A PESSIMIST BLOG

I was thinking on what to write so I stumbled a lot in different genres. I didn't know what to write or what exactly what to write. Since I am a very pessimistic person, might as well use that to an advantage and write a blog about it. Let's see if...

[gaeljoy24]

loveless kiss

I often tell my friends who seeks a man to wait. I tell them that God will give them a man who will fulfill their hearts desires so they need not to seek for him but I am someone who constantly searches for one. I often fall in love with men who will never do the same for me and I often neglect the men who loves me for who I am. I cast them aside always thinking he cannot be the man sent to me. So I wander a lot, where exactly in the prince waiting for me? Is he even waiting or is he also wandering. In attempt to find out if the person I am waiting for me is my person, I do a lot of stupid things. Giving my first kiss though just to spite somebody else is a bit overkill. I thought I liked him, I thought I loved him but when our lips met, I did not feel the spark that everybody is feeling. There was no love in my heart nor excitement so I wonder if I just gave my first kiss without purpose. I tell this to my blog to serve as a lesson. First kiss actually matters and how I wished I didn’t gave mine for a dirty reason. How I wished I really knew how to fall in love because right now, I don’t think I can ever find out what love truly is or if there is still a prince waiting for me because of my sullied decision to do stupid things before I truly understood it. I tell this to you to serve as a lesson. Things you do in haste, without even thinking about it, could serve as a wound that you will always regret. That is what I have learned from a single kiss that I took years ago. 

The spark, the feelings, the excitement and the feeling of happiness, content and love was never present during that time and it is probably my fault as well because I have acted in haste. So don’t act without thinking and if you have a single doubt of what you are about it do, perhaps you should not continue because it could be the start of pile of mistakes.  

[gaeljoy24]

watashi ga motete dousunda manga review

Hi, this is not my usual post but I still want to try doing it. It has also been a while since I have written. I got too busy. anyway, back to the topic. Watashi ga motete dounsunda is a manga about Serinuma Kae who is an otaku girl who used to be fat but after having her favorite character die, she shut herself into her room without eating or doing anything. After two weeks, her family decided to take action as her brother forced her door open and forced her out of her bed. Upon removing her blanket, her brother and her mother who was the only one present was shock at what they saw. Kae decided to finally leave her room and when she went to the bathroom to fix herself, she saw herself in the mirror as a slim and sexy girl so she went shocked and thought the mirror was broken. Her new figure shocked everyone at school as well when she finally decided to come to school and she also gained three admirers because of it. The confident smooth Igarashi, the hot-blooded sporty Nanashima, and the bishounen aloof  Shinomiya and somehow, her sempai and kind hearted mutsumi also fell in love with her in later episodes and another female character also showed affection to her in later episode. This anime/manga tells a story of a girl who used to like being in the sideline, watching men and imagining boy’s love between those men who suddenly became the center of the story as they chase her all around showing their affection and hoping to win hers in return.  That is basically the plot of the story. In the anime, I was sure that Igarashi will definitely be her pair and although the anime did not concluded their happily ever after, I was sure that he is definitely the one for her. The flow of the story seemed like it so when the pairing suddenly shifted and her pair suddenly differs, it shocked me. I mean, Mutsumi was definitely a second lead so marrying him and having kids with him was definitely unexpected and honestly, I don’t like it one bit. I like Igarashi for Kae. The way his love for her turned real even after she got fat again showed that he truly cared for her and his affection is real. The way he made Kae blush because of his advances showed that Kae is responding to him unlike with the other characters. The way they interacted and showed interest towards one another is definitely a WIN. So why!!! WHY!!! did the author decided to shift the love team!!!! I HATE THE ENDING!!! The ending definitely suck!!!

[gaeljoy24]

In between

to stay or not to stay.

I thought I could succeed, I thought I could be someone but after four long years in college, I got shut down and kicked out of my course. It was my fault. I have to at least admit that. Now, I am being punished by a person I both hate and love. When I left home, I was thinking of leaving completely but in the end, I couldn’t. I returned and now I’m being sent to a place that I didn’t want, to punish me for failing him. I can’t disagree with him because “I” screwed up. I am leaving home tomorrow going to somewhere where I will lose everything. Everything I have worked hard for, everything will be gone and I can’t even say no because I don’t have the right to demand anything after screwing my college. which is why right now, I am in the middle of doing something really crazy and really reckless and just following orders. I can’t help but to think that I can only face both of them if I succeed in something. If I become someone and I probably could only do that if I leave this place. If I choose to stay, I don’t think I could ever overcome this burden where I am being labelled as the one who “failed” and it will only eat me and destroy completely but if choose not to stay, I will challenge myself and the world and risk a 100% of everything. either I fail again or I succeed. If I choose to leave this place, my home and my comfort zone and not face them until I actually become someone, I will be risking everything because I don’t even know if there is a guarantee that I could still succeed. that I could still be “someone”. 

Being a person who failed and labelled as the failure really scares me and right now, I am a FAILURE. 

[gaeljoy24]

BLANK SKILLS

What good is to be alive when you are not even good at anything you do at all. As a child, it’s not a problem at all but as you grow, you come to realize that specializing in one thing actually matters. whether it is dancing, singing, writing, speaking, helping, calculating, studying, acting or modelling. When you are in the age where this skills should actually be polished, and you find yourself having none, you get depressed because it means you are no good at anything at all. Being unable to do anything at all is frustrating and somehow deadly. When you don’t know what to do? and just exactly where your place is, you begin to wander around and when you still don’t find the place where you belong, you lose hope and you die. Maybe not literally, but spirituality. It’s like you are an empty shell walking and moving but not really there at all. you forget how to live and you forget how to remember each and every second of your life. you start to regret the things you should have done when you had the chance and when you realize it, you also realize, it’s already too late. 

[gaeljoy24]

fleeting away

Here I am, writing, thinking and fleeting away. Thinking of death when I haven’t even lived yet. Thinking of death when I don’t even know what life is. My heart is dying, my mind is dying and my body is fading away. slowly looking at the surroundings, I see nothing. I smile and I laugh, I talk and I write but none can actually fills my heart with the light of life. I’m scared to kill myself so I am still alive but I also don’t want to live anymore, so I am barely living. I am not mistreated or being beaten, I am just unhappy. as to why? I do not know. What can make me happy? I also do not know? I used to believe that money can make me happy, I still do but whenever I used mine, I feel happy. . . . only for a little while. 

fleeting happiness

fleeting smile

fleeting laughter

fleeting joy

is all I could offer myself and those who are around me. As to why? 

I. DO. NOT. KNOW.

[gaeljoy24]

everybody thinks that what happened was an accident. That it was God’s will to take her life away but what if it wasn’t God’s will. one box, two locks, two keys, photos, and one missing diary is what it would take to find out the truth behind LIANNA’s death. Follow the story of the family, friends and loved ones of Lianna as they all search for the truth and justice Lianna deserve on her death bed. 

[gaeljoy24]

“a person who wears a mask will never be happy.”

this quote is a lie, at least on my opinion. everyone wears a mask and I see them happy and content. wearing a mask is natural. when you feel sad but doesn't want your family to know, you wear a happy mask. when you’re lover cheated on you but doesn't have the strength to confront him with it, you wear the “I’m not mad at you” mask. When you’re nervous and feels like you’re going to collapse on the stage, you wear a “I can do it” mask. everyone wear a mask and they still find a happiness. 

It’s not the mask’s fault that you’re unhappy and miserable or something else, it’s you! the choice of mask that you choose to wear, how you use the mask will give you a path that could either lead you to happiness or unhappiness. Don’t blame the mask, blame yourself then change and improve. just because you have chosen the way you use the mask does not mean that you cannot change how you have used it. you can still change the usage of your mask. you just have to choose it. 

[gaeljoy24]

the story of a woman who grew up in a cotton wool. Having everything anyone could ever desire for, she was forced into marriage so her family can live with prosperity for life but on the day of her wedding, her family and everyone she held dear in her heart was murdered in cold blood. surviving the incident, she swore only one thing while looking at the dead bodies of her family. REVENGE. she threw away her pride, dignity, virtue and her name in order to learn the ways of the world and take vengeance on those who has done this to them but can she still continue her revenge when she finds herself falling in love with the man that she swore revenge too? will she still continue on the bloody path instead of grabbing the single, fragile thread of happiness just so she can drag them in hell with her? read, vote and follow the story of the vengeful bride by JN_GAEL

[gaeljoy24]

"life is both scary and beautiful" I want to see it. I want to see the world with my own eyes. It's beauty, It's shine, It's cruelty, It's life and It's death. the only question is, am I prepared to take the consequences of this actions I maybe not prepared now but I will even if I don't know what the future lies for myself I will move forward and will not falter because the longer I wait, the farther it gets but patience is still a must not an option but a priority. I just hope it can wait for me

[gaeljoy24]

I'm not actually doing well. I'm in college but something feels wrong, like I want more. By the way, I think for a psychology student, I need one myself. My dad married me off to another guy. I don't like him, I don't love him and truthfully, I don't trust him either. I found out he drugged me into deep sleep. I don't know what he did to me but now that I have found out, I feel dirty and disgusted with him but most of all with myself. I wrote this because I am in desperate need of help. I wanted to leave home and be gone from the lives forever but I'm scared I am scared of the future, of my life when I leave them. questions raise my mind and I don't even know how to answer them like: how will I eat? how will I work? where will I work? how will I get money? I mean, I will lie and you will lie if you say that this world do not revolve around money, because it does, even saving someone requires money. now, where was I, yes questions where will I live? what's in store for my future? my goes on, all involve about having new life. I'm scared but I want to do it, I want to try it but I know that once I leave I can't go back. My father will kill me if he founds me. I'm serious about the killing part. He would shoot me just like he did with my 1st step mother. This is a private information and thank god, I'm not using my real name. If there is someone who can help me and give me advises, I would love to hear it. My mind is not in a good shape to think for answers myself right now. yours truly, abby

[gaeljoy24]

A heart cannot only die from disease but also from heart break. 

A heart can also die from suffocation. 

[gaeljoy24]

CAGED

Ever since I start to remember things, to see the world, to desire it, I was already caged. Caged by my own blood and flesh. It’s hard for me live and breathe but I managed while dreaming of a bright future ahead. All my dreams, my ambition and my desires were trashed when they decided a marriage for my own. It has been the most hardest thing to follow for them. Even until now after marriage, I could feel my heart beat slowly dying as I live with a guy I don’t even know. My arms are bound, my feet are tied, my heart is locked and my soul is dying with every second I spend with him. I wanted out NOW. I want to leave to live because the more I stay, the harder it is for me to breathe and to the faster for me to die. I could feel my heart right now as I write this slowly dying and slowly losing its beat. I could feel my body quiver in fear when he is near. I could myself being driven in the depth of hell as I stay. 

I want to leave to live and right now I am shouting for your help so I could live. 

I am shouting for someone to help me die and live another life. 

there is no way out in my family but I am begging you, please HELP. . . 

[gaeljoy24]

AROMA OF LOVE wattpad story by: JN_GAEL

"Tamarra?" it's a voice she did not expect but hearing it made her feel different.

"prince Alex?"

"what are you. . . "

"perhaps, We are fated together so much that they even let us meet in our dreams!"

Alex smiled and went near to her.

"Am I dreaming?"

"who cares! I've been thinking of you all night! you should not leave me like that!" Alex suddenly pulled her into a hug and touched her hair.

"I hope you're not scared anymore! I was really worried about you, Tamarra!" His soothing voice made my eyes soften as he caress my cheeks, I could feel heat rising up on me.

"you are a really beautiful woman!"

she was about to reply but he hushed it with a hard kiss. He snakes his hands around her and held her waist tightly not letting her go. He used his other hands to pull me closer to him. I could feel the lust and passion from his lips and from the tightness of his hold to me.

I could feel his hands travel to be bosy and with one swift movement he removed my night dress and pushed me on the bed. He removed her clothes himself and put himself above me. He slightly stopped touching me and continued to stare at my naked body. I could feel him all over me when he started to kiss me on my neck. He started to kiss me on my neck then his kisses went down to my shoulders and it's as if he wanted to kiss every part of my body that he started to kiss my collar bone going down to the valley of my breast until he started to put one of my mounds to his mouth and started lick it and suck it like a babe would do to his mother. I could feel the lust from his grey eyes and his hotness from his kisses. His breathe fanning my body with much more heat.

"Ahh!!" I suddenly moaned loudly as he makes me feel hot below.

'this kind of . . . thing. . . .' I wanted to push him away but not only my body betrays me but he also keeps me pinned down. I could feel hot and needy as if wanting more of him.

I used my last strength to push him away but with just one kiss to my lips, my hands suddenly hold on to his hair and pulled him more toward me. Feeling my respond toward him, I felt his hands travelled south until he reached what he wanted to reach. His sudden flicker of his fingers sent my body to convulsion. I could feel wet liquid release from me.

"I haven't even started yet!" He suddenly smirked and attacked my lips once again.

"I won't let you rest tonight!" he smirked while torridly kissing me.

"ahh!" I felt hot again when he suddenly grabbed my breast and squeeze it harshly.

"I told you, you won't rest tonight!"

he suddenly put one of my mounds to his mouth and sucked it harshly.

"ughh!" the pain and lust I felt heightened more as he pursued more into my body. I felt his fingers below me giving me more pleasure I have felt in my entire life.

"Sto. . . sto. . . stop!!! pri. . . pr. . . pri. . . nce!!!" I tried to stop him but my body would not stop convulsing under him.

"ne. . . ver!" he whispered before delving in between of my legs.

"ahhhh!" my moan became louder as I feel his tongue on me twirling and giving me more pleasure than I had in my entire life.

"you're so . . . wet!!!"

"you make me want more, Tamarra!"

he continued to explore me down there while his hands are on my breast and the other holding my legs apart. the sensation I feel right now cannot even be compared to my last one. I was about to cum again when he suddenly stopped and face me with his pure lust eyes.

"you can't do that again! I won't let you easily release it!" He smirked as he carried me and laid me on top of me.

"pleasure me, Tamarra!"

[gaeljoy24]

Kyle and Ella met when they were younger. separated by secrets. now that they Kyle is engage to Gabriella, he could not accept it and continue his search for Ella but what he does not know, Ella might be just closer than he thinks. what if another woman who goes by Ella comes into his life and put more mist in his eyes. could he still get his happy ending when men keep him from being with his one true love GABRI”ELLA”

[gaeljoy24]

a love that begun a long time ago. 

a love that started from a simple conversation.

a love misted by anger and deceit.

a love that will tangle you to what it really means

[gaeljoy24]

people change as they grow. their physical and their character. 

how old do you think I am in these pictures?

[gaeljoy24]

my chapter 4 is out. taglish novel sya. hindi ganun ka ganda but I think it's a pass to some people. happy reading!