whatever spills out of my head goes here

I'm here to ramble about shit. Too grown to be here, too broke to leave.

[chevelleneech]

What did you think of H's speech? I think while he seemed well rested like he said, he wasn't as upbeat or articulate in the speech and press interviews as he usually is. Him resorting to the 'gay yearning eyes' bit, flubbing his words and trailing off when making some points, and a very pointed comment at being pro-Canada because the US 'isnt all sunshine and rainbows'......idk sounds very burnout to me, like he still hasn't recovered from the exhaustion he was talking about at the Met Gala. Also his initial reaction to his win, he seemed embarrassed and unable to take it in.

He did seem very happy to be reunited with the cast again, and seemed to gain some of his energy back from it. I'm surprised he hasn't posted anything about his win.

Honestly, he was probably just nervous. It’s was a lot of nominations, and a lot of eyes and expectations, and their press was larger than it’s ever been specifically because he was there. I think he’s already said that while he wants to be there (in the industry), he still underestimated how Big and Chaotic fame is when you’re not looking at it from a fan perspective.

As for his pro-Canada comment… I think he was obviously joking. He said it so sarcastically, because obviously Canada has historically done many wrongs, same as the US.

Ultimately, I think analyzing his behavior every time he opens his mouth isn’t really necessary. He was probably just excited, nervous, tired, anxious, and so many other feelings due to this being his first big award.

[chevelleneech]

Haven't read your post about the post prev anon sent in yet https://www.tumblr.com/canichangemyblogname/817446132727873536/hr-fans-arent-ready-to-hear-this-and-i-will-be? but that blog must have blocked you? I can see the post.

Tbf, I always forget posts don’t show up for blocked accounts. So they could’ve blocked me for sure, lol.

[chevelleneech]

i found this post recently : https://www.tumblr.com/canichangemyblogname/817446132727873536/hr-fans-arent-ready-to-hear-this-and-i-will-be?source=share

Apparently this is critiquing Hudson's humour, specifically how he finds it easier to joke about gay sex acts while reinforcing his attraction to women from a gay man's perspective. I mean yes he's jokes aren't coming from a place malicious intent but the post suggests it's create a sense of machismo by distancing himself from the queer aspect. Since many of us believe he's queer, this kinda gave me a pause not going to lie

The post is gone, so I can’t comment on what it says specifically.

However, based on what you wrote here, I must say, I do find it interesting that thus far, the conversation surrounding Hudson’s sexuality is pretty much: how many ways can we dismiss the possibility of him being attracted to men?

Because in what ways does a guy joking about gay sex negate his own potential sexuality being queer? If of course, he’s not being derogatory. And how often have we seen or heard Hudson specifically imply he’s only into women?

Did this post specify those instances? Because from off the top of my head, I will use his SUE podcast as an example. He details exactly what he thinks pubes should look like on men, and sort of insinuates he likes it on women as well, before pivoting and saying he’s talking about himself. Not to call him a liar, but I think that was his media training jumping in to save his ass. However, point is, if Hudson were single, therefore no one knew if he liked women at all, would anyone have assumed he did from that comment?

And I would like an honest answer, from anyone who chooses to respond, because I genuinely think it would be, “No.”

The current perception of Hudson’s sexuality is based solely on the fact that he is dating a woman. Wholly and completely, because he has no exes posting about him, no rumors of exes, no old posts popping up that insinuate anything about an ex, and thus far, none of his friends post about him and any exes. All we know is he has a girlfriend he’s committed to, and likes queer storytelling.

And not to come across as overly parasocial, but from what I’ve seen online, Hudson and Katelyn have been together since they were around 21. Yet as we know, he stopped pursuing performing arts to do sports instead to fit in with boys, and did not get back into acting and filmmaking until he was 17. I know I point this out a lot, but it is important if we’re going to discuss hypotheticals such as, what struggles Hudson could’ve faced as a young queer or questioning kid.

So if 17 is when he started interacting with filmmaking again in a serious way, and he was making queer short films by the time he was 19… why is it so important for people to decide on his behalf that queerness is nothing more than a joke to him? He then got a girlfriend at 20 or 21 and has been with her for the last four or five years.

I understand being cautious or simply having a difference of opinion on the topic, and I’m not saying all of my interpretations are correct. What I am saying, is I don’t understand why Hudson Williams has become the pillar of expectation when it comes to perfectly performed queerness.

Why does his potential queerness have to be fully defined, easily understood, and relatable to everyone? He is a 25 year old who seemingly forced himself to do “boy things” to fit in as a kid, then took a leap going back into “queer things” as he moved into his early adult years. He then started dating someone who happens to be a woman. Meaning, it is still possible Hudson is aware he likes guys, yet has never interacted with one in a romantic or sexual way.

If that is the case, does he have to? No. Sexuality and expressions of it differ for everyone, but again, if this is how things went for him, what else can he do short of coming out, to get people off his ass? Haters have deemed him queerbaiting and homophobic, and others have supposedly deemed him an ally who repeatedly asserts his heterosexuality, but from where I’m sitting, it kind of just seems like people are choosing to interpret everything that could suggest he’s queer as him being a shitty/stereotypical straight guy.

He doesn’t give any clear answers on his sexuality at all, in fact, and again, if he were single, meaning there was no Katelyn to sway anyone’s opinions on his romantic interests, would his flamboyance and ambiguity around sexuality not lead directly to the assumption that he isn’t straight? Would his comments and likes related to bisexuality not lead to the assumption he is bi?

Or are we only ever meant to believe his flamboyant speech is typical straight Canadian man speech, his flamboyant mannerisms are mockery, his comfort in relation to gay sex equals comfort because he knows he’s straight (a thing he has yet to state), and his interest in queer storytelling is either a cash grab or perfect allyship?

Anyway, yes, Hudson could be a great straight ally, but at the same time, why is he not allowed a closet? From Jordan Firstman all the way down to stans on the internet who dislike him, suggesting he might be in the closet is viewed as blasphemous and homophobic. All because he’s dating a woman. Yet somehow, that rhetoric isn’t considered biphobic.

Thus, the tone is set. Hudson can be an ally all he wants and people are waiting with open arms for him to make a statement saying so, but he can’t be presumed queer nor closeted until he dumps his girlfriend.

[chevelleneech]

One more before I’m done, but it genuinely pisses me off that he said that shit with his whole chest and no care in the fucking world.

“Some bitch.”

Mika is a beautiful young woman, and while I’m not going to pretend to know anything about her, it will always frustrate me to see women of any age, but especially young women in long term relationships, be convinced an ain’t shit ass boy is who they should marry. I’m sure her heart is broken, but I sincerely hope she has friends and family in her corner telling her he don’t deserve a single tear.

Because no part of me, none, believes that was a one-off comment. If he’s willing to degrade her like that in front of company, recording mics, and a camera, knowing it’d be posted for the world to see/hear, he has 100% said that shit and worse behind closed doors. Whether she left him or he left her, being without him before her career takes off is a blessing in disguise.

[chevelleneech]

I am mildly I’m invested in the situation with Mika Abdalla, and think she should mend her broken heart with a 6’5 man who is handsome as hell, then proceed to be the prettiest bitch about town, because fuck that goofy looking white man🤷🏾‍♀️

Calling your 5-year-long fiancé, “some bitch” in front of y’all friends on a podcast, then doubling down when she politely calls you out, and saying, “dap me up!” Absolutely thee fuck not.

I don’t care if she cheated, been cheating, or let three weeks of fame go to her head. You don’t do that shit to your supposed Person, then laugh it off whilst everyone else in the room is visibly uncomfortable. Hopefully that breakup was a long time coming, and she was just waiting for proper financial security to make it happen.

[chevelleneech]

The media literacy decline has never been so apparent than in the number of people watching Svetlana's introduction and immediately calling her Ilya's girlfriend as if she doesn't directly discuss that he was going to fuck "Jane"

I get immediately assuming she’s his girlfriend, but once she laughs off Jane, I don’t understand continuing to think they’re a couple. Or monogamous, at least. I’ve seen people react and say, “I don’t like that Ilya has another hook-up.” Why? He and Shane don’t date nor even attempt exclusivity until 2017. Shane don’t showcase feelings until 2014. Ilya don’t owe him monogamy.

That said, the show drops the ball heavy by not having Shane even remotely check out other guys or at least make out with some, which I do think unfortunately helps carry people’s belief that Ilya is the only one in it for sex, while Shane is falling in love. I really don’t think removing that aspect of the book made sense, storytelling wise.

[chevelleneech]

Very curious. I understand though if you will not reply. Are tarot readers common in fandoms? I've seen 2 BTS tarot readers but for HR, there's quite a number and I am surprised because the fandom is relatively young.

I’d guess they are. BTS probably had them more back in the day, and HR is the new current craze. However, HR fans do seem way more willing to engage with them, so I’m sure the people behind the accounts are doing all they can to keep attention. But I remember them back during 1D’s popularity, so I think most fandoms end up dealing with them one way or another. Especially if there is a big enough online fan base.

Same with “insiders”. If enough people care to engage, suddenly everybody heard, saw, or stumbled upon some secret about a celebrity. Hell, even the 9-1-1 fandom got hit with “insiders” over Tommy’s fuck ass character, and they maintained a following for all of s8 even though they were consistently wrong about everything, lol. Fans will believe whatever they want to believe if it fits their narrative.

[chevelleneech]

Prime locking the Off Campus cast down and having them film right away, was the smartest decision they could’ve made. Because Heated Rivalry s2 not dropping for another year, lol. Off Campus definitely coming before that, and their marketing team about to go crazy to keep them relevant.

[chevelleneech]

What Jacob Tierney said about awards being stupid was not a lack of empathy nor shady. Actors, writers, creatives and entertainers say the same thing all the time, because they are objectively stupid. Not in the sense of, “point and laugh at this ugly thing!” But in the sense of, “recognition is wonderful and this is a nice accolade to be given, but awards do not actually determine one’s merit.”

Being eligible for the Emmys would be cool to them, surely, but an Emmy is not the end all be all goal of creating good art. As well, in that moment, they were at an award show which nominated them 13 times, then awarded them 13 times. However, what those awards didn’t do, was determine whether or not Heated Rivalry was good. Audiences decided that, because all the people involved with bringing the story to life, did their jobs well.

Again, recognition for a job well done is never stupid, but award shows across the board being presented as “proof” of skill is why so many storytellers and artists of various industries aren’t being given the time of day. Heated Rivalry was a force to be reckoned with, but had they remained ineligible for the CSAs, people would have decided the show was ass and even their own country felt it was slop.

Being nominated and winning helps, but awards also hinder. They set the stage for preconceived ideas of status and ability, and failing to land a nomination or win translates to “not good enough” for many people across many industries. Which is stupid.

As for the supposed shade against Connor… he’s not Canadian… all that other man said was, stop asking why a non-Canadian wasn’t nominated when non-Canadians can’t be nominated at a Canadian award show. There is nothing shady about that.

[chevelleneech]

Random thought.

I don’t know what I expected a white, gym buff, who left his kid alone with lighters and empty glass bottles to look like, but it wasn’t what Hudson’s dad actually looks like, that’s for sure, lmao. That man looks like he teaches fourth grade English.

Hudson describes his parents low key chaotically, but they also look like they “fit”. His whole, “if men on the spectrum is your thing, date my dad, he’s autistic and single!” makes total sense when coupled with, “my mom and I talk bout sex and romantic partners as we smoke cigars together”. It’s kind of like… why did they divorce? I don’t actually want to know, but all of it together explains why he is the way he is. They’re a very unassuming trio, who turn up at the function the second music starts playing, lol.

[chevelleneech]

Two things can be true at once: JJ and Carter castings being lazy at best and colorist at worst, and Fabian being done right - the guy is said to be Lebanese Canadian and seems to be queer, down to play explicit sex scenes on screen. And he probably sings. He also has to have chemistry with Ryan actor and be a decent actor. These are very limited options when you can't just hire any dark-skinned Brown guy. He's not white passing even if he's biracial.

This has nothing to do with what I said, because I didn’t say they should cast any Brown Guy nor that the man isn’t “Lebanese enough”. I said their casting department is colorist, because they clearly are, if he’s playing Fabian.

You don’t just “happen” to only find fair skinned biracial people for every role, including ones where characters are explicitly described as dark or brown skin. Except for the one where his entire point is to kiss up on the lead and be questionable. Y’all just love coddling people, even when they in the wrong, and pulling that fake ass “best actor for the role” shit when it’s always the same issue over and over. Non-light skin or biracial Black actors exist. Non-fair skin or mixed race Lebanese actors who sing, and are willing to simulate sex on screen, exist.

Yes, chemistry and acting ability matter, and yes, I know queer actors of specific descents have a harder time getting cast, so good for him if this happens to be his big break. However, he isn’t the problem. It’s the fact that every step of the way, for the last ten years at least, monoracial Brown and Black people have been erased on screen, more and more. Even Yuna, who is meant to be monoracial Japanese (or at the very least any East Asian ethnicity) was cast biracial.

Which is ultimately the point. Jacob and co do not actually pay attention to race and discrimination the way they claim to want to, and the seemingly consist colorist casting of the series showcases that. Again, the darkest person cast thus far was the actor playing Miles, and he’s irrelevant to the plot and only shows up for max two minutes. After him is Nadine, who is lovely, but is also in a best friend/supporter to the lead white character, role.

Heated Rivalry is a good show and its queer representation is important and well done. However, its racial representation is not, when you actually look beyond the shallow scope of ‘existence on screen = good rep.’ And that’s honestly fine. Jacob Tierney is white, so he can only work to the best of his knowledge, but that doesn’t mean his short comings can’t be highlighted. He’s not going to care that some random woman online thinks he’s colorist, even if unintentionally so, because it doesn’t affect him. Hollywood is colorist.

[chevelleneech]

If that casting rumor for Fabian is true, I 100% do not trust Jacob to do anything decent with racism or colorism going forward.

Shane being Asian was made more important than in the book, but was still bare minimum. Fabian potentially being half white and extra light bright for the show? Yeah, everybody involved in casting is colorist as hell, whether they realize it or not.

[chevelleneech]

Someone pretending to be mad at Hudson, tweeted, “What does he know about bottoming!?”

And this is how I know the outrage is pure bullshit, because even if he’s straight… men get pegged! Hudson is a man they don’t like and believe to be heterosexual, but that does not mean he can’t like anal play, lmao! Do you know how crazy you have to be to be outraged that an adult who is seemingly sexually active, might also be into a very common sexual act?

Mind you, he was obviously talking about Shane, but why would his usage of “bottom eyes” piss anyone off? Was Shane not bottoming in the show? Is Shane written as having explicitly said he prefers to bottom in the book? I really don’t get it, lol.

[chevelleneech]

I'm going to have to say that everyone is doing a bit of rewriting because I definitely saw violent backlash the second people thought Connor and him were together. Before he said anything about hudconners, they were already disparaging his character, calling him a pedophile, and starting to dig up anything they could on him. They already were kinda ehh about him and attacking people who liked his episode (at least in the parts of Twitter I was in and it was insufferable) but it ramped up abruptly once they decided all at once that they were together. I can still remember the night everything changed into a months long attack campaign that engulfed him, his family, friends, ex, and Connor's too.

There were like a handful of people in his comments being terrible, and while they shouldn’t have been, that does not equate to the absolute heinous behavior that followed when white fans felt like he gave the green light to be racist and dismissive of the Asian co-lead of the show.

Y’all are so desperate to make Francois a victim who didn’t do a single thing wrong, and I don’t get why, beyond racism. Every celebrity gets hated on when they start gaining traction, and for F, his career has been more or less lowkey. He’s never had a role this global before, so of course there will be shitty people popping up as soon as he lands one. However, to be 40 years old and stoking the fan war flames does not make any sense. It’s already been established that the few people calling him out his name early on shouldn’t have been, but the fact that y’all refuse to acknowledge how him highlighting such small amount of hatred in the way he did, fueled months of harassment, racism, and biphobia, blows my mind.

On top of that, the entire cast and crew felt it best to let Francois air his feelings about… ship wars, yet thought it wasn’t a good idea to denounce racism? Y’all, come on. That interview ignited all this bullshit and we all saw it play out. It’s okay to admit. They’ve moved on and wanna play like it didn’t matter, so why continue to push the angle that he played no part? He stood up against racism, like the great white hope he is deep inside, and his Asian co-star co-signed. All is good.

Anyway. I’m not entertaining anymore woe is him messages about that man. He knew what he was doing, and knows his whiteness + an “I hate racism!” post is enough to be absolved from here on out. He’ll be fine.

[chevelleneech]

Honestly there are/were a lot of people that hated François so much it made them look stupid because in what world would an actor try to push a co-star down a staircase in front of a bunch of people including a fuck ton of fans? Why were there so many people accepting that narrative form a clip of a longer video showing that he was asking Hudson to go in front of him so he'd be with Connor.

I didn’t say people didn’t/don’t hate the man for ridiculous reasons, I’m saying the bulk of this “Hudcon vs Francois/Connor” mess didn’t start from Hudcon shippers being upset over another ship. F and C weren’t even really viewed as a ship before F’s interview. There were pictures of them together from on set, and no one was blowing up about it, because F was assumed to be in a relationship.

It didn’t move into an issue until after what he said, which only furthered people’s dislike of him, because that interview came after he had already been dismissive of Hollanov, associating people who prefer their scenes to porn addicts.

Francois did in fact put his foot in his mouth a few times before the F/C ship set sail, and him being bisexual is what helped charge any and all allegations against both Hudson and Hudcon shippers. All of a sudden, everybody was homophobic for not liking him, even though he was an actor saying dumb/misleading shit. Had he been straight, none of these media outlets nor fans would’ve created a Francois protection squad over ship debates.

He would’ve been called out for bringing up normal fandom activity, for bringing even more attention to Connor’s undeclared sexuality and dating life, and called an asshole for insinuating Hollanov was just porn. All of which a good amount of Hudcon shippers and Hudson fans called him out for, but because he’s bi and was maybe dating the white lead, it was dismissed as hate fueled by jealousy and delusion.

Trust, I get that the time has come and gone, but we don’t have to circle back to pretending Francois was just smiling and waving and got hated for absolutely no reason. He stoked flames and did so multiple times, but once Connor went radio silent, so did their interactions, and now we’re all here. Were they dating? Who knows, but the point is, everybody involved has decided to act like that early shit show didn’t happen, so that’s all we can do too.

[chevelleneech]

I know you're not an HC shipper but my god the waves this fandom does in a single day is exhausting. On one hand everyone's happy that hudson thanked connor (which was obvious to me), that the show and he won, on the other it's just doom and gloom. I just wanted to enjoy their bond in peace jeez

I think a decent chunk of their shippers have just decided something bad happened between them after MG, so now every happy moment or mention will be viewed as proof of yearning.

[chevelleneech]

I need more fics where Shane and Ilya’s friends either willingly or accidentally see them fucking, and are like, “Oh, yeah, okay. They’re hot as fuck together.”