Leroy Physboy

physics phd student | uk | he/him phase transitions & gender transitions

[gendercrystal]

About

An actual first post I guess, just to say who am I and what am I doing

Physics undergrad, almost PhD student

UK

Condensed matter physics (crystals n stuff)

High pressure physics (squeezing stuff really hard)

Trans guy, he/him

Aroace

Nerd, of the Whovian-Beatlemaniac type

This may be a studyblr or more about being queer in academia, idk

Condensed matter physics doesn't get the appreciation it deserves and I want to change that

[neutrinos-and-muons]

when I say "innit" it's not short for "isn't it" like how it is for the rest of britain, it's actually short for "__init__.py" because im expressing my preference for package handling

[gendercrystal]

I always thought of this the other way round. __init__ is python speaking in British for a second. Sometimes code requires British English for it to work (idk I'm not a computer scientist)

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 111: finished in the lab yesterday and went home for Christmas

I'm going to start some online courses while I'm home: one on equations of state, which should be helpful for my data analysis, and one for teaching assistants on how to teach better I guess.

Thesis draft wordcount: 2903 (I wrote some introduction on the train home). Currently reading theses of previous students in my lab for some inspiration and ideas.

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 107: diamond anvil cells >>> hydraulic press and here's why

A diamond anvil cell is a gadget the size and shape of a pocket watch that's basically two metal plates with two diamonds between them (and screws and stuff), for applying pressure to small samples of material.

Pressure = force per area

So to easily get more pressure, like the point of a tack destroying a tiny area of wall, you can just use diamond tips with small area. The diamond tips I've used range from 0.5 mm to 0.03 mm (30 microns) in diameter.

And I'm talking about getting almost centre-of-the earth kind of pressure by literal screws turned by hand.

Hydraulic presses, with their chunky pistons, reach max pressures of about 700 bar. Diamond anvil cells can reach over 3,000,000 bar.

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 106: cleaned one of these bad boys so that the two halves slide together nicely and without excruciating squeaking.

Also learnt about the 50 bajillion types of screws since the US has its own, non-metric, system of screw sizes. America, explain.

Tomorrow: gluing the diamonds in to make it a functioning diamond anvil cell -- squeeze stuff between two diamonds = stuff at really high pressure.

Later: physics explanations drawn poorly in ms paint (for science).

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 101: so obviously thesis submission is a long way off for me but...

For diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me

My research involves diamonds, not to study them but to use as tools, to the point of inevitably shattering them. And I've been learning to play Northern Downpour and I kinda want to start my thesis with this quote, for all the diamonds I will break

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 100: oh shit it's been 100 days already??

I feel like I haven't accomplished much for 100 days, but lately I've been swamped with marking / stalled by technical difficulties (stuff I need in the lab is not here).

Wins: presented a poster at a conference. first experience as a TA in undergrad labs. went abroad for an experiment. 2000 words in a draft thesis outline. 2.5 months on T. can play guitar slightly better.

Oofs: bad choice of course for credits ('twas neither fun nor helpful). delays in getting stuff for experiment. embarrassing amount of time spent cultivating meme collection for my desk.

Looking forward to: christmas party. getting my experiment setup functioning. going home for christmas and trying to explain physics to my family.

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 96: throwback to Nov when I went to my first conference and presented a poster (feat. coffee and uninspiring view from hotel)

The poster was on my master's project because I haven't got enough results to present from my PhD yet. Still pretty cool though and I had a good time, except the trains were really delayed and the town was depressing af. But that's just England I guess ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 94: saw this in the wild on a scientific poster (real, legit, serious academic work but with anime girls for readability)

[the-cormorant]

Found a great study spot in the physics building and had a lot of fun with transition metals in the lab today!

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 88: I have been left unsupervised in the lab and felt an urge to do some emo vandalism

[gendercrystal]

Your posts got recced to me a few times and I didn't pay much attention until I realised I was seeing my alma mater 🤣 I graduated with a maths degree in July, I wonder if I ever ran into you? Anyway good luck on the PhD, seems exciting

Lol @ me trying to run a secret anonymous tumblr

The answer is probably no, simply because I don't know many mathematicians, unless you were my flatmate in undergrad who did maths... slim chances but dm me your first name or something if you think I know you

Congrats on graduating though! Maths is hard

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 48: now with 650 words of filler in my thesis template and a bunch of data analysis done

I regret taking the course that has three lectures a week and tutorials that aren't really relevant to me, I came here to do research not cosplay as an undergrad...

But in other news I am going to a conference next month and will be presenting a poster, should be a fun learning experience and totally not scary

[trans-androgyne]

People have insisted to me that masculinity is not punished in women/"women" because tomboys are accepted. This excerpt from Female Masculinity puts my thoughts on it into words really well:

Tomboyism may even be encouraged to the extent that it remains comfortably linked to a stable sense of a girl identity. Tomboyism is punished, however, when it appears to be the sign of extreme male identification (taking a boy's name or refusing girl clothing of any type) and when it threatens to extend beyond childhood and into adolescence. Teenage tomboyism presents a problem and tends to be subject to the most severe efforts to reorient. We could say that tomboyism is tolerated as long as the child remains prepubescent; as soon as puberty begins, however, the full force of gender conformity descends on the girl...for girls, adolescence is a lesson in restraint, punishment, and repression. It is in the context of female adolescence that the tomboy instincts of millions of girls are remodeled into compliant forms of femininity...as even a cursory survey of popular cinema confirms, the image of the tomboy can be tolerated only within a narrative of blossoming womanhood.

-- Jack Halberstam, Female Masculinity (1998)

Yes, it does look different from the way "boys" are punished for expressing femininity regardless of age or context. But tomboyish girls being accepted in some contexts does not mean we don't still get the gender non-conformity beat out of us when it can no longer be considered some girlish phase. And it certainly doesn't speak to how masculinity is treated in adult "women." All I'll say is I got called a dyke at age 11 and I still get called one now.

[gendercrystal]

When I was 10, no one cared that I liked wearing boys' clothes. When I was 16, still not feminine, and started wearing men's clothes (closeted trans boy) I was "mentally behind" as I "should have grown out of it."

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 33: not an academic update but online transphobia update

I keep reading gender critical stuff on social media and blogs for parents that advocate DIY conversion therapy. It's not a healthy habit, I know. But I have a slight fear of meeting a "gender critical" in real life and how they might react to me, so I want to be prepared for that eventuality. I want to know what they think in advance, what bs lies are currently in vogue.

Honestly the most striking thing I've discovered is the sheer inconsistency of the gender critical/TERF/transphobe position. They're scrambling around desperately for any arguments to justify what is really just a learnt disgust of trans people.

First it's "medical transition = bad", but then trans people who don't medically transition are "attention seekers," except if they're stealth then it's "sex deception," except "we can always tell"...

I want to make a big flowchart of transphobe logic. There's a made up inconsistent argument against everything. It's almost impressive.

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 30: one month as a PhD student done

Wow a lot of stuff has been going on. I've made friends already. I've been on an experiment already. Got a vague plan for the future and a list of potential directions to go in for my project.

Things I've learnt:

Higher year PhD students are very nice and welcoming

Parties are great for making friends even if you're socially awkward

Travelling for research is cool and not as bad as pre-travel anxiety makes you fear

Being trans in a physics department/research environment is fine. The research centre abroad didn't mind I had a different name on my passport

You can actually dive right in and be respected as a part of academia as a total newbie if you will yourself to have confidence

No one knows fully what they are doing, they only know some bits of what they're doing. You learn one bit at a time.

[gendercrystal]

PhDay 24: I AM 4 DAYS ON T

(So far it is only making me need extra sleep)

Since I was away for a week my to-do list tripled in length and it's mainly admin, training and teaching assistant stuff, so I haven't done anything with the data I just spent sleepless nights collecting hahaha

Tomorrow I'm assisting in my first undergrad lab. God help me because I don't know what I'm doing. Also kind of excited though.