Realization of the night:
Sometimes it's the chase that really reels you in but it's also the barriers that keep you at bay. For instance, when you pursue someone because you think you have feelings for them but once you have them you get bored (the chase is better than the gain). Or you are pursued by someone who is great and would be great for you but past experiences and mental blocks prevent you from allowing yourself to fully let them in, let alone know you're actually interested (being guarded by too many barriers can hinder your ability to live life to it's fullest). In other words, not only do I commit both of these acts I am always consumed by one or the other, if not both. I would like to find a happy medium, a safe middle ground somewhere. Where I have barriers up until worthy people break them down or until I decided it's not needed in place anymore. Also where I pursue someone who actually matters and who pursues me back. An equal playing field where no one holds more power than the other. Because when there is a power struggle no one wins in a relationship. There must be balance. But enough rambling time for bed.
