UNDER YOUR SKIN

it’s not that we stop playing with fire; it’s that we learn when to pull back, we learn to know the moment when warmth stops soothing and starts burning. Thomas Sparks ; 26 ; Owner of Club Delirium

[edwardslovelyelizabeth]

Max Irons photographed by Charlie Gray for Vanity Fair Italy

[aguiltybrunette]

Olivia rolled her eyes once again. She knew she wasn’t the best at explaining herself in this particular situation, but he didn’t seem to want to get it. It was a shame considering she didn’t want to ruin the image he had of her so far (if that was even possible). Being petty to his assistant was definitely not a good start for the friendship they apparently started to rekindle a while ago. “I told you, I-I don’t hate her—“ she blurted out once again before sighing with frustration. “Whatever.” she muttered afterwards. Get a grip, Callaway. She told herself. It was rather unfair that he seemed to be handling this situation better than her. For some reason, Olivia felt as if she was messing up all the time, but then again, when wasn’t she? Her guess could only be how undeniable distracted she was lately. “I was counting on that feeling to wear off after college, but it definitely didn’t. It’s a crazy thing what they call ‘adulating’, don’t you think?” she replied. “Oh, that’s a nice idea. Well, now that you mention it, if you look anything like your dad, I think my first prediction is that you are gonna rock those grey hairs without trouble. Don’t hold your breath, though, I’m not saying I’m at that credible,” she joked.

“Not to mention all those family dinners and parties that we were forced to attend to. Can you imagine handling all of that on your own? With your sister? I know I would’ve gone insane. And that’s saying something because we both know my brother was a handful back in the day—he still is,” said Olivia. “I remember you made me laugh a lot, enough to make me piss off my mom,” she looked up and let out a dramatic sigh. “Great times.” When he said she was no fun, she understood he was joking, but she couldn’t help but agree with that statement. She had put those thoughts in the back burner for a while now, thinking that they would eventually would go away, but for some reason they didn’t. Thomas remembered Olivia in a way that she rarely recognised anymore, but deeply wanted to go back to. She had fallen into a tight pattern lately. So tight that not even her current boyfriend could notice, maybe because he was addicted to routines as well. It’s not that she hated the way she grew up to be, in fact she was grateful she could manage to walk away from her scandal with as little grace as she could do. However, she also felt like she was lying to herself about something. “Fine. I’ll let you drive me home if that’s what you want. I guess you really don’t mind to be stuck in traffic for a lifetime.” she answered.

“I love me some pasta. Glad to know you still remember,” she responded, returning his wink with a suggestive look that came naturally without her noticing. She moved forward in order to help him with the rest when the power suddenly went out and the storm outside decide to make a statement that late afternoon, causing for the room to turn pitch black. They began to do anything to bring some light into the room, but she couldn’t help but laugh at how Thomas was reacting to the whole situation. “Come on, you live in a very nice building, I’m sure the guys downstairs will fix it in no time. Plus, who doesn’t like a stormy night in New York City?” she tried to sound optimistic, but soon realized how stupid that sounded. “Who am I kidding? I hate raining days,” she rolled her eyes to herself and continue to help as she casually watched him light up candles around the living room. Something about that image stirred something inside of her and she found herself smiling as he struggled lighting up the room for them. “I think that’s enough, thank you,” she chuckled. “You complain too much, do you know that?” Olivia teased him. “One more candle and I think you would set this room on fire. Plus, you are right. I didn’t just wait forever for this meal for nothing. This better be good, Sparks, because I’m starving.” And with that she moved along and sat beside him on the living room floor, sitting on her legs as she stabbed with her forks a bunch of noodles in her plate and brought them to her mouth. Soon enough he asked her a question and as she heard him, she nodded with satisfaction after finishing her first bite. “This is good,” she managed to say before raising an eyebrow. Just like that, he triggered another memory in her head. She didn’t mean to but she stopped eating for a second and offered him a small smile. Olivia wasn’t expecting him to say anything remotely similar to what he just said, but every single part of her appreciated it. “Yeah, I remember that,” she said, biting her lower lip softly. “I remember I was terribly disappointed and so mad that we couldn’t even go outside, and you kept trying to find ways to entertain me. Ghost stories were definitely not a good idea. I think I spent most of the time telling you to stop rather than listening to them, though,” Liv laughed. “Oh, but the fort was a great throwback. I used to love those so much when we were kids. Plus, I gotta admit we took plenty of advantage of that fort in the end. In the end it was a nice weekend.” Olivia looked down for a moment, reminiscing the rest of the memory. Many details that perhaps were not that appropriate to share with your ex. She remembered a lot from that summer. Especially the fact that they spent more time under the covers, and mostly any place they could find, making love rather than outside, but she obviously wouldn’t say so. Instead she just hoped her blush wouldn’t call her out. Thomas caught her slightly off guard when he said he missed it. What exactly was that supposed to mean? This was the part she hated. The part where she was confused all over again. He was looking at her in the way she used to both love and hate so fervently. His blue eyes were impossible to ignore and he obviously knew the effect that they must have on her because her own eyes softened in front of his without trouble. Olivia looked at him for a second in complete silence before responding once again. “Me too,” she whispered, blinking a few times as if trying to figure out if this was actually happening. “I miss it more than anything.” Liv looked down at her hands in that moment and didn’t say anything else for a brief moment. “I’m sorry it ended so soon—all of it,” she said all of a sudden. “That was a great summer. Just like all the ones we used to spend together.” 

[gentleandestructive-blog]

“It’s fine, Liv, don’t get worked up about it.” Thomas said, perhaps sounding less reassuring than he wanted to. He didn’t mind if Olivia wasn’t Chloe’s fan, in fact, it was kind of funny to him. He would’ve teased her more about it, but he could clearly see that Olivia was getting irritated with the topic. So they dropped it, like any other uncomfortable subject. “I know, I still feel like a teenager who has just been thrown into the grown up world and is expected to do everything right.” Thomas said, grimacing a little. He was still learning to get the hang of things, and that had to count for something. “I will trust your word because, let’s face it, we Sparks have good genes. We might all be asshole, but at least we’re beautiful.” he said, laughing a little. It was bittersweet to recall their childhood memories, especially because neither of them was as innocent as they had once been. All they had were these glimpses of their past lives when things had been much more simple. “I don’t think we could’ve survived on our own. You and me, I mean.” Thomas said. He wasn’t joking anymore, instead his tone was soft and nostalgic. Grateful, too, that he had found Olivia when he had needed her the most. “We really gave our parents a hard time, didn’t we?” Thomas chuckled, shaking his head a little. Truth be told, Thomas was ignored for the most part, but his parents always scolded him whenever he tried to make himself visible in their eyes. “But not as much as our siblings did, that’s for sure. I’m kinda glad I had so much freedom to do what I wanted instead of having every one of my decisions carefully scrutinized.” Thomas shrugged when Olivia surrendered about letting him drive her home. “I don’t mind being stuck in traffic with you.” he said, a hint of a smirk passing his lips for a moment. “You talk too much, at least I won’t be bored.” he grinned. 

Thomas wasn’t surprised that the power went out, not really -- they had the worst luck in the world. “I don’t mind rain as long as I have, oh I don’t know, electricity and warmth.” He walked over to one of the large windows of the penthouse to look over the city and found that a few other surrounding buildings were pitch black as well. Sighing, Thomas said, “It looks like our entire blog is out of power. Which means it will take a while to get fixed.” Thankfully, improvising was one of Thomas’ talents. He rolled his eyes at her when Olivia said he complained too much. “I only complain when things don’t go my way.” Which was quite often, he realized. Once all the candles gave the room a nice golden glow and Thomas was somewhat content with the situation, they could finally sit down to eat. No work would be done tonight, but at least he wouldn’t be alone in a pitch-black apartment. And he wouldn’t admit that he was a little glad he was stuck with Olivia of all people. He wasn’t sure why he had to go ahead and ruin the moment by talking about a painful memory, but it was too late to take it back now. He couldn’t take his eyes off Olivia as she talked about the stupid fort they had built in which they spent the entire weekend, rolling under the sheets, their lips never leaving each other’s bodies. The simple memory made Thomas’ entire body heat, but what made his heart start to thunder against his chest was Olivia’s confession -- that she missed it all. Surely, he wasn’t reading too much into it, she wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t mean it. He swallowed harshly, putting down the plate, his appetite gone. “I’m sorry, too.” Thomas said, looking at her. It took a lot of courage to meet those brown eyes, but he didn’t want to back down now. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry I ran away instead of staying here and trying to fight for you--for us.” Thomas knew this would backfire on him, that saying these things could potentially erase all the progress they had made in the last months, but he couldn’t stop himself. He finally had the courage to say all of these things. “If i could do it all over again, I’d do things differently. I would be more understanding, more forgiving. Because that’s what you do for the people you love -- you try to understand them, you stand beside them no matter what, and then you forgive them, I know that now. I was just too hurt and too dumb back then to acknowledge it.” he said, taking in a deep breath as if he was lacking oxygen. His hands rested in his lap, his fingers fidgeting restlessly -- it was a giveaway how anxious he was. “All this time, I thought I’d have to forgive you first in order to move on, but I realize now that I should be asking for your forgiveness for abandoning you when you were the most vulnerable.” 

[aguiltybrunette]

Olivia grimaced a little. “Uh, it’s not that I don’t like her…” she trailed, not entirely sure if she knew how to explain her lack of fondness for Chloe. Maybe it sounded like she didn’t like her, but the truth was that she just didn’t know her well. However, there was also the fact that she represented some kind of replacement of her in Thomas’ life and she hated that feeling. Inevitably, a part of her felt obligated to dislike her, and unfortunately she couldn’t control it. It was one of those things that came out of nowhere. The feeling that he had someone new, for quite some time now, that he could confide his thoughts with just like he used to do with her. And obviously it seemed like he had shared one or two things about her while they were alone, because Chloe made it clear from the start that she was not her biggest fan.Olivia could only imagine why. It was evident she had a thing for her ex-boyfriend and that didn’t help either. “I guess I just don’t know her that well. It’s not like she has given me a chance either. Quite honestly I think it’s her that doesn’t like me at all,” she explained with a nervous chuckle in the end, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. “She’s very adamant when it comes to me asking for an appointment with you. I don’t think she actually does that with your other meetings, but maybe it’s just me,” she shrugged. “It’s not important, anyway. We don’t have to interact that much and as long as she does her job and let’s me do mine, I’m cool with her.” 

How do you explain feeling jealous over someone you can’t really have? She immediately kicked herself for even letting that thought form inside her head. She couldn’t admit that she was even a tiny bit jealous about the whole thing. But what was she jealous for? The answer was too complicated and yet she knew exactly what she was trying to avoid. Maybe it was just a matter of time until she gave up to the idea that there would always be a part of her that felt something for Thomas. Things hadn’t exactly ended the best way, and despite the fact that she forced herself to move on from him a few years ago, now things were changing once again and as they spent more time together it was hard to remember why she wanted to be away from him when he first came back. 

She remained quite as he continued to agree with her, and she limited herself to just nod as he spoke, realizing that she had been rambling the whole time. Typical Olivia, she thought to herself. Blurting out whatever mess was inside her head with the only hope that she wouldn’t regret it afterwards. She was still debating on the subject. Olivia couldn’t help but smile at his suggestion. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” she admitted. “I’m glad you’re cool with doing just that. I know from experience how hard it is to let go of the past and focus on growing up. God only knows when that will stop. Some days I still feel like I’m in Junior year of high school, other days like I’m a freshman in college and then other days I feel like myself right now. Who knows what will happen next year, maybe I’ll start seeing the future,” she laughed. “You’re very welcome then,” Liv replied. The talk about her birthday party, and the day the officially first met, was nothing but heart-warming to her. It was a memory that she loved to recall and it was only making the reunion more enjoyable to her. There was no room for denying just that. “Can’t blame you for not wanting to go at first, to be honest,” Olivia commented. “That party was probably a bit too explosive for your taste back then. Literally,” Liv chuckled. “But… Aside from the fact that you came with Georgina, and she was being a major brat during the whole party, overall I remember you being a great company. It definitely took some time to get you in the groove of the situation, but I think I worked my magic on you,” she proudly said, grinning at him. “It used to work all the time,” she playfully winked.  “Truthfully, I think that if we hadn’t bonded that day, we probably would’ve become friends after trying to escape from our messy families. Ironically, our parents have always been pretty close friends.” 

Olivia rolled her eyes after his comment about Henry. “Thanks for the suggestion, but I think it’s too late now to recreate the whole ‘pool of candy’ thing. I don’t think Henry has to worry about me doing that anytime soon,” she replied. She didn’t miss the slight change of his tone when she spoke about her boyfriend, she could easily sense the uneasiness about the situation. She was uneasy about it as well. She wanted to tell him right there that things were far from perfect and not even that great. Henry had in fact taken her on a date, but he didn’t promise anything else and when they started to discuss the subject, Olivia made the mistake of finishing it before it even started. They had rarely fought in the past and she didn’t want to start now, but she was slowly regretting it. The sky outside seemed to be getting darker each second that passed, and as the afternoon said the last goodbyes, so did the previous confidence she had over the fact that everyone had been overreacting about the so-called ‘storm of the season’. “You don’t have to do that,” she quickly responded. “I’m sure I can always call a cab,” Olivia said. 

“Well I hate surprises,” she lied. Everyone knew she loved them, but for some reason she always liked to pretend she did. She was eager to know what he was making on the other side of the counter, and by some of the ingredients on the table she could take a wild guess, but she remained quiet. Soon enough he announced that he was done and she quickly clapped with excitement. “Finally!” she exclaimed happily. “Ooh, is that what I think it is?” she pointed out in between chuckles as she looked over to what looked like pasta. “I think you read my mind,” she said watching him fix both of their plates. As soon as she made the attempt to help him with everything and followed him into the living room all lights dimmed out and all she could listen was the piercing sound of a thunder and the rain that began to pour down like a heavy curtain outside. “Oh, oh,” she whispered. “Please tell me this is not happening…” Olivia said before sighing in defeat. She could barely spot Thomas close to her, but once she heard him complain she laughed. “You’re giving me orders now? At least say please,” He couldn’t really see her but she gave him a defensive look before switching to an amused one. “Relax, I got you covered,” she said as she took out her phone and turned on the flashlight and finally joined him. “Now this should be interesting. You’re not scared already are you?” she teased as they began to search for anything that could give them some light in the room.

[gentleandestructive-blog]

“I don’t know, I’m not gonna comment anything on that.” Thomas raised his hands in surrender. “Girls are weird and get all territorial it’s stupid.” he said with a roll of his eyes. “As long as you are professional with each other, I don’t mind if you hate her.” Thomas shrugged, as if they were discussing the weather, not Olivia’s relationship with his assistant. Thomas simply didn’t want to stick his nose where it didn’t belong and he really didn’t want to read too much into Olivia’s dislike for Chloe. Those kind of thoughts played tricks with his mind., so he was glad for the change in subject. Thomas smiled back at Olivia as she agreed with his suggestion. Did this mean they were going to spend more time together outside of work? The possibility filled Thomas with anticipation and anxiety. “I know what you mean, despite being alive for twenty-six years, it still feels like I don’t know anything about life. I guess we’ll keep feeling like that until we hit our forties or something.” he chuckled. “Ooh, if you become psychic, you have to tell me if I’m still gonna look as good when I’m forty.” Thomas joked.

“You sure did. I was just less grumpy after we became friends.” Less introverted, less negative, less lonely. “That’s probably true. We would’ve bonded over our issues sooner or later.” Thomas said. While Olivia and him were quite different personality-wise, they both shared the same problems and insecurities and that made them kindred spirits. He pouted at her when she said there was no way she’d have a pool of candy again. “You’re no fun.” he told her. “Are you kidding? There’s no way you’re going to find a cab if it starts to pour. I called you here, I owe you at least that much.” Thomas said with a finality, leaving no space for Olivia to argue with him, he knew how stubborn she was.

Thomas gave her a ‘are you kidding me’ look when she told him she hates surprises. He knew she loved them more than anything. A smile spread on his lips when Olivia exclaimed happily over the ready dinner. “Try to contain your excitement, but yes, this is indeed pasta also known as the most universal comfort food. I’m glad I still know what you like.” he said with a wink. It was the perfect start to a great night with an old friend, but of course, they didn’t deserve to have nice things, and when the power went out, Thomas really tried to not see it as a sign that this was a bad idea. He rolled her eyes at Olivia’s comment even though she couldn’t see him in the dark. “Pretty please with a cherry on top,” he said mockingly as she turned on the flashlight. “I’m not scared, I’m pissed.” Thomas said as he started rummaging through the drawers underneath the TV, looking for some candles. Once he found several of them, Thomas placed them on the table and disappeared into the kitchen to grab a lighter--navigating easily through his apartment even in the dark--before returning to the living room. He lit up the candles quickly and sighed. “Well, that’s the best I can do.” he said. “Let’s just eat, I didn’t just slave in the kitchen for nothing.” With that, Thomas sat down on the ground, spreading his legs under the coffee table and leaning his back on the couch so he could get more comfortable. “You know what this reminds me of?” Thomas asked her as he picked up his fork and started to eat. “We were in the Hamptons one summer and for a whole week it was storming really bad, do you remember? One night when we lost the power we decided to build a fort of blankets and pillows and I tried to scare you with ghost stories.” Thomas laughed at the memory, but his heart ached. They had just got together back then, it had been their first summer as a couple. “I really miss that.” he said quietly, unsure if Olivia had even heard him at all.

[aguiltybrunette]

Olivia shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe because I can’t remember the last time you ever cooked for me?” she answered. “It’s kind of uncharted territory for us if you think about it. I won’t complain, though. I like the fact that you just offered to feed me. Just don’t try to poison me because if I die I’ll come back and hunt you,” she joked in the end, sharing the same humor as him. “Don’t ever say that again,” the brunette laugh as she shook her head. “Just get down to business.”

As soon as Olivia’s words about Chloe came out of her mouth, she regretted them. But as usual, curiosity had taken over her and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a bit jealous about what looked was a nice relationship between him and his assistant. It made her think of how different  things would be if he had stayed with her and be that way with her— like they used to be. A part of Olivia wanted to know what was going on, but the other had no desire to hear of what, or rather who, Thomas had been doing all these years. It was painful enough to see how easily he adjusted to the life away from New York, especially after what they went through, and so the moment he decided to explain himself was the moment she realized she should’ve remained quiet the whole time. She immediately shook her head and put her hands in front of her, asking him to stop. “Okay, okay, okay. I so do not need to hear that. I get it, you two are just friends with benefits or whatever you guys want to call it. Fine.”  Olivia quickly shuddered in her place, closing her eyes tightly for a moment as if she found it gross to hear his words. That wasn’t far from the truth, though. She was making a fool of herself and she knew it. Of course that would happen to her. Knowing the details about his love life wasn’t exactly something she wanted to talk about, but she did want to know, right? Who knew she’d be such a big ball of a mess today? “Remind me of not touching that subject anytime soon,” she tried to joke in the end, but didn’t expect an answer from him.

Olivia noticed the change in his demeanor instantly and as he responded, she slightly squinted her eyes, unsure about his response. By default she crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side. “I guess so,” she said, chuckling softly. “I mean, I’m pretty sure you’ve already noticed that I’m not the same person as before, I hope. And I don’t think there’s anything bad about that, in fact, I’d be concerned if you didn’t,” the brunette began to explain. “I’ve only seen you again for what, six months now? You’ve been away for a long time, Thomas. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s long enough for someone to change—grow older. You seem… different, but not in a bad way. I just meant that I feel like I barely know you, that’s all.” Why was she talking so much? Someone needed to stop her right now. It seemed like she had developed a talent of turning every single conversation into everything she wanted to avoid. But the truth was that there was still a huge elephant in the room between them, and each time they spent together it was even harder to keep her cool, to remind herself that they could be civil with each other while ignoring their troubled past. Bullshit. Sooner or later, either one of them was going to explode. It was just a matter of time and she knew it. That’s what scared her the most. 

“I’m sure she’d love that. We all know how much Angeline appreciates her art pieces.” Olivia agreed, sarcasm obviously present in her tone as she chuckled along with him. Recalling their childhood memories used to be one of her favourite things when they were close friends, and even after he left, those memories were the only evidence of how good they used to be together. When they thought the world was made for just the two of them. Thomas and Olivia against the world. From such a young age they felt the need to distance themselves from their families, just like they had distanced themselves from them, and together they made it clear that they didn’t need anyone else. Little did they know that their friendship wouldn’t last forever. Olivia was the one to blame for that, and it was hard not to regret her choices still to this day. But as their relationship resurfaced, Olivia could only hope that one day they could become at least a bit close to the way they used to be. Olivia missed Thomas. She missed him from the moment he found out about all her lies, because she knew and felt how she had lost him forever. All these years, there wasn’t a time in which she didn’t think of how different things would be. However, her life changed too and as she tried hard to move on other things came out and new dreams replaced the old ones. It was never easy to let go of the past, and something kept pulling her back. Pulling her back to unfinished business.

She grinned as he continued to speak. “I haven’t forgotten either. You had the most terrible haircut that I had ever seen,” Liv laughed. “I’m joking, it wasn’t that bad. We all had such bad hairstyles back then. It’s a good thing I decided to keep you right next to me, though. Otherwise you would’ve been bored the whole party,” she said. She threw her head back in between laughs. “Wow, that’s really nice of you to say. That pool of candy was responsible a serious case of sugar rush among everyone, let me tell you. But it was epic, I look back and I still remember how excited I was when I saw it. Olivia in wonderland for sure!” she smiled. “Maybe one day I’ll get another. Although, that sounds a bit too crazy and irresponsible. I don’t think Henry would really dig the idea of us having a candy pool in the middle of the living room,” Olivia said.

Soon enough he started to prepare everything for dinner and she placed her attention solely on him as she watched his movements. Olivia took a seat in one of the stools near the island and she was almost surprised to see how fast he proceeded to prepare everything. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re about to show off your best recipes?” she asked with a smile. She had to admit she liked the way he looked while cooking. Probably something she shouldn’t have noticed in full detail, but it was him. It was impossible for her not to notice him at all, which made everything a little harder on her. “Henry? Oh, he’s fine. He’s great, thank you,” she replied politely, somewhat surprised that he had shown interest in him, but then she remembered the conversation they had a week before. She felt her cheeks grow warmer by the second. “He’s still working hard. Travelling a lot, but I followed your advice and talked to him about it,” she said with a small smile, barely looking up at him. And even though he had his back to her, Olivia felt slightly nervous. “Actually, before I could say anything he called during the weekend to tell me he arrived to New York earlier and that he was going to take me on a ride on his new boat. Needless to say we had a pretty good time so everything’s cool now. He says he’s going to try his best to make time so we don’t waste the entire summer,” the brunette explained. “I guess he sensed how I wasn’t too excited of spending the summer on my own,” she chuckled.

“Wow, is there seriously going to be a storm?” Olivia asked as she got off the stool and looked outside the window. The skies went dark in minutes, and she almost lamented her previous words about the storm. “I guess it’s gonna be an ugly one, but hopefully I can get home without trouble,” she commented. After that she decided to take a look and she walked towards Thomas who was just leaning in the counter. “So… what are you making?” she said, looking up at him.

[gentleandestructive-blog]

Thomas did remember the last time he had cooked for her, though. It was the night everything had changed for them, the night he had found out Olivia’s secret, the night he had almost lost her for good. Olivia had lied to him about feeling sick, and he had decided to cook her favorite and surprise her. Funnily enough, she had been the one to surprise him then. “Huh, me neither.” Thomas lied. “This will be even more memorable if you’re trying my food for the first time, then.” Olivia’s reaction to what he told her about Chloe surprised him. Thomas always got the vibe that the two girls didn’t really like each other, and he wasn’t sure why. “It’s not friends with benefits.” he said, furrowing his brows. “It’s nothing.” Well, that was specific. “You don’t like Chloe much, do you?” it slipped his lips, really, he hadn’t meant to ask, but nonetheless, Thomas wanted to know why. 

He smiled, finding her rambling amusing. “Exactly, people change and grow over the years, and like you said, there’s nothing wrong with that.” Thomas said, adding after a moment, “And because we’re both different people from who we used to be five years ago...I think this is the perfect opportunity to get to know each other again. Don’t you think?” It was an innocent proposal, but Thomas was aware of the possible danger lurking behind it, of old wounds being reopened. It was a dangerous game they were playing -- not talking about their past, pretending like it had never even happened. Like they hadn’t hurt each other so bad that they had felt physical pain. Ever since returning to New York Thomas believed that it was for the best, pretending that they were nothing more than old acquaintances, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“No, it’s true, my hair used to be terrible, and even when I grew older, I’d always forget to cut it. Thankfully you were there to insult my hair and order me to cut it.” he laughed. “I will forever owe you for not letting me embarrass myself by spending the entire party in my lonely little corner.” Thomas said solemnly before letting out another laugh, feeling at ease talking about the first time they had met. “My parents really wanted me to go to your party, I wonder if we would be here today if it hadn’t been for them.” The butterfly effect truly was a fascinating thing. “Listen, if Henry wouldn’t approve of your candy pool, then just don’t invite him. Problem solved.” he shrugged. 

“I’d say my best recipe would be pancakes with ice cream and fruit, and unfortunately I do not have the time nor ingredients to make that. So no, it’s not my best recipe.” Thomas elaborated before glancing behind to face her. “It’s my second best.” he winked, grinning. Thomas listened carefully as Olivia answered his questions about Henry, the way her tone changed and her sentences became shorter. She didn’t seem very open when it came to their relationship, but Thomas couldn’t blame her for it. The only reason he kept asking was because he wanted to make sure she was happy. “That’s great,” Thomas said curtly to Olivia’s explanation about how everything had worked out between her and Henry. If Thomas wanted her to be happy, then why did he sound like she had told him some bad news? He shook his head, focusing on making the pasta that was almost done at this point. Thomas followed Olivia with his eyes as she looked out the window. “Don’t worry, I’ll drive you home if the weather gets too ugly.” he reassured her.

His shoulders tensed ever so slightly when Olivia approached him, but Thomas relaxed quickly, shooting her a smile. “It’s a surprise.” he told her, but she could clearly see the tomato sauce and boiling pasta. “Aaaand right on time,” he said, turning off the heat before drying the pasta of the water into the sink. He moved around the kitchen seamlessly, like he did this kinda thing every day--and he did, but for himself only--and before much time at all had passed, Thomas presented two plates filled with pasta and topped with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese. “Come on,” he nudged Olivia, motioning for her to join him in the living room. Thomas set both plates on the table along with two forks, and as if planned, the lights went out in the whole apartment, along with the TV that was now merely a blank screen. “What the fuck?” Thomas groaned, and in response he got a loud thunder piercing his ears, heavy drops of rain hitting the windows. He was glad it was dark so Olivia couldn’t see him jump. “I can’t believe this shit is happening right now.” he complained. “Okay, okay, take out your phone and turn on the flashlight so I can go grab some candles or something.”

[cedricsghost-deactivated2016101]

As an actor, getting to play, getting to use your imagination and be childish - it is weird but it’s wonderful.

[the-manip-world-deactivated2023]

[aguiltybrunette]

Olivia shared a victorious smile when he agreed. “Maybe I am or maybe I’m not,” she shrugged. “One thing is sure and it is that you promised me more meetings with food in them. I think I heard you once say that you’re a man of his word, so don’t disappoint me so soon, Thomas.” Olivia said playfully. She almost couldn’t believe how comfortable she had grown to be around him. Liv never thought they would make it this far. When he first showed up at her office all she could think of was of the many ways in which she could send him back from where he came from. She certainly didn’t want to deal with him, but it was inevitable. It was as if the universe was adamant of having them apart and always kept working its way to bring them back together. With time their interactions got easier and they moved on from small talk a long time ago since then. However, she still had her concerns. Being like this with her ex-boyfriend/former best friend was slightly confusing to say the least and even though she kept telling herself that it was no issue, she knew that was not the truth. Nothing was ever simple between her and Thomas Sparks.

“Oh come on, no way,” she began to shook her head with a smile as she sat back with arms crossed, analysing if he truly meant his words. “You are going to cook for me— I mean, for us?” the brunette asked with disbelief. “Thomas you don’t have to do that, I was just joking.” No, I wasn’t. “Really, don’t bother. That’s not necessary we can just jump right into work and I’ll be out soon,” she explained, but really, her curiosity sparked. She couldn’t help but want to let him do it, just for the sake of knowing what it would be like. When they were young it was impossible to picture herself cooking anything in particular, and she never pictured Thomas doing it either. That just shows how much he changed and that was nice to see, but strangely so, it was also a proof of how little she knew him now. “I mean, if you insist…” Olivia trailed, now surrendering to the fact that he was going to win. “I must say I’m a bit concern of what you are going to give me, but sure, show me your best,” she challenged.

“It’s not?” A frown formed in her features as she spoke. If they weren’t close, then what were they? They had to be something, she told herself. Otherwise, Chloe wouldn’t be so ‘protective’ of him. And Olivia wasn’t blind, so she could easily notice it was a treatment that Thomas’ assistant only granted her. “Then what is?” She couldn’t help but ask, but before she could let him answer she corrected herself, realizing how intrusive she sounded. “I—I’m sorry that’s not appropriate. Um, it looks like she loves working for you, that’s for sure. She seems to know everything about you,” she commented, flashing him a tight smile in the end. Olivia couldn’t lie. She was bitter about his relationship with Chloe—for obvious reasons. “Actually, I kind of don’t. You seem a lot different to me,” she candidly answered. Probably not what she expected to say at first, but someone had to say it. None of them were the same. 

“Did you see she still has it? I heard it’s worth 1.8 million bucks, but she won’t let it go. Truth is, I’m not sure anyone would want it,” she laughed. “We used to make up a thousand stories about it, remember? The one where if you touched the head you’d have bad luck for ten months? That was hilarious,” Olivia continued to laugh along with him, almost recalling each of the memories she had of the times she spent at Thomas’ place when they were kids. She took another sip of her drink and smiled softly at him. “It’s nice of you to remember. I don’t think I’ve kept count since well… you know, but I guess we’ve known each other for a while,” she nodded. “The only reason you didn’t hate me right away was because I had an actual pool of candy at my birthday party. I think that’s pretty much the reason why all of the other kids actually cared to be my friends,” Liv chuckled. The girl watched him as he went up and started to make his way towards the kitchen. Olivia easily followed his moves and stood up as well. “Wait, you’re serious?” she asked again. “You don’t really think I’m gonna sit here and watch tv, do you? I can do that at home. No, no. I need proof that you won’t just put something on a microwave. I’m gonna watch the magic happen,” she said, walking past him towards the kitchen. “Better hurry up before the ‘storm’ arrives.” 

[gentleandestructive-blog]

“You also have fantastic memory, it seems.” Thomas rolled his eyes, but his lips curved into a smile. “Then I shall keep my promise and feed you as appropriate. We can’t work on empty stomachs anyways.” he said. He was probably going to make something fast and simple that wouldn’t take too much time and effort, but on the other hand, Thomas also wanted to impress Olivia with his cooking skills. Why? Well, he was a guy, for one, and he wanted to prove himself. “Yes way, why are you so surprised?” Thomas laughed. “You will not be disappointed by chef Sparks, I guarantee. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to prepare a five-course meal or something. It will be something simple, but delicious nonetheless.” he said, adding after a moment, “Like myself.” he grinned. 

Thomas grimaced as Olivia pushed the subject of Chloe, not because he was hiding anything, but because it just made him uncomfortable to discuss his fling--or whatever it was--with his ex-girlfriend. If nothing else, it would only cause more tension between them, and that was the last thing they needed. Thankfully, Olivia apologized for overstepping the line, but then Thomas thought it would seem like he was indeed hiding something by avoiding the subject. He sighed, deciding it was best if he just told the truth. “It really is nothing, we just hooked up a couple of times.” Thomas said casually. “But we don’t let it bleed into our business relationship, and she knows I’m not interested in taking our relationship outside the bed.” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “That’s not to say she’s not a good friend, though, she really is an amazing person. But...I’m just not interested in her like that, and it seems like she’s not emotionally available, either.” Thomas explained with a finality in his voice that implied he didn’t want to discuss the subject any further. And frankly, there really was nothing to discuss. 

Thomas looked at her for a moment as Olivia said he seemed very different in her eyes. She hadn’t said it as a compliment, and that made him frown slightly. “Well, maybe you’re right.” he gave her a tight-lipped smile. “It’s usually the people who don’t see us for a long period of time that can tell best whether we’ve changed or not.” he said, and maybe, just maybe, there was a little bit of blame in his tone. Thomas didn’t like passive-aggressive, and he certainly didn’t want any tension, but sometimes he just couldn’t hold back. He mentally scolded himself for his words, though -- it wasn’t Olivia who had left; he had.

“When she dies, I’m going to sell that sculpture and give those money to charity, I swear to god.” Thomas said with a chuckle, but that wasn’t such a bad idea, he realized. “I do remember, yeah. And then every time something bad would happen to us we blamed it on that stupid sculpture,” Thomas said, recalling those old memories. He missed those times, but at the same time, he didn’t. Thomas was much better now, but he was missing one crucial piece of the puzzle -- Olivia. Sure, she was in his house right now, and they were joking and having light-hearted conversations, but he didn’t really have her, not like he used to. “Are you kidding? I don’t think anyone forgets the day they met their best friend.” Thomas, at least, hadn’t. He remembered the day as vividly as it had happened yesterday. He pretended to think for a moment, “Yeah, now that I think about it, you’re right. The only reason I decided we should be friends was because I knew I’d have an endless supply of candy for as long as I stayed by your side.” he laughed. “That pool of candy was the most epic thing ever, though. It’s beyond me why you haven’t done it again, everyone would freak out over it.” As Thomas disappeared into the kitchen, he opened the fridge, scanning the half-empty shelves. He glanced behind him as Olivia said she didn’t want to miss the magic that was about to happen, and he only grinned in return. 

“Prepare to be blown away. The storm would have nothing on chef Sparks.” he said, taking out some tomato sauce, garlic and cheese from the fridge. He hummed to himself as he opened up one of the kitchen cabinets and found a box of spaghetti. He put some water to boil on the stove, and another pan where he would soon put in the tomato sauce. Next, Thomas started to chop up some garlic. “So, how has Henry been doing?” he asked casually, his back facing Olivia. “Still working hard as ever and neglecting his personal life?” Perhaps it wasn’t the best subject he could’ve picked, but Thomas really wanted to know if there had been any improvement since the last time they had spoken. Just as Thomas started to pour some oil inside the pan for the garlic to fry in, it started thundering outside. “Just my luck.” he said under his breath. Nonetheless, he put the pasta inside the boiling water, poured the tomato sauce into the pan along with the garlic, and turned around to face Olivia. “And now we wait.” he said, leaning against the counter.

[aguiltybrunette]

“It’s the truth!” she defended herself before bursting into giggles. Olivia knew how ridiculous she sounded, but she was glad he just followed the conversation. She then squinted her brown eyes after his response, as if thinking of any possible ways he could prove his point. Biting her lower lip she pointed at him as she stood in her place. “You know how you could prove to me how nice of a person you are?” Liv asked before adding. “Offering me a well-deserved snack. I forgot to pick up something on my way here and now I’m starving,” she said. “Plus, I can’t drink this whiskey alone with an empty stomach. That wouldn’t be a good idea.” Was she way out of the line for saying that? A part of her had to admit that was a bold move, but Olivia was fairly confident that they moved past the awkwardness months ago. At least she was trying out. They hadn’t talked about it face-to-face but they had managed to build a civil relationship—a friendship even, and she was glad he didn’t make an attempt to change that or go back to the way they were when he first arrived from London. She almost flinched at the memory.  

“You mean: be gentle with you,” she teased back. “I’ll make no promises, but i’ll try my best. You know I’m nothing without my honest criticism,” the brunette smiled. Her lips fell into a tight line and only a ghost of a smile was left when he mentioned Chloe. She couldn’t explain it, but every time she heard her name or was even close to her she could only feel… uneasy— for the lack of a better word. Was it jealousy? Maybe. Truth be told she had been the only one by his side ever since he moved to England. At least according to her. She never failed to remind Olivia of her status in Thomas’ life. “She did, huh?” Olivia responded, her expression immediately changing. “That explains the odd choice,” she added, now looking at the piece with different eyes. Before she could stop herself she blurt out. “You two seem really close. I don’t think Henry’s assistant has given him anything else other than his travel itinerary.” There was a hint of bitterness in her tone that she managed to hide a bit too well. “I think that covers you in a just a few words. I mean, I know from experience how complex you are, but that’s probably assuming too much. I’m sure you’ve changed. Um, that’s just the way I remember you, I guess,” Liv explained almost sheepishly.

“I can definitely see what you mean. It does feel nice in here. Especially without that scary romanian sculpture your mother has in the living room. She really does have a strong appeal for weird pieces,” she chuckled. “She has that in common with my mom.” After that, Olivia moved forward to pick up the glass he filled up with her, and she admired the amber liquid for a second before staring right into his eyes. “And definitely to the future, don’t forget about that,” Olivia added to the toast. “Cheers.” she raised her glass before taking her first sip. “Old friendships, huh?”  

[gentleandestructive-blog]

Shit, Thomas had completely forgotten about food. Frankly, he didn’t even think they’d want to eat while working because it was distracting, but now that he thought about it, that was a very stupid assumption. It was him and Olivia, of course they’d want food. “Huh, now you are just trying to manipulate me.” Thomas accused her, his tone light. “That definitely wouldn’t be a good idea, I agree.” he said, nodding softly. He should’ve planned this whole meeting better, but all of it had been last minute. “Okay--uh, well, I can make you something?” Thomas offered, already thinking about what he could make her with what he had in the fridge (which wasn’t much because he often ate outside or at the club). “Not to mention you’ll finally get to try my cuisine.” he added with a grin.

“Criticism without compassion is just cruelty, woman.” Thomas pointed out, honestly enjoying himself. He welcomed this feeling of ease around Olivia, it felt so familiar and comfortable that he couldn’t help but smile constantly. They still had a long way to go, but they were finally--finally--once again comfortable around each other. Upon mentioning Chloe, Thomas thought he heard a change in Olivia’s voice, but he quickly shook off the thought, telling himself not to ruin this with his stupid over-analyzing. “Close?” Thomas echoed, trying to figure out how to explain his relationship with Chloe. They had slept together, yes, but that was all there was between them. Thomas had made it clear a long time ago he didn’t want anything serious with Chloe, and it was obvious that she also had her own issues to solve. So, their arrangement was simple: they slept together when they both felt lonely, and they were partners at work. “I don’t know if that’s the right word for it,” Thomas cleared his throat, looking away. “I mean, she is just a good friend, is all. We understand each other and we work well together. That’s all there is to it.” he explained, looking at Olivia. Why did he feel the need to explain himself to her about his relationships? An old habit, perhaps? Thomas smiled as Olivia once again rambled. “Please, I didn’t come back yesterday, you know I haven’t really changed that much.” or had he? Thomas liked to think of it as growing up rather than changing.

“Oh man, don’t even talk to me about that sculpture.” Thomas laughed, “I used to have nightmares about it.” he added. “Yes, right, I suck with toasts, so, no judging.” he chuckled, taking a sip from the whiskey. He hadn’t had such strong alcohol in a while, and it took some getting used to the burning sensation of the liquor. “It felt stupid not to mention our, what, fifteen--no, sixteen--year old friendship? I’ve lost count, but we wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for that faithful day when we met and I decided I didn’t hate you like all the other kids.” Thomas laughed, standing up from the couch as he remembered Olivia’s request: snacks. “Okay,” he said, taking another quick sip of the whiskey, because he was gonna need it in the kitchen. “I’m going to make us some food now.” he announced. “You can sort through our topics for the meeting, or watch TV if you want to be irresponsible, or even take a nap while I’m cooking.”  he suggested with a grin. “Sounds good?”

[aguiltybrunette]

“No,” she denied with a huff. “I have plenty of stuff to do other than this. In fact, I have so much to do that I had to cancel a few things before I came here. It’s insane,” Olivia almost rambled as she crossed her arms. It was a lie, of course. Her whole week outside work had been uneventful so far, which was a little depressing to her quite honestly, but she’d never admit it in front of him. “What I meant is that—I’m just saying that this is the only thing I planned for today,” she added matter-of-factly, wanting to shut herself up as soon as possible. 

“Oh sure they are. I feel like I’ve heard that a lot before,” she sent him an amused look in between laughs. Her brown eyes wandered around the place, stopping at some specific areas, pictures and other decorations that she found interesting. Quite frankly it was exactly how she imagined his place was going to be in the past, when she used to fantasise about how their lives would be when they were older. She saved smile to herself after that memory. Olivia stopped in her tracks to watch him carefully as he went to fetch the drinks. He returned shortly and she sent a small smile his way. “Do you really want to know?” she asked with a smirk. Liv followed his lead towards the couch and she sat right next to him, crossing her legs and letting out a breath. “I think it’s lovely,” she responded, not looking at him but at some artwork in the corner. “Simple yet full of personality. Pretty much like you, honestly. I guess it’s your typical bachelor pad, what do you want me to say?” she chuckled. “Do you like it?” she asked. 

[gentleandestructive-blog]

Thomas couldn’t help but smile as Olivia tripped over her words, she was adorable when she did that. Wait, he scolded himself, he wasn’t supposed to think that. But she was his friend, wasn’t she? He could say Olivia was adorable in a very platonic way. “Whatever you say,” he rolled his eyes playfully at her, his smile evolving into a grin. 

“Well, I’ll just have to prove it to you, then.” Thomas shrugged, amused by the conversation. They hadn’t had this kind of banter in, well, five years. So far, all their conversations had been very cautious, even the funny ones, and Thomas started to think how tonight would either make or break the friendship that they had been trying to rebuild. “Please be gentle, though. This apartment has feelings, you know.” he joked, watching Olivia as she analyzed a piece of artwork on the wall. “Chloe got me that when I moved in.” he said. He wasn’t really a fan of the color scheme, but what did he know about art?  Thomas tilted his head to the side as she compared him to the apartment, “I’m simple and full of personality? Thanks, I guess?” he frowned, shaking his head as a laugh escaped his lips. He was joking, of course. Thomas appreciated the compliment. “I do, yeah. It feels like home, you know? I didn’t get that vibe from my last home in the city, for obvious reasons.” he said, a hint of bitterness in his voice that Thomas quickly covered up with a smile. He was over his family. 

He picked up his glass, raising it in a toast as he said, “To new beginnings, old friendships, and my awesome new apartment.” 

[aguiltybrunette]

“Are you serious? I have trouble believing that,” the brunette laughed at his response. “Either way, it’s not like have any other place to be right now other than home. A little rain doesn’t bother me.” she shrugged. “If it gets really bad, don’t worry. I can always tuck you in and make sure there’s no monsters in your walking-closet,” Liv chuckled. “Wine, tequila? Are you trying to send me some kind of message?” she teased. “I’ll take the whiskey if you don’t mind,” Olivia added, turning to look at him over her shoulder as she walked in, inevitably looking around. This was the very first time she stepped into his apartment, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a bit curious. 

[gentleandestructive-blog]

“Are you saying you came only because you didn’t have anything better to do?” Thomas quipped, raising his eyebrows in question. “Thanks, that means so much to me.” Thomas clasped his hands together in appreciation, smiling. He gave her a look when she accused him of sending her some kind of message. “Me?” Thomas asked in disbelief, “I would never. My intentions are always honorable.” he defended as he disappeared into the kitchen--that was separated from the living room by the dining table--to grab the bottle of whiskey. Whiskey wasn’t the kind of drink you had during a date, she had picked well. Thomas returned shortly with a bottle of amber liquid and two glasses before sitting down on the dark couch. It wasn’t leather, thank god, but it was a black-grey couch that was perfect to spill things on without leaving noticeable stains. “So, what do you think?” Thomas asked Olivia, lifting one arm to motion around the general area of the apartment as he poured the liquor into the glasses.

[quotethat]

She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that’s what love is—a total contradiction that somehow balances out.

Tammara Webber, Where You Are (via quotethat)

[gentleandestructive-blog]

aguiltybrunette:

After waiting, for what felt like forever, she finally heard movements on the other side of the door and soon enough it was Thomas who welcomed her into his apartment. She couldn’t help but grin at him as she took a step forward into his place. “Told you I would, didn’t I?” Olivia responded, raising a brow before rolling her eyes. “Everyone’s been talking about that storm all day. I’m pretty sure it’s just a little rain,” she brushed off. “You’re not worried, are you?” the brunette asked in a teasing tone. “Even if you had try to cancel it wouldn’t have worked. My phone died two hours ago.” 

“At least now I know you’re true to your word.” Thomas joked, and it had just dawned on him that Olivia had never been to his new apartment before. That made him nervous for some reason. “Just a warning though: I am kinda terrified of thunder. If it really does turn into a storm, I might just have to curl into bed and pull the covers over my head until it goes away.” he laughed, but really he was only half-joking. “Now, that’s not very professional of you, Ms. Callaway, you have to be available at all time for your clinets.” Thomas chuckled, turning off the TV so they could focus better. Well, so he could focus better. He had been having a Breaking Bad marathon prior to Olivia’s arrival, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist looking at the screen while they were working. “Do you want anything to drink? From booze I have wine, whiskey and tequila and from non-alcoholic beverages I have...water?” he scratched his head, laughing. “So unless we plan on getting drunk and falling asleep on this couch I think it’s better we just go with water.”

[gentleandestructive-blog]

Thomas opened the front door upon hearing the doorbell and smiled at Olivia. “Hi, glad you could make it.” he said, stepping away to let her in. “Apparently there’s a storm coming, I almost called you to cancel this. But work waits for no one and we’ve got a club to run.”

[aguiltybrunette]

A Matter Of Time • Thomas & Olivia

[gentleandestructive-blog]

aguiltybrunette:

Olivia felt bad for saying something for a moment. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything. It was just a joke, after all. But maybe she was just joking as well, right? Sighing, she recognized how difficult it was not to blurt out every single one of her thoughts without them sounding slightly bitter about their situation. Well, she did think she was doing a good job so far, but it wasn’t easy. None of this was easy. Luckily for her, she made the right move and she was saved. “Oh no, you did not just say that,” she exclaimed with surprise. A flash of memories came through, reminding her of all the times she made a fool of herself after a few cosmos. “Did you really have to go there?” she teased him, shaking her head with disapproval. “Of course I didn’t mean alcoholic drinks, it’s not like I want to fall flat on my face in front of you— again,” Liv laughed, nudging his shoulder playfully as she walked right beside him. “That was not a fair move, Sparks. I’ve learned my lesson throughout the years. I’m a big girl now.”

“I think we can all agree that everyone is way better than me in the kitchen. I already gave up on the subject a long time ago,” she responded with amusement, chuckling to herself, before looking at him again. She wasn’t sure if he was actually offering to help her, but so far Thomas had shown signs of being full of surprises. Maybe he really did want to spend more time with her after all. “Sorry to crush your dreams, but I’m a lost cause. I doubt your teaching can do any help. I think I’ll rely on takeout and the few easy recipes I can make,” she smiled. “Besides, I’m not sure if I trust you with a knife around,” Olivia joked shortly after that, glancing at Thomas sideways. Her eyes were glowing with enthusiasm. If anyone told her a few months ago that she would be enjoying her time around him this much she would’ve said that it was only because she was being polite, but now that she was experiencing it, it went beyond that. It was impossible not to act like this with him. And that was it— she wasn’t acting. There was no need to. Olivia was always her best self when she was around Thomas in the past, but the truth was that she was just being herself. Something as a simple as a walk around Central Park always turned into a newfound experience. Another memory to cherish no matter how many times they had been already. Although, this was the first time they headed there completely on their own after a while. Now thinking about it, she still had her doubts about that.

Recalling all of their summers together was not part of the plan or of her plan, at least. However, the course of their conversation only managed to trigger memories as if they had not been painful at all years ago. Olivia still found surprising how easily they were both handling this. She expected for things to turn awkward any minute now, but it was not happening. The other side of her thoughts was focusing on her beloved memories. The ones she replayed a thousand times when they broke up and moved on with their lives. “Those were good times,” she said with a hint of nostalgia pouring out of her voice. “I really did enjoy kicking your ass in the tennis court, even if it was just a friendly match. Hope you don’t resent me for that,” Olivia commented, grinning at him. He didn’t admit it, but Olivia knew there was a possibility that he had let her won back then. If there was something she noticed that Thomas always wanted to do was make her laugh, if not smile, all the time. It’s not like it required any effort. He was definitely one of the prime reasons Olivia had such a happy childhood, and growing up together that didn’t change. Her chest felt tight for a moment. Why did everything had to change?

A sheepish smile formed in Olivia’s lips once he mentioned Cate. She nodded with agreement. “I’m glad too,” she simply said, almost with shyness, fixing a strand of her long hair behind her ear as she spoke. “I really don’t know how I could ever survive without her. Here’s hoping she feels the same,” Liv chuckled. “Believe it or not it was not easy to keep the friendship going with me so far from home and, well, I wasn’t really a good candidate for ‘friend of the year’ back then so…” Her voice got lost in the end. For a moment she was about to say that because she was not in a good place with herself back then she almost compromised their friendship. She was so caught up with the idea that Thomas had left for good and that she was never going to get a chance to make amends with him, that she completely separated from her best friend for almost six months, not wanting to confront her own reality. Olivia gulped nervously. Her grip on T’s leash becoming tighter for a second. “Whatever,” she brushed it off like it was nothing after a brief pause. “In the end, I went back to her like I always do. She always manages to tell me when I need to get my shit together,” she chuckled once again, this time hoping that he didn’t notice the slight difference in her tone of voice. Olivia cleared her throat. “I like to think that despite all we’ve been through together that we make a pretty good team. It’s not easy to find someone as patient as her,” she admitted. “Did you know she’s actually the one who told me you came back?” Olivia casually asked, not giving much thought to the weight of her words. “Oh yeah, we are both so busy. She’s in the middle of getting engaged and I…” the brunette trailed. “Well, I guess I’m doing the same at some point, or maybe not.”

Another nervous laugh escaped from her lips. That Olivia had not turned into her mother? God, that was the biggest understatement of the year. At least in her own eyes. Olivia had been feeling lost for a while now, and she knew it wasn’t because she didn’t know who she was. It was because she had agreed to become someone she was not for the sake of her family and now she was having an internal fight with herself. But Thomas didn’t need to know that. Now that’s something he wouldn’t understand, she thought. Because truth was, that the only way her mother would let her live after all the scandal and shame she brought to their name was if she did as she said. Her job was to make a amends and show everyone that she only made a mistake once and that she was not the naive, young teenager she was back then. Still, she felt disgusted with herself with how easily she succumbed to her mother wishes when she fought them for so long. Right then she was still trying to keep her own essence alive. “You think so? Well, thank you for that. I was starting to get concerned. Yeah, you know me. I can’t relate to her style, at least not for long.” Liar. You’re lying and you know it. “She’s not that bad now, though. I mean, she’s still the same, but I’ve learnt my lesson. Now I know how to deal with her a lot better than I did a few years ago,” she explained, rolling her eyes in the end. “Granted, she’s still a pain in the ass. Especially when it comes to money, but what’s new.” Fortunately, the conversation continued and Olivia could move on from her family talk. At least for now, she hoped. The brunette laughed at his attempt of a joke. She couldn’t help it. “You are not funny,” she shook her head while giggling. “Don’t forget to keep your feet on the ground, Miley. Addiction to fame can be quite dangerous. Beware of the fangirls.”

“You’re right about that. I don’t really have much to complain. This summer can be good in the end for all I know. It’s weird how for me going to the Hamptons was never a nuisance like I usually hear some people say. The city is not that bad around this time, despite the heat. I think I’ll be good and busy. Summer is my favourite time of the year after all. I guess you already knew that,” Olivia said, looking over at him with a hint of something in her eyes. She was expectant to what he would respond. Without knowing the topic shifted once again to a dangerous territory. Talking about Henry had been out of the picture since the beginning of their walk, she knew that. She intentionally refrained from talking about her relationship, just because she didn’t want to be one of those exes who bragged about her current relationship to her ex. That’s not how she wanted to spend her time around with Thomas. Even if she still didn’t know exactly how she wanted to spend her time around Thomas. However, it was too late. He already noticed her discomfort about the matter. Could she really vent to him about this? No, Olivia. Don’t you dare. “I don’t know. But it’s nothing really,” Olivia shrugged, giving him a nonchalant response. She knew what he was asking, Olivia was not a fool. With a sigh, she opted to be brave and just tell him what was going through her mind. If she wanted to prove to herself that she was not in dangerous territory then she needed to do this for herself. “Well, I guess I’ve been a little bit upset lately. Henry has been travelling a lot for the past few months and, he seems a bit more distant each time he comes back. It’s not that I’m worried, but things are somehow different as time goes on and I don’t know if I’m ready for things to change. I don’t know if it’s going too fast or too slow, all I know is that I wanted some time to think about our, you know— relationship, but as far as I know he’s going to continue with this schedule even after the fall time,” she explained, getting lost in her thoughts for a moment. Realizing that perhaps she shared too much information, and that he probably didn’t care she quickly apologized.  “Sorry, I’m rambling again,” she chuckled. 

Ready to settle down? “Is that so?” she asked curiously. It’s not like she didn’t understand where he was coming from. Hell, she knew exactly what he meant by those words, but she was slightly scared of what would come next. Thomas settling down… she could definitely see that. But with who? Olivia almost shuddered at the thought. The mere idea of him moving on with someone else was slightly unsettling, and she knew it was selfish to think that way, but it was hard to avoid it. The wound was healed but the scar was still there. She didn’t add anything after that, not knowing what to say without sounding suspicious. If she could’ve stop the blush that took presence on her features, she would’ve done it. Casually running into each other for the rest of the summer didn’t sound bad at all, and her mood picked up upon the idea. “I wouldn’t mind running into you a couple times. We do have a lot to discuss about the club if you think about it. With all the new artists forming lines to perform, I think we are going to be busy,” she agreed, nodding slowly. It was logical, she thought. Olivia had to remind herself a thousand times that they were business partners and nothing else. “Are you suggesting our next meeting should be at Coney Island? Now, that’s a change of scenario.” 

“You shouldn’t worry about falling on your face in front of me, I’d just laugh and possibly take pictures.” Thomas shrugged, not joking at all. There were people who ran to help their friends who have tripped and fallen, and then there were people who laughed for five minutes straight before thinking to check if they’re alright. Thomas was one of the latter. “I don’t believe anyone is a lost cause, especially in the kitchen, but I’ll go easy on you for now.” he said. “Besides, there’s nothing bad in eating at restaurants all the time...every day...three times a day.” Thomas chuckled. It certainly felt good to be able to joke again with her, he thought. They had a similar sense of humor, and Thomas knew he could always make fun of Olivia without her ever truly getting mad. They knew each other, they were comfortable with one another...or at least starting to be again. 

It was amazing how much progress they had made in the last few months. Before, Thomas would feel a dull ache in his chest every time either one of them accidentally mentioned a memory they had shared together, but now, that ache was almost non-existent. He thought about their high school days with genuine love and appreciation, because even after everything that had happened between them, Thomas never wished to forget about the life he shared with Olivia. “Resent you? Of course not,” Thomas waved her off, “I just can’t wait to meet you on the tennis court again so I can get my revenge.” he grinned wickedly, raising his brows at her.

Thomas listened as Olivia talked about Cate, but as she trailed off, he had to look away. He knew what she meant by not being the friend of the year back then, he knew how hard her life had been then, and most importantly, Thomas knew he had abandoned her. She had broken his heart, she had shattered it to a million pieces but the truth was that he had hurt her just as much Olivia had hurt him. And hearing that she had drifted away from Cate as well made him feel even guiltier. She hadn’t had anyone at all, and if Thomas had been in her situation...well, he wouldn’t have handled it half as good as her. Thomas was thankful when she broke the silence and continued as if they hadn’t just been thinking about the very same thing. He smiled and nodded at her words, “You two are like the sun and moon, entirely different but you can’t do without each other.” Just like he and Eric had been, Thomas realized. ”I figured, I contacted her first when I returned.” Because I didn’t have any other friends left in the city, he thought. Thomas almost stopped in his tracks when Olivia implied she might be getting engaged soon. His eyes focused on the dog, then the pavement, then his shoes--anywhere but Olivia’s eyes. He was afraid that if he looked at her, she’d be able to read the jealousy in his eyes. What was he jealous of, exactly? Thomas didn’t know. All he knew was that he felt it inside him, pure jealousy, clear as day, hitting him out of nowhere. Thomas found himself stuttering, trying to find back his voice. “You and Henry have discussed it?” he asked, running a nervous hand through his hair. “Getting married, I mean?” Thomas hoped he sounded casual, even though he was anything but. “It would be quite a big move for you guys...but I guess when you know you just know, right?”

“You’re welcome, I really mean it.” Thomas reassured her. “I’m glad to hear that you have managed to hold your own and not let her live your life for you. It’s the worst thing a parent could do, even if they have the best intentions.” Thomas said, noticing that the subject would rather not talk about her family, and he couldn’t blame her. Their parents had always been a sore subject for both of them. Hell, it was the first thing they had bonded over as kids. Thomas looked at Olivia as she laughed, the beautiful sound of her giggling wrapping around him, and he laughed along with her, almost involuntarily. “Are you kidding? I would live for the fangirls, they’re like the best part.” he pointed out with a grin. Thomas nodded in agreement as Olivia spoke about her appreciation for the city in summer, “I know, it’s not coincidence you were born in summer.” he smiled. “I like it too. Everything seems so alive in summer, even if I’m sweating my butt off. Summers in London are wet and cloudy which only made me miss this place even more, to be honest.”

Henry was another delicate subject that Thomas and Olivia were careful not to touch on when together, but she had mentioned him already and Thomas was too curious for his own good--not to mention jealous--so he was really hoping she was going to open up to him. Olivia caved in soon, and Thomas was grateful that she had chosen to trust him with this. It seemed like a small thing, but it was a huge step for their friendship that was being rebuilt from the ashes. He listened carefully as she voiced her worries, and Thomas nodded in understanding. “Relationships need dedication and faithfulness, it’s simple and complicated as that. You can’t expect a relationship to survive if you don’t put effort in it, and it seems to me that currently the effort is one-sided with you two.” He wanted to be objective, he really did, but there was no way he’d ever defend Henry’s actions. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be cruel or discouraging. I’m just saying how I see it. I understand that he is a very busy man and a very important pawn on Wallstreet, but the job is not everything. He has to find a balance between you and his profession and if he can’t...well, he will have to make a choice. And it’s clear what he should choose, or rather who.” If Thomas was in Henry’s shoes, he wouldn’t even think twice before choosing Olivia instead of his job. But then again, he wasn’t Henry and he wasn’t with Olivia, so he had no right to even think about it. “Please, don’t even apologize. You know you can talk to me about these things, right? I’ve been told I’m a really good listener and I give a decent advice.” he smirked, crossing his arms. 

 “Yeah...” Thomas actually felt his cheeks heat up and he massaged his neck. “Not tomorrow, obviously, but I feel like I’m in a place where I’m finally ready for it. The only thing I’m missing is an opportunity to do so.” It was the not-pathetic way of saying he was single as hell. “Exactly, we do have a lot to discuss, we might as well do it over hot dogs.” he shrugged. “We won’t be stuck in an office, and it will be different from being in a restaurant. You know how I hate routine.”

[sirmaximilianirons]

[simply-quotes-deactivated202002]

You made me happy and you made me laugh, and if I could do it all over again, I would not hesitate. Look at our life, at the trips we took, the adventures we had. As your father used to say, we shared the longest ride together, this thing called life, and mine has been filled with joy because of you.

Nicholas Sparks, The Longest Ride (via simply-quotes)

[aguiltybrunette]

A Matter Of Time • Thomas & Olivia

[gentleandestructive-blog]

aguiltybrunette:

“Yup,” the brunette simply nodded with a smile. She witnessed how Thomas Jr. responded eagerly with a bark as if he knew what their banter was all about. He was always way too smart for his own good. “Oh, we share a dog now? I thought all this time that he was just mine,” Olivia teased, raising a single eyebrow at him. She knew that response held some sort bitter undertone in it, but she made sure that her expression told him otherwise. Where they really in that place of full confidence with each other? She couldn’t help but chuckle and shake her head as she opted for not diving in too deep with that thought. If he was willing to be this comfortable around her, joking, and talking to her as if they were about to rekindle their friendship, and go back to where they were, then she wasn’t going to waste that chance. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been waiting for a moment like this for a very long time. “Well, now that you mention it, it kinda make sense. You are indeed an old friend and a highly demanding client,” she added shortly. “I think we can arrange something. I can share T with you too as long as you buy us drinks,” Liv grinned and continued to walk.

“That’s really great. It’s good to know you want to live longer. Does that mean you’ll give kale a really good try this time? I could teach you the only salad recipe I know,” she laughed. Naturally, that was the one of the only few things she could make in the kitchen. She listened as he explained his workout routine. As unexpected as it was, it was funny to think they shared so much in the past and now they also did with similar stuff. A part of her wondered if she’d ever run into him by the park when Cate and her where in their usual run, but once he mentioned the gym a slight disappointment appeared in her features. Once he mentioned tennis to her, he captured her attention right away. How does he remember that? For some reason he kept dropping these little comments, little things that reminded her of their past as the best of friends and Olivia could feel every part of those memories. Being right there with him was enough, but it was long ago when she completely forgot how good that felt.  “Yeah we did. And it was so much fun,” she agreed, looking down with a nostalgic smile. It would be obvious to him that she could remember it all too well, but still she bit she lip nervously. “I was already on my way to Wimbledon. Such good times,” Liv added, letting out a dramatic sigh before sending him a playful look. “Well, it’s not that bad. I mean, I’ve always enjoyed the outdoors and quite frankly that’s the only time I get to have Cate for myself. No boys around. We are so busy these days that the only ‘girl time’ we have is either at the spa or right around the fountain,” she explained with a slight shrug. After a short second a realisation came through. 

“God, I think I’m becoming my mother,” she said, flashing an almost horrified look towards Thomas and shuddered with disgust, before breaking into laughs after that. “Are you sure you didn’t let me win back then? Because I recall you being extra calm every time I won. That did not happen when we were playing your video games,” she teased. “I have never met anyone as competitive as you, and I do not count,” Olivia chuckled. “Are you really suggesting I go back to tennis? I don’t know, I mean, I could try.” The fact that he even mentioned it was enough to respond Olivia’s question but she wanted to hear it again. Looking sideways at him, she waited for his answer, and in the meantime she tried not to be distracted by the rest of him, but it was impossible these days. Lately, after spending some extra time with him, she could not help when her thoughts went back to that lunch meeting they had, in which they shared more than just a small talk for the first time in five years. Not to mention that after the photoshoot for GQ, the old tension between them dissipated. However, it was replaced by something else. Something Olivia was not prepared to confront just yet. Nothing was going to happen. She was just glad they were talking again. At least, that was the motto inside her head.  “You want me to book you another photoshoot?” she asked amusingly. “Fame changed you already. You’re a lost cause. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure not to steal your spotlight next time,” Olivia responded with wink.

“Don’t you miss back when he had nothing to do, so we just hopped on a chopper and went there to keep doing absolutely nothing? Granted, we went to lots of parties, which I guess counts as doing something, but at least we had the freedom to spend the day by the pool if we wanted to,” Olivia practically rambled before stopping herself, even though it was too late. “I just sounded way too spoiled, didn’t I?” she asked, grimacing at her own comment. “And to think that only used to happen years and years ago. What I mean is that I love what I do, but I was looking forward of doing something different this summer. All of a sudden things started to change,” she said. It was hard to hide her disappointment. From the very beginning of spring, something between her and Henry was slightly…off. He was back and forth between business meetings and trips that she no idea of what to expect for the rest of the summer. The last time she truly spoke with him, they ventured into the ‘M word’ topic, which to say the least still terrified her to this day. Or did it? “Hey, New York has a lot of faces. We both know that, we grew up here. Sweaty people is just another thing to add to the list. But it’s nice to see you’re feeling at home, travelling is definitely tiring after a while,” she smiled sheepishly. Olivia glanced at him. “I-I guess we will,” she said, clearing her throat. What? “Don’t worry, I always have a plan B and a plan C. Being bored is not on top of my list. Does that mean I’ll be seeing you around more often then?” Liv dared to asked, eager to know his response. She was so engaged with knowing if he was really that fond of being with her, that she had to wonder if it was real. “Coney Island,” she let out a breath and her eyes widened with surprise. “Wow. Now that’s somewhere I haven’t been in a very long time. I don’t recall when it was the last time I went. Was it your nanny or mine that took us there for the first time?”

Thomas gave her a look, his jaw dropping at her teasing comment. “No, no, you’re right.” he nodded, pretending he was hurt by her words. “I only bought him for you, I wasn’t involved in his raising.” Thomas said, and while they were both only joking, there was obviously some truth in it. Thomas had spent five years away, trying to forget about Olivia, so he really couldn’t say that they shared anything anymore other than a tragic past. Thomas laughed, “That’s a fair arrangement, I can do that. I just hope you’re not asking for alcoholic drinks because we all know you are a very embarrassing drunk.”

Thomas groaned at the mention of the vegetable that he hated, “I might have to. But the way I see it, I should be teaching you how to cook, because it seems I’m better in the kitchen than you.” he grinned, nudging her gently in the arm. Judging by her expression, Thomas could tell that Olivia was recalling all those summers they had had in the Hamptons, playing tennis in the morning and indulging in ice cream after the match as a reward. He genuinely missed those times and would’ve done anything to relive them. “Oh yeah, you were well on your way to becoming the new Serena Williams.” Thomas laughed. He would never tell her that he often let her get a point just so he could see that beautiful smile on her face that lit up her features. “I am really glad that you two have remained close after all this time...” Thomas said, smiling softly at Olivia. “I can’t think of anyone else on the Upper East Side that has had such strong friendship for so long.” That could’ve been them, of course, Thomas realized. But fate had had other plans for them, it seemed. “Especially because both of you are such busy women.” he added as an afterthought, smiling once again.

“Please,” Thomas scoffed, laughing along with Olivia. “You and your mom can’t compare. She has tried to turn you into her, yes, but I’m glad you’ve shown resistance.” he said, and it was the truth. Thomas was afraid that by the time he came back to New York, he was going to find Olivia acting like a younger version of her mother--which was often the case on the UES--but thankfully that hadn’t happened. “You’re too stubborn and headstrong to follow anyone else’s footsteps but your own.” Thomas pointed out, shaking his head at Olivia, the corners of his lips curving up. “Nope, that was all you. You and your talent for working that racket.” he laughed. “Oh, believe me, I was screaming internally.” Thomas said with a chuckle. “I think you should, there’d be no harm in it. And if you need a fair opponent, you can always count on me.” he grinned. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to suggest spending even more time with her, but Thomas couldn’t help himself, the words just kept coming out unexpectedly. It was second-nature to offer things like that, because he wasn’t programmed to think twice before offering to spend time with his best friend. Some things would just never change between them. “I”m starting to understand how Miley Cyrus feels.” Thomas joked. “Thank you, I need to shine on my own without you dulling my sparkle. Get it?” he looked at her eagerly, grinning, “Sparks--sparkle?”

“You are spoiled. We all are.” he pointed out. It wasn’t something to be embarrassed about at this point, it was simply the way they lived. “But yeah, I do miss those days. The biggest decisions we had to make was where to go clubbing or which island in Greece to visit that summer.” Thomas sighed nostalgically. “I guess we shouldn’t be complaining now, either. There are people who have it much worse than us.” His trip around Europe had certainly been an eye-opener in that regard. Thomas realized that there was an undertone to Olivia’s words. He slowed his pace as they walked and looked at her carefully. “What do you mean things started to change, exactly?” he asked, cautious not to invade her privacy, but he was dying to know what she meant with that, especially if it had something to do with Henry. “That’s true. I think I’m ready to settle down.” In every way, he wanted to say. Thomas was a club owner, but his partying days were behind him. He wanted to make a home here, on the Upper East. “Yeah, I mean, if you want to.” Thomas said carefully, looking ahead instead of meeting her gaze. “We’ll both be stuck here, might as well make the most of our summer.” he said, but realized it came out wrong. Wincing, he let out a nervous chuckle, which was completely unlike him. “What I mean is, we could discuss some changes for the club and whatnot. Go on some more kale-salad-and-salmon-meetings.” he added, smiling at her. “I think it was yours. We were really pissing her off with all the running around and hiding from her on purpose.” Thomas laughed, recalling another fond memory. “We should go there some time,” he suggested, “Just for the sake of tradition.”