybe she had an accident at work again and woke up with full memories of her past life . . . but that's not what this post is about. It's about the colors, and how slowly, these two are getting back to their softer colors.
Instead of always being red and black, they are gradually moving to pink and blue one color step at a time.
And it's probably because they found each other again in the midst of an eclipse with a shining red comet included.
Or maybe it's because love (mixed with this bokeh effect) reveals everyone's true color.
Am I watching My Royal Nemesis simply because I noticed it was color-coded?
NO! I started watching it because I noticed the almost $4,000 red leather Gucci purse.
And that's how I realized the purse (along with everything else) was color relevant.
So now I am watching it because it's color coded.
But that's not the only reason I'm watching it! I'm also watching it because it's sun and moon coded/light x dark dynamic, which is why an eclipse happened in both timelines.
But also, there's a whole thing about red flowers, specifically peonies, "the king of flowers," and how they are the most beautiful flower in a garden full of beautiful flowers.
(The flowers are her)
Because she was the most beautiful flower blooming in the royal garden before she was plucked and crushed.
But she wasn't always the red flower and her love interest wasn't always the dark cloud.
He was blue. Loyal. Smart. Kind (to her).
And she was pink, even in the current timeline.
So I think the past and the present Shin Seo-Ri are the same person since the grandmother mentioned an accident occurred and Shin Seo-Ri forgot who she was then, so maybe she had an accident at work again and woke up with full memories of her past life . . . but that's not what this post is about. It's about the colors, and how slowly, these two are getting back to their softer colors.
Instead of always being red and black, they are gradually moving to pink and blue one color step at a time.
And it's probably because they found each other again in the midst of an eclipse with a shining red comet included.
Or maybe it's because love (mixed with this bokeh effect) reveals everyone's true color.
Elio's script never lies; and the next act is simple: Blade is no longer of use, and it's time to grant his wish. His own funeral is imminent, and Kafka is in charge of delivering the news.
But instead, she gives in to her one desire. And it just makes reality so much harder to accept.
(nsfw drabble with angst)
This isnโt how itโs supposed to go.ย
Kafka cups his chin, forcing Blade to look her right in the eyes. Where thereโs pain, there is healing. And his eyes are so void of everything but anguish and torture that even Kafka doesnโt know what to do.
So instead of letting her spirit whisper lead, she leans in and presses her lips to his. โBladie,โ she mumbles. โJust go with it. Whatever you want to do.โ
~~~
โWhatโs her weakness?โ
โHer partner. The one who calls himself Blade.โ
โDo it.โ
Kafka gasps, as if sheโs coming up for air after being held underwater for a long time, struggling to inflate her lungs fully as the panic sets in. Elio removes his hands from her shoulders and clicks his tongue.ย
โSnap out of it, Kafka.โ
โWhat are they planning?โ
โThat doesnโt concern you.โ
Then why show me such a scene?
She doesnโt let up; her knees finally click back into position, and another breath helps her regain her composure. Elio has retreated to his desk, sitting behind it looking wholly unbothered.ย
โHey,โ Kafka barks, marching across the marble floor and taking the chair opposite him, eyebrows raised as if sheโs spoiling for a fight. โThis isnโt fair. You wouldnโt have shared that vision with me if I didnโt have to -,โ
โI donโt appreciate your tone, Kafka. You serve me, remember?โ
โThen enlighten me as to what Iโm supposed to do with this information. What, theyโre going to try andโฆ lure me out by compromising Blade somehow? Get me to rescue him again?โ
โThat seems to be the case. But Kafka, if that happens, we canโtโฆ we canโt risk this operation, not when weโre this close to securing this phase. Heโs expendable.โ
Elioโs words are pointed, but matter of fact. โKafka. Tell Blade heโs served his purpose. Itโs time for us two to meet face to face.โ
The words are on the tip of her tongue, but for some reason, she lacks the conviction to speak them out loud. No matter her personal feelings, she canโt let Elio see her falter; if he begins to distrust her then sheโll be just as expendable as Blade.
And Kafka is much easier to dispose of.
โDo you have anything else to say to me, Kafka?โ
โNo. Iโll be on my way.โ
She has to hold it together. For Bladeโs sake.ย
โSeems there are things you fear after all.โ Elioโs last words echo in her ears on her way out.ย
The calm sets in when sheโs home; even if only on the surface. Silver Wolf barely notices anything is wrong, much too busy making Sam look like a fool and beating the shit out of his timings on some kind of hackathon game. Blade must be in his room. Good. Better to let this be a private affair.ย
โStep it up, Sam,โ Kafka yawns as she walks past, throwing a half wave in their direction and making a beeline for the bedroom compartment. His dismayed cry in response - โSheโs cheating!โ - is of no concern to her. Not when sheโs hovering at the door, ready to knock and enter, as business-like as possible.ย
Must you be so nervous? This is Bladeโs wish. It should be a happy occasion. You knew this would happen one day.
~~~
His hands grab at her waist almost immediately, a grip so tight that it takes Kafka by surprise. Blade pushes her against the door and closes the distance between them, nipping at her bottom lip, sucking as it splits and the tasteย of blood fills his mouth. Kafka moans into him and thrusts her hips forward, wishing she could get closer, wishing away the layers of clothes that still separate them.ย
She doesnโt like to lose control, and she knows she canโt, not around Blade - he needs her to be there for him. But with every second, his grip grows stronger, it starts to hurt and she wouldnโt be able to get away if she wanted to, and she knows itโs selfish, but she doesnโt care. โBlade,โ Kafka tugs at the loose fabric of his tailcoat, her voice whinier than sheโs ever heard it. โI wantโฆ,โ
โI need you,โ he nuzzles into the nape of her neck as he speaks, steadying himself. โKafka, I donโtโฆ I donโt know how toโฆ my handsโฆ,โ
โYour hands.โ Kafka swallows the lump in her throat. The hands he relied on so much, that allowed him to craft, do the thing he loved so much. This world has taken everything from him, even the right to a real life and a real death.ย
I love you.
She wants to speak the words, but they wonโt come.ย
Instead, she says โDonโt worry about your hands.โย
Instead, she nods at him; a command to undress. She does the same; pushing him backward with a finger to his lips until he stumbles and falls onto the mattress.ย
Instead, she puts on a show for him, watches his tired eyes widen and his thick cock twitch as she takes off her shirt, her shorts, everything but her bra, because she wants to feel him fumble with the strap behind her back, not clumsy because of his loss of coordination but because heโs so desperate to see her tits, to touch her and kiss her and leave his mark all over.ย
Instead, she straddles him and lowers herself onto his cock, and she doesnโt stay quiet about it. His name spills from her mouth, she canโt help it, she feels so full; and Blade, God, Bladeโฆ the way his eyes close and his lips part and he groans when she rocks her hips back and forth. The way his tongue looks so pretty, how she feels her stomach clenching imagining it lapping at her clit while she sits on his face, but no, not yet, this is all about Blade. Itโs always about Blade, really.ย
โKafka - Kafka, Iโm gonnaโฆ,โ
Please, donโt take him away from me.ย
โYou can, please, please, please come for meโฆ,โ sheโs shushing him, reassuring, gentle; even when he spills inside of her and her thighs ache, she doesnโt want to roll off of him, she doesnโt want to spend a second without him inside of her.ย
Please. I need him. Please donโt take him. There has to be another way.
Kafka is an expert at not crying. Crying has always just been a form of manipulation for her, which means she can control when she does and doesnโt do it. Holding back the tears is her saving grace.ย
โI have to tell you something, Blade.โย ย
โNo - not now,โ heโs panting, the sweat is pouring down his face. โCan it wait?โ
It canโt, but Kafka nods. She cocks her head, and Blade shifts onto his side; Kafka climbing behind him and pulling the covers up right over their heads. Sheโll wrap her arms around his waist and hold him all night, because as long as theyโre within this bubble of stale air and darkness, nothing can tear them apart.ย
i'm always so fixated on blade being pathetic and dumb for kafka, worshipping the ground she walks on and falling apart at her command that it's taken me THIS long to start thinking about sub!kafka and... god... it's perfect because the former still applies, blade still worships her, he would do anything to make her feel good, and she lets him do his worst.
it's a different kind of trust. maybe she's only like this with blade. he's the only one to get her on her knees, looking up with tears in her eyes, hands obediently folded behind her back and thighs clenching. blade makes her feel small and pretty and fragile, like a doll. blade, who has big rough hands either calloused or bandaged, who wears his years of anguish on his once innocent face, who can make his voice sound so, so harsh, so coarse. even if kafka has to spend time coaxing him or working up his confidence, it's worth it, and she doesn't make him feel embarrassed, because when he sees what he can do to her with just his fingers, his touch and filthy words spilling from his mouth, he's addicted.
maybe this is another way he can gain control over the mara, a way to quell it. maybe even pre-emptively. maybe he can work it out like pent up energy before bed by rawing kafka from behind, his fingers shoved into her mouth to quieten her, because she is SUCH a screamer. she moans and whines and bites at him and gags, they're both messy and overstimulated and when blade spills his load in her cunt he's dizzy and his knees buckle, and kafka is able to vocalise properly again. blade musters up his stamina, cock aching and stomach hollow, exhausted - throwing himself across kafka's body, latching onto one of her nipples and sucking while his hand trails down to her soaking wet pussy; his thumb rubbing rough circles across her clit while he pumps in and out of her with two fingers until she cums, too. all to the soundtrack of her crying his name, and the pain of her nails digging into his skin.
tell me you need me (1 of 2) | c. berzatto x reader
It was good when you started but Carmen Berzatto had the ability to make anyone fall in love with him no matter how much you tried not to. (friends with benefits!carmen, smut, mndi!!!, unprotected p in v, smut! smut!, angst!! fluff, maybe some bad words, blood, unedited)
MASTER LISTS
TAGLIST
I need you tonight. Want to go?
You sighed at the message that Carmy sent you. โWant to goโ was a code for โI want to have sex.โ and itโs been working pretty well for these past few months. You both needed some sort of release for the pent-up stress that you both have. Carmy, with the Bear and you, with art. You were a full-time artist; creating art inspired by food using oil paint and other forms of media. Youโve been stressed with your upcoming gallery opening next month. Would they love it? Itโs quite hard to meet the expectations after winning the Herb Alpert Award in the Arts last year. It was close to Carmyโs James Beard Foundation award, if not the same. In a way, at the end of the day, you were two people excelling in your jobs except for everything else. You sucked at relationships, friendships, connectionโฆwhat wasnโt artistic; you sucked at. Carmy was the same. Without thinking, you typed your response, a four letter word. Maybe youโll see him tonight.
-
Carmy enters your home like he lived in it. He had his own set of keys, it was easier that way. Heโs been so stressed with the Bear and the only thing that he needs is to blow off some of that steam before he can be functional again. There was supposed to be a celebrity who was wishing for a whole fucking kitchen tour tomorrow and he had to stay behind to make sure that everything was perfect.ย
โHey,โ he greets you when he sees you perched on your couch. He liked your apartment much better; at least you had multiple rooms and your own space. Itโs not like his; there was work everywhere while yours felt homey. Except your studio down the hallโdamn, how much do artists earn today?
โHey,โ you replied. โDid you have dinner yet? I can heat up some of the Chinese food I ordered earlier.โ
โNo, no. Itโs alright,โ he says, removing his shoes in the doorway. You were always so tidy and meticulous. No outside clothes on the bed; he had to learn that the hard way. โActually, um, can-can I take a shower first? I want to wash the day away and I-I smell like the kitchen.โ
โAnd you took the L,โ
โUbered here, actually.โ
โSurge rates?โ
โI was in a rush.โ
โOh,โ you gulped. โWell, you still have your clothes in my wardrobe and your toiletries in my bathroom.โ
โWhich one?โ he asked. โWhich-which bathroom?โ
โThe one in my bedroom,โ you replied. โYou know where the fresh towels are. Soโฆโ
โUh, yeah-yeah,โ he says. โThanks.โ You only smiled at him. Conversation before your engagements are usually awkward because you both knew what the two of you were there for. Itโs more comfortable afterwards; when he talks about the Bear or asks you about your art.
You and Carmy met from a friend of a friend. You were looking for chefs that could serve you inspiration for your paintings when she mentioned Carmen Berzatto. You reached out to him and he replied three months later, telling you that he can show you some of the recipes that heโs been working on. Heโs an artist himselfโSistine Chapel art kind of stuff. He explained the components of his dish over dinner in your hotel apartment in New York. You mentioned that you were from Chicago and he mentioned that heโs from Chicago tooโฆyou drank too much wine and the rest was history.ย
You both stopped communicating when he met Claire but he reached out again, asking if you wanted to meet. He told you all about her and how he fucked up. You drank too much wine again. History has the habit of repeating itself.
You swore to never fall in love with Carmen Berzatto and you didnโtโฆnot until recently. He used to leave immediately once youโre both done. Lately, heโs been staying over. He talks to you aboutย everything.ย He stays over and wakes you up with coffee and some Michelin Star quality pancakes or French toast. He watches you take your first bite before he takes his, likes to watch your reaction and likes hearing your praise.
You were too lost in your reviere to notice Carmen walking to you, all fresh and clean. He lays a hand on your shoulder and kisses your neck.
โWhat are you thinking about?โ he asks, voice deep and sultry.ย
โYou,โ you replied, reaching up to massage his curls.ย
โGood,โ he says, removing himself from you and sitting on the opposite side of the couch. โNeeded you todayโฆbut I want to talk first beforeโฆbeforeโฆโ
โThatโs fine with me,โ you replied, inching closer to him. โWhatโs wrong?โ He puts his hand on your knee, squeezing it lightly.ย Since when was he so comfortable around you?
โIโฆI justโฆย Mikey,โ The name lingers heavy in the air. Anytime Carmen feels the crushing weight of the pressure, he says Mikey. Whenever he feels inadequate, not enough, never enoughโhe says Mikey.
โHeโll be proud of you, Carm,โ you said, smiling at him. โLike everyone else is.โ
โIโm sorry for not inviting you to the openingโฆClaire was-was there andโฆโ
โI understand,โ You put your hand over his to reassure him that everythingโs okay. โI understand.โ
โYou wouldnโt have seen me,โ he chuckled. โI was locked inside the walk-in the whole time and well, everything wasย great.ย What if Iโm not needed?โ
Is it too late for me to love you?ย
โCarmโฆโ you trailed off, trying to find the words. โOf course, youโre needed. The Bear wouldnโt be The Bear without you, you know? Your family must be so proud of you because I know that-that I am. Iโm so proud of you and I-I need you so much,โ you told him. โI need you, Carmen. More than you could ever know.โ
Is it too late for me to love you?ย
Maybe it was the words that you said, maybe it was the long forgotten show on the T.V., maybe it was because the T.V. screen illuminated your face in a way that was so, soย beautiful.ย Maybe it was just him.
โLetโs go to bed,โ he rasps, taking your hand and dragging you to the bedroom. Once he closes the door behind him, Carmy presses you against it, taking your chin and kissing you. It was slow and needy; this kiss wasย needy. You trail your hand underneath the white shirt that hugged his figure. You caress his sides up and down; softly; slowly and Carmen releases a whimper into your mouth.ย I need you. I need you. I need you.ย
โBaby,โ he whispers, pulling away from you to remove his shirt. โBaby, baby,ย baby.โ
โI need you, Carmen,โ you muster the courage to kiss his neck now, sucking and nipping right under his collarbone. He lets you do it, he lets you mark him like you own him. He tugs on the roots of your hair lightly. You lick the purple bruise, nipping it again just so it could last one more week. Carmen was sighing above you, letting you take him like he wanted to be taken. His hands itch, slipping right under the waistband of your panties to cup your heated cunt. โCarmy,โ
โI know, baby. Letโs get you to bed, hm?โ he asks, pushing you slightly. โLay down for me. I missed you so much. Let me show you,โ
You obey his commands, opening your legs widely like he likes. He crawls until his face is right in front and removes your underwear, tossing it to the side. Heโll take care of that later.
โYouโre so wet,โ he groans, when he lets his index finger trail along your slit. You buckle in need; silently begging him to doย more.ย โSo, fucking wet,โ he repeats, parting your folds until he sees your glistening cunt.ย
โCarmโฆโ you whine. He spits on your clit and you whimper.ย
โLet me taste you, hm?โ you heard him say, his wandering fingers rubbing all sorts of shapes on your folds. You could only nod and he takes that, licking a bold stripe. You press your cunt against his tongue and he just takes it. He licks a few more stripes before sucking your clit softly.ย
โCarmy,โ you moan. Your hands trail down underneath your shirt, thumbs softly flicking your sensitive nipples. Carmy could just come at the sight of you playing with them but he holds back, sucking your clit harsher before plunging his thick middle finger inside you. โOh, fuck,โย
He pumps the finger slowlyโฆin, out, in, outย while he licks your sensitive bud.ย
โFuck, Carmy,โ you whimper. โFuck me,โ
โLater,โ was his nonchalant reply; enjoying the sweet nectar that dripped from your sloppy pussy. It was better than any dessert heโs ever had before. If it was um to him, heโd have his head buried in between your legs, eating you out forever. You buckle again, pinching your nipples hard and tugging them.ย
โCarmโฆโ
โI know, I know,โ he says, sucking your clit harshly for one last time before crawling on top of you. โTaste,โ he orders. You obliged, opening your mouth and putting on a show with the way you licked your juices off of his finger. โFuck,โ he groans. He palms himself through his boxers while you sucked on his finger. You released it with one last suck before putting your hand on top of Carmyโs to feel his hardening cock underneath. You push his hand away while you squeeze his member lightly. Just enough for him to rut his hips against your hand. Just enough for him to toss his boxers to the side.
You tried to sit up to see him pump a few strokes, moaning your name while he did. He gets off the bed, looking at the way your body moved while you breathed.ย
โBeautiful,โ he whispers to himself before dragging your body to the end of the bed. He pries your legs open and puts one of them over his shoulder. He liked it like this, it fills you up in ways you cannot describe. โNeed you to play with your tits while I fuck you, hm?โ
He taps his cock against your pussy.
โCan you hear how wet you are?โ he asked, sliding his cock in between your folds. You could feel the protruding vein run along your nub and you moan, massaging your breasts to show him your obedience. โFuck,โ
โCarmyโฆโ you whimpered. โPlease.โ
He hums, grabbing his member and teasing your wet entrance with his pink tip. โYouโre soโฆโ
With no warning, Carmy plunges deep into you and you both groan. You were waiting for this. Heโs been wanting this the whole day. He stays there for a few seconds before he thrusts in and out of you slowly.ย
โFuck,โย
The slopping noises inside your room reverberated in your walls and for a few moments, the sounds of your groans and skin slapping against skin heightens your arousal. Carmy thumbs your clit and he feels your walls clench around him.
โDonโt do that, petal,โ he rasps, sweat dripping on his forehead. โIโll cum fast if you do.โ
โSorry,โ you choked out. He only grunts as he adjusts his pace. He was faster now and you could hear he ragged breathing. โCarmy, I need you.โ
โY-you need me,โ he repeats to himself. โYou need me.โ
โI do,โ you told him, moaning when he plunges his cock deep inside you. โNeed you, need you,โย
โOh, fuck,โ he groans. โTell me that you need me. Tell me,โ
โI need you, Carmy,โ you whine. โI need you to cum inside me,โย
Carmyโs eyes widened. Youโve never let him do that before. He always had to pull out or use a condom.ย
โWant me to fill you up?โ he asks, his voice strained. โIโll fill you โoh, fuck,โย
โYes, please,โ you sobbed, breath hitching at the feeling of his cock twitch inside of you. โFuck, Carmy.โ
Sex has never feltย thisย good.ย
You could feel the breaking point come nearer and he does too. His movements were sloppier, his breathing even more ragged that it was. Your walls were clenching around him but that seemed to arouse him even more.ย
โFuck, fuck,โ he grunted. โIโll fill you up, hm?โย
โYes, please, Carmy,โ you whine. He could only nod, doing his best to keep his orgasm at bay. He wanted to prolong this feeling; this emotion but he couldnโt. โFuck, Carmy, Iโm cumming, Iโm cumming. Carmโoh!โ
He follows soon after, moaning your name as he shoots ropes of cum inside your pussy. He could feel your walls clench around him and he thrusts in slowly, to ride both of your orgasms away.ย
โYou-you liked that?โ he asked. He doesnโt pull out. Instead he takes your other leg and hangs in on his shoulder. โWe have to make sure that not a drop goes to waste.โ
You nodded and felt his hands caress your legs slowly. He slowly lays your legs back down on the bed and crawls on top of you, kissing your torso, neck, and your chest while he did.ย
โStay there,โ he ordered and you nodded in assent.ย You just let him cum inside you.ย He walks over to the carafe on your bedside, filling the glass with water and then, taking a hand towel from your cabinet. He pours a little bit of the liquid onto the towel. You sit up when he wordlessly gives you the glass of water. He watches you finish it and kisses your head when you gave him the glass back. He sets it on the floor carefully before opening your legs so he could clean you up.
โNo,โ you shook your head and he stops, alert because you told him no. โIโmโฆIโm still sensitive,โ
โOkay, petal,โ he nods, taking the glass and the towel away. He picks up the tossed articles of clothing puts it in the laundry basket. He was quiet when he takes a fresh set of pyjamas and underwear from your wardrobe. โRaise your arms,โ he says and you do. He puts a new shirt on you. โLay down.โ You followed him. He puts a new pair of panties on you. โThank you,โ
You were so tired now but you were still so aware of Carmyโs actions. He stands up from the bed to wear new clothes and sits down on the bed. He carefully places your head on his lap and plays with your hair.
โThank you,โ he says, bowing down to kiss your forehead. โWhy donโt you sleep for me, hm?โ
โWill you be here when I wake up?โ
โWaffles or pancakes?โ
โWaffles with whipped cream.โ
-
Why wonโt you let me love you?
There were times when youโd fight with Carmen. A disagreement over something so, so, so small. This time, it was big. It was the opening of your gallery and he promised to be there. It was a big nightโmultiple art collectors and mongers from all over America came to see your latest pieces. They were all inspired by the food you grew up eating in Chicago; a collection of how culture, identities, and personalities affect eating. Your paintings were in vibrant colorsโcup ramen with cheese,ย cannoli, food that you grew up eating whenever your mom was away. There were small details on the significance of the new collection to your life and he wasnโt there. You were on the stage, telling everyone how grateful you were to the audience but you were preoccupied, looking for a familiar mop of curls in the crowd. He didnโt come. He didnโt go.ย
You smiled at them half-heartedly before leaving the stage, ready to be whisked away by some art dealer. You were whisked away by multiple guests, asking you for more details on the painting. You all told them everything they needed to know, what they should do if theyโd like to make a purchaseโฆ
It would have been alright if he texted youโฆbut he promised heโd be there. He promised heโd take you home. He promised.
-
Carmy was sitting alone in his apartment. He left The Bear earlier than usual and went straight home. He did it all, shower, put a nice suit, and fix his hair. He did it all, he even ran to the nearest florist to buy you flowers but he didnโt go.ย
Isnโt this what lovers do?ย
He wasnโt your lover. He couldnโt let himself be distracted again. He had to focus; he couldnโt fail the people that relied on him. He looked at the bag of groceries he got from the store; he was supposed to cook you something special tonight. Have you eaten yet? Fuck the suit that he paid for dry cleaning; fuck the flowers; fuck him. It must have hurt youโhe knows that. Tonight was a big night and you were so excited to show him a painting that youโve been working on.ย
โI wonโt sell it,โ you told him. โIโll have it shipped to you first thing in the morning.โ
Would you still send it to him?
-
By the end of the night, you were exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. It was normal; talking to everyone and being scintillating the whole night was work but it was worth it. Your paintings all had their new owners, except for the painting that you promised to Carmy. Would he still want it? You were alone in the studio, wrapping the 4 by 3 foot canvas with the best quality glassine. You were giving this to him tomorrow. If he doesn't want to have it, youโll probably just donate it somewhere else.ย
You laid awake in your bed all night long, waiting for his text. It was funny, just last week he was begging you to tell him that you needed him but when you needed him most, he wasnโt there.ย
You arrive at The Bear just before it opens, the big canvas tucked under your arm. He was sure to be there and had always told you to use the back door if you werenโt dining. You always obliged, of course, opening the backdoor to reveal everyone. Youโve met Sydney and Richie before but you havenโt met the others yet. You were an alien in an unknown world; Carmyโs employees looking at you, as if wondering who this girl was.ย
โHey,โ Sydney greeted, looking at the glassine covered thing that you were carrying. โDidnโt know you were coming in today. Congratulations on your exhbit,โ
โOh,โ you just nodded. Carmy couldnโt even look at you. โI just came here to give this toโฆuh, Carmy,โ you cleared your throat. โCarmโฆ?โ
โUh, yeah-yeah,โ he stuttered. โCan we go to the office?โย
โSure.โ
You followed him into the office while Richie tells everyone to go back to what they were doing. Your heart was hammering inside your chest, afraid that this was going to be another one of those petty fights that youโve had with him.ย
You were wrong. So, so wrong.ย
โYou didnโt come last night,โ you told him, shielding yourself from him with the painting. โIโฆI waited.โ
โSorry,โ was his laconic reply. You nodded, chuckling.ย
โThatโs all?โ you asked. โJustโฆsorry? No explanation, no nothing?โ you asked. โI was looking for you the whole night, Carm. You promised you were coming,โ
โI donโt know what-what you want me to say,โ he says, looking everywhere but at you. โI-I-Iโm sorry, okay? I had other plans.โ
โYou promised months ago that you were coming,โ you repeated. โI called Sydney last night because you werenโt answering and she told me that you left early.โ
โYouโre spying on me now?โ he asks, suddenly defensive. โI had things to do that night. I canโt-canโt just put everything on hold for-for you.โ He spits his words like venom, voice getting louder with every word.
You frowned, not recognizing who the boy was in front of you. Itโs not like you asked him to put his life on hold. Your heart was beating so fast in anger, ears ringing.ย
โI see. So you just need me around and you-you just I donโt know, call me because you need to get your dick wet?โ you asked, matching his volume. โYou just need me around when no one else is there to fuck you? Is that it?โ you asked. โWhat the fuck?โย
Carmy blinks, tries to think of the words heโs about to say but he couldnโt stop himself. He could never seem to stop himself.ย
โYouโre the only one desperate enough to do so,โ he shrugs. It breaks your heart in pieces, really. The nights Carmen spent nuzzling his head in your shoulder before you slept probably meant nothing to him. Your face falls, contorting in hurt at what he just said. Fuck Carmen Berzatto. Fuck him. โIโm not your fucking boyfriend. I donโt know why you expect me to just-just-just do something!โ
โMaybe I wanted you there as my friend!โ you shouted over. Your voices could be heard from outside but everyone else pretended like they werenโt listening to anything that you both were saying. You were shouting over each other now, the fuse justย breaks.ย โIf you didnโt have any fucking plans to actually go, then donโt give me your good for nothing fucking promises!โ
โI donโt need a girl leeching on me when Iโm opening a fucking restaurant. Do you want me to put everything on you just because you asked me to? Iโm not your fucking boyfriend. You know that right? And maybe-maybe I donโt want to be your fucking friend either!โ
โWhy would I want you to be my boyfriend, Carmy? Youโre-youโre fuckingย unreliable! You have issues that need fixing. You think Claire could fix that? You think I could fix that? You think the girls you get wrapped around your fucking finger can fix your fucked up fucking head? Huh? Is that what you think? Youโre so fucking miserable you make everyone around you miserable! Grow up!โ Heโs hurt. Thatโs what you thought of him? That he was miserable?ย Did he make you miserable?
โI donโt need to go to your fucking art exhibition when theyโre all fuckingย shit.โ
You closed your mouth before you could protest. The pain of his words felt like a slap on the face. If he regretted it, he didnโt show it. You turned away, nodding.ย
โFuck you, Carmen. Donโt fucking call me. Donโt fucking knock on my door. Donโtโฆdonโt fucking think of me. Iโm fucking done with you,โ
โYeah? Youโre done with me, huh? Fuck you,โ he spits back. He heard the waver in your voice; heard how you tried to steady everything. He wanted to say sorry but you were already leaving. Richie and Sydney couldnโt even ask you what happened because you were rushing out, throwing the painting you worked hard on for days at the back. Fuck Carmen Berzatto. Fuck him.ย
-
โFuck!โ his chefs could hear from outside the office.ย Everyoneย heard the vile things you both screamed at each other; everyone heard why you were so angry.ย Everyone fucking heard.ย Nobody dared to move, they didnโt want to be on the receiving end of Carmyโs anger; not when The Bear was about to open. Continuous loud bangs and sounds of some object being thrown were heard too. Sugar sighed.ย
โCarm?โ she called from the door. โItโs almost opening,โ
โI-I-I know, Sug.โ he replied, blinking. โUh, can-can you guys go ahead? Iโll be there, I just-just need to you know, calm down?โ
โOkay, Bear,โ she smiles, tapping the door frame before leaving Carmen in his own thoughts. He gets out of the restaurant through the back door, about to light a cigarette, when he sees the canvas wrapped with glassine.ย
โFuck,โ was the only thing he could mutter before taking it and sitting where the staff usually stayed at when they wanted a break. He lights up a stick and lets it hang loose on his lips while he opens your gift with shaky hands. He was so immersed in the experience, gently removing the tape and making sure that nothing was ruined that he didnโt notice Sydney.ย
The glassine reveals a painting of a plate of cannolis. He remembered that he told you the story about cannolis during Christmas and how he wanted to recreate thatโtake it for himself. He traces over the precise brushstrokes shakily.ย
โThatโs a good painting,โ Sydney spoke, her hands behind her back. โWould be a waste to just throw it out.โ
โI know,โ Carmy nods. โIโm sorry you had to uh, hear all of that.โ
โItโsโฆsomething,โ Sydney replied, making Carmy chuckle.ย
โI alwaysโฆalways seem to uh, fuck up everything,โ he muttered. โI was on the way there, you know? Last night?โ
โYeah. You were so excited,โ
โI was,โ he coughed. โBut I didnโt go becauseโฆโ Words died down in his mouth.ย Why didnโt he go?ย โIโve said some things and she-she doesnโt want me to call her anymore and I-I understand but like, I donโt know, Syd.โ
Donโt know why I could never seem to just let myself enjoy things. I donโt belong anywhere else but in the fucking kitchen. Itโs the only thing I was good at.
โI didnโt really want to to, uh, fuck this up.โ
-
I want to talk to you.
Come to my apartment after your shift. Or whenever.
Carmen feels his palms sweat when he readsย texts you sent him days ago. He decided to go today, finallyโhe was never good at confronting things; always so explosive, so defensive. He didnโt know what heโd feel like today. He knocks on your door and hears the shuffling from the other side. He just got out of The Bear; he wasย tiredย but he forced himself to go. He had to go.ย
โHey,โ you smiled tightly when you opened the door. โCome in.โ
He nods, wordlessly entering your apartment like how henused to. Bag and shoes on the side. Somehow, this made him more nervous than usual. This was a prelude to something else entirely; he believed that.
โHow are you? he asked, voice small and looking down.ย
โIโmโฆgood,โ you replied, looking away. โYou?โ
โBusy,โ he replied. The air felt heavy and his palms were sweating. โIโmโฆIโm sorry for not being there when I promised you that I would,โ
โWhy werenโt you there, Carm?โ you asked and he could hear the sadness in your voice. He knew that your exhibit meant a lot to you. โYouโฆyou told me you will and well, you wereโฆthe-the person I want to be there the most.โ
โI didnโt know that. Iโm- Iโm sorry,โ he shrugged. โBut why? I mean, I-I donโt know art. I like my shit but I-Iโm notย coolย or understandโโ
โBecause I like you, Carmy.โ you told him, looking at him now and trying to go nearer. He stepped back and you stopped your tracks.
โYouโwhat?โ he asked, shaking his head furiously; like your confession offended him. โYouโฆlike me.โ
โI do,โ you nodded. โButโฆit doesnโt matter.โ
โFuck.ย How many times do we have to go back to this very same place for you to understand?โ he asked, running a hand through his hair. He told you before that he didnโt want to date. You told him you understood. You told him he was being egotistic when he told you not to get attached. He wanted to leave. He didnโt expect this to happenโhe didnโt want this to happen. โI donโtโI donโtโโ
โCarmy,โ you cautioned him, trying to ease your beating heart. โCan you listen to me? I-I-I like you, okay and Iโve been thinking about it too. Iโmโyouโre always staying behind after sex and well, I just maybe thought that you liked me too.โ You replied, swallowing his rejection for now.
โI donโt,โ he snaps, tone sharp. โWeโll both be miserable in a relationship. Iโll never make-make you happy. Youโre right, you know? Iโm unreliable and-and-and issues that I need to fixโฆand Iโm not the one youโre looking for,โ
โIโm sorry for saying that. It wasnโt my place to do so,โ was your meek reply. How does he feel so far away when he feels so, so, so close?
โNo, uh,โ Carmen blinks, shaking his head. โItโs fine. I-I-I needed to hear those things, you know? Iโm sorry tooโฆfor everything.โ
โThank you.โ
โThatโs it then?โ he asked. He was distressed. How could he fuck this up after telling Sydney that he didnโt want to fuck things up with you? โIโฆI had fun,โย You were the only one who kept me afloat when everything else turned to shit. I missed you when we stopped talking. I should have fought harder. What else could I have done?
โFun,โ you chuckled bitterly. โFunโฆthatโs the only thing youโre going to say to me?โ
Carmy frowned.ย
โWhat else did you want me to say?โ
โI donโt know, Carmy!โ you exclaimed, pacing back and forth but never towards him. โGod!ย Tell me that Iโm important to you. Tell me that Iโll still be your friendโฆtell me that youโthat youโthatย I mean more than a fuck!โ
Silence. Carmy couldnโt find the words to tell you what youย trulyย meant to himโฆthat he wanted what you wanted too but he was too scared to fuck it all up again like he did with Claire.
You nodded, looking away. You breathed in deeply, as if trying to relieve yourself of the hurt. Thatโs all youโve ever meant to him.ย
โYou lead me along and itโs fine. I know that itโs my fault for wanting other things but at leastโฆat least tell me that Iโll still be your friend; that I still matter to you even if I dug myself a hole by feeling things. Tell me that you still need me to put everything on hold for you because Iโve been waiting you to call me all dayโฆโ
โI donโt want you to do that. I donโt want you putting your life on hold for me,โ he rasps. โI donโtโฆโ
โBut what if I wanted to?โ you asked, face slightly contorted because you didnโt want to be so vulnerable in front of him. Not when he hasnโt told you what you wanted yet. Carmy was just looking at you, tapping his foot on the floor. It was a nervous habit that he developed. Fuck, he needed a cigarette.
โCan you, uh, leave?โ you asked, voice low. โIโฆโย
โNo, no, no,โ he begs, rushing towards you. He grabs a hold of your elbows to remind you that he was there. Would it mean anything? Would his touch convey all of the words he wanted to say?ย
โCarmโฆโ your voice breaks. โCarmโฆโ
โNo, no. Youโre not justย thatย to me,โ he reassures โBut you have to understand that-that I canโtย loveย you like that.โ
โCarmen, pleaseโฆโ you beg, tears brimming in your eyes. โPleaseโฆjust, just leave,โ
Youโve never asked him to leave before but it seemed like it was what you really wantedโlike it was what youย reallyย needed. He nods, kissing your head softly before detaching himself from you.ย
โIโm sorry,โ Carmy said. โFor-for not saying the right, uh, things.โ
โYeah,โ you nod, hiding yourself from him. He hated that you had to do that when youโve cried on his shoulders multiple times. He never liked seeing you cry; he just didnโt know that one day, heโll be on the receiving end of your sadness. He watches you rub your forehead, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying. If you started crying, would he stay?
-
Itโs been months since Carmy left. Heโs been in his best form in the kitchen. He was making things easier for his staff; he was working twenty four hours a day. Going to The Bear early to help with prep; staying late to help them clean after a long shift of cooking and cooking and kitchen tours. Heโs been getting acclaimโmore acclaim, really. There was a waiting list on his restaurant and positive reviews from left and right flooded in. The Bear was dubbed as โThe Restaurant of the Yearโ in Chicago despite being less than a year old.ย
Heโs been doing goodโperfect.ย
It was like he was a hamster in a fucking wheel with no other way to escape. He likes putting himself in gear, like driving fast because it makes him believe that nothing really hurts him. He didnโt like being at home; it reminded him too much of you. It reminded him of when youโd lean on the kitchen counter, a small smile on your lips while you watched him cook you something. He didnโt like sitting on the couch because it reminded him of when he slept with his head on your lap. He didnโt like it in his bedroom because heโs reminded of that night when you pulled him closer in your sleep. He didnโt like The Bear because the painting that you gave him hung so proudly by the dining area. It was marvellousโthey said. How was he able to get a painting that you did when your art was soย valuableย and in demand?ย
He was moving so fast so you wouldnโt cross his mind but it seemed like no matter what he did, he'd end up thinking about you anyway.ย
It didnโt matter, how come a fall like that made him feel like flying? Maybe heโs waiting for it to hit him but he was feeling alright.ย
He was alright.ย
โChef!โ Sydney called, looking at Carmen who was chopping the vegetables like a madman. โCarmen!โ
โFuck, what, Sydney?!โ he asked, slamming his knife on the counter.ย
โYouโre bleeding,โ Marcus told him and Carmen looked down, blood was all over the chopping board. โYouโve been bleeding for a few seconds nowโฆweโve all been calling your name, Chef.โย
โFuck, I-I-Iโmโฆโ Carmen was a blubbering mess, just watching his hand bleed like it didnโt matter. โIโm-Iโm,โ
โTake a break, Carm,โ Sydney says but her partner just shakes his head. โCarmโโ
โSydney, donโtโdonโt make me take a fucking break,ย please.โ
โYouโll need to clean up and make sure thereโs no more blood,โ Sydney told him. โIโm not fucking around,โ
โYeah,โ he nods, putting his fist over his heart and drawing circles. Sydney nods and Carmy fixes his station.ย
He couldnโt stop shaking, though. Even Tina saw how his hand trembled. What the fuck?
โCarmen,โย
โYeahโฆjustโฆjust give me a second, please.โ he nods, picking his knife again and doing everything perfectly. Like clockwork. Heโs back. Heโs back. Heโs fine.ย Iโm fine. Iโm fine. Iโm alright.ย
AN: Thank you for the love! This is going to be a two-part fic because I love how everything is right nowโฆ Donโt forget to comment / reblog if you like it! I read every single little thing you guys typeโฆeven the hashtags.
cw: unnegotiated choking (do your research and talk to your partner first folks!), semi-public sex, angry Carmen
gif made by me
A/N: don't forget requests for everything are open so if you'd like to see anything from me feel free to drop it in my ask box :)
buy me a coffee!
help me escape abuse
my Etsy shop
~~~
โWhat the fuck is going on?โ
Somehow your voice cuts through Carmyโs near-frantic screaming, bringing the whole kitchen to a standstill. Even Carmy shuts up, looking over at you, chest heaving. You cross your arms, glaring at him. โCarmy, office.โ You say firmly, voice raising again when he doesnโt move, โNow, Chef!โ He unfreezes and stalks towards you, the veins in his neck becoming visible as you gesture towards the office.
You follow him in and slam the door shut, taking a deep breath as you wait for the noises of the kitchen to start back up before you whirl around to glare at him. โWhat the fuck is your problem, Carm? Do you want them to walk out?โ He keeps his eyes trained on the ground, his hands curling and uncurling into fists. You huff and step into his line of sight, bending to force him to look at you, โAnswer me, Carmen! Do you want them to wa-โ
Youโre cut off as he wraps a hand around your throat, backing you up against the desk. Carmen leans his face close to yours, anger contorting his features as his grip tightens around your throat, just enough to make your breaths come out in gasps. โI wouldnโt yell if they werenโt fucking idiots. Itโs like they do it on fucking purpose,โ he says, a cold, harsh tone lacing his words as he forces your head back.
He bites along your jaw, soothing the sting with his tongue and you whine, your anger melting as your cunt starts to throb. His free hand slides up the inside of your thigh, rubbing you through your pants. โTake these off,โ he orders sharply and you bite your lip,ย hands falling to the button of your pants, fumbling for a second in the small space between your bodies.
The second your pants fall to the floor, Carmen pushes his hand between your thighs again, groaning as his fingers glide through your wet folds. โFigures. Such a little whore for me, huh? Little pussy getting wet from my hand around your throat.โ You moan weakly, eyes rolling back as he sinks his fingers into your core. The stretch sends shocks of pleasure up your spine, a tightness growing in your stomach with each pump of his fingers.
Carmen pushes a third finger inside of you and curls them, a smirk growing on his face as you shudder under him. He grinds his palm against your clit as his fingers speed up, a wet filthy noise filling the small office as he forces you over the edge with another curl of his fingers. Tears burn your eyes and you writhe under him, a fire burning through your veins as he fingers you through your orgasm.
He brings his fingers to his mouth, staring you down as he sucks your wetness off them. He releases your throat long enough to spin you around, pulling your hips back against the hard ridge of his cock. His hand finds your throat again as he frees his cock from its confines, sliding the head through your folds. โIs this what you wanted when you came out and yelled at me, little slut? Needed my cock in you so bad youโd disrupt service for it?โ
You whine, shaking your head even as your hips push back against him. Carmen lets out a mocking laugh, teasing your entrance with the tip, โNo? Is that why you're pushing your ass out like that? Because you donโt want me to fuck you?โ Tears fill your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks as he pulls you back against his cock, slowly filling you inch by torturous inch.
His hand tightens around your throat and he sinks his teeth into the place where your neck meets your shoulder, pulling his cock out until only the tip remains before slamming his hips forward, filling you in one smooth thrust. You cry out, hands hitting the wall as he starts up a punishing rhythm, your knees weakening with each glide of his cock.
โTha-atโs it, sweet girl, yโlike that donโt you?โ He growls in your ear, running his free hand down your body. You hiccup out a cry, nodding the best you could with his hand around your throat, a fuzzy feeling filling your head as you fly towards another orgasm. You crumple the flyers tacked to the wall as the dam breaks inside of you with a shudder, tears finally falling down your cheeks as your head falls back against his shoulder.
Carmen hums, loosening his grip on your throat as he nips and sucks marks along your jaw and neck. His fingers find your clit, pressing quick, tight circles against it as he fucks into you roughly. Your knees buckle as youโre pushed into a third orgasm before you can recover from your second. He wraps his arm around your waist, easily keeping you upright without stopping his movements.
He moans into your ear, thrusts becoming frantic as he chases his own pleasure. His chest heaves against your back, low moans falling from his lips as he nears his end. He sinks his teeth into your shoulder as he pushes his cock as deep as he can, filling you with his seed with a grunt. Carmen slumps over you, keeping you pinned against him as he catches his breath. Heavy breathing fills the small office, only broken by the clatter of pans coming from the kitchen, bringing you back to the present. He pulls out with a sigh, turning you to press a gentle kiss to your lips. He kneels in front of you, helping you ease your pants up your shaky legs. You clumsily maneuver to the desk chair, gripping Carmenโs hand tightly as your legs threaten to give out.
He tucks himself away and leans down for a quick peck to your lips, โThanks, baby.โ Heโs gone before you could answer with the gentle click of the door shutting. You snort, shaking your head at his antics as you hear him back in the kitchen again, calmer than he had been all service.
Once you regain control of your legs again, you go back to the front to help Richie with orders, giving him a smile in greeting. He lets out a low whistle, not caring to hide the way he stared at you. Your eyebrows pinch together in confusion, โCan Iโฆ help you?โ
He laughs, abandoning the sandwich he was wrapping to poke at one of the marks on your neck, โNo, I just figured out why Carmy came out of the office in a better mood, thatโs all.โ Your hands fly up to your throat, a deep blush staining your face as you hurry to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, you groan at the sight of the dark marks littering your neck, bruises showcasing a set of teeth already setting on your shoulders and neck. The kicker is, and this is what made you yell Carmyโs name, a clear outline of his hand wrapping around your throat.
You duck your head into the kitchen on your way back to the counter, a scowl growing on your face when you spot Carmen innocently working, nothing to show for the way he just fucked the life out of you. โCarmy, Iโm going to kill you!โ He looks up long enough to give you a cheeky smirk, winking at you before turning to the stove with his back to you.
Youโre grumbling as you return to the counter, tugging on your collar as if you would be able to hide the marks with it. Richie sidles up beside you, โSo, how long has Carmy been a choker? Because me and Mikey, we figured him as a vanilla type.โ You groan, thumping your head against the counter, lifting a hand to flip him off. He laughs and pats you on the back, โYโknow maybe we should make some scarves with our logo so next ti-'' You cut him off by jabbing your elbow towards his stomach and he jumps out of the way with a laugh. โCโmon sweetheart, Iโm being helpful!โ
You lift your head to level him with a glare and he starts laughing harder, pulling another groan from your lips as you drop your head back down onto the counter, โShut the fuck up, Richie!โ
Okay- How would Carmy react to his girlfriend always eating those โadultโ lunchables because she doesnโt have enough time to make food (this is me because Iโm a teacher and have zero time to eat during the school day a lot of the times)
bold of you to assume he's not making lunch for you everyday. half of the reason he started doing that was bc of the adult lunchables. he decided you needed something nutritious, so every night before bed he packs your lunch. something easy but balanced that you like. always with a sappy little sticky note that says "i love you" or "have a great day" or "you look really pretty in that dress" something that has you swooning. and if you forgot it? never worry, he will just bring you some down from the bear. doesn't mind to at all and will walk it to your classroom, name tag and all, kinda shy when he walks in like "hey, uh, here's your lunch" and your students are going crazy lmao.
prompt: part 2 of follow me. your date with carmen.
contains: fluff. anxious carmen. mentions of mikey. but all fluff :)
Carmen was sure he was going to be sick. A new kind of sickness, where his stomach felt like it was going to fall out of his mouth and ass at the same time. He changed his outfit six times, slacks and a tie felt too formal. Jeans felt out of the question, and while the very cool guy on TikTok swore that slacks and t-shirts were in this seasonโฆ Carmen couldnโt bring himself to wear it.ย
So he wore his slacks, good shoes he still had from pretentious meetings in the restaurant, and his good button down, a steely type blue- the saleswoman told him it really complimented his eyes, then wrote her number on his receipt. Of course, Carmen didnโt call it. Heโd never allow himself the simple pleasures like that.ย
Carmen smoked the whole way to the restaurant, a bottle of cologne in his pocket, which he doused himself in on the corner, popping a mint. He saw you standing there, awkwardly on your phone by the light pole, head ducked to your screen in your black, silk, cowl neck dress. Carmen could feel his heart jump at the sight of you, cursing while he started to jog in the still new shoes.ย
โHey, shit, sorry.โ Carmen apologized, his chest tightening and burning as he slowed in front of you. โI-I couldnโt find my phone.โ Definitely not because I tried on a million different outfits and had a panic attack.
โAh, so thatโs why you didnโt text me back. Thought you ghosted me at your own restaurant.โ You quipped, his heart plummeting, face falling with it. You grinned, shoving your phone in your tiny purse. โโM fucking with you, Carm. I just got here.โย
โOh,โ Carmen sighed. โYeah, good. That-Thatโs good. Do you want to go in?โย
โSure.โ You giggled. โAfter you, Chef.โย
โCโmon.โ Carmen laughed lightly, shaking his head, hoping it would hide his burning cheeks. You were ahead of him, reaching for the door, his heart skipping when he saw it. โI got it!โย
You drew your hand back, looking at him carefully. The blush in his cheeks spread down to his neck. โI-I got it, let me get it.โ Carmen nodded, pulling the handle. You glided past him, his hand ghosting on the small of your back, leaving you shuddering under his touch. It was casual, you doubted he even knew he did it, just a slight usher while he followed you in.ย
โItโs so different being here at night.โ You whispered to him, your arm brushing his while you walked to the hostess station.ย
Carmen nodded. โI know, itโs, uh, itโs nice to see it like this, ya know?โ He muttered. โSee it from a customerโs perspective.โย
โThatโs what you wanted, isnโt it?โ You asked, your head tilting to the side softly. โWhy weโre kinda doing this?โย
Carmenโs heart fell, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He could feel his own mind racing. Of course, you didnโt think this was a date. Why would you ever want to be on a date with him?
โI mean, yeah, sorta. Here fโyou too. To thank you for everything.โ Carmen nodded, eyes cutting to yours. Fuck, he knew he needed to look at you, he wanted to look at you, but it was so fuckinโ hard. When you looked so pretty, so effortlessly calm and cool. It made him fluster.ย
โCโmon, Carm. You hired me, paid me. And you guys have been so nice. Most places areโฆ horrible. Act like Iโm bothering them when they hired me. Youโve got a good place, great staff. Iโm glad you wanted me to be a part of it for a while.โ You smiled, stepping up to the hostess station.
Carmen could feel his heart squeeze, an uncomfortably tight realization that this would be the last time he saw you. Heโd been running numbers all night, seeing where he could take cuts so he could keep you, but even then, youโd be gone for at least another two months since you already took another job. By then, whatever you had here, would be gone.ย
โAh, there you are, the VIP customers for the night.โ Richie schmoozed, sliding behind the hostess stand.ย
You grinned, Carmenโs eyes downcast making Richieโs jaw tick. โHow are you two this evening?โ
โGreat.โ You beamed. โExcited to try this place. Iโve never been here before. Heard itโs the best in Chicago.โ You nudged Carmen playfully with your hip, grinning at him.ย
He gave you a tight lipped smile, hands by his side, trying to nonchalantly wipe his hands on his slacks. Richie smiled at you, glaring lightly at Carmen. โWell, you heard right, sweetheart. We want your night to be extra special, so we have this booth back here just for the two of you.โย
โHey, Syd,โ Tina muttered, looking up from her plating to see your head pass with Carmenโs curly locks. โTheyโre here.โย
โShit, are they?โ Sydney turned, looking through the window. โGod, Carmen looks like heโs about to pass out.โย
โFuck, he does, doesnโt he?โ Sugar huffed, her hands on her hips.ย
Richie caught Sugarโs eye through the window, a flickering glance that told her exactly what she needed to know. โSo, I will have the focaccia out for the two of you shortly. Can I start you off with anything to drink?โย
โโM good.โ Carmen muttered, taking the leather bound menu into his hands, knee bouncing under the table.ย
You looked a little uncomfortable, eyes cutting to Carmenโs before a moment of hesitation flashed over your face. โUh, Iโll take a glass of whatever you think would pair best with the meal?โย
โPerfect. Iโll have that out.โ Richie smiled, hoping his silent screams at Carmen would be enough for him to catch on. Fak passed, slipping a piece of paper in Richieโs hand. Richie stepped away, reading Sugarโs scribbled writing: โGET CARMEN BACK HERE NOW!!!!โย
โExcuse me, folks,โ Richie greeted apologetically, though the two of you werenโt talking. โCarmen, I hate to do this, but I need you just for a second, ok?โย
Carmen nodded, sliding out of the booth without so much as looking at you. Richie fought the urge to roll his eyes. โIโm sorry, sweetheart, itโll just be a second. That focaccia and riesling are on the way.โ Richie grinned at you, stepping beside Carmen.ย
โWhatโs goinโ on? Did we run out of-โย
โ-No, you fuckinโ moron.โ Richie huffed, letting the door slam shut. โThe fuck is your problem, huh? Youโre not even- hey, send that to six with the Cakebread white, ok?- Youโre not even looking at her, cโmon, Cousin.โย
Carmen blushed, running a hand through his hair. โWhat? I-Iโm talkinโ to her-โย
โ-No, youโre not.โ Sugar snapped, rounding the corner. โYou look like an ass, Carmy. Youโre on a date with her and-โย
โ-Itโs not a date.โ Carmen shook his head, brushing it off.ย
Sugar blinked. โYouโre on a date with her,โ She repeated, her tone firmer- a mom tone sheโd adapted since working here that would help with the baby. โAnd youโre acting like a total-totalโฆโ Sugar waved her hands, stuttering over the word.ย
โJagoff.โ Neil added, passing through the kitchen for a moment before going out the doors.ย
โThank you! Yes! A total jagoff.โ Sugar glared at Carmen.ย
โI-I donโt even think she thinks itโs a date-โย
The kitchen erupted in groans, shouting at him irritatedly. โLook at how sheโs dressed. If she thought this was a free meal ticket, she wouldnโt wear that. That is a date night dress.โย
โThatโs true.โ Sydney added.ย
Carmen couldnโt help the way his heart flipped with excitement, looking out the window at you, sitting at the table, nursing your wine slowly- alone.ย
โCousin, cโmere,โ Richie motioned him, leading him towards the office. โLook, I get you got this whole โI deserve nothing goodโ doom and gloom attitude, but that right there. Thatโs good.โ Richie jabbed his finger towards the door. โI see you, ok? You guys got that cute little texting thing goinโ on, alright?โย
Carmen stilled. He felt like a teenager again, being teased and tormented by Mikey and Richie about a crush he had. How the fuck did he know about your texting? โLook, if you let her go tonight without even trying, youโre gonna regret it. You only got one chance, cousin, do not miss your chance to blow.โ Richie said seriously.ย
โDonโt fuckinโ quote Eminem to me right now-โย
โ-Alright, alright, but seriously?โ Richie nodded into the office, the tiny frame that held Mikeyโs note โLet it rip!โ. Carmen felt his stomach turn, guilt trilling in it. He knew Richie was right and that fact alone made him queasy. โListen to Mikey, alright? You can have good shit in your life.โย
Carmen looked at the photo, taking a grounding breath, Mikeyโs voice ringing loud in his ears. โLet it rip.โ Carmen muttered, pushing past the double doors back to you.ย
โOh, no way!โ You laughed. โYou donโt have TikTok?โย
โNo, no. Donโt have time for it.โ Carmen shrugged, sipping his water.ย
โThen how do you watch our videos?โ You asked, brow raising in question.ย
โI click the link you send me and it opens up just on my Google or whatever.โ Carmen grinned, shrugging lightly, popping another truffle fry in his mouth. Heโd nearly fallen over when you asked for ranch, teasing you lightly. Youโd only shrugged, sticking one in your mouth, declaring it would taste better with ranch. You were kidding, of course, it was perfect.ย
โWow.โ You smirked, finger tracing around the rim. โYouโre missing out. Itโs addictive.โย
โYeah? Itโs weird too.โ Carmen snorted lightly.ย
โSays you! Youโre Mr. TikTok Famous and you donโt even know it.โ You pushed his arm lightly, trying not to gawk at how firm his biceps were. Sure, youโd definitely seen them while he was working, butโฆ they felt better than they looked. โShould see how youโve got everyone in a tizzy. Chopping onions and marinating wagyu.โย
Carmen laughed, cheeks reddening at the compliment. โYeah, those comments wereโฆshocking.โย
โYou think?โ You cocked your head to the side. โI thought they were pretty normal.โย
โHalf of them were asking me to violently punch them.โ Carmen laughed, eyes widening at you.ย
โWell, can you blame them?โ You grinned, leaning in closer. โYou got nice hands. Of course, theyโre going feral. I knew what I was doing with that shot. Giving the people what they want.โย
Carmen blushed furiously, hoping you couldnโt see under the low light of the restaurant. โNah, cโmon.โ He looked down at his fingers, etched with tattoos.ย
โYou cโmon.โ You grinned, reaching out a little daringly to trace a finger over his veins. Youโd blame the wine for your boldness, but Carmen shivered under your touch. โYouโve got hot hands. No wonder they all go so crazy. Youโre a pretty chef with good hands.โย
Carmen knew you had to see his blush now, sure his body temperature went up ten degrees, heart beating so bad in his chest he was sure he wasnโt going to make it another course. โUh,โ Carmen laughed, running his free hand over his mouth, hoping to hide some of his grin. He didnโt dare move his hand from his. โWell, thanks, I guess. I, um, I wanna say I think the same.โย
You lifted a brow, biting back a laugh when he stuttered, his eyes widening. Your giggles were infectious to him, a stream of his own nervous laugh spilling out of his throat. โNo, I-I meant- fuck, I meantโฆ I, uh, I think youโre pretty.โย
There was a pause, your own teeth pulling in your lip, grinning shyly at him. โReally?โ You asked. You felt like you were in junior high again, finding out the boy on the JV team like liked you. It was giddy, the feeling in your chest. Warm, your heart skipping a beat.ย
โYeah.โ Carmen nodded, swallowing around the lump in his throat. โBeautiful, really.โย
โWell, thank you.โ You grinned, hoping to hide your smile behind your own glass of wine. Fak came by, dropping your next course off, a temporary relief for the moment, letting the two of you get yourselves together.ย
โYou think heโll do it?โ Sugar asked, pretending to roll silverware while Richie handed them to her. A meaningless job that just so happened to be by the window, so they could see the two of you.ย
โI dunno. Could go either way.โ Richie sucked in a breath. โHe seems to be close, ya know? Think he has it in him to do it, justโฆ fuck, I hope he does.โย
โMe too.โ Sugar sighed. โCan you hear what theyโre saying? It looksโฆ nice? So thatโs gotta be good, right?โย
โYeah, hopefullyโฆโ Richie hummed, squinting to try and make out the words you were whispering to each other. The two of you were pressed together, migrated together as the meal went on until you were huddled, like it was the two of you.ย
โI really donโt want you to leave.โ Carmen admitted, body pressed to yours, hand in yours in the dim light of the booth. Everyone had left, all the patrons shuffled out and escorted to their cars. Some of the kitchen staff went home, but some stayed, pretending to be extra tedious with their cleanup so they could see the two of you.ย
โI know. Iโm having such a good time with you.โ You agreed, tilting your chin up to look at him, lashes batting, eyes a little glossy from the wine.ย
โNo- I mean, yeah I-Iโm having a good time with you, too. But I meantโฆ leave forever.โ Carmen admitted, the lump in his throat growing more and more with each word. โI really liked having you here.โย
โI liked being here.โ You hummed, tongue running over your bottom lip lightly. โIt was a lot of fun. I liked spending time with you.โย
โYeah? I liked spending time with you too. A lot.โ Carmen admitted. โAnd Iโฆ I want to keep spending time with you?โ It came out more as a question, all hopeful eyes and a rounded gaze. โIf-If you want to-โย
โ-Yeah.โ You grinned. โI wanna keep spending time with you. I like being with you, Carmen.โย
โYeah? Really?โ Camren was half convinced he was hallucinating.ย
โYeah.โ You nodded. โIf you wanna spend some more time with me too. Iโd like to get to know you more, and not to just write a staff spotlight on.โ You giggled, his lips curling at the sound. โTo, like, really get to know you.โย
โI wouldโฆ yeah, Iโd like that. Like to get to know you too.โ Carmen nodded.ย
There was a pause, the tension between the two of you was thick. Your eyes darted from his lips back to his eyes, already leaning closer. Carmen could feel his stomach lurch with nerves, Mikeyโs voice ringing over and over and over.ย
Let it fuckinโ rip, Carmen thought before he moved in, lips on yours. His hands were clammy cradling your jaw but you didnโt seem to mind, your own arms snaking their way around his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss.ย
โHoly shit!โ Richie gasped, dropping the fork. โLook! Fuckinโ look!โย
The staff clambered around to huddle by the window, watching the two of you kiss, pulling apart with small smiles, before going back in. Carmenโs hands sliding down your back, your arms, your waist- fuck, he just loved feeling you like this, and he hadnโt even felt all of you. Yet.ย
โHe fuckinโ did it.โ Richie grinned, awing at Carmen. โHey, Sug, might be a bad time, but I believe Iโm owed fifty dollars.โย
You pulled apart, grinning at Carmen, still huddled close together, his hands rubbing the silk fabric of your dress, your sliding through the curls on the nape of his neck. Your mind was dizzy, the rush of adrenaline, emotion, and buzzing from the wine.ย
โWhatโre you doinโ tomorrow?โ Carmen asked.ย
โNothing.โ You hummed. โWhy? Youโve got something in mind?โย
โNot-Not right now, actually.โ Carmen admitted with a small laugh. โBut Iโd love to do something with you.โย
โMe too.โ You smiled.ย
Carmen looked around, catching his staff standing in the window, rolling his eyes when they darted after he caught them, scampering in different directions. โUm, itโs gettinโ kinda late.โ Carmen looked at you, fingers drumming on his thigh- that was still touching yours.ย
โYeah.โ You nodded, looking at your phone. โI guess I should go, and Iโll, um, Iโll see you tomorrow?โย
Carmen nodded, sliding out of the booth then offering his hand to help you. โDid you walk here?โย
โNo, I took the L.โ You walked towards the door beside him. It was quiet, the soft hum from the kitchen, the muffled clatters of pots and pans being put away.ย
โMe too. Iโll ride back with you?โ Carmen offered.ย
โI thought you lived like three blocks away?โ You giggled, tilting your head to the side. โAnd Iโm in the opposite direction.โย
โYeah, I-I do.โ Carmen nodded. โI justโฆ You shouldnโt ride alone at night, ya know? Shit could happen andโฆ I donโt want it to. To happen to you.โย
You could feel the heat flushing through your cheeks, through your chest. You laughed lightly. โIs this your way of trying to come home with me?โ You lifted a brow playfully.ย
โNo! No.โ Carmen shook his head, flustered, which made you laugh harder.ย
โIโm kidding, Carm.โ You giggle, reassuring him. โButโฆ if you wanted to come stay the night. Since itโs lateโฆ and youโre insisting on coming with me on the L.โย
โI donโt wanna make-make it weird, or come off like that. I-I really amโฆ I like you.โ Carmen stuttered. Fuck, there was nothing more tempting than that invite, but Carmen didnโt want to fuck this up. He really didnโt want to fuck this up.ย
โI mean, stay over so we can talk more.โ You gave him a pointed look. โWe were having a good conversation. Werenโt we?โย
โYeah, no, yeah. Yeah, we were.โ Carmen stuttered, hand on the door, twisting the lock though his eyes never left yours.ย
โSoโฆ You want to come over then? Finish telling me about Copenhagen? Please?โ And how could Carmen say no, his head spinning with excitement when he walked out behind you, letting the door fall shut, your arm looping around his while you walked towards the L.ย
Richie ran to the front, pushing the door open with Sugar and Tina, watching the two of you walk towards the station. โGood job, Cousin.โ Richie muttered.ย
hiiii !! i love ur writing ๐๐๐ would u be down to write something simple just abt like snuggling carmy when u wake up together ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ
LET THE LIGHT IN | endless drabble series (summer edition)
summary: early morning musings
pairing: carmen berzatto x nb!reader
a/n:ย the only time i will write for carmen where nothing bad happens
masterlist. โ.
mm, warm. too warm. carmen doesn't let go, doesn't realize he's holding on, arms wound tight around a body who's shape is so familiar. he stirs first because he's never really sleeping, enveloped in the scent of your hair, the subtle cleanliness of washed sheets, the faint musk of sweat that clings to him like after-image in the dim morning light. chicago's summers are always unforgivable.
for once, he doesn't really mind.
the sheets are tangled and your back rests against his chest and he's so close, so close that drowsy eyes can see the small blink of your lashes. still sleeping. it's too warm and too early. the slip of light between the curtains cuts across your cheek. if he could bring himself to release you for just a moment, he'd caress it, soothe the ache that doesn't exist. he loves you.
he loves you and he loves your home and he loves that you love him and that you never tire of saying it. he's desperate for those words, like he needs a reminder before he cracks and loses it, and he loses it often. your love is verbal, his love is touch. love you doesn't fit in his mouth, so he kisses instead.
chapped lips brush against your cheekbone where the light's the harshest. muscles flex and tense and he won't let go, even if sleeping you have nowhere to rush to. closes his eyes, then, content, safe. you're here and you're real and you protect against the fire and he loves you and this is the only way he can say that he does.
