some (mostly) empty space

regional gothic archive, check out my ao3 for a very different vibe

[ghostbandaids]

you send in a college application, and you receive an email. accepted, it tells you, and you print out three copies for luck.

the black horse still lives in the pasture. it is still silent, but you visit it often. green grass from the other side of the fence held in your flat palm, you apologize for how long you were scared.

the abandoned house with the light that turns on each night is sold by a realtor, and they put a trailer-house out front. the new owners make no attempt to reclaim the rotten wood of the old house, and the light outside manages itself—like clockwork. some things never change.

you aren’t scared of the eyes in the dark anymore, and the sleeping mask is buried in a nightstand drawer. your family buys a better water filter. you donate books to the library. you make new maps for the new roads that appear. you’re a better driver, now, anyway. you sing with the voices of the wind in the eaves. the snow comes and melts and returns again.

there are people like you, and their eyes are not empty. there are people like you, and the world is not always so lonely, and the dark is not always dangerous.

you leave next august.

but you know you’ll visit.

[ghostbandaids]

the snow is melting. don’t look at the ground underneath. the snow is a shield during the winter, a blanket for things underneath. the snow is melting.

things start to sprout from the ground near the door. they look like fingertips. they grow taller and you swear they look like hands, reaching. you use the potting soil you bought to cover them completely.

you don’t remember falling asleep at night, but you do remember waking up. you wake up standing next to windows, or doors that lead to the dark. sometimes your hand is on the knob.

[ghostbandaids]

the snow is white, clean, pure. it makes it easier for you to see the shadows slinking through it, staining it. ink black.

people at school are counting down—to what is unclear. you ask why and they laugh, the kind that gives you chills. ‘two more days’ they write on the whiteboard.

the frozen air crackles, the thermometer drops. it is winter here. the winter does not want you to forget that.

[ghostbandaids]

static flickers around the fireplace, the christmas lights. you look down at your hands. they are flickering too.

the eagles are twin sentries in the trees. they let you enter. they have not decided if they will let you leave.

the air vents whisper to each other. they discuss many things and you do not stop them.

[ghostbandaids]

the snow on your porch has messages written in it. ‘help’ and then ‘please’. you don’t know if they are real or fake, but you do know that if you step outside you won’t come back in.

your neighbor calls to tell you they saw a mountain lion in your yard. you haven’t seen any of your neighbors in a while. do you have neighbors?

you don’t know the name of the cat in your house but every day he kills three things and brings them to you, in a straight line outside your door. you make sure not to touch the cat.

[ghostbandaids]

the foxes watch when you drive by. the moon is up, but the sky is still light. it is not yet their turn, the foxes watch, the foxes wait.

sometimes the clouds seem too close to the ground. it’s as if they’ve forgotten where clouds should be in the first place. you reached up and almost touched one this morning.

the leaves have started to change into colors of rusty orange and blood red. the leaves have started to fall, leaving the horizon full of skeletons.

[ghostbandaids]

Her clothes smell like smoke

From a summer campfire

Lit by a setting sun.

It matches the embers

In her eyes

And the fire

That shines in hair

And if you close enough

Maybe you’ll see

The scorch marks that

Her small fires left behind

Every single one

Causes her scars

After all

What else can you

Expect

From flames

[ghostbandaids]

summer fire

the smoke coats the air, blankets the water, fills your lungs. there’s no place where you can’t smell it, and it makes the lights in your house seem less bright

the birds don’t like to fly when the air is grey. instead they sit in your yard all together. watching. waiting

the sun struggles to rise through the ash. when it does, it is dripping and blood red. you can look at it without hurting your eyes

your mother says you are going on a bike ride. you tell her that you can’t breathe the air outside, that it makes your eyes burn. your mother says you are going on a bike ride

[ghostbandaids]

was it so wrong

for one of our own

to reach for the sun?

after all

what is life without

light?

if not him

there would have been

others

and while people

seldom forget

the foolish man with broken wings

of wax and feathers

they fail to remember that he was not the last

for he could not touch the sky

and he did not own the bird’s flight

but we do

and he may be remembered for being

foolish

rather than full of courage

but is there a difference?

[ghostbandaids]

the trees reach for your car when you drive in the dark. make sure that your headlights will never go out and if they do, stay in the car.

when you drive on the highway, you might see circles of fence posts with no wire. if you enter them, you will not leave.

the rangers tell the few tourists of the summer not to feed the wildlife. the locals laugh. you should always feed the wildlife, or it will feed itself.

[ghostbandaids]

when you hear hail pounding on your roof, you shiver. the raining season has come, and things that live in the mist come with it.

birds perch along the porch railing watching the door. you stay inside

you are driving to town. your gps says you are 30 minutes away. you drive for an hour. your gps says you are 29 minutes away.

[ghostbandaids]

Do you remember?

To the person who will never find this

Do you remember

When we jumped on your bed

When we sold lemonade on a street corner after I rode my bike down the hill to your house?

We didn’t really care about the money

3rd graders usually don’t

Do you remember

When we thought we could control the sky

And we danced with the wind in our hair?

It wasn’t real

But we didn’t know

Do you remember

When I called you my best friend?

I guess I hadn’t been here long enough

To understand that wasn’t the way life worked

That I didn’t always see the truth

It was to be expected. Kids my age usually didn’t

Do you remember

When we used to have sleepovers every week

And then less

And less?

You had new friends that were shinier than me

I understood

Do you remember

When I smiled at you during school

Because now that I knew the world better

I wanted us to be close again

I knew that I wasn’t the best person there

I just wanted to be your friend

I remember

I hope you do too

[ghostbandaids]

one day a daffodil blooms - the first one you’ve seen in a while. It makes you feel more alive. the next day, snow blankets the ground and you wonder if there was a flower at all.

people who send in college applications from your school never get replies back. you wonder what happens to the letters.

you play piano as loud as you can, hoping it will drown out the wind. it never does.

[ghostbandaids]

the roads go on for miles, only grass on either side. you hope that the black animals in the fields are cows

the one room library has new books. their edges are wrinkled with something dry and dark.

sometimes, you feel jealous of the others, the ones who don't have to remember each day behind them. when this happens, you look into their blank eyes, and remind yourself that they aren't really living

[ghostbandaids]

you're the one that's going to escape. you only hope that there is something beyond the country to escape from

sometimes the wind sounds more human than it should. somehow you know it isn't your imagination

one of the curtain rods in your room breaks right before the sun sets. the repair man can't come until the next day. your mother says her goodbyes

[ghostbandaids]

one day the mist is there when you wake up. It hovers and tugs at you, willing you to step of the path. It does not go away when the sun sets

there is a horse that you always see on your road but have never heard make a noise, even when it walks. one day you ask a friend about it and she pretends she's never seen it. you know she is lying

When people ask why you wear a sleeping mask you tell them that light keeps you awake. really though, you're scared to wake up without it and see eyes that aren't yours staring back

[ghostbandaids]

you open the window and see a black creature running through the field. too big to be a dog, too small to be a cow, too fast to be anything you know of. you close the window

you wash your hands with water from your well. the water smells like sulphur, smells metallic, smells like blood.

you always drive past the same house on the way home. every night, a light turns on outside. you ask your mom why you have never met the people who live there, and she says that the house is empty. she cannot see the light. nobody can