I think itās time to call it quits man. I need to get help...like serious help. If you donāt wind up hearing from me, please donāt take it personal. Iāve been going through a lot.
I really hate myself. Hate the way that I look, I hate that Iām black. Damn near every morning I wake up ashamed of myself. Iāve tried changing my diet, started to work out more to improve my body, help with my insecurities. Iāve tried making new friends. Shit idk. I just need help.
I never thought of harming or killing myself. But I do wish I could just not wake up when I go to sleep some nights. Or sometimes I wish I could just vanish. Iām at such a loss and I donāt know what to do but get help.
I am going to start saving my money to talk to a counselor or psychologist. Maybe some guidance would help.
Iām just deleting this app cuz it makes me hate being black and being gay. Itās just so obvious to see how Iām disregarded just because of my skin. And it always makes me sad to think that if I were white, Iād have a higher success rate of making gay friends, being seen as attractive by others, would prolly have a boyfriend.
Iām too black to hang with white people. Act too āwhiteā to hang with black people. I act ātoo Straightā to maintain any type of friendship with a gay individual, and act ātoo gayā which is why all my straight friends pretty much moved on.
Iām just tired of feeling like shit. And tired of allowing others to treat me like shit. Tired of being kind and courteous to others, only for them to ignore me and act as if I donāt exist. Tired of being called ugly, tired of the racial slurs, tired of not standing up for myself when I should.
Thank you to all my followers who followed my weird content. And farewell to you guys. Itās been fun...but I need to get help.