i don't want to feel angry viewing and reading and consuming fellow artists' work. it's been a long time since I consistently consumed and was inspired to create my own work through looking at other people's art.
i'm finally moving back home to chicago after a year of declining mental health in new orleans, and today i felt a spark of familiarity, remembering the joy i felt in looking at something strange or beautiful or confusing and wanting to consult myself to make something confusing or beautiful or strange in my own art. all of the weight of feeling like a failure and a loser in a new city is off of my chest as i get closer to moving.
and i no longer feel shitty about looking at art. i used to think all of these younger artists needed to get a grip about their numerous "my sketchbook is so ugly" videos (and honestly everyone needs to get a grip about that).
but really i needed to realize that I don't want to monetize my art the way that everyone thinks that i should, that I never really wanted to but thought it could be the only way to escape the mainstream workforce. it just isn't what will fuel me to keep creating. "create only if i can get money from it"?! what am i? my dad from 2010 shaming me out of studying art in college?
there's still a lot of work to do to set a seat at the table for me to create freely and more intuitively, and cast aside this escapist desire to only create things that are "just pretty" when there is so much turmoil residing in me that continues to stay trapped.
izzy806
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon