Oniochalasia

24. Manila.

[ghenegersnaps]

10:57 pm — July 2, 2026

I take it back and I’m sorry. I know you’ll do everything for me even if it hurts, even if it’s hard. I see that. I miss you so much. I hope next week will bring us better days ahead. Please God.

[dumblr]

[ghenegersnaps]

3:13 pm — June 22, 2026

I looked up “have you ever thought about…” on Reddit.

That’s just for me to know. Random times, it hits me being not afraid to be gone. But idk. I’m just so tired. I feel stuck. I feel like my life isn’t moving. It’s not getting any better. They were good days but it’s also all fucking miserable. Sometimes I think of him. What will happen to him when I’m gone but maybe he’ll be just fine. His fucking over-involved dad and his heinous grandma will be there for him. I don’t contribute to anything anyway. I’m fucking useless. I’m a fucking piece of shit.

[ghenegersnaps]

11:48 am — June 15, 2026

Why are you so mean to me? How can you answer like that. I literally want to tell you you’re being mean but you know what, nevermind. What emotional intelligence? It’s literally gone. I can’t help but feel so distant.

When death happened to you last year, you kept saying I was mean. Look at yourself in the mirror now. But guess what, I never told you that.

[ghenegersnaps]

12:30 am — June 14, 2026

I don’t even know what should and should not be said. I literally don’t know. I said sorry and didn’t really bother explaining my side anymore. Why? Cuz you’ll get mad and say you you you.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I was gaslit. I did feel it but I wasn’t sure. Maybe it is true. It was what I felt. Like you didn’t really care that much to even say it. I try to mask it like oh yeah you were here for me anyway one fucking call away, thanks. But you never cried like that for me. You never got worried like that for me. You never wanted to come here so soon, so quick for me. And in the end, I was the one who makes every occasion about me. Got mad, told me you choose to keep quiet. You wanted to be strong but maybe sometimes I don’t want you to be. Maybe I want to see you genuinely sad or cry because you feel bad for me. But no. You wanted to be strong because that’s what you wanted for you. Maybe I was gaslit. I was so upset for being selfish about feeling that way but you know what, they were all valid. I felt so bad about myself. Begging to change but maybe, I was being gaslit.

I literally don’t even know how to act anymore.

[wordx]

i think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

[ghenegersnaps]

3:15 am — February 24, 2026

A little lost but this is what I think is right. Everything’s becoming a huge pressure. Children should not be the one taking care of it. I’m a firm believer. You were irresponsible. You have kids. Why didn’t you make wiser choices? Was this really your plan? To just stop one day and let the kids handle it? You are a toxic person. You don’t deserve kids. And as early as I can, I will prevent it from happening.

This is why I’m never having one.

[ghenegersnaps]

4:51 pm — December 18, 2025

I went for my 2nd walk of the day. I needed it. I wanted to leave. Only if I really can. Maybe, we’re just both afraid to do it. Currently watching my favorite youtuber’s “no one is coming to save you” and maybe she’s right. Maybe jumping into this was a bad idea.

7:36 pm — December 18, 2025

He was back, standing there with two brown paper bags, I knew it was from Mos Burgers. I remember the genuine sorry look in his face so vividly. It was nice. Maybe it was reassurance to keep trying.

[ghenegersnaps]

12:15 am — November 26, 2025

What’s happening to you? You’re getting more and more rude to me, I don’t understand. You say mean things to me. Trash talking the things I like. But when your friend does it to you, you get hurt. Yet you do it to me.

[ghenegersnaps]

3:17 am — October 22, 2025

Sometimes, I still think about that fight. I remember it so vividly. It was heavy. It was intense. We’ve said so much and I know those were all at least half meant. It sucks but it was an eye opener to me. There was a reason.

It was never really solved. Looking back, it’s the way they raised you. I don’t completely blame you but I hope you stand up too. I hope you protect me too. But you don’t. You can’t and you haven’t, ever. Against him, you’re weak.

You’re like his dog and that makes me one too. Always just letting shit happen like I have no say. Once we move, it’ll still be the same. I can see the future. I just wish I’m ready and strong enough to think and act right. I hope by then, I’ll know what to do. I just know I’ll never win you over him. You’ll always choose him. Writing this, I just never thought I’d feel this from you. After all these years, these are the times I question if you were really ever ready.

Maybe I need to start learning how to be alone again.

Edit: I just realized, my entry before this was the same problem. Yup, this will never end.

[ghenegersnaps]

9:10 am — June 15, 2025

How long would I be able to deal with this. The thought of just ending the situation crossed my mind already. It hurts that I came to that point now. I don’t wanna leave but could all this be the reason to see the clearer side of it? Is this the reason for all of the delay? Because I need to see something first? I asked for a sign on what to do and I’m still trying to figure it out. It’s slowly draining me.

[ghenegersnaps]

11:16 pm — March 24, 2025

I feel like I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired. I’m so tired. I’m not happy. When will this end. The only single person that keeps me going right now is my husband. I try to stay strong for him but everything seems to weigh me down. I’m just tired. I’m at the point where if something happens to him, I might as well just end my life too. There is nothing else for me here. I keep chasing this dream like a fucking dog but it still feels far to me. I’m just not that strong. I can’t keep living like this.

[ghenegersnaps]

3:16 pm — November 21, 2024

Damnnnnn. These 2 months. These 2 months. And with a fucking clutch. Thankfully, I’ve got to see these before I leave.

Fuck ‘em. I’ve tried. I tried to have this goodie good good wife image around them. For my husband. But naaaah. I don’t give a shit anymore. They do us dirty? I’ll do the fucking same then.

Faking everything and not gonna stop my husband from defending me this time. It’s his call now. Fuck these people.

[frachella]

[ghenegersnaps]

3:32 pm —November 18, 2024

I saw this on Reddit, entitled: I hate being around my in-laws

“I was constantly being patient when they would come at me, meddle in our affairs, give rude unsolicited advise, say insensitive jokes meanwhile my husband would ignore it or say that's just the way they are.”

Yup. To his defense, we can’t really do anything about it but to move out.

[ghenegersnaps]

3:15 pm — November 18, 2024

I hate my in-laws. They’re nice to me (whatever) but damn the way they boss around my husband is insane. In my 2 month stay here in Taiwan, I’ve got a better look on each and every one of their personalities. They’re all fucking the same. There’s honestly too many reasons to tell.

I just feel really bad for my husband and for the shit he has to go through with his family. In the first place, he shouldn’t even be involved in any of these “chores” because he already is a married man. It sucks that I can’t really do anything about it ‘cos we still have to live with these assholes for now. Sometimes, I’m the one who’s willingly adjusting even though I’m the wife because they can’t even give him a full day all to himself to rest. Ayoko na lang dumagdag pa.

I just try to be there for him. Be his happy pill and safe place all the time.

Sigh. Please let this petition end. Please.

[ghenegersnaps]

9:11 pm — September 17, 2024

There is really nothing left for me here anymore.