Crushes Man

This blog is about my huge crush, and just to get my feelings out there

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

All of our friends don’t get it. They look twice when we joke flirt and question what we mean. I always go we’re life partners, you do to. I know this relationship is different from the one with our friends, we’ve both talked about it. I know you have to feel something too, right?

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

I had a hoe phase. Guess you can say I didn’t know how to deal, but I’m going to stop now. I think I got it out of my system.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

I didn’t want love you but it was 5 am and you told me I deserve something better then I wanted. And I couldn’t help myself.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

I don’t know if you remember me asking you what you would do if you got a crush on a best friend in 9th grade but I asked you right when I realized I had a crush on you. You told me you would tell them so you could get over it and my heart broke into a million pieces, cause I knew then that there was no way you had a crush on me. But then, 3 years later you tell me you would hide it. I know that just seems like one silly thing but I always kept that in mind when convincing myself to not tell you. I know this doesn’t mean you like me but it’s changed all of my thoughts about us.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

So I’m talking someone new. He asked me out, and I said yes, but I feel so bad. I still think of you, I dreamed of us together last night. You liked me and I liked you, but I thought I was over you. I don’t wanna break his heart but I gotta get over you. He’s perfect on paper maybe I will like him. It’s just a date.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

You have no right to act weird about me going with her. You wanted to go with him and I was fine and I acted like it didn’t bother me, cause all I want is for you too be happy. But this works both ways you can’t just act all weird about her being my date when I didn’t with yours. You started this, this isn’t on me.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

So we’re ditching homecoming. Did he ask you out and you say no or what? Can I be your date now, I don’t wanna be desperate but I wanna go with you.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

It’s it bad to hope he asks you out so you say no. Is it bad to hope he doesn’t want to go to prom with you anymore and we can go together?

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

I got to be honest, I wanted to do it without you. I know we do a lot together but this was my plan to get over you. To meet new people and be able to look at you and not ask myself how you feel. But I won’t say anything, I will never complain about the time we spent together because I will always love you. Even when break in ways I never knew.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

You kissed him. Or he kissed you whatever, but there was a kiss. I’m not mad or anything I guess I should have known this was what was going to happen but I didn’t. You say you think he’s going to ask you out and that you plan on saying no. That’s good I guess. If he asks you before prom and you don’t go together can I ask you? Or is that too l desperate, will you know I want too be with you?

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

I feel like a liar, and I hate that. I don’t blame you, ok maybe I blame you a little. You were just so great and I caught all these feeling and now I’m lying all the time. I say I’m just joking and I try to not stop smiling but I hate this. But I’ll do what it takes to keep being friends with you, even if your breaking me in ways I never knew I could break.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

Your going with him and I breaks my heart. But I’m going to help you get a dress and not say anything about it. But I wanted to go with you.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

If you knew I liked you what would you do? I know that in a couple of years I’ll be gone but if you liked me, if you loved me the way I love you I think we could work. I know in a year we’ll be more than 500 miles away from each other but I’m going to visit all the time. If you liked me would you just keep quiet because you feel like we would never work? But I know we would, cause I could never lose you.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

Some days I think you totally know that I like you. Then you do something like this and I know you have no idea.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

Look if you don’t like me it’s ok, that doesn’t make you a bad guy. I may be seeing everything with rose tinted lenses, but I know that you have to know how you feel about me. It won’t break me I promise I know that sometimes I can come across as fragile, but I can take care of myself. We have been best friends since like the beginning of time and we will be that way even if you don’t like me the way I like you. But I can’t keep doing this, I’m going to try to move on with someone that doesn’t know you, I think if they saw us together they would know I’m not over you. I’m sorry but I have to start taking care of myself.

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

I know I probably cooked up this idea of prom in my head, but I thought we were going together. We joked about it but I kinda thought you were serious, I was. But your going with some guy that I know you’ll never actually date. Sure he’s fun and older but I’ve heard you say so many times that it wasn’t going anywhere. I like to think we’re going somewhere sometimes it feels like we are but others days it feels like I’ve completely imagined it. I wish you would just tell me is this real or in my head?

[getting-my-heart-crushed]

I am so sorry I didn’t realize you were lying. I know the future is coming up fast and in a couple of years it’s not just going to me and you in my bedroom foor eating candy and energy drinks but I’m not going to forget about you. I don’t believe in anyone owning anyone or anything of that sort but when I look at you I know you own me. All it takes it a look and I’ll do anything for you I just wish you knew that.