I used to think i was empty. Now i know i'm full. Full of pain. Sadness. Hatred. Full of feelings i don't understand. Full of loneliness. Full of a big and complex nothing that holds me down, takes my breath away and leaves me lifeless. I'm not empty. I'm simply nothing.
harin x suji are my toxic yuri and i'll write about them!!!
mark my words.
nobody is gonna convince me that harin didn't feel something for suji at some point. harin is not the type to have teen crushes, she has obsessions. she did with jaeun and, in the end, she did with suji. she used jaeun as an excuse (again), but she wanted suji.
suji who didn't back down, who would look into her eyes and not be scared to call her a psycho, suji who even if she was scared, still didn't back down. suji challenged her and proved to be such a treat to harin and her game that she might have a new obsession.
in my little lesbian head, i like to think that harin eventually didn't give a fuck about hurting jaeun, she was still gonna use her as an excuse, but her target was now suji. she wanted her. and suji wouldn't let harin do whatever she wanted with her, no. she wouldn't be like the hacker's sister or jaeun, suji would be a challenge.
it would be fun for harin. seeing suji slowly crumble, loose the light in her eyes and becoming so obedient like a little dog. she would enjoy every second of it. but suji wouldn't be easy to break, she would be just as toxic and heartless as harin, because she knows that you can't win with empathy against someone who doesn't what that is.
this is all my imagination btw lol i just really want a toxic yuri
This is my second time trying to write something fully in english, i'm sorry for the mistakes. Thank you for taking your time to read this, i couldn't stop thinking about Doah and Suji, so for me and for a friend i decided to write a little something.
I also wanted to share to all Doah x Suji enjoyers out there, i hope you enjoy!!!!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
YOU ARE INVITED!
CLASS REUNION OF THE HAPPY CLASS
MIND-BLOWING DELICIOUS RESTAURANT 3RD FLOOR, 3PM
Doah looked at her phone screen for a few minutes before putting it down. A sight escaped from her lips as she took off her glasses and started to take her clothes off, after the long and stressing day she had, she deserved a good and relaxing shower.
Such useless matters shouldn't be her top priority now, no class reunion was worth having to travel all the way back to South Korea, specially not the Happy Class. None of those people were worth her time nor the money she'd have to spend.
No one.
The heir finally got inside the bathroom, turned on the shower making sure the water was cold - she liked to take cold showers after stressing days - and got inside the box.
Doah let out a sight of pure relief. The now twenty-three year old woman close her eyes and let her thoughts wander through the memories she once promise to forget. Perhaps she should've changed her number years ago, she concluded.
But she didn't, why?
Oh...
Right.
Because of her.
Her eyes opened. Maybe there was someone who was worth spending that amount of money for a class reunion after all.
Seong Suji.
The transfer student that changed the Happy Class and those in it. That defying charismatic girl who stood up for herself and her friends, the one who beat Baek Harin in her own game.
The girl who made Doah's heart flutter for the first time, who made her think how would it feel to kiss her lips and have her sharp gaze direct at her.
Yes, that one.
Doah turned the shower off, her vision blurred and her heart racing at the simple thought of seeing Seong Suji once again.
Maybe she should go to this class reunion, although she wasn't pleased with the idea of seeing some old faces there, it would be worth in the end if she got a chance of seeing Suji again.
Suji was worth it.
Her heart skipped a beat at the thought, Doah shook her head and grabbed the towell. After all these years and Suji still had this kind of influence on her, it was shameful, really. She lost her chance all those years ago, she knew that.
A memory flashed in her mind, a very clear one of Suji and Jaeun too close for her liking.
If she ever had any chance to begin with.
She sighed once again. She should know better, she truly should. Doah decided to think about this matter later. She needed a good night rest first.
°°°°
She was late.
Of course she was late. She was still thinking wether she should be here or not. She looked at the restaurant, it was a filthy classy one, those types of places that only rich people would frequent. It did made sense thought, when she thought about who sent the invitation.
Did they change at all?
Doah sighed, and walked in. She would regret it, she knew, but maybe it wouldn't be that big of a regret.
The first thing she noticed was they were all grown ups now. Of course they were, but it felt a bit surreal to realize that. How many years had passed again?
Her eyes analized the whole place, she saw the same people who used to frequent High School with her, the same smiles, same eyes, same people, but older.
She was already regretting it.
"It costs a lot to eat here!" She heard someone say, she thought it was a familiar voice, but more mature. When she looked at the direction of the person...
Oh. Park Jieyong. She seemed to be talking to someone else.
"It costs around 300.000 won per person." Oh Seonga answered shocked, but seemed excited.
"Are you serious?" Choi Yuhyeon said and looked around surprised.
"My boyfriend was so shocked when he heard we'll be having our reunion here!" Doah didn't quite get who said that, all these excited women's voices were all started to sound the same.
"The restaurant is what i came for!" One of them started to take pictures excitedly.
"Everything here is so photo worthy!" A high picthed exclamation was heard.
Why was she here again?
Doah walked away from these people and, again, looked around one last time. She would not spend anymore minutes in this place.
What was she expecting anyway? But, to be honest with herself, from them she didn't expect anything. She wasn't here to see anyone else, but her.
Her.
Seong Suji.
The one who she looked across the room. And she was looking at her as well.
Doah's heart fluttered in her chest. Suji still had the same effect on her after all this time, it seemed. She couldn't take her eyes off the girl, who was also staring back at her questionly.
Doah didn't quite noticed that she might be staring a bit too much until Suji asked, "Umm, got something to tell me?".
Doah blinked once, and then again. Cleared her throat and said a weak and ashamed "Hey." back at the girl.
For a few seconds she felt as if she was the same inexperienced teenager trying (and failing) to talk with a pretty girl all over again. Doah wanted to fly back to United States as soon as she could, god, she thought she could actually throw herself off the plane at this point.
Suji analized her head to toe and maybe, just maybe, Doah felt her face getting hotter because of this. Suji laughed.
"Hey." She said back at her, a small smile on her face. "You're here."
It was a statement, Doah noticed. But what it meant, she had no idea.
"I am. I was considering not coming, but... Suddenly having an excuse to get away from US was a good ideia." Doah tried to joke around, emphasis on tried.
"The states? Wow. I heard it's pretty hard to get into med school there." Suji said looking at the table, she always seemed to be deep in thought, Doah remembered that. "That's why..." She seemed to say that more to herself.
Suji was always easy and hard to read in Doah's eyes, she seemed to be less tricky, more direct instead of going around in circles like most people. So, this time, it did get Doah a bit speechless and curious. That's why what? What was she trying to say?
"So, did you come to Korea on leave of absense?" Suji finally speaked after a few seconds, she seemed to be organizing her thoughts.
"No, i'm here on a short visit." Doah answered while sitting by Suji's side. She locked eyes with the red haired girl, a smile on her face. "I fly back tonight."
She might have gone crazy, but for a single moment Doah could swear on her mother's name that she saw something flash on Suji's eyes. Something like... Disappointment? Sadness?
She heard someone clearing their throat by her side and, a bit surprised, she noticed someone sitting on that table as well. Song Jaehyung.
"Mind if i sit?" Doah decide to ask since she was a bit impolite before. It was her fault she only had eyes for Suji and sort of forgot other people's presence.
"Oh, go ahead." Jaehyung answered sipping a bit of her glass.
Doah didn't quite understand, but Jaehyung seemed to be looking at Suji sending some sort of signal. Where they close? Doah did remember Jaehyung being attached to Jaeun wherever she went, sometimes a bit too much, but she didn't have a memory of Suji and Jaehyung being so close.
Suji seemed confused, but looked back at the woman. Maybe they were indeed close after all, Doah wouldn't know.
"I'm here to see you." Doah said serving herself a glass of wine, she was always straightfoward. "I wanted to know how you were doing."
Once again, they looked at each other. Suji seemed surprised, but her eyes were shining with fondness. Doah smiled at her, a smile she could only show to Suji. And maybe Jaehyung, but she wasn't really paying attention to the woman by her side.
She saw Suji's cheeks turn slightly red.
Oh... She was blushing because of Doah? Maybe it was childish, but Doah did feel proud of that.
Suji cleared her throat and smiled back a Doah, a smile Doah could swear was the most beautiful smile she had ever seen. And maybe, just maybe, her heart fluttered once again because of Seong Suji.
"Well, i can't let your travel go to waste." Suji said putting a strand of hair behind her ear and, maybe, just maybe, Doah was admiring how beautiful she was at the moment. "So, can i have your number?"
Maybe this made Doah's heart go crazy in her chest and, just maybe, she felt her cheeks burning hot. So, she took the phone out of her pocket and extended towards Suji.
"I thought you would never ask."
°°°
The reunion wasn't that much of waste, she concluded. She got to talk with Suji for a long period of time, almost all afternoon, she might have drank a few glasses of wine admist the talking, but she was fine.
Doah also witnessed Jaehyung being a big flirt to the waitress and Suji rolling her eyes at her friend's antics. Her friend, yes, because Doah also learned that Suji and Jaehyung were, in fact, pretty close.
She did felt a pang of jealousy at that, but nothing serious.
She talked a bit about herself and how life in United States was, Suji seemed interested in her more than she thought she would be. Jaehyung also made her talk about her love life (which was nonexistent) and Seong Suji seemed to pay close attention when Doah revealed a few flings she had with some women in US.
Jaehyung seemed somewhat proud of her.
"I knew i could count on you, Seo Doah." She said at some point.
Doah also heard Jaehyung talk about Suji and Jaeun living together and, maybe, she decided to ignore the slight blush in Suji's cheeks at the mention of that girl.
Maybe, just for this few hours, Doah wanted to have some hope, even if led to nothing.
At some point, she had a call and needed to leave. Once again, she left Suji behind to take care of her own things and, once again, she hesitated at every step. She did look back, but Suji was engrossed talking about something else with Jaehyung.
Years had passed but Doah felt as if they were all still the same.
When she came back, Suji was gone.
"You know, you should give up." Jaehyung said, Doah looked at her surprise since, again, she didn't noticed the woman's presence.
"Don't say stuff like that, Jaehyung." Jiae, who appeared by Jaehyung's side, slapped the woman's arm.
"What? She's taken, i'm saying this for your own good, Seo." Jaehyung got up looking directly into Doah's eyes.
"By who? You?" Maybe she did sound a bit challenging, but it wasn't intentional.
Jaehyung only laughed at her while Jiae rolled her eyes and excused her friend. Ah, yes, Jiae was also still their friend after all these years.
No words were exchanged except a polite good bye and that was Doah's cue to leave. She grabbed her things and walked out of that restaurant lost in her thoughts.
Who was Suji with? Does she have a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Then, who was this person?
While she was asking useless questions (although she did know the answer, she just didn't want to admit it to herself) she saw a redhair talking to someone. Someone taller with black hair.
Oh.
She was foolish, she knew that. She was denying it all along, she also knew that.
Suji and Jaeun were happily talking about something, Jaeun's arm around Suji's shoulder, the look in her eyes was bright, she never saw Suji like that. She thought the smile she gave to her was the most beautiful one in the world, but the smile she was giving to Jaeun was so much brighter, honest and beautiful.
Her heart ached at that. She let herself wish that smile was given to her.
Just for a moment Doah let herself wish.
Wish Seong Suji would look at her like that. Wish that Seong Suji would smile at her like that. Wish that she could be the one with her arms around Suji's shoulder making her laugh. She wished she...
Jaeun kissed Suji briefly on the lips, both blushing and smiling from pure happiness.
She wished that.
Doah never wished to be someone so badly.
And they walked away letting her behind. Because, of course, they would. They didn't even know she was watching them from afar, that she was envying them and what they had.
No.
That she was envying Jaeun and who she had.
Doah sighed, checked the hours and called a taxi. She needed to head back to the airport. For the last time, she looked at Suji and Jaeun walking in each others arms.
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