trying is enough

letting go of control without losing myself peace over perfection ✨ 💗

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Lunch today 💕 yogurt and whipped feta mixed w sprouts on roasted sweet potatoes 🍠

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POV: Currently lying on the couch after getting stood up w no text or anything but I brushed my teeth and did my skincare so I think it’s time for this day to be over

night everyone ✨🌙

Update: it’s morning now and I deleted and blocked his number, I’ll only be delusional abt u once till you ruin it

[gentleedrecovery]

Last weekend, I had a huge day where my friend came to visit and brought some of his friends, and they hung out with my sister and I for a couple hours. I normally have a very hard time going out, I’m really OCD and like to be in a safe controlled environment. I don’t know if it was the adrenaline or what but I did go out and stayed out for a couple hours. It was really fun, but I came home so wiped and emotionally drained like I usually do after social events that I straight up just cried for two hours for no reason and slept for nine hours. When I woke up the next day I realized the fact that my unwinding came from going to bed early and getting a good nights sleep and shutting off my phone instead of binging and purging, getting high, texting a toxic situationship, etc showed a lot of growth even if I didn’t realize it in that moment.

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Ok this looks messy as hell but for lunch I had roasted sweet potatoes with fried eggs and avacado, added some sprouts on top and it was so good! 🥑💛

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Afternoon snack: blueberry oatmeal with pb 🫐🥜

Slightly odd snack choice lol but I bought a whole bunch of blueberries this week and have been trying to use them up. So happy we’re getting into berry season! 🍓🫐

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Lunch today 💕 happy Friday everyone!

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Some things I ate today recovering from a lapse

Yesterday sucked tremendously 🤦‍♀️ but today I went for a walk outside which felt really good. Honestly for how bad I was feeling about myself yesterday I lowkey feel like a baddie for bouncing back so fast ✨💅

Definitely not setting the standard of one day turn arounds haha but it felt good

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So…today is a really hard day. I feel like things were going so well and a lapse ruins it all. I know I said I don’t feel bad when things like this happen, but in the moment I do. Hard days will happen, they are temporary, and it sucks. That doesn’t make it your fault though.

Love to anyone who is going through this right now, it’s ok to not be ok.

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My evening snack last night ✨🌙

Idk who else can relate to this but evenings are always when I’m the most likely to binge. Most of the time I’m ok all day then night rolls around and the bp cycle starts. It used to reck my sleep schedule and mess me up the whole day after. I tried not eating at all after dinner, thinking that if I ate before bed it would automatically become a binge. But restricting myself at the same time each day just made the urge to binge at night even worse. So now I have an evening snack while I listen to an audiobook and I’ve found it’s a great way to wind down at the end of the day and help my brain relax.

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Second attempt at the viral sushi bake and I think it came out better. This recipe is for one serving:

1 filet salmon (roughly 4-5 oz) steamed 4 minutes on med heat then flaked into sauce

1/2 cup brown rice rinsed and cooked with 3/4 cup water for 23 minutes on high in the instant pot plus 10 minutes with the lid on to naturally release pressure

Sauce: 2-3 tbsp kewpie mayo, 1/2 tsp siracha, 1/2 tsp sesame oil, 1 tsp soy sauce

Rice: 1 1/2 tsp rice vinegar, pinch of salt

I spread the salmon mixture on top then baked it for 5 minutes at 400 degrees F

I also topped it with some toasted sesame seeds and green onion

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Today marks one month without purging! ☺️☺️

My mom was so sweet she said to celebrate we could go and get this new digital camera I’ve been wanting! Celebrating one month without throwing up is not to say that I feel bad for the times I do. If I threw up tomorrow it wouldn’t take away the progress I’ve made. One month with out purging is a big accomplishment for me, but so is trying again after a hard moment. When I do throw up, keeping down the very next meal is something I’m as proud of doing as anything.

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Went to a vintage market this weekend and got these 60’s boots, they r so cute I’m dying 😭💕

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Moved my table in front of the window so eating could be a vibe ✨ also trying to save money so apple and pb has become my go-to snack 🍎🥜

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Eating something else when I’m already full, without it turning into a binge or restricting later, is so fking hard lol. But I’m proving to myself that eating again after a meal isn’t something to feel guilty over, because my body doesn’t see it that way. It’s built to handle eating more sometimes, process it, and return to normal, so if I just move on with my day, by tomorrow I won’t feel any different just because I had that extra piece of avocado toast after dinner.

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Been making this salad for lunch a lot lately, rlly yummy and acid reflux-friendly. I use butter lettuce, avacado, baked chickpeas, cucumber, and feta but if you’re not worried about GERD I’d add red or green onion too for flavor 🥑💕

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I just ordered these from Amazon and I LOVE them! Got this idea from chat gbt so I can’t take credit but putting on flavored lip balm or lipgloss after eating is a fun and cute thing that helps me not to purge. I think for me, just adding a little sensory barrier helps a lot. 💕

Amazon.com : eos 100% Natural Lip Balm, Raspberry Kiwi Splash & Passionfruit Agave, All-Day Moisture, Lip Care Products, 0.14 oz, 2-Pack : B

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Today I felt rlly anxious right after finishing a meal and felt like I needed to throw up. When that happens my rule of thumb is wait 15 minutes and see how I feel then. No phones, no mirrors, I get up and do something small like rinse my plate and put it in the dishwasher, then put away some books or clothes I left lying around, any small task that takes up the 15 minutes. Most of the time afterwards even if I feel anxious the urge has lost its power over me.