The (Largely) Unremarkable Musings of a Man Stuck in the Present

Variably-aged, pathologist, easily entertained but also very easily bored. I had hobbies, now I just have some interests.

[getmemymicroscope]

Un-Cease'd

Previous years, MLB had “free game of the day” on their app/site so you could watch essentially a game on most days, and they would even cut into things like today’s “no hitter” in later innings.

Now, with the whole “you need an ESPN account to sign up ... not necessarily a paid account though if you forget to immediately cancel then yes, you will be charged … to watch anything,” that no longer exists (at least not like it used to).

It’s not even any sort of personal boycott or anything - I think I have an ESPN account (but just ESPN+, which apparently isn’t worth shit anymore, if it even exists), but it’s just the whole concept of “you must sign up for A to use B, even if you don’t want A and immediately cancel it” that is so, so fucking dumb. Doesn’t everyone already have enough accounts they’re drowning in?

This hasn’t made me sign up for A (ESPN), it’s just made me watch/follow even less B (MLB). And they wonder why people are watching less (I mean, it isn’t just this: ticket prices are fucking insane; and so too now are the prices of MLBtv and even the audio feeds; the absence of any sort of parity - see the Dodgers salary per year compared to teams like the Pirates; even with the ABS, you have/had umpires like Bucknor to insert fucked up egos and ruin things; the ridiculous blackout rules)…

Anyhow, apparently the no-hitter fell apart in the 9th, I learned after the fact - but not by watching it.

[getmemymicroscope]

Tanu Weds Manu 3: Abbe Bas Kar Yaar

Approximately 10 years after the ridiculousness Tanu Weds Manu Returns, everyone has moved on. But they haven’t, really. Tanu and Manu’s wedding is still persisting entirely on “we’re married so we can’t give it up” - Manu still wonders if things would’ve been better with Kusum, and Tanu still doesn’t know why she said yes to him in the first place.

Meanwhile, off in his own universe, Raja has finally had enough of girls that look like Tanu and has found himself a new to-be bride. Through some unfortunate coincidence, Tanu and Manu end up in town just around the time of his wedding and Raja, desperate, does his best to keep his bride hidden from Manu. It all goes mostly well, and her few interactions with this warring couple convince her that she doesn’t really like either of them. Raja is placated. All is well - until right before intermission, when a freak incident results in a major accident. The to-be bride survives, but ends up requiring multiple surgeries. In a very Yakeen-like twist (that Priyanka/Arjun movie), without the Yakeen-like reason, when the bride-to-be comes to be, we see that the surgeon has had to do a lot of work on her face - and now she looks very similar to Tanu!

Raja is shocked. Tanu is shocked. Kusum, who still never fully got over Manu, is shocked. Manu is … smitten. And, it turns out - due to some unexplained supernatural events, having that face also somehow makes you become smitten with Manu. Suddenly, she is in love with Manu too (a ‘heart says yes, brain says no’) situation. Her parents, loving the idea of their daughter marrying a doctor, immediately accept him. And the marriage procession begins while at the same time, he needs to get divorced first.

Tanu tries to object, because she feels she must, but also has to deal with Chintu trying to run interference. Raja has had enough, thinks about brandishing his weapon again, but instead swears off women and marriage. Kusum, realizing Manu is super shallow and only in love with a face, leaves with renewed love and confidence for herself. Tanu realizes that this relationship needs to end and this time signs the divorce papers. She realizes she can do better than everyone here and leaves, never to return.

[getmemymicroscope]

The Story of Toy Story 5

Okay, I get it. Nostalgia and “we’re in the era of remakes and sequels” and the stories of the prior 4 Toy Story movies are sort of guiding how this 5th one will go. And don’t get me wrong, “evils of technology” and “technology has destroyed the toy industry” (RIP, Toys’R’Us) and even “technology is always listening” (that one scene in the trailer) is all very valid, and of course they’re going to include humans, because, again, all the prior movies have also.

But man, the whole premise of Fork’s wedding and someone poisoning the bridesmaid seems very entertaining. I want that movie, with all the roles played by these Toy Story toys.

[getmemymicroscope]

Moving my movie comments to Letterbox’d I thought would allow me to free up this space to go more in-depth about random thoughts regarding the movies without so much “reviewing” them. But alas, much like moving my book reviews to Goodreads, it has instead just sort of squashed everything. That could, of course, also just be because I haven’t really had the headspace to have deeper thoughts about the movies I’ve been watching lately. But I guess I moved my “no one reads this” stuff about movies from one site to another and, well, do I really need 2 spaces for that? Me thinks not.

[getmemymicroscope]

Plot Idea

Something that just came to my head as I watched the season 1 finale of Murder in a Small Town. It’s just the beginnings of an idea, rather than a true plot point, but probably not something I’ll ever do anything with - and with the death of NaNo, I’m not sure I have anywhere else to share it.

Murders in a Large Town

A detective from the small town of Purple Gorge, a very small town with a very high murder rate - you know, like one of those small towns on TV - is promoted to the nearby metropolis of Grassford and is taken aback by the relative lack of murders given the numerously more people in the city; the fewer eyewitnesses and, indeed, the lack of neighbors who have useful - or not so useful - gossip, er, information, to add; the much larger pool of suspects that each case starts with; and the absurd amount of oversight that exists, limiting their ability to just investigate the case.

While they’ve built up a solid case closure rate in Purple Gorge, things take a wide swing in Grassford as, despite the much wider availability of things like security cameras and people walking around at all times, no one has seen anything and the unsolved cases start piling up. Torn between the comfort of the small town gruesome murders that linger in the air for months and the larger city’s run-of-the-mill deaths that everyone has moved on from within minutes, they find themselves wondering whether this was actually a promotion or a punishment.

[getmemymicroscope]

“Bekhabar beqadar, pyar sach hai agar; Dekhna ek din royega mere bin; Raah mein chhod kar, mera dil tod kar; Mujh ko tadpaya kyun, tu bhi tadpega yun"

This movie (Shalimar, 1978) was … a lot. But damn if this song, and especially these lyrics, don’t just really bring out her pain.

Unfortunately, the movie totally wasted this entire build-up and her pain to give us a very cliché Bollywood ending and fixing everything without much of anything coming from these lyrics, but these lines could’ve been absolute fire if used in the proper movie/context (aka, not this one).

[getmemymicroscope]

Having never seen the web series or the show, this movie isn’t exactly directed towards me. I went in with no knowledge about the show, the cast, the premise - all I knew was that I had come across some Insta post (not even a video, like everything on that hellsite is now, but just a singular post) that suggested watching the movie, and the basic “they travel back in time” premise. And I figured - day off, why not?

And man, this was hilarious! Almost from the start, multiple people in the theater were literally LOL’ing (some folks I overheard saying that they were really excited for this, so I’m guessing they came in knowing the show), but even I found myself in that position despite that aforementioned lack of knowledge.

And while this story is about a duo that have formed a “band” but cannot get the gig they want, leading them to a harebrained “plan” that involves time traveling back to 2008, it is less a time travel movie than a movie about friendship that involves time travel (and several references to Back to the Future). The friendship story isn’t exactly new - many movies follow the same idea of friends wondering if they’ll be more successfully professionally if they’re alone - but what really elevates this is the absurdity of the humor and the brilliance of the time travel story. And, of course, the acting and chemistry of the two leads.

Absolutely loved this movie and glad I caught it in theaters, especially amidst a crowd of folks who knew what was going on and were also cool with laughing out loud. That sort of atmosphere just cannot be beat!

[getmemymicroscope]

Like a less fun version of The Afterparty. A whole bunch of folks get together for their high school reunion, which coincides with a major storm and forces some folks, who partied too hard, to spend the night. When they wake up, their host is dead - and it looks like he was killed by someone still in the house.

Jamie Chung is gorgeous.

[getmemymicroscope]

Decently fun story about a wanna-be villain who wants to conquer the world and her friends, a couple of low-level henchmen - one who doesn’t believe in killing, one who immediately swear loyalty to any villain he meets, who get thrown for a loop when they accidentally kill the villain they were working for and then our heroine is forced to run from a “become a villain” contest when a hero shows up.

Then they’re in a bind, trying to hide secrets from each other (well, she is; and they all are from the intern they inherit) as they try to make enough money to make their first step towards world domination come true. But in the process, they’ll learn a lot about friendship and about the true villains in the world - businessmen.

Colin Mochrie being in this was interesting (and why I turned it on), and he had some decent moments. And overall, there were some laughs and it never really bored or annoyed.

[getmemymicroscope]

This complete the trifecta of really underwhelming adaptations of Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon series (I know they also turned The Lost Symbol into a quickly-cancelled show and might also turn his latest into a show, but it would appear the movie franchise is over).

It’s been a long time since I’ve read the book, to the point where I didn’t really remember the story - though the “twist” did come back to me about half-way through. Honestly, though, it felt pretty underwhelming and sorta out of the blue here (after everything that’s happened thus far).

The bad guy is essentially Thanos, but with his issues obviously limited just to humanity/Earth and not the full universe. But he’s got the same sort of idea/plan, albeit slightly more morbid and painful (for people as a whole) and this misguided idea that “the only way to save humanity is by forcibly killing off half of the people.” It’s nonsense, of course, but since he’s apparently a well-spoken, morally bankrupt man with easy access to the internet, he develops some sort of following (though, at the end, there is only like 3-4 of them there, so I don’t know how big the following really was).

The problem here is similar to a lot of these types of stories - maybe the idea behind the villainous thought it somewhat valid (overpopulation is destroying the earth), but these drastic measures just take away from the real conversations that need to be had. And then throwing that all into this jumbled mess of a story doesn’t help either.

[getmemymicroscope]

A really fascinating concept (“soul storage”) - the removal and storage of souls (and potentially the borrowing of other people’s souls) - that brings up a lot of questions about what a soul is/contains, what happens to souls after death, what happens to you without a soul. Not to mention, as this movie touches on, the idea of this black market/illegal procedure, complete with like soul mules.

Unfortunately, this movie just slow walks through the physical stuff and doesn’t really address the philosophical stuff at all.

This would’ve been a lot more fun as a deeply philosophical/ethical book.

[getmemymicroscope]

Going way back to 1986 - when Govinda was apparently in 5 movies (this being the 5th, and apparently the least popular, because there’s almost no information about it online).

It’s very 80s Bollywood - our character is an inspector, honest of course, who crosses paths with a corrupt rich man whose illegal activities are put at risk by this officer, inciting a war between the 2.

This movie, though, has no issues pulling punches - as there are numerous deaths, including Govinda’s daughter (!) and a couple of friends he had made in this journey - but also never gets too far lost that it turns into a drama of husband v/s wife. This allows Govinda to focus on the task at hand - taking down this corrupt businessman.

The movie itself, especially now almost 40 years later, doesn’t bring much we haven’t seen before, and the songs aren’t anything super memorable, but it is always interesting to see Govinda in his earlier, slightly more serious roles.

[getmemymicroscope]

Wow. This is some sort of “high on drugs” shit, something that is like a weird mix of the seriousness of Bond (best displayed by the ridiculous villain named Dragon), the womanizer attitude of any 90s Bollywood hero (I’m hesitant to compared it to Bond directly because of how over-the-top it is here, but maybe something similar to the very early Bonds in being somewhat campy?), the absurdity of like a slightly more competent Pink Panther/Naked Gun, and a brief song that really gave of ’Sound of Music’ vibes.

It cycles between this womanizer shit, played (poorly) for laughs, and a more serious backstory about a crazy villain who kidnaps a whole bunch of kids and demands payment to release them. There’s a further subplot about 3 girls (obviously, cuz romance and songs), 1 of whom is one of the kidnap victims and 1 of whom knows, somehow and automatically, that it was supposed to be her. This movie has a chance to be really hard with their decisions, given the opportunity to kill her and really drive home the point, but decides instead to have the bad guy kill off a kid instead and let the “it should’ve been me” girl essentially get so mad at her dad about his absurd decision (completely justified madness, mind you; he’s an ass of a person) that he kills himself.

The movie fails at this balance of serious action/“spy” drama and romance/“comedy,” leaving you just swinging back-and-forth with scenes that never really get fully invested in what they are supposed to be.

Also, our Bond-like villain, despite having what seems to be a rug for hair/facial hair, giving him a unique look, does not appear to have much of a villainous lair. More just a basement, which is why the final fight happens randomly in a swimming pool.

[getmemymicroscope]

Akshay/Suneil team up again - this was their 3rd pairing in 1994 itself, after Mohra & Suhaag - and once again (like Mohra, but also later in Dhadkan, Jaani Dushman, and Aan, if not more), it does not end well for Suneil’s character.

It’s also your typical 70s/80s “lost family” Bollywood drama (well, lost friends) and a cop/robber duology, and it plays those clichéd plot points to the max for the entirety of the story. The love stories are sort of in the background, and yet greatly influence Suneil’s actions throughout most of the movie - though, not really for love and more out of guilt. The attempts at comedy are much more limited than, say, the first half of Suhaag, as this tries to focus more on the action and showing us the proof of Akshay & Suneil being somewhat opposites. Meh, overall.

The songs also weren’t great - I do like “Tujhse Kya Chori,” but its a bit ironic because it’s picturized on Suneil & Madhoo and has a ton of “teri aankhon” lyrics but just seem off-kilter, what with her being blind because of him and all that. (On the plus side, unlike Suhaag, there’s no sudden turn to “organ trafficking” subplot, though they do obviously, just for a second, get to trafficking of people.)

[getmemymicroscope]

This movie apparently released 21 years ago, and for the last 21 years, the songs (especially Kambakht Ishq, but also Ku Ku Ku and Jannat) having been living rent free in my head. Of course, what you also learned about Bollywood growing up in the 90s/00s is that the songs frequently were much better than the movie - which is why I had never seen this before. (It is always disheartening when you love the songs, watch the movie for the songs, and hate the movie.)

And this one… well, yeah. It’s a decent romantic thriller, if you will, if we’re being honest, but our complete red flag of a hero just really ruins everything from the start. The way they (Bollywood in the 90s/00s) romanticize & heroify these walking red flags is horrific when you look back and realize what is actually going on. So even as she goes more and more crazy, he just … goes with it, ruining things with his wife and not realizing how much of an idiot he’s being. And his wife, the smart one from the minute she shows up, almost pays for it with her life.

Then, when finally things are ended, her fucking father comes to them and is like “it’s her birthday, can you go meet her in the asylum?” Like, how the fuck is torturing your daughter with his presence anywhere in the top 6 gazillions things you would think about “getting” her for her birthday? It’s just such a stupid, stupid, stupid ending.

The songs, though, are in fact fucking epic. And we get Kambakht Ishq playing in the background during a photoshoot - and then after that ends, it IMMEDIATELY starts again with the video we all know and love. Twice in a row - will never complain about that!

[getmemymicroscope]

It’s not the worst thing ever, not close, but it’s also just … totally blah. Unfinished and questionably thought out. (And man that green screen is so … obvious.)

Bollywood’s obsession with making “part 1” movies and then scrapping “part 2” is getting really fucking annoying. We’re here-in left with a half story where Tiger Shroff, our hero, spends most of the movie being entirely despicable (even if he “has a plan,” we obviously don’t know it). We’re supposed to celebrate him? Cuz there’s nothing to celebrate.

The whole “chosen one” storyline is crazy because he could’ve trained anyone, but some guy (Amitabh Bachchan in a “why is he here?” role) was like “wait for my grandson before you do anything, he’s the savior.” Nepotism in that alternate future reality (which is actually similar to our reality, but more extreme and slightly Mad Max’s), really? So people have to suffer for generations until your grandson is of age and hopefully decides to fight your fight when he grew up removed from it all?

Kriti’s been fighting for years, but when he shows up after his first about face, he (who’s only been fighting for like weeks/months?) handles her with total ease. And then the guy is like “no, don’t go, no one returns from there,” and they both go - the guy is immediately killed and she just goes and gets herself captured. Brilliant. (Of course our hero is the only one who can think ahead and plan.)

[getmemymicroscope]

A slow-moving thriller/drama that takes the politics of high school elections, the excitement of watching votes get individually tallied, the inherent racism/sexism at play here, and the claustrophobic feeling of being entrapped in a sequestered room with all these power-seeking men - and somehow churns out a fucking fantastic film.

“We are mortal men; we serve an ideal. We cannot always be ideal."

The ending here is probably a bit unrealistic - too forward thinking for those involved - but damn, it does sort of give you the hope that maybe, one day, eyes will open and things will change for the better. Doubtful, of course, but maybe.

Ralph Fiennes of course leads & absolutely delivers, but Stanley Tucci & John Lithgow (the 2 other folks I immediately recognize) are also pretty damn good.