♔ a drug for angels

♔ nickel back; 20, the 80s kid. ♔ And you can't hold me down 'Cause I belong to the hurricane It's gonna blow this all away ♔ Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside - it’s where my demons hide.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

Allen thought about snapping at Nick, telling him to fucking hurry up where his hand seemed to be moving slower than a snail at his belt (it was his first instinct, after all) because he was fully hard and yearned for touch. He refrained, and the only reason why was because he distracted himself from it by ducking down beneath Nick’s chin and attaching his mouth to his neck, teeth sinking in instantly, biting him hard enough that he knew there’d be a mark as soon as he drew back. He didn’t, though, just sucked at the spot for a bit, up until the need for his lips to be pressed up against the blond’s grew irresistible. To say that Nick’s words simply 'affected' him would’ve been an outstanding understatement at that point. God — Allen would’ve deemed them equivalent to pouring gasoline all over the floor and tossing a lit match into it. The boy was his biggest weakness. “You’re so fucking hot,” he whispered into their intimacy, his hips rocking up to chase the gesture he’d received from Nick’s hand, grunting at it. As soon as he was kissing him again, everything even slightly out of place fell back in. It was in that moment that he gave up trying to deny that he’d have kissed Nick forever if it was possible. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t have given to be able to do that; Allen swore. 

His hands had been wandering the skin of his upper body, placed on his shoulders at that particular moment, moaning into his mouth softly as their tongues reacquainted themselves after far too long of a departure. The tip of his own played with the underside of Nick’s piercing, finding it extremely attractive (what didn’t Allen find attractive when it came to him, anyway?). He’d missed that thing. Distractedly, he pulled his hands away from the other boy and reached into his back pocket for his wallet, breaking the kiss by accident, but at least he’d gotten out one of the lube packets. Allen had it torn open within seconds, and almost just as quickly, he had Nick’s jeans unbuttoned and had gotten his dick out from beneath his boxers. Once one of his hands was coated with the liquid, he’d wrapped it around his cock, stroking him earnestly from the start. It was then that he leaned in to bring their mouths together again, his free hand grasping Nick’s throat and Allen wasn’t too sure how it’d gotten there but he definitely wasn’t complaining. “When’s the last time you got fucked, huh, baby? Tell me.”

[fxcknickelback]

“D-don’t”, Nick protested against Allen’s mouth and teeth paying attention to the gentle skin on his neck. It was not that it wasn’t one of the best things in the world for him ---- Allen certainly knew it was ---- he just couldn’t have any evidence of this happening anywhere on his body. He couldn’t put into words how hard it had been to gently push his lover away. To keep Allen’s mouth occupied and away from his skin, he tugged on his lower lip and gave it a slow lick. He let Allen speak before bringing their wet mouths back together, chuckling into the kiss. He wanted to say how much he still fucking loved him, because he couldn’t remember the last time he had. He needed to tell him, but he didn’t. Instead, succumbing to the irresistible need of saying just anything apart from that, a stupid question fell from his mouth. “Did you miss this, baby?” Stupid. It was stupid because a) he clearly fucking did and b) Nick didn’t have the balls to say me. Did you miss me. He could feel his whole face burn up, which resulted into his hands leaving Allen’s buldge and landing on his neck to make sure his ex didn’t move away for another second. Nickel didn’t even realise when he dug his nails deep into the redhead’s nape and started dragging them across his neck, leaving even paler scratches on his already pale skin, which would soon turn red. Quietly moaning into the other male’s mouth, his breaths short and shaky, he couldn’t help but get a tighter grip on Allen’s neck, bruising him. It might have been because he finally felt the hand he was yearning for around his cock, moving quickly enough for him to turn into a complete mess. “L-last time you fucked me, daddy. Please do it again. Please make me so fucking sore again”, Nick whined against his mouth, greedily inhaling all of his breaths and hungrily chasing his lips for more kisses. The only thing that made him slow down was the hand on his throat ---- it honestly made him alarmed for a second or two, causing him to grab Allen’s wrist tightly (it had a psychological effect on him, he already felt as if he was choking) but he relaxed quickly, since he trusted his lover more than anyone. “I forgot how you can’t even wrap your tiny fucking palm around my dick”, he joked, laughing under his breath and finally moving a little to look at the beautiful boy’s features, but he couldn’t keep the gaze for long. His eyes fell shut and his head fell back at the overwhelming feeling of rush, leaving his neck exposed, inviting Allen to mark every inch of it with his hand and mouth, as he swallowed hard and breathed faster.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

It was certainly a boost to Allen’s ego, having a whiny, desperate Nick in his hands — he wouldn’t dare deny that. In fact, he wished that Dean could see it, wished that there was a way he could force him to watch it somehow, because when he had to watch the most important person in his life leave him for his worst enemy it left a wound beneath the surface that he doubted would ever heal. Allen wanted revenge for that. He deserved it, too. Predictably, though, his weary mind couldn’t stay stuck on vengeful thoughts for too long. They were flushed to dust rather quickly, overpowered by something like the feeling of boiling lava trickling down the side of a volcano before eruption. It showed in how he poured absolutely everything into their kiss, engrossed in it to the fullest extent, and the fact that he could feel the mutuality of it was the best part. Why hadn’t they done it sooner? Why had he been left to go out of his mind for four months straight, chasing skirts, searching frenziedly for that rush when deep down he knew that Nick was the only one who could give it to him? Allen didn’t give the smallest portion of a fuck that it was cold outside, either, because as soon as Nick’s hands were roaming his body, his own were releasing the boy’s hair and flying down to unbutton the rest of his flannel, eventually shoving it off of his shoulders and onto the ground clumsily. He had to draw away for just a second to gain back some of his breath, but, in the meantime, he reveled in the feeling of Nick’s bare chest beneath his hands, touching him as if he wasn’t entirely sure he was living in reality. Too long. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard in this park,” he whispered, eyes still closed, mouth but an inch away from Nick’s. Each time he breathed, he was breathing in his air, and, honestly, that was his very favorite way to do it.

[fxcknickelback]

Nick pulled back to catch his breath and look at Allen lustfully and impatiently, counting the seconds before he got freed from the unnecessary fabric and was able to move his arms again. They immediately went down, his long fingers fiddling with Allen's belt, slower than Allen might have liked it. Nick was glad that they were barely illuminated  and too close for Allen to see every inch of his pale torso clearly. Apart from his new tattoos, there were fresh bruises splattered over it, his forearms covered with cigarette burns and marks the needles had left on them. He shivered due to the cold which embraced his bones, so he desperately moved closer to the other male. "Please", Nick whined against Allen's hot mouth, exhaling shaky breaths into it. "Please, daddy, fuck me so hard." Rather feminine moans left Nick's parted lips as one of his hands gave up on the belt and moved down, giving Allen a harsh rub. The blond couldn't take the torture of having him so close and not kissing him, so he reconnected their mouths and allowed his pierced tongue to wander and tease the other. It was then that Nick had put together the ironic metaphor in his head. Of all the drugs, none damaged Nick as much as the younger chap did, but none gave him such powerful rush either -- he was hooked on both physical feeling Allen gave him as well as the fire in his chest more than on any substance. Allen was his poison of choice and Nick was glad that he had chosen something so beautiful to kill him.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

Once he’d done it, once he’d leaned in, he knew there was no going back. He couldn’t simply undo the action if Nick just so happened to have said “um, what the fuck are you doing? I was just joking, motherfucker," in reply. Allen would have to live with that for the rest of his life and ugh. He really, really didn’t want that to happen. Embarrassment was the emotion he absolutely hated to feel above all (love was pretty close up there, too). With that in mind, one probably couldn’t imagine the relief that Allen felt when there was no rejection of any kind towards his actions. Not only did he feel relief, but lust, too, god — his want towards the other boy was so fucking strong he was almost in disbelief of his own emotions. What did take him a bit by surprise was hearing Nick’s lovely voice not only saying what he’d commanded him to, but also telling him that he wanted Allen to destroy him. Which, well… It was a good thing they had that in common, really. Nick’s touch lit him up, heightening the flame already burning high and bright inside of Allen, and there was no way he could’ve stopped himself from smirking at the words he heard. “Damn fucking right you do.” Instead of kissing him right away, he took the boy’s lower lip between his teeth, biting him hard and then releasing slowly — only then did he connect their mouths with one another. The kiss was rich, slow, deep; very unlike how Allen would’ve guessed he’d be kissing Nick, but it was just… it’d been too long. It’d been too long for him not to reach up with his free hand and take a fistful of that pretty blond hair, grip tight, keeping him pulled in as close as possible as his tongue tried to coerce Nick’s mouth open.

[fxcknickelback]

Four months. Four. Months. Four months Nick had been crying and beating himself up over and over again because of the same damn thing. For a slightly shorter amount of time he'd been leading on this person he felt nothing for and he still didn't feel that bad or immoral because of it. When it came to that relationship, the only thing Nick worried about was moaning Allen's name during sex, but. Let's be honest, their sex never pushed Nick so far, never reminded him of what he used to have. But most importantly, during those four months Nick did everything he could to forget Allen. But he couldn't. He saw him in everybody and everything and he thought he'd never be okay again, never complete again. But Nick was wrong. Nick did become complete again. And it happened the moment Allen bit and tugged on his lower lip, a feeling very well known to him. Nick followed Allen's lead and engaged himself into a kiss of aching sweetness. He was sure the redhead could taste the nostalgia which revealed its depth slowly as the kiss itself deepened, he could taste his devastating sensuality and artless feelings as Nick ridded himself from all the artificialness and the desire to pretend his whole body didn't hurt, that every spot on it which Allen touched didn't burn. It hadn't been long before he was no longer able to rule his needy mouth and restless hands, which made sure to feel Allen's whole torso, stopping at his neck and not letting him get away.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

At the sight of the blunt, Allen suddenly remembered the whole reason they’d even come to the park, for a “smoke.” Right. Sure. That was all that was going to happen. He watched closely as Nick’s mouth wrapped around the joint and, frankly, all he could think about was that his lips would look even better wrapped around his dick. Before he could be so stupid as to actually admit that, it was at his lips instead, and his own actions replicated the other boy’s, eyes falling shut for those few moments it took for him to inhale and exhale. “Too much? Yeah. I don’t think I could ever punch you either, though; too fucking cute. Just myself if I were someone else,” he shrugged, most likely making a grand total of twenty percent of logical sense in his words, but whatever. It was 2AM and he didn’t give a fuck. As soon as their bodies had made contact again, there was that absolutely ridiculous rush coursing through him, and his body subconsciously shifted closer to Nick, craving more contact of any kind. “I’m not the same man anymore, Nickel,” Allen told him in an overly serious, deeper tone of voice, giving him a cold stare for a few seconds before he, too, chuckled. That giggly, playful demeanor soon dissolved into something much different, however, when Nick’s words were slowing down noticeably. His eyes flickered to the hand moving upward toward his thigh and he bit into his lower lip. Fuck. This was really going to happen, wasn’t it? For awhile, Allen was completely and utterly motionless and silent, his gaze glued to that hand on him. Within the span of a second, he was gripping a handful of Nick’s flannel, having brought his body even closer — close enough to be able to lean in to kiss him, though he stopped when their lips were mere centimeters apart. His eyes were closed. “Tell me… you want me.”

[fxcknickelback]

While Allen's eyes were close, Nick allowed himself to glance at yet another one of his favourite things ever. Allen's neck or, more specifically, his Adam's apple. The way that thing moved drove Nick insane -- when Allen laughed, talked, swallowed the saliva from his mouth, swallowed Nick's come... Oh god, no. Nick don't go to that place. Obviously their conversation on the phone had zero truth to it and it was simply never going to happen, right? Plus, Nick kind of had a boyfriend... Anyway. "I'm not fucking cute, you asshole. I'm hot. And sexy. Wickedly sexy." He couldn't help but giggle quietly at Allen, contently noticing the other's body leaning towards his own. "Okay. Would Allen 2.0 enjoy getting head in the middle of the park or nah? Because I know my Allen would get hard just thinking about it. Such a horny boy he is, don't you think?" Nick smirked, whispering but being loud enough so that Allen would have no problem hearing him. The grip he had on Allen's crotch tightened as he could feel himself being pulled closer. His eyes fell shut and he could hear himself letting out shaky breaths -- what the fuck, Nick? "I-- I fucking want you, Allen. I want you to fucking-- just destroy me." Nick...he-- he whined? Nick whined desperately, staying still and letting Allen decide when he'd grace him with the relief, with the feeling of his lips against Nick's. It was too fucking long.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

While being pleased that he’d made Nick laugh (a sound that he could easily hear on repeat for the rest of his life), he was still mildly pissed at himself for even saying that other part in the first place. God, he really needed to work on thinking about what he said before he said it. Maybe he’d start practicing it sometime in the next century. Leaning back against the backrest of the bench, his arms rested atop it and his eyes continued to follow every move that the other boy made. He didn’t want to miss the smallest detail; couldn’t let himself. He also didn’t want to care, but it was clear that that was way far out of the question at that point. “I think so. I stole all of your fucking shirts, though, I think. I would’ve punched me for it if I were you,” Allen mumbled to him. The nostalgic tone in his voice and childish smile on his face were enough to tell that he was definitely reminiscing things in his head. Why did he always have to fuck everything up? That was the real question to be answered. Everything good that’d ever happened to him, including the best thing that just so happened to be sitting beside him — he always ruined it one way or another. Maybe it was just his destiny. To fuck shit up. “But when do I ever listen, Cinderella? Do you know who I am? Should’ve expected that from me, c’mon,” he teased, pushing Nick’s shoulder playfully as he scoffed. “Do we, now? I think I — I think I might’ve actually forgotten…”

[fxcknickelback]

Nick reached in the pocket of his jeans and took the pack of cigarettes from it. Among the cigarettes, there was a single joint which he pulled out with his delicate fingers and looked up at Allen. "I've only one of these. We'll have to share." He mused and put it between his lips, pulling the first drag when he lit it and then brought it to the perfection that were Allen's lips. God, they were his favourite thing in the world. But which part of Allen wasn't honestly? "And you looked perfect in them. I could never punch you, though, that's.." Nick trailed off and shook his head slightly, drumming the fingers of one of his hands on Allen's leg to the beat in his head. "You always listen to me when we're naked. Well, used to. And we were naked, so I thought you would. But alas." Nick sighed theatrically and chuckled because of the shove, only to have his lips chase the joint for another inhale afterwards. "You have? Hm. Maybe I can remind you?" Nick dragged his words out, the hand that had been drumming, now headed towards Allen's thigh. Um -- Nick? Hello? Boyfriend? Nah? Okay.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

To be honest, Allen wasn’t completely sure what he’d expected to happen when Nick was to arrive. The only things that were running through his mind then were how things used to be between them, and he’d really just been hoping that they’d turn out exactly like that this time around, but that obviously wasn’t happening when Nick had sat beside him and let silence drown out their atmosphere like some sort of tsunami. If you’d asked Allen, that was the loudest silence he’d ever had to endure in his life, and the worst part was not even he could find anything to say to break it. As much as he’d wanted to, though, he couldn’t tease Nick for staring at him the way he was, so foolish, because he was doing the exact same fucking thing to the other boy. It wasn’t as nice as it could’ve been, what with their only sources of light being a nearby lamppost and the glow of the moon, but even then he could feel the chill that those icy blue eyes had never failed to bring him. His only physical reaction to being grabbed was his brows furrowing (funny thing was that if any other guy would’ve just randomly grabbed his face like that, he most likely would have shoved them and demanded to know what the fuck they thought were doing), glancing down at Nick’s hand on him for a second, and fuck. The touch was so innocent, and yet it’d hit him so hard. It wasn’t enough and he missed it the second it was over. He smiled at the compliment anyway. “Mm, good. I like you,” the words just fell from Allen’s mouth without a single ounce of thought, and when he’d realized what he’d just admitted his eyes widened a little. “…r fucking shirt, obviously. Didn’t I tell you not to wear clothes?”

[fxcknickelback]

Nick ran his fingers through his hair, messy from all the tugging Dean did, and then rested both of his hands on his lap, playing with the silver ring on the little finger of his left one. At the same time he produced this annoying noise by smacking his teeth with his tongue ring, a tick he had ever since he had pierced it. Allen knew he always subconsciously did that whenever he was nervous. A coy smile formed on his lips when his blues met the green gaze -- now that was the exact shade Nick loved, not that..ugly one he looked at every single day. "I kno--", Nick began, but got cut off by Allen along with his own laughter. "Sure. I know you like it, you used to steal it all the time. It was this one, right?" Nick looked down for a second and caught a glimpse of Allen's tiny hands, his own yearning to hold them from that very moment. "Yeah, you did. And I told you the same thing and did you listen to me? Nah. But we both know it's so easy getting rid of them." Nick absentmindedly bit his lower lip and tried to raise just one eyebrow, but the other one followed.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

After putting down his phone, Allen had basically spent his entire time getting dressed telling himself that it wasn’t a big deal or something to be nervous about. In reality, it wasn’t, either. The boy hadn’t gone through any massive changes in his personality nor appearance, aside from a second eyebrow piercing right beside the one he’d gotten awhile back, but that wasn’t much of a deal. Plus, he’d gone to the park to hang out with Nick late at night before countless of times, before they’d dated, and he just needed to bring himself back to that time. That thought helped erase the budding anticipation and anxiety that’d slowly started to arise in him, thankfully, and he was pretty much good to go in just a few minutes, skinny jeans and the-nearest-t-shirt-in reach now covering up his body (unfortunately for Nick). It was almost subconscious — key word being almost — but, yes, Allen had checked to make sure that his wallet was in the back pocket of his skinny jeans before he walked out of the door. And, yes, it was because that wallet held at least one condom and packet of lube. What? Allen wasn’t always prepared for tests, but there’d never be a time where he wasn’t prepared to fuck, thank you very much. He looked up at the night sky often during his short walk there, somehow successfully managing to keep anxiety at bay even when he sat down on a park bench knowing that Nick was bound to show up at any second.

[fxcknickelback]

Sooner than he knew it, Nick's boney ass hit the hard surface of their bench -- the one that had N + A carved in it. Childish, yes. A total Nick thing to do, yes. Since the dawn of time, they used to meet on that particular bench, so why wouldn't it be the same this time? That was how Nick knew where to find Allen. The blond was unusually quiet, not having said a single word to the boy next to him ever since he got there. He shifted, sat on one of his long legs and turned to face him. God, he missed him so fucking much. Had anyone ever said to Nick they would meet each other ever again, Nick would have laughed at them (&& cried afterwards, but that was not the point). He took his time to take in every little detail of the boy opposite of him, a wide, but still melancholic smile on his lips. His eyebrows slightly rose at the sight of another piercing and his hand instinctively shot up to gently grab the other's chin while he studied the new piece of jewelery on his face. And when he was done with that, he focused on his features and observed them for a while in complete silence. Tapping his chin twice with the tips of his fingers, Nick finally let go. "I like it." It was the only thing he had said to Allen.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

Allen just sort of shrugged to himself at the ‘unfortunately’ bit, not quite sure himself whether he agreed. All that he was sure of was that he hated how Nick still had just as much of an effect on him as he did when they’d been together, if not more so due to how much he missed him. And now everything they had was ripped to pieces, while Nick was running off with a new fucking boyfriend and Allen had just gone back to fucking different girls every day of the week. …Then again, if Nick and Dean’s relationship really was everything one could hope for, he wouldn’t have been calling him up at two in the morning and flirting with him. So. Why does it fucking matter, anyways? God damnit, Allen. It’s over with. And yet, it being over with didn’t stop him from allowing a wide grin to spread upon his face listening to Nick’s words, momentarily raising his brows out of surprise. Well, he definitely hadn’t been expecting that. Their chemistry was natural, though, really, so it wasn’t hard to dish right back what he was receiving. “Dirty boy. Over the phone I can’t do much, but… we can meet up, yeah. Don’t wear clothes. They just get in the way.” Nick could probably hear the smirk in his voice towards the end of that. “Be there in five?”

[fxcknickelback]

"Deal. Same goes for you, babe." Nick bit his lip, unable to stop smiling like an idiot. "See you there." He hung up, knowing that he needed to be really fast. Nick's house was literally right across the street from the park, but it was a longer walk from Dean's, being that he lived farther away. He didn't bother changing from his boyfriend's boxers into his own, so he just slipped on his jeans and a flannel, buttoning it only from the bottom to the half of it. Had the weather been any better, Nick would've literally went only in the underwear, eager to see Allen's reaction. He leaned over his boyfriend and left a soft kiss on his forehead, feeling utterly bad.

Saying that Nick wasn't nervous would have been a lie. A terrible, terrible lie. The blond was anxious, excited, concerned all at the same time and at one point he felt like being on a roller coaster and about to puke. While rushing to the park, Nick thought about whether anything about Allen's appearance changed for some reason. Did he dye his hair again? Cut it? Let it grow and get longerish? Did he get any new piercings or tattoos? Was he still wearing the same baggy clothes that Nick adored stealing? When it came to Nick, he got two tattoos and while getting them, the only thing he had thought about was how much he had wished for Allen to be right there next to him. That was their deal, Nick had made him promise he'd be there on that occasion. But alas. Most of all, Nick was afraid Allen would look like he'd been to hell and back, but. That wasn't going to happen because -- because Nick didn't mean to Allen as much, right? Right.

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

Allen — only for a split second — wondered if, by saying that he figured he hadn’t been asleep either, he meant that he figured Allen was up thinking about him or something. The obvious reason for him to have said that was his knowledge of Allen’s issues with insomnia, but. There was always a possibility that it was that other thing, too, which made him want to blurt out “well it’s not like I was fucking thinking about you" all because… he was. A lot. Every goddamned day. And he despised it. That was why, as often as he possibly could be, he was higher than a cloud (he’d actually nearly overdosed himself into a casket on a particularly bad day, but Nick was never going to know that). He’d rather have blurred, nonsensical thoughts than ones about how comfortable and perfect everything felt with Nick’s back pressed to his chest as they fell asleep. "Well, yeah. You know me too fucking well, I think," he muttered quietly in response, still chewing on the corner of his mouth. The next remarks he heard through the speaker of his phone made him crack a little smile along with a laugh, simultaneously shoving the image of naked Nick as far as he possibly could from the center of his mind because that was the last thing he needed right then. “I guess we’re both kind of naked. Isn’t that a nice coincidence…” Allen trailed off, not finding any other words to say, which was extremely unusual. For once in his life, he didn’t want to talk nonstop, he just wanted to listen; wanted to listen to Nick’s voice and only that because he never knew when or if he would hear it again. “Ooh, you’re a real badass, aren’t you, baby?” Oops. Or not. Who fucking cared? Not Allen. It wasn’t like he was going to apologize. Long pause. “…And is that what you want?”

[fxcknickelback]

"I do. Unfortunately?" Nick raised his blonde eyebrows even though Allen couldn't see him and scratched his stubble (Dean apparently hated the goddamned thing, he whined whenever he felt it against his skin. On the other hand, Nick couldn't recall Allen ever complaining because of it). There was a considerable amount of warmth filling his chest when he heard Allen's quiet, weak laugh. Immediately, he himself smiled, eyes closed as his hand absentmindedly trailed down his body and rested on his bare stomach. The image of Allen's body so close as he kissed every inch of it couldn't leave his mind. He even remembered how the tattoo on his hip, which Nick himself had done for him, looked and how his whole body trembled and twisted as a response to Nick's touch. "How convenient. Should we do anything about it?" What. The fuck. Honestly, Nick surprised himself -- he didn't even know why he had said that. Probably because he was so used to talking to Allen like that all the time. Whatever. All he knew was that his heart had skipped a beat when he had heard Allen. "Yeah. You know I am, baby." Nick replied, his voice sounding exactly like when he had whispered to him while their limbs had been tangled underneath the sheets. "Mhmm. If you-- if you wanna?"

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

[allenwtvs]

That dark, whirling flood of emotions sloshing around in Allen’s stomach contained quite the diverse mix. For some fucked up reason, there was happiness and peace among them. The sound of Nick’s voice could always do that to him; relax him, soothe him. Over time, he’d grown accustomed to it being his remedy for agitation. It didn’t help much that the way he was speaking sounded like how he would speak when he’d call Allen to come back over after a fight. He bit down on the corner of his mouth hard as that particular thought went through his head, feeling a pang of hurt add itself to the bubbling concoction. The least surprising of them all was anger. Yes, there was anger inside of him at this, and if you tried to get Allen to explain why, he’d probably punch you. “…You can’t sleep? So you call me, at 2AM?” the words had started out annoyed, but they ended in a laugh, shaking his head to himself. “I don’t know why I’m so fucking surprised. What are you doing? Where are you? And I’d be careful — I doubt Dean would be happy to find out that you’re talking to me.” The first two questions came out in response to the small amount of worry in Allen’s chest. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d spoken to Nick, so for him to be calling, well… part of him thought 'he's gotta be really fucked up right now’.

[fxcknickelback]

"I figured you weren't sleeping", Nick chuckled to himself, his eyes focused on the lamppost in front of Dean's house. It was no different from any other lammppost on their block, but it looked awfully foreign to Nick, disgusting and distant. Staring at it, he remembered the particular lamppost, the one in front of his own house and how it had compelled him while he had been talking to his ex-boyfriend every night. He remembered how every time he couldn't fall asleep next to him, he'd fall asleep to his beautiful voice which he loved more than anything. He adored it, it affected him more than ever, making him close his eyes and sigh for the millionth time. He felt nostalgic, it was eating him from the inside and suddenly he was looking at the boy on the bed with such abhorrence. He could see Dean's eyes behind his once again closed lids and he couldn't help but think how they weren't the right shade of green. "Are you going to ask me what I'm wearing as well? M'kinda naked, how about you?" Nick couldn't just tell him he'd been lying next to Dean moments ago, so he mused in a soft voice, teasing quietly (that was mostly because he didn't want to wake Dean up). "I don't give a shit -- I will talk to you if I want and he can't do shit about it." Nick nibbled on his lower lip, having made a long pause before he spoke again. "I can also meet you in the park for a smoke if I want to and he can't do shit about it..."

[moonschild-deactivated20180327]

[allenwtvs]

fire starter //

Allen had woken up with a feeling that something completely out of the ordinary and unexpected was going to happen to him that day. Of course, living the life that Allen Anderson lived, many unexpected, extraordinary things happened over the course of each day that went by. But this… this felt different. Much more intense. There was no way for him to figure out what that unexpected something was going to be apart from simply waiting for it to come to him, so he went about his day normally, eventually forgetting he’d even had the feeling in the first place. …Until his phone rang while he’d been lying down in bed watching TV alone. Allen was receiving a call from a boy that he never thought he’d hear from again — probably for the rest of his life. For what felt like a few moments, he just stared down at the screen blankly, scratching at his stubbly, unshaven jaw. What was he supposed to do? Ignore the flood of emotions that’d begun rushing through him as soon as he’d merely glanced at the name? Well, yeah. That for sure. “Hello?” he answered at the very last second, hiding the fact that he was nervous as all fuck. Anyone could easily tell that it sounded like a question, though, like he was unsure he’d actually hear the blond’s voice on the other end. “What the — why the fuck are you calling me, Nick? It’s 2AM.”

[fxcknickelback]

His fingers slowly danced across the boy's chest, tracing the patterns only he saw in his head. He looked beautiful sleeping there; his bare chest slowly rising and falling, his gorgeous green eyes shielded from the world, from the naked Nick who was lying next to him and looking at him silently, afraid that he'd wake him up if he breathed any louder. Nick would lie if he said he didn't like Dean, didn't feel anything towards him. Their relationship was peaceful and satisfying. Never had they ever raised their voices on each other or fought. But Nick felt empty, felt like something was terribly wrong and that something was missing, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Having left a kiss under his boyfriend's collarbone, Nick got up and slipped on Dean's boxers, at the same time grabbing the pack of cigarettes from the nightstand. He made himself comfortable on the window seat, cracked the window open, lit a smoke and fucked around with his phone. Eventually, he ended up reading (as always) his and Allen's texts from way back, chuckling at the same things all over again for a millionth time. He got goosebumps all over his body just from reading all the I love yous he had sent to his ex, all the lovey dovey crap. Absentmindedly, he tapped his phone a couple of times and before he knew it, he was calling the other boy. He panicked and for a few seconds he contemplated throwing his phone through the window. He stared at the screen, at the bright letters clearly saying my world with a bunch of dumb emojis next to it. If Dean saw that, Nick knew he'd lose his mind. But Nick had no clue why he hadn't changed it to Anderson or simply deleted the contact. "Hi", Nick uttered, feeling his throat close when he heard the other's voice. "I—" He exhaled the smoke and swallowed heavily afterwards. "I can't sleep..."

[peenz]

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[fxcknickelback]

my medicine // the pretty reckless

Somebody mixed my medicine Somebody's in my head again

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don't leave me //

[allenwtvs]

"I’m glad I could give you that well-needed reminder, sweetcheeks," was Allen’s short reply, a sort of smugness lacing his words that wasn’t entirely necessary yet captured his personality so accurately it… well, was. Unsurprisingly, the way his heart had begun beating faster as soon as their lips touched came as a shock to him. The fact that Nick had so much power over him in a way that he couldn’t control his body’s responses to something as simple as a kiss — he just didn’t get it. And he didn’t want Nick to find out about it. He wanted it to seem like he was unaffected, because it just seemed like it was for the better, really (on his part, at least). "God, no,” he laughed, shaking his head as his gaze met the gorgeous pair of blues in front of him. “Got you one of those for your birthday already, anyway, remember?” The assurance that Robert wasn’t anywhere near them had a small, relieved huff of breath leaving Allen’s mouth, a hand going up to the bill of his snapback, turning it and messing with it a little as he waited for Nick to open the backpack and uncover his other gifts. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was nervous. He’d never participated in a Valentine’s Day gift exchange, which could easily be it, but he still shouldn’t have cared. Allen didn’t like caring. Nick made him care about things; made him see beauty in little crevices of the world that he’d always dismissed (like in the dips of his collarbones, and where his palms met his wrists… ew).

The reaction he gave to the sight of the roses had a bright, victorious grin enlightening Allen’s face. He’d just wanted Nick to like them a bit. “So I did okay, then?” he asked, and was rewarded with a small kiss, which, well. What better answer was there to receive than that one? Of course, Nick could’ve very well had any sort of gift in his bedroom, but Allen was going to take it suggestively because he was Allen. He waited for the other boy to turn his back and begin the walk inside, following closely, before he replied, “you do, huh? Already? You must’ve really missed me.”

[fxcknickelback]

Nick formed a displeased, disappointed facial expression, suspiciously eyeing the backpack in his hands. "I do remember, thank you very much. I happen to be playing with it a lot more than with my boyfriend's dick actually." The blond scoffed and his ceruleans squinted at the male opposite of him in a far from annoyed glare before they curiously peeked into the backpack. "You're trying to get me all chubby with the sweets again? My butt is not big enough for you to squeeze, hm? I knew it." Nick sighed theatrically, still not looking up at Allen. He was too busy taking out the card and reading it while focusing on walking and not tripping on his way to the house. "Xo? Seriously, xo?" He averted his gaze from the card to the shorter male, laughing under his breath in disbelief. "How...romantic. And truly wonderful. I'm speechless, you blew me away." He bit his lip habitually, shaking his head fondly. "You did great, little one. Honestly. You didn't have to get me any of these..." Nick uttered softly, smiled and tried to get one of his arms around his boyfriend's waist while they were walking. He was so happy to have him right next to him again after such a long time. Just knowing that he was safe and okay, out of trouble and without a single ounce of pain in those beautiful greens. It was enough for Nick. "Yeah. I'm gonna give you a lap dance and I've actually put a red ribbon around my dick and that's your Valentine's gift. We fuck and then you leave." The boy responded grumpily, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "I missed you so fucking much, actually. Which was and is pretty obvious. But no. I wanna talk to you for hours first and want you to open my gifts and watch pathetic movies with me. We'll have sex later, when he leaves for work. Can't have him hear us shouting and whatnot." Nick shrugged, getting lost in his thoughts before he flinched, feeling like someone splashed him with cold water. "Unless that's totally not what you want. We can totally ditch these things I've planned and just...yeah..." He looked up at Allen, cautiously and with visibly sad eyes, which, by the way, wasn't him being manipulative, but genuinely caring about spending a lovely day with his boyfriend, but then also being torn because he felt like he'd hate it. And Allen being happy was a priority.

[xfuu-chan]

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[fxcknickelback]

broken // lifehouse

I'm hangin' on another day Just to see what you throw my way And I'm hanging on to the words you say You said that I will be okay

[onetwof-ckyou]

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[fxcknickelback]

how you remind me // nickelback

It's not like you to say sorry I was waiting on a different story This time I'm mistaken For handing you a heart worth breaking

[limitlessplaylist]

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[fxcknickelback]

you // the pretty reckless

You don't want me, no You don't need me Like I want you, oh Like I need you