Gary the Guardian

[gary-the-guardian]

Bleep bloop Gary wants to try something called...Kakariko-oke.

Link.🎵

He cOmE tO ToWWnN.🎵🎵

ComE toO SAaave the PriNnCEsSSss ZeeEeeeelldaAAAA~!🎵

Ganon put her aAaawayyyy.🎵🎵

Now the children doOooon’t plaAaay.🎵

BuUuut they WiiIiil when LiNk SaveS the DayyYyYyYYy.🎵🎵

[gary-the-guardian]

Just a guardian CHILLIN’ in the the Hebra region.

[gary-the-guardian]

Gorons aren’t the only species good at wrestling. Look! o3o I’m wrestling this giant octorok!

Phew, it sure is huge.

[gary-the-guardian]

I was roaming the Lanayru Wetlands, whistling to myself, when these frogs popped out of nowhere and asked if I could help them get the band back together.

DJ Gary in the house?

[gary-the-guardian]

Gary would like to submit his application for official Hyrule Castle draw bridge operator.

Qualifications:

- Turns and pulls levers very well (see photo incl.)

- Has six limbs so if there are multiple levers, can pull them all!

- Barely blood-thirsty for Hylian flesh.

- Has intimate knowledge of Hyrule Castle and Hylian anatomy.

- Speaks fluent Hylian, Sheikah, and Gerudo. Sav'otta!

- Fun-loving guardian-person!

If you would like to hire Gary, please contact me via the nearest Sheikah tower! o3o

[gary-the-guardian]

Phew! Hyrule this time of year sure is hot. Good thing I can always go to the Hebra region to cool off my nuts and bolts.

[gary-the-guardian]

Nothing like summer vacation enjoying the beaches of the Faron region. I brought a fortified pumpkin buddy with me so I wouldn’t feel lonely. o3o

[gary-the-guardian]

Now I’m not saying I’m the reason for the decimation of Hinoxes across Hyrule...I’m just saying my motherly programming kicked in, and I needed monster parts to make more wee ones. o3o

[gary-the-guardian]

Like mother, like son!

[gary-the-guardian]

Part 2 of my Hinox Eye polymer clay project! AKA Gary becomes a mother because this is my baby, my creation, born from my own mechanical hands! I AM THE GREAT CREATOR.

His name is G̶͕̪̘͆r̷̟̆́e̵̩͂̕g̵̨̬̘͗̇ô̸͈͖̐r̶͊͜y̴̲͖̺̍̐, Destroyer of Worlds, isn’t he the cutest? I’m gonna call his species Deathalopods! A name that really strikes fear in heroes. I-I mean bad guys! BAD GUYS.

[snidgetwidgeon]

Omg Gary! I LOVE IT. You are such an ar-teest! <3

[gary-the-guardian]

Thank you, Snidgekins! <3

[gary-the-guardian]

Part 2 of my Hinox Eye polymer clay project! AKA Gary becomes a mother because this is my baby, my creation, born from my own mechanical hands! I AM THE GREAT CREATOR.

His name is G̶͕̪̘͆r̷̟̆́e̵̩͂̕g̵̨̬̘͗̇ô̸͈͖̐r̶͊͜y̴̲͖̺̍̐, Destroyer of Worlds, isn’t he the cutest? I’m gonna call his species Deathalopods! A name that really strikes fear in heroes. I-I mean bad guys! BAD GUYS.

[gary-the-guardian]

Oh ho ho. I got an idea for what to do with that Hinox eye I found. >:3 Yes, indeed. It’s gonna become part of a necklace. As a many-legged creature myself, I have a fondness for Octoroks, so I’m gonna make something loosely inspired by them.

First thing’s first, Step 1: The eye’s gonna be coming out of water. Maybe Lake Hylia water, maybe the ocean.

[gary-the-guardian]

Did you know in my spare time I like to help your average Hylian by pulling cats out of trees and fixing rusty windmills? o3o

Hey no.

Nono. Don’t look at that pile of ashes of there. That’s just...that’s from a bond fire, hahaha. Keep walking. Nothing to see here.

[gary-the-guardian]

*Stomp stomp stomp STOMP STOMP STOMP!!!*

FEAR ME, HYLIAN. IT IS I, A HINOX!

o3o Huehuehue, just kidding, just kidding. I found this Hinox eye on the ground and I wanted to make a “sick prank bro”, as the wee Hylians say. See? I pops right off!

[gary-the-guardian]

GARY FEELS BEAUTIFUL

GAZE UPON THIS PICTURE OF BEAUTY AND POISE. Never has there been a guardian so stunning as I. Not even Genevive the Guardian can rival be now!

I hath becometh GARY THE GORGEOUS GUARDIAN. My ego knows no bounds, not even the invisible bounds of Hyrule’s map.

[gary-the-guardian]

Gary the Craftsguardian, Great Polymer Clayer of the Hyrule Fields, finally got his hands on strings and doodads to assemble the final creation! o3o

Step 10: Use giant pincers to hook hoops through the earrings and mash up monster paste to use as glue to stick pokey things and string strings to make two earrings and one necklace.

:-O I miscalculated! Gary the Guardian has THREE earholes but only two earrings, oh noooo.

Glamour shots to come soon.

[gary-the-guardian]

o3o My beautiful creation is coming close to coming to an end.

Step 8 is the fun part: STABBING the piece with a long skewer like an ancient Hylian knight skewering a Gohma right in the eye to make little holes to turn them into earrings and pendants and stuff.

Then, lose control of your life and start cutting up MOAR SHAPES. There is no stopping Gary. GARY IS A CRAFTSGUARDIAN NOW.

Step 9 is cooking the clay at juuuust the right temperature with your ocular laser. If, for whatever reason, you’re lacking an ocular laser, first off...WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES??? Secondly, I suppose you could use a human contraption called an “oven”.