Galactic Transmissions: Poems my Phone Wrote

Found Poetry using exclusively suggested auto-fill words from my Samsung Galaxy.

[galactictransmissions]

Juvenile Delicacy

So,

which one of you

wants to punch a baby?

You know you want

to punch a baby.

It’s okay, it’s not like

you need moral support

from the government.

Hey,

you know,

it’s just that sometimes

you need to get your babies

and toddlers

and then go ahead and eat them.

[galactictransmissions]

To Do

i don’t have time to talk

about Toby Keith and Osama bin Laden

and the great things they brought

to the baby shower. I am very important

and i have a spy in their apartment.

But i have to do the following things:

have some tequila

love everything

see a horror opera

and then go sledding.

[galactictransmissions]

Kafka on the Floor

The newspaper said

he turned into

an inch-long

beetle before nightfall.

The guy must have

some super gross

teeth.

It’s really sad, because

he was just sorting out

the details about

having feelings.

[galactictransmissions]

Matrimonial Testimonial

Sorry man,

it’s definitely a lie

about your wedding day.

I know it doesn’t seem right,

but that’s how it works.

She is going to make you get in the fridge,

then drink herself to death.

[galactictransmissions]

We Felt Like We Should Tell You

Did anyone tell you

about having too much baby arms?

If you don’t know how

to get rid of them,

you should probably just

call in sick.

No one wants to see that.

[galactictransmissions]

This Just In

We have predicted

that the people

will hug and kiss

a bunch of other humans,

and then go sledding.

We won’t know

how to use this information

to get rid of all the turtles,

which is a bummer.

[galactictransmissions]

Eau de Vile

We need

to recalibrate

the pony.

It smells

like

a Frenchman

who has worms.

[galactictransmissions]

Expectoration Expectations

My sister said

that sometimes

people who are covered

in potting soil and leaves

are too much trouble.

I don't know anything about that.

I just wanted to chat

with a few other people

who don't drool.

[galactictransmissions]

Root Vegetative State

No one wants me

to bring carrots

to bed.

I'm so confused.

[galactictransmissions]

Misandirection

Oh, so it's all

about feminism?

That's fine,

I'll just go ahead

and wait in the woods

for something

to make me happy.

[galactictransmissions]

Pick Me Up, Put Me Down

Hey pretty lady, what's up

with your hair loss? Cause I'm tempted

to get drunk and physically active with you.

Wanna do that nonsense

that makes us feel guilty?

[galactictransmissions]

Single Portions

Home alone;

I'm tempted

to talk

to my Lord.

Oh sweet

little baby,

how long

before they take you?

Holy spirit,

I'm sorry,

but it's really been

a terrifying friend.

It's easy

to make me

feel guilty

about having

too many questions

about having dinner.

[galactictransmissions]

Aquatic Cathedral

Yay! Giant squid

Is so magical. I'm outside of

The United Methodist Church,

and they are just as good as the other

extremities.

Oh wow,

I'm just so sad

that you can't see any of these things.

[galactictransmissions]

Swing State of Emotion

Oooh what a terrifying friend who is dying!

So many levels of love;

That's the other side of the world. I'm sorry,

Baby, but yes:

I'm just not feeling it. The one thing you need

Is John McCain,

But he doesn't want you.