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I miss these boots. The soles cracked clean in half on both feet when I was on a regional trip last year 💔
Anyway, today's plan (Saturday, 18/07/2026):
Finish sorting abstracts for current database search (70% done!)
Begin new (adjacent) database search
Create SharePoint for supervision team and overall ease of project management
Update project structure & timeline
Write up timeline & milestones for case study research
Day 4
No doodle bc I’m spending time with a friend today. Today was one of my worst. My depression is effecting my relationship. I was so emotionally charged, I made a big deal out of something that didn’t need a big deal made out of it. My partner is so patient and accepting and loving. I do not deserve any of it. I am so scared that one day he will decide that I am too much for him. I am too much for anyone, I think. I feel too hard or not at all, I struggle to trust, I struggle to communicate. I worry about having my guard up and I worry about letting it down. My partner deserves a love that is as strong and resilient as his. I was a brat today, I was horrible. I can only try to be better later on. Super short entry because I don’t have much energy to continue talking about this. I’m tired of crying. Classes and GA are over so stress should be lightened. Cheers to trying to be hopeful.
song of the day: ghost by 5SOS
How is one meant to research and write two thesis chapters IN TWO WEEKS and double check their data analysis is correct. Asking for friend xxxxx
Day 3
after today, there is only one more day left. for a month! exciting stuff, really. went to the gas station--my card worked. went to the dollar store and my car didnt work. asked my boyfriend which laundromat in Astera is safe to leave and he said none. sigh. went home. tried to do more work, pounding headache. i guess im skipping some bouts of crying.
it's embarassing, i cant stop crying. every little inconveince introduces a new moodbreak, a new tear to cry. how do i tell my boyfriend that i cant live in this town forever? i mean he already knows, but how do i tell him in a way that ensures he knows that one day i will not live here? schools almost out for a month. my ocd has me scared that this page will come back to haunt me, digital footprint and all, you know how it goes.
it's embarrassing, i can't stop crying. how do i hide this from my bf? i don't want him to know the extent of this depressive episode. i've never had one so bad, i didn't even know i was capable of it.
it's embarrassing, i can't stop crying. i was supposed to go grocery shopping today, i didn't. well, i had things delievered. grocery were still bought.
it's embarassing, i can't stop napping. i was supposed to get a bunch of work done today. i've done some of it. but i can't stop napping.
9 days until i see my favorite band again.
song of the day: the rocks by 5sos
الحمدلله ربْ العالمين
…😭🥹 اجتزت الدكتوراة بنجاح
I passed my PhD defense!!!
Day 2
short entry today because I have work in an hour :( but I got work done just to not even need it done by today. two more days of finals week and then I am free for a month yipee.
i decided last night that i am going to give myself on more semester before pivoting. A made a point that we have so much time to pivot until something sticks. eventually something will stick, right? i feel lost and its not a comfortable feeling. but, hey, i live by getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. i just wish it didn't feel like my life is on the line.
anyway, tonight i work a show at my local music venue. pretty sure all the people i like are calling out lol. we just had a long week with only a short break. then we have a big show on saturday. there's another one in between those but i don't work the friday one.
im ready for my job to be minimal and i think the end of the semester will come and nothing will have changed. welp, here's to figuring yourself out.
song of the day: someday by the strokes
I have to give a report on my dissertation progress soon and I don’t know how to say “I’ve done shit all this summer because my life exploded”
