feurst:
“What?! Of course I took a shower! I’m not going to go over to someones house without taking a shower! Who in the hell do you think I am?” Lien asked, scoffing. He pet Kyon slowly, the bit of affection from her pets making him feel a bit better.
“Yeah, I’ll take some coffee. I didn’t get much sleep last night, so that’d probably be good..” He explained. He kept trying to pull himself out of the mood he was in, but he just couldn’t do it. He felt weak, and almost like a small child.. and he hated it.
Lien finally sighed, shaking his head. “No.. I’m.. I’m not doing too good..” He quietly explained, holding his breath. “Today is my daughters birthday.. She was supposed to turn six today.” He said, averting his eyes to the floor. He felt a tear roll down his cheek, which he quickly rubbed away. He wasn’t even sure if he had ever even told Cynthia his daughters name, but even saying her name out loud was difficult to him.
“I know all of this is my fault.. She’s gone because of me.. But I don’t even know why, or.. Or how.. I just blacked out and when I woke up they were both gone..” He explained, quickly rubbing away more tears. He wanted nothing more than to just forget that day - Or even his past as a whole, but every day something came along that brought everything back up for him.
Cynthia nodded and headed into the kitchen, checking to make sure the coffee pot was still warm. She poured herself a cup before grabbing one for Lien as well. His voice was shaky as he explained the situation and she froze at the kitchen counter. While she normally found it easy to cheer people up, she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park this time.
She offered him a sad smile before returning to his side, pushing Kyon over to make room for herself as she plopped onto the couch next to him. She handed over the coffee mug and took a sip out of her own, quiet for a moment as she mused how to respond. It’d be a bit crass to crack a joke, so instead she nodded slowly and hummed to herself.
“You can’t keep beating yourself up forever...” A pause as she took a sip of coffee. “I think it’s something you’re going to be sad about the rest of your life. There are some things that are...just like that.” Although she knew her parents were alive in their current time line, her real parents had died a long time ago. Sometimes she still felt a pang of sadness when she remembered. Quickly shaking the thought from her mind, she continued.
“There was this thing I was reading the other day while I was re-shelving books at the library. Radical acceptance, or something like that. Basically...just accepting that things happened, and there’s nothing you can change. I suppose maybe that’s why most things don’t bother me. I had to learn that when I was pretty young when my mother and father died...” Cynthia blew on her coffee mug before taking a large gulp.
“When my friends and I were all alone, after our parents all died at war...I was sort of the one in charge of keeping everyone's spirits up. I was expected to be happy all the time, you know? Always cracking jokes and goofing off. Sometimes it was hard because I just wanted to sit in my tent and cry...but I couldn’t let myself do that. I had to be strong for everyone else. Still, I think it’s good to cry when you’re sad. If you bottle it all up you’ll just hurt more later on.”
She looked at him from the corner of her eye and sighed. “I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re kinda like me. You pretend everything is okay when it isn’t and you hide when you’re sad and want to cry. But it’s okay if you want to cry in front of me, I won’t tell anyone.” She gave him a small smile before resting her coffee mug between her thighs, rubbing her thumb along the rim. “You can’t bring you daughter back...but I think you should learn to accept that. I think you’ll feel less guilty if you do.”






