Fighting back (part three)
summary: jude wants things to be the way they were before as her memories finally come back to her but to do that, she has to start fighting back…
warning; sadly this is not the final part, some angst and fluff for surez y’all deserve it!
— — —
My mind should have been on the tunnels, on what dangers probably lurked around the corner. The voices against Peeta coming back… my own voice that now haunts me over and over with thoughts that sound… deserving. Instead, I can’t seem to shake Castor’s — Pollux’s brother — retelling of Pollux’s past and why he would be able to lead us through the tunnels.
He’d been an Avox, if I had taken the time to actually fight the thought in my head instead of letting his subdue me, letting it convince me that Peeta was evil. Peeta. I shake my head, waiting as the others climbed down the ladder, I couldn’t even look at him or Pollux now, two people who deserved better.
I clenched my fists as Pollux and I stood alone before the ladder, he stared at me but not in a way that was offensive more that he was reading me. Trying to sense if you’ll kill him next, I frown before quickly stepping down the ladder after Cressida, the daylight from outside began to dwindle more and more as I climbed down, soon the artificial lighting from the tunnel creeped in, it wasn’t anything special.
Lucky for us.
The last thing we needed was a spotlight on us.
Finally joining back with the group all we have to do is wait for Pollux to climb down and when I glance to my right, Castor is beside me with that same questionable look, reading reading reading. I internally tell myself to shut up, it felt like I was a record held on loop, utterly out of my control. Was I getting worse?
“You okay? Pollux wanted to check on you more but wasn’t sure if you were warm to meeting new people yet” Castor speaks with a easy calmness, I envy it even now I can feel my hands shaking and beads sweating at my forehead but still I take a deep breath.
“The-“ Could I say voices? “The thoughts I’ve been having have changed direction, not to anyone of you and it’s not so easy to push down but no one should get hurt by it” No one but you, the voice seems to jeer. He smiles lightly at that but I’m not finished “Pollux is incredibly brave, I- I didn’t take the time to talk to anyone but I had tunnel vision and I wasn’t fighting but now I am and I want to know who I’m fighting with” Somehow his smile widens as Pollux finally comes down and reaches our side immediately seeking comfort in this dark place with his brother.
The others are standing a little away from us, already taking a peek at what lies ahead but it’s nothing but endless tunnel and tracks, surely there wouldn’t be any trains running at the moment. But we’d been lucky with the lights, two times lucky definitely wasn’t our thing. Suddenly an intake of breath makes me glance back at the brothers beside me, Pollux is now sweating profusely and can’t seem to take in a breath for the life of him. Maybe he remembered how you sent his friend to his death, I try to push my voice down so I can focus but it’s weeded within me like a virius. It is me.
Instantly my hand comes to his shoulder, I see Castor beside me reach for his weapon and understand his actions and try not to let myself be hurt by it as Pollux’s eyes connect with mine, I wouldn’t let the Capitol control thrm anymore, not with fear, not while they assaulted me with it.
“They wont hurt you again, Pollux. I swear on my life, you will see the end of Snow” I hear it, trying to sliver back it, Snow’s voice. Kill him, let him burn for- No, not anymore.
And this time, I’m met with silence… An itch remains, but I know it’s self-inflicting and safe, for now.
But i’d fought for them, and I’d keep doing it. I smile at Pollux as he takes a deep breath, Castor’s hand had moved from reaching for his gun to Pollux’s other arm, “We got you, buddy” Pollux smiles gratefully at the two of us, wiping at tears I hadn’t noticed fell before we finally joined the group.
Jackson and Katniss seemed to take lead with Pollux as the rest of tagged behind, as I moved to follow I noticed a certain blonde missing and instantly spin to locate the missing boy and sigh of relief comes out when he’s standing behind me, looking at me and the smallest flicker of hope. But it’s gone in an instant, as he clears his throat “That was nice of you, I wasn’t sure I’d had known what to do”
How heartless do you have to be to be thanked for being nice. My voice heckles me and I clench my jaw.
“It’s awful, I always think I’d had it bad then I actually open my ears to other peoples experiences and I just- I understand now. Why this fight is so necessary, its all clicking” I admit to him, it’s not much to work on but I’d do anything to see that hope in his eyes again, the stars ill never reach… Oh Peeta.
I feel myself reach out for him before I snap back into my body. You don’t deserve him, and you never will. You never did.
I turn and walk to catch up to the others, though my mind is everywhere at once. I want to get better, and be better and stay alive but the nightlock pocket burns and burns and burns, i know that I have to use it, i know that I’m too far gone too far gone too- I shake my head, I need to stop doing that.
My mind is on fire and my feet won’t stop, until I slam into a hard wall. No, my head doesn’t ache and the wall’s arms have closed around me? No, not a wall. I look up, and I frown. Finnick always manages to find me at my worst, how does he do it? I’ll have to ask him some time.
I shake my head, what the hell was I thinking? I had just run off on Peeta and now I was talking about wanting to ask Finnick something, I shouldn’t have run. But my mind is scrambled whenever he latches on and lets go, was this how I’d live? Latching onto to him my whole life, a dead weight chained to his ankle…
“You’re mumbling and kinda freaking me out” Finnick’s voice is like someone taking a sledgehammer to a static tv, the silence is deafening in my skull. I look up at him “I’m sorry for saying anything, this is way creepier” I let out a chuckle and shake my head.
“You’re such an asshole” I whisper, my hand rubbing at my temples as a headache grows there, and the unreachable itch never sways but I’ve grown accustomed to it, sometimes it felt as if it wasn’t there, never like how it evaporates when Peeta touches me though.
I don’t understand, it didn’t work like that with the other voice, I’d tried to kill him enough and our skin had touched, but why now? “I- Peeta deserves so much more than some broken girl” Is all I manage to whisper.
And I’m waiting for it, the obviously, no wonder look at you, it seriously took you this long to figure that out. But they don’t come and when he does speak, I don’t understand how I could think so lowly of him sometimes .
“That guy could live a hundred lifetimes with hundreds of different girls and I’m almost positive that they’re all forgotten when finally meets you” I freeze, looking up at Finnick
“Finnick I-“
“You don’t see because you want him to hate you for what you’ve done, but he loves you so much and I really hope you remember how much you reciprocated that… I thought I loved Annie with everything in me until I saw you looking at Peeta before the 75th games” He shakes his head, a dazed smile on his face “You were looking at your whole life right in front of you, your future and you looked on top of the world”
I bit my lip and close my eyes for a moment because I can feel it, the warmth in my chest and clench of my stomach with how I left him. I did love him with everything in me, and more.
And I couldn’t give up now.
— — —
“Maybe the tunnels weren’t the best idea” Finnick teases after we dashed into another passing tunnel to avoid a train making it’s way through and we all distastefully look at him, his eyes flick between all of us “Top side?” Pollux huffs and I can’t help but smile, poking his head around the corner to make sure everything was clear.
I take the time to look over at Peeta, we hadn’t said anything to each other after I ran off like a child, I wanted to groan into my hands right there. You’re just kids, after what I just did it wasn’t so surprising anymore. I wanted to be able to put all this behind us and give into that hope that he was so easily filled with but I just can’t- Not after Boggs and Mitchell… I close my eyes as we wait for the tram to pass us.
“We definitely can’t stay here” Katniss speaks up, and this time Pollux doesn’t seem to annoyed by the fact, probably because Finnick liked to tease and lighten a situation, and this situation was one that definitely needed it but was a little to obvious when someone did.
Pollux waves over his shoulder before we’re jogging over the tracks that were just being used, quick and together to make sure no one gets left behind and hoping another tram doesn’t soon come through again. But it’s not long before we reach a door and Pollux takes a second to unlock it before quickly rushing inside, and Cressida turned to me quickly, us being the first two behind Pollux “Wanna stay here and make sure everyone gets in?”
My heart warms, she trusted me. I tried not to show how much it meant to me as I nodded, placing my back to the door keeping it open as I rushed the others inside. The first one behind me is Finnick who sends me a wink, probably knowing how much this small tasks means to me.
They’re finally seeing me as a member and not a bomb about to go off. I try not to get my hopes up especially when a certain blonde passes next, he sends me a soft smile, eyes lingering half a second too long before he was out of sight through the door, I let out a breath I hadn’t even noticed I was holding. The next few go by uneventfully, Messalla and Castor who both send me smiles, Messalla a little more strained I knew he was friends with Mitch more so than anyone here. Then holding up the rear is Jackson and finally Katniss.
Her brown eyes burn into mine as I look down at my feet, something that slowly makes it way in is the memories of Katniss. I hadn’t realised how much they had wiped until recently, the voices spitting at me for forgetting her, my best friend. The girl who saved my life when she didn’t even know who I was.
The 74th Hunger games is what I’m tossed back into, watching all the time in between pass before I’m watching myself dart through the forest.
I run and run until I can’t stop, and I know it’s not long away now. The careers’s had broken apart to try to cut me off but I’d managed to lose three of them but one of them were still right on my tail, there was no way I would be able to outrun him, I’d caught a sight of his brown hair and lanky form. Especially with the things I had done in the past twenty minutes to get rid of his three friends. The forest leaves smacked into me and the humid air around me wasn’t helping my panting breaths. I would either stop on my own or collapse and stopping wasn’t an option.
I take the moment of silence behind me to look over my shoulder… there’s no one behind me. I let myself slow as I plant my hands on my knees, desperately trying to suck air into my lungs. I think back to what my mentor said, that I should try and ally with some of the victors but I couldn’t do it, not when I knew I’d have to kill them by the end of it. But now, standing here physically unable to stand on my own, I wish someone was there to watch my back.
Because I hear the footsteps coming from my right far to late, I quickly shoot up just in time for Career’s shoulder to smack directly into my stomach as he tackles me to the ground, even with the fatigue crawling through my bones I struggle underneath him, kicking my legs in every direction but his legs are on both sides of my torso, locking my arms against my body. Panic began to flare within me, I was going to die.
The boy actually laughs as I struggle, it’s sickening to watch and I don’t understand how I could have forgotten the fear and panic I’d felt spewing from me. “Weak little sheep, thought you could survive on your own did ya?” He laughs again, pulling a blade from his waistband, I try to push him off again, and manage to slip my arm out the slightest bit but he quickly swipes causing me to cry out as blood now seeps from my arm, giving him time to lock it back into place with his leg. “Any last words?”
I open my mouth ready to rain every curse word I’d learnt but his face of humour switches to shock as I hear a sickening crunch and an arrow protrudes from his chest, I swallow my gasp as I quickly push him off me, no longer impossible to do since all his strength had been sucked form his body the moment that arrow hit him, redirecting his dead weight to send himself backwards as I scrambled away and looked around in the trees. Who ever had shot that either tried to help me or was trying to kill two birds with one arrow.
Finally a girl steps out from the trees, I shoot up to my feet instantly when I notice the bow trained on me in her hands. I couldn’t remember her name at this very moment but I knew she was from District 12, I still thought about her flaming dress. My designers wouldn’t shut up about Cinna and I myself couldn’t stop thinking about his designs so I couldn’t blame them. “He killed Rue” Are the first words she says, as I look back down at the boy who now lays dead.
“So you would have let him kill me if he hadn’t killed your friend?” I let out a huff, I shouldn’t complain, I was saved wasn’t I. But her standing there with her bow ready to strike didn’t feel to safe. And she doesn’t respond to my question, I fix the straps on my shoulders of my bag before sighing “Want some clean water?” Her eyes perk at that but still the bow stays trained, “I promise I won’t try and kill you” I smile at her and finally the bow drops as she grimaces at me.
“And what if you’re lying” Neither of us realised that we were going to become far more than acquaintances sharing clean water.
I shrug with an even more mischievous grin “You’ll just have to trust me. I’m Jude”
She frowns slightly before slinging her bow over her shoulder and brought her hand towards me “Katniss and you better not be lying or I’ll shoot you next”
“And I believe you”
I feel the memory swirling and changing but I refuse it, this is the memory. I know it, Katniss just being precautious. The only part of the memory that left me stumped was my nonchalance, and outgoing nature. I couldn’t imagine smiling at Katniss a couple seconds after I’d nearly lost my life but I was an incredibly different person back then than I was now. I’m finally back in the sewers, watching Katniss slip past me but my hand catches her wrist. Her gaze meets mine again and this time I speak “Why did you save me in the 74th Hunger Games?” I knew why, she said because the guy had killed Rue. But it didn’t feel right.
Itch itch itch. It grows the more the silence spreads. Did they all feel the need to hesitate and raise my blood pressure?
She looked at me like I wasn’t real before whispering “I knew you’d be important to me, I didn’t know how but I heard you scream and I acted before thinking. After you shared your water with me I planned on ditching you but you have a habit of digging into peoples hearts without them knowing it” She frowns, staring at me so intensely that I have to stop the tears from falling, she barely had looked at me since I’d come and to see her unflinching, it made my heart warm. My other half. I didn’t know how’d I’d gone so long without her. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you-“
I don’t let her finish, my arms shoot around her neck as she returns the embrace immediately “I’m sorry, I should’ve been stronger” I whisper but I feel her shake her head before she pulls away slightly to look at my face and presses our foreheads together.
“We’re together again, we’ve always been stronger together” I smile sadly at her words before she fully pulls way and links her arm with mine “They’re probably waiting on us, ready to head down?” I nod, warming at the rush of memories that slowly flood me, small things like Katniss and I in the water seeing who can dunk the other first, her teaching me how to shoot her bow.
Without Katniss I wouldn’t have survived this long and if I had never allied with her I wouldn’t have won the games with Peeta and her, I would have never met the blonde boy who I thought of night and day, who’d I sacrifice everything for.
That was who Katniss and Peeta are, how could I have ever wanted the hurt them? My best friend and the love of my life, I’ll never go back to that. At that thought the pocket above my heart burns, Only when I have to.
And I find myself for the first time as I gaze at her brunette braid, that I don’t want to leave them. But it’d be better for all of them if you did.
Katniss climbs down first, I wait till she’s a fair bit down before I go after her, except I feel slightly betrayed when a smell hits my nose. It’s everything that could possibly have smelt bad smooshed into one place, I wanted to gag or climb back up the ladder but that definitely wasn’t an option so I gagged instead “How’re you not throwing up right now?” I manage to say between holding my breath and own fluids from appearing on the floor.
She shakes her head, “I’ve smelt worse” She doesn’t say it in a rude way, no, it’s more haunted and I want to hold her again but my hands are securely holding on to the ladder as I slowly make my way down. I hear the team as we finally reach the ground and the smell has only intensified, I can’t hope to grow use to the smell but I knew we’d be down here so I don’t have to just try to ignore it. Maybe breath through my mouth, I grimace.
“How’s it look?” Jackson asks, making Katniss pull the holo from her pack. I join Finnick’s side as Katniss heads to the front of the group. I smile to her as she looks over her shoulder and sends one back, warmth flares me. My best friend.
Finnick raised the restricts at me “We won’t-“
“Put them on me, Finn” I smile sadly, “Precaution” He sighed, nodding sadly before restraining my hands together, not as tight as before but enough to restrain me.
He smiles softly at me as I looked back up at the rest of the group, my eyes always automatically falling into Peeta. He doesn’t notice, engrossed in whatever Katniss is showing him on the holo.
Finnick nudges me “After.”
I smile at the blonde boy, who had his back to me before looking up at Finnick to my left “After”
— —
We’re slowly making our way through the tunnels, the open space now shifted into a tighter tunnel, causing us to form a single file line. I stood behind Cressida and in front of Finnick.
The only light is from Katniss’s holo but that does little when I’m four people behind her, I squint trying to adjust to the brightness.
A few of us had flashlights but the beam was so small it barely helped.
“Can you see any-“ A pipe bursts suddenly beside me, pressurised air broke from the pipe right into my path causing me to let out a scream.
Instantly I crouched, luckily it wasn’t scorching but it left a bad taste in my mouth, my ear on my left was ringing.
What if there was worse than faulty pipes? Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, maybe they’ll get lucky and you’ll die down here.
Finnicks hand caught my shoulder before I could growl at the voice in my head… my own damn voice i have to keep reminding myself.
“Are you-“ He didn’t get to finish before I’m lifted by my arms to my feet suddenly and i’m staring into panicked blue eyes.
“Are you hurt?!” Peetas eyes search me head to toe, his hand trailing over my arms, scowling at the restraint for a moment, and stomach not even noticing the way I tremble under his touch. And I almost freeze when his skin touches mine.
It’d been so long so i’d felt him… And my head finally clicks the relief I feel, the itch is gone
“Yeah…” I respond breathily, heat coming to my cheeks “Yeah” I can’t form another word, he seems to catch on freezing and taking a step back, his pink cheeks no doubt matching mine. I have to hold my temple for a moment as the itch slowly returns, had it faded because of Peeta. My heart swelled with hope but I didn’t let it show.
He clears his throat, “Right, best keep going then.” He looked over my shoulder, nodding his head before trailing back and I want to follow him, stay by his side but I don’t move and soon the group is moving again.
We keep the single file line since the tunnels never seem to widen, no, instead it seems to throw obstacle after obstacle at us, I grimace as I watch Cressida drop into the shoulder deep water.
“Afraid of water, Jude?” She jokes as I don’t move from the ledge, “Can’t hurt ya” No more than you’ve hurt others- Or how others have hurt me, I scream back in my head.
“Jude?” She mutters again and I nod my head, smirking at the relief in my head for the moment.
“You’re right,” I take a breath and drop into the water, trying to hold in a gag when it splashed into my face, I raise my hands keeping my restraint from getting soaked“Totally not piss and shit”
Finnick drops behind and laughs “Keep saying it and it might come true” I shoot him a look as we begin to shuffle in the water, I thank whoever designed the suits because if I had a inkling of skin outside below the neck I’d probably die from the feel of whatever this was.
“We going to pretend you didn’t blush like a schoolgirl when Peeta grabbed you before?” Finnick whispered in my ear suddenly, making me jump and heat sprouted through me at the memory from moments ago.
“Shut up, before I drown you in piss and shit” He laughs and lucky for him doesn’t try to continue the conversation.
— —
Once we were walking for about thirty minutes and finding nothing but endless tunnels, Jackson spoke up to break the silence “All right, everybody, we’re gonna stop here for a bit and get some rest, yeah?”
Slowly the group walked up a staircase and into a grate pathway. I glanced around, watching everyone get comfortable as Finnick nudged me “Sit there, I’ll take first watch”
I nod, biting my lip as I took a seat with my back against the railing closest to the staircase, I heard some laughter and talking as I crossed my arms and gazed at the doorway we came through, running through everything that could happen in the next couple of days.
We could all die or Snow could… The world could change or we’d become forgotten. It wasn’t good to think like that, no, Snow would pay.
I glanced around at everyone now, slowly settling in for the night. And though Finnick said he’d watch me, his gaze is wondering. We all wanted Snow to pay, and he would.
Finnick didn’t say much to me, probably hoping i’d fall asleep but I couldn’t every creak had me jumping and cracking an eye open, I’d seen three changes of watch before finally when I peeked, blonde came into my vision.
I stiffened, I didn’t know what to do, I cracked an eye open a little wider and unlike Finnick, Peeta’s whole attention is on me and no mercy to my heart, he’s smiling at me. Itch, itch ,itch. I bring my hand to my temple again, just as Peetas boot pushes against mine and it’s gone, my head snaps up to him. He’s looking at me with a calculating look, working out easily what was going through my head. But at this moment, I wouldn’t even notice the itch my chest felt like it was going to burst.
Does he care that he makes my heart beat out of my chest? This feeling feels like it could physically kill me. “Cant sleep?” His voice is quiet but carried across the quiet walkway. No mention of our boots touching.
“Yeah, not the best place i’ve ever slept” I respond, I don’t want to shut him out. But I don’t know what to say, what did we use to talk about? Was that appropriate now?
He doesn’t say anything for a moment and just stares at me, did I mess up? God, so many questions when it came to him. Yet I knew one thing was certain, my heart adored him.
“Ask me a question” This time his voice isn’t quiet due to his whisper, his words are a breath and have goosebumps rising all over. You don’t deserve him. Its voice is so distant I almost don’t make it out.
Ask me a question. His voice rings louder in my head, suppressing the voice as I let my eyes meet his as I think, what? What could I possibly-
“Right, because we’re going to pull off what we did last year. Please tell me you didn’t come all this way to tell me fantasies” My voice slams into me, but not like normal, no, I remember this.
The night we learnt we were going back in, I’d run from the tv and fallen on my knees in the backyard of my victors home and wept for hours. Even after there was nothing left to cry I sat there.
And of course, when he could have been down the street at his own house, worrying instead he had found himself here.
“They’re not fantasies, we don’t have to let them win” He whispered, probably not wanting to scare me but I was terrified, absolutely terrified that he might die.
“Stop being stupid, okay. Just stop.” I look at him over my shoulder, “Just go back to your house and forget about me so it’s easier in a couple months ” I spit the words, hateful hateful words but I won’t have him feeling a connection to me, not if it costs him his life.
“For me? Or for you?” I shoot a harsher glare at him now, but my thoughts ring sadder thoughts, both of us.
“For you!” He chuckles, he actually freaking chuckles. That makes me shoot to my feet as I skin on my heels. And there he is, Peeta Mellark is laughing! “Are you seriously laughing?!”
He shakes his head, the laughter dying but the smile remains “You seriously don’t know do you?”
I cross my arms over my chest as I glare at him, “If you’re trying to be funny right now, it’s not working.” He sighs, taking a step forwards me, I take a step back “I told you to go”
“And why was that again?” He asked, tapping his chin. God, I hated him when he knew more than me in a situation like this, he became so confident, so hard to resist.
My neck flushed and slowly creeped to my cheeks as I clenched my fists at my side “You need to leave so you can kill me when the time comes” I say the words plain and simple, his smile final drops.
And suddenly I’m more frustrated because he’s right in front of me, for once he’s feet seemed to have made a silent approach and I can no longer find my breath as his hand slowly comes to my cheek as his thumb brushes the skin under my eye.
His blue eyes are all I see and want to see forever, and then he’s speaking “It’s too late for that, sweetheart” My heart explodes.
And somehow I choke out “Explain” He laughs, it’s deeper this time and heat explodes, all I want is him.
“I love you, Jude. More than I ever thought possible” My mouth hangs open and he smiles wider, pressing his hand under my chin to shout my mouth before leaning forward and kissing me softly.
His soft lips moving against mine, I never wanted to move away from the heat and softness he pressed upon me. I let my hands raise up his chest and catch in his curls at the nape of his neck before we finally pull away, and all I see is blue again.
Then I’m back, staring at those same blue eyes and I’ve realised how stupid i’ve been. Because he’s looking at me the exact same way he looked at me back in my backyard.
“After the 75th Hunger Ganes was announced… You came to me and you-“
“Real. I told you that I love you more than I ever thought possible” I can’t breathe “And everyday you prove it to me more and more, Jude. I love you”
And I knew it deep down, that he wasn’t lying that he never was lying. And I also already know my response, the warmth rushes in blaring out the itch in my skull for what feels like maybe forever but before I can speak there’s a whisper that makes me freeze.
Katniss. Peeta. No! No, they couldn’t be back. Katniss. Peeta. Katniss- It repeats over and over again, I slam my hands over my ears knowing it won’t-
It worked. There’s silence, I look up at Peeta and he looking at me, not in fear but concern. I remoce my hands and get to my feet “Peeta.” I whisper, staring down the staircase. I feel though, that feeling of pure and unadultured rage.
It’s not coming from me though, I throw my head over my shoulder at Katniss “Both of you, go now! The rest of us will be behind you!” I demand, tightening my hands on the chain from the restrain, needing somehting solid for whatever the hell was about to go down.
“Keep your voice down!” Gale whispers harshly as I glare at him.
“They’ve released mutts! These things were made to kill them, I don’t think our voices matter, what does matter is moving.” I bring my eyes back to Katniss and Peeta, they both look too worried about everyone else and not about themselves “Pollux you know a way out?” He nods, “Follow him and get out! Go!”
Quickly Pollux ran out, Katniss and Peeta right behind him while the rest of quickly followed, I didn’t know where everyone was but I knew Pollux and Gale had the front while Jackson watched our backs.
Gale shot a fire arrow further into the tunnel, helping us see ahead, luckily nothing was there but I could feel them still, I couldn’t hear the voices rather feel them bouncing off the walls, it left me cold and terrified.
In a matter of seconds his arrow went out and we were plunged into darkness, once again the tiny flashlights being our only light. We continued cautiously, Gale shooting whenever we came to a cross roads to make sure nothing jumped out at us.
I almost internally screamed when we had to watch Pollux climb through an opening and wait for him to give the all clear, I’d just gotten to know Pollux and from his history.
I didn’t want to know what person i’d become if he died like this, my breath released when he came back and gave us a thumbs up, and slowly we all climbed through, the restraint on my wrist didn’t make things easy as I misjudged the stretch of it as I went tumbling towards the ground but hands caught me and brought me back to my feet.
“At least your clumsiness hasn’t changed” Peeta jokes, dusting me off and returning to the group. I love you, Jude. I clenched my fists, After after after.
Katniss came through after me, the three of us coming together. A small smile coming to my face, this could be the future, the three of us together again. Including Finnick since there was no way he was getting rid of me now.
I glance over Katniss’s shoulder to make sure Jackson got through okay, just in time to watch four mutts jump from the darkness and tear her to shreds “Holy-“ I don’t get time to finish before Katniss his pulling back and arrow and launching it.
An explosive arrow.
She flies back from the blow, slamming into me and then Oeeta but somehow he manages to keep us all up right and yells “Go! Run!” And we don’t think twice, I pay respects to Jackson in my mind.
Another person dead who saved my life, when would it be my turn?
The sounds of rushed footsteps in the water and yelling was all that occurred within the next few minutes, I couldn’t tell if we were even following the right path at this point or just running for survival.
Screeches sounded from all over and I couldn’t tell what tunnel the mutts would shoot out from, then a scream sounded behind me “Castor!”
The words left an ice over my skin, as I spun to see mutts crawling over each other to get to Castor, who in no way could be alice anymore. Finnick ran into me and didn’t waste a second to drag me along with him.
So many dead, dead, dead. I shook my head, finally picking up my feet and racing alongside Finnick and Gale.
Being restraint was definitely the stupidest decision I had made, all I could do was run as the others fought off the mutts. Though losing Castor somehow Pollux still managed to lead the charge, finally pointing to a ladder in the middle of a room… that had four entrances.
Instantly the mutts rushed in, Katniss and Pollux went to firing arrows and bullets at them, keeping most of them at bay, Peeta spraying his automatic, taking out a fair amount until it clicked and it began to ram it into any white heads he saw. Finnick doing the same with his golden spinning trident, he was a dancer with that thing.
I kept my eyes alert, ready for anything to come for me as I glanced at the entrances, hoping more of our group turned up… Cressida still wasn’t here.
But my mind went blank from eveyrthing as I heard a yell, a mutt had Peeta pressed to the wall. His arm the only thing keeping it away, I froze. I had nothing to help him with, nothing, nothing- My gaze meets my restraint.
And in that moment of thought, I’m running and jumping onto to the mutts back, wrapping my restraint around its neck and pulling, not expecting the attack it easily falls backwards, causing its weight to fall onto me.
Ouch, is all I can think as the wind is knock out of me and it spins in my grasp and suddenly my hands are the only things keeping it away l “Holy shit! Holy shit” I scream as it snaps his jaws at me, pure and unadulterated terror causes through me.
Katniss jumps into the brawl to my thanks and sends her foot into his face, sending it sprawling as I scrambled away, only for another to leap from the water. I didn’t even realise the water was deep enough for that!
It’s long fingers latch onto my ankle and drag me, without thinking I spin and scratch at the floor for any surface to grab but there’s nothing, I look up, blue. “Peeta!”
“Jude!” And then i’m underwater.
— —
I yanked upward, gasping for air as my eyes adjusted to the pure chaos still ensuing taking in whose in front of me, somehow I find it in me to smile “Cressida”
She smiles back, quickly shooting something behind me “Reunion later, duck!” I do as told as she shoots again but my luck has run out, while she’s not looking one leaps at me, sending me onto to my side as I reached up with both hands, sending the restraint strap into its razor sharp mouth.
Within a second it’s teeth have torn it to nothing and now there’s nothing blocking it from- Peetas gun comes down and smacks it off me as he drags me to my feet “You okay?!”
“Let’s get the hell out of here now!” He nodded, no doubt agreeing before latching my now free hand with his before he began to swing his weapon at anything that was in our way, Cressida was helping others up the ladder as we made our way.
I looked over my shoulder wuickly to see Finnick wielding his spinning trident, he was incredible to watch as he tore down mutt after mutt, he yelled somehting at Katniss causing her to run towards the ladder… Without him.
“We can’t leave Finnick!” I yelled over the screeching to Peeta, he glanced over his shoulder before killing another two mutts.
“We don’t have time! Finnick can protect himself” But that wasn’t good enough, I raced in front of Peeta running to the bottom of the ladder, praying Peeta kept any mutts from getting to me for the moment.
“Cressida, your gun!” The moment the words left my mouth I knew the request wouldn’t be accepted, I’d be a psychotic case days ago there’s no way, suddenly a gun dropped into my hands. “Thank you!”
I turn around to face Peeta, knowing for the moment that he was right. Finnick could protect himself, I shot at any mutts that were close to Peeta before ushering him over, planning on sending him up and staying to help Finnick get up.
“I can get him and I both up, you go” Peeta says quickly taking the gun from me without fight since I wasn’t expecting it, I almost want to fight for it back but a mutt comes for me and he quickly pushes me behind him to shoot it before turning back to me “You won’t sacrifice yourself for this, I won’t let you”
I stiffen at that, glancing over at Finnick whose slowly started to make his way over to us, and then I look back at Peeta “Don’t you dare die, Peeta” And then I climbed up the ladder, quickly being pulled up by Katniss and Cressida.
My heart hurt at the lack in number that now looked back at me as I finally let out a breath and feeling a chill wash over me from my wet clothes and hair but my heart stilled, Pollux was sat crying… Castor.
I would be the same if those two boys don’t climb up that ladder, I spun on my butt to watch the hatch Id crawled from, they had to make it. They both had to make it…
The moments ticked by and the screeching only got worse as the bullets flew until they stopped and I finally gave up- Finnick sprung from the hatch, quickly pulled himself up and rolling, my heart leapt as I kept watch not letting myself hope and then the blonde comes and I want to cry tears of joy.
“Nightlock, Nightlock, Nightlock” Katniss quickly says, dropping the holo into the hatch and killing the rest of the mutts that deigned to follow us.
Finnick smiles at me, opens his mouth to no doubt play off the whole situation but my arms are around him and i’m crying, I can’t stop. Everything over the past few days has built and built and built til this moment and I nearly lost them… Finnick and Peeta. My head shot up, locking eyes with him. I raised my right arm and quickly tossed it around Peeta, though there wasn’t much room we made it work. They were alive.
“I knew you loved me” Finnick sighs out as I let myself chuckle and pull away, letting myself hit him “Ow! I could be a hit from death y’know!”
I let out a breath “I wanna punch you but I am so glad you’re still here to annoy me”
“Are you guys always-“ Peeta begins with a smile but he’s cut off.
“Guys! We gotta go, they’re here.” Gales alarmed voice breaks the few moments of content, but we’re straifht to our feet and following the rest of the group “Keep Moving!”
I lose Finnick and Peeta as Gale is rushing us into a hall full of hundreds of orange pillars, and when things couldn’t get worse Peacekeepers began to rain down bullets.
“Don’t let them escape!” I hear a muffled voice as another volley of bullets fly but i’m frozen at the doorway, everything in my body is telling me to move but I can feel the itch grab its hold.
Let them get you, you deserve everything that is coming to you.
Suddenly a hand latches on to me, my eyes dart up and see brown, It’s Messalla, we hadn’t spoken but he’d come back for me “Come on, kid!”
He doesn’t waste a moment, dragging my dead feet behind him, somehow dodging the bullets, he picked up his paste now and once my legs got moving he finally let me go.
“Alright, almost there we just got to-“ Suddenly some of the numerous lights I hadn’t noticed turn on, including the one right on top of Messalla.
The beam sucks up his entire form, evaporating him in seconds. Just like that, another one of us is dead. I want to freeze and scream at the peacemakers thinking that any of this was okay, but i’ve got too much momentum, I would meet the same end. Yes… The pressure in my head isn’t an itch, it’s almost stroking, pleased to finally get what it wants.
I try to plant my feet into the ground but it’s too close and i’m going too fast. I slam my eyes shut at the smallest hint of heat before i’m grabbed by my elbow and pulled to my right.
I hear a few of my hairs singe in the light before my body is getting pulled again. NO. I wince, letting my free hand dart to my temple as my feet matched the ones beside me, but my foot catches but the arm that saved me once, pull me up and balance me.
“I got you!” Finnick yells over the chaos, weaving through the flickering lights as i try to grasp the last two minutes. He’d saved my life, it wouldn’t be the first time, I shake my head knowing the more I let my own voice torment me its wish will come true. Knowing if the others were okay would help but I can’t see anyone else, the lights so bright I had to look away whenever they turned on.
It was better i focused on Finnick and I and hope the others make it until I see Cressida umoving, looking passed me with a horrified look. Messalla… I feel guilt rise in me but I still grab her as we pass, I couldn’t lose her too. Not Cressida. “Come on! I’m sorry but come on!” I yell to her and we’re finally making progress through the hall when a crack sounds behind us.
Though I know whatever I find behind me won’t be good I look anyways, in sections the floor cracks and shatters, slowly and slowly makes it way too us. All of this to kill you, stop fighting.
I grit my teeth, turning my head forward and pushing my body as fast as it could go, I wouldn’t die here. But it’d be better for all of them if you did… It grows louder each time, flashes of me kicking Mitch into the oil comes back to me and my hand reaching for Peetas throat. No, no, no, no.
Peeta, Katniss and Gale stand waving their hands at us but I can’t hear them, Give up, give up, give up. It screams now. The shattering behind us gets worse as I dodge left to miss a light, a bullet skims past my ear, I keep running. Give up, Give up ,GIVEUPGIVEUPGIVEUP.
I crumble to the floor, pressing my forehead to the ground, begging begging begging, it to stop. I slam my eyes shut, covering my ears praying they would just stop. YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED, DIE, DIE. Snows voice is harsh and shatters my skull as I cry out, no no no no, it was meant to be gone. It couldn’t be back, I couldn’t take it if it was back.
I reach for my heart-
Hands quickly lifted me up my arms, and then suddenly their hands meet my cheeks and everything is silent, my eyes snap open as whimpers leave my lips uncontrollably, blue is everywhere and I want to crawl into a ball again, he should never have to see me like this, not after I gave him so much hope…
“We’re nearly out of here okay?” I don’t respond, my eyes darting all over his face but my hand lays forgotten at my side. “I can’t lose you, Jude. Not again, alright, I-“ He looked utterly terrified, but continued anyway “I love you” And then, his lips were on mine and my mind clicked, warmth spread from my head to my toes. I love you, it repeated over and over in my head like a symphony. And I love him.
Peeta’s never lied to me, and I know in this moment, if I took my Nightlock pill I’d be killing him all the same. He was my life just as much as I was his, every breath I took was for him and I’d keep fighting. For him.
I smiled lightly when he pulled away before whispering “I love you too”
He squeezed my cheek a little tighter, whether he knew the way his touch effected me I didn’t know but I was grateful all the same when he let go and intertwined our hands within the second.
“I’m definitely not losing you now” And my heart exploded in joy.
———
part (1, 2, 3, 4)
I CAN NOT APOLOGISE ENOUGH AND MORE BECAUSE PART 4 ISNT DONE IK IM SORRY, ITS ALREADY HALFWAY DONE BUT IM SO SORRY GUYS
IDK WHAT HAPPENED TIME IS MOVING WAYYYY TO QUICKLY😭
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(i promise i tried to add everyone that commented to be added but some of you i couldn’t find xx)
