How do you write a sex scene without being explicit? Or do you just not write it, and sort of cut around it?
This is a bit of a tough question because ”explicit” means different things to different people, and then has the additional layer of meaning different things in different age categories for novels. So I’ll answer this like looking at the difference between a movie PG-13 vs an R-rating.
In writing, an “explicit” sex scene usually means there is direct reference to genitalia in an overtly sexual manner or a sexual action itself. I’ll admit that’s kind of vague, but it’s kind of like how you can only show bare breasts for a certain number of seconds before that PG-13 jumps to R and showing an erection would be straight to R. (Note: Book ratings based on content are not exactly the same as movie ratings– this comparison is only for the ease of explanation!)
A sex scene is more than just sex. Foreplay is a thing and it doesn’t even have to be with clothes off if you think that’s too explicit for your novel. The actual act of reading the sex is often not what a reader has any interest in (unless you’re writing erotica); it’s the cathartic value of sex and what it means for the characters’ relationship after what’s hopefully some good buildup. Cutting around a sex scene does reduce the cathartic value for many readers, but going all the way and describing everything the entire time is often a turn-off.
The middle ground is a thing! Cutting down on “explicitness” typically involves shifting focus away from the direct act and/or relying on implication rather that direct statement. These options can be taken individually or combined:
Focus on the relationship/feelings rather than the physical act. You don’t have to paint a picture of nudity even though your characters may be nude. The glory of writing is that you can direct what your reader “sees” by what you write about and sex should be bringing up a lot of feelings in a character. Sex is unique in that it brings some sensations that aren’t really felt in other situations, but focusing on emotions is certainly fair game to help “censor” things.
“There she stood before Sabina naked and disarmed. Literally disarmed: deprived of the apparatus she had been using to cover her face and aim at Sabina like a weapon.” (Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera)
Focus on the little things that aren’t inherently explicit. Skin contact comes to my mind immediately since it’s just skin and touching can be non-sexual, but there are other aspects of sex that aren’t directly explicit. Instead of a brief mention, write the “sexiness” of a specific thing– like how hands carefully explore a body, the smell of any perfume, the feeling of hair, etc.
“His forehead presses to mine as we gasp together, the cold air barely cooling the heat raging between us.” (Midnight by Elizabeth Miller)
Write the lead-up, but not the actual act. You can have foreplay without getting too sexual, like kissing, touching, talking, sex isn’t just sex (good sex, anyway). When using this method, you just want to be careful to not make it seem like what you show is as far as they went and a common way to avoid that is to increase the steaminess of the scene and then cut away at a clear hook. A common one is when the clothes start coming off, which leads directly to the next point…
Fade to black. Most authors tend to use this because sex acts aren’t really pivotal scenes that need the entire thing to be shown to the reader. The best fade-to-blacks don’t just cut off the scene, they mimic the “fade” and give better sex-implications by giving a line or few sentences that tell the reader where it’s going.
“His extreme gentleness was in no way tentative; rather it was a promise of power known and held in leash; a challenge and a provocation the more remarkable for its lack of demand. I am yours, it said. And if you will have me, then..” (Outlander by Diana Gabaldon)
Gloss over it. This kind of depends on narration technique and is much easier to get away with if you’re using an omniscient narrator, but it’s possible for a narrator to “talk” over a sex scene. A POV narrator that’s set up like they’re telling the reader a memory and inserting thought about the scenes can also get away with this. Stories where the narration is play-by-play and immediate at all times can’t use this as well since the narration tends to start sounding like their mind is wandering.
“Did you ever find yourself, without admitting it, tangled up with your best friend? Or in a dorm room bed with two people instead of one, while Bach played on the chintzy stereo, orchestrating the fugue? It’s a kind of fugue state, anyway, early sex. Before the routine sets in, or the love.” (Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides)
Ultimately, the safest way is always not to write it, but my recommendation (based on my own opinions about explicitness) would be to use the foreplay to make it clear what’s happening, write the foreplay with focus on what you deem appropriate for your story, and then fade to black. It might make sense to add some afterglow or whatever the characters would experience in their situation.
Good luck with your scene!
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