talk about damon’s autism induced gifted kid syndrome in excruciating detail challenge go
damon acts like a pretentious prick, but unlike, say.. togami, (or even wenona, as an example to someone from damon’s home game), there’s hints that there’s more to it than just “being pretentious for the sake of being pretentious”.
most obviously, damon desperately insists that his talent is important and special. that, plus the way damon talks of most everyone else’s talents, to me, really gives the impression that he grew up being told/thinking that he HAD to contribute to the world/society in order to have a place in it (and given that he also hadn’t heard of any of the other ultimates in his class, it’s possible he was very sheltered, too.)
(and we will come back to damon’s view of his talent and the importance of it.)
damon’s bio mentions also how socially isolated he was, that he’d argue back to anyone who tried to confront him and got used to the idea of being alone- and it shows with how he acts in the prologue. he’s so used to being alone that when he thinks he’s being isolated again he just accepts it. doesn’t fight back or try to do anything about it.
but there’s still hints that, despite being used to it, he does desire company.
(a one-off line, but the impression it gives is.. a little sad, to say the least. i’ve kinda not made a post about it but this entire introduction with desmond made me desire for the two to be friends, to the point i wrote a fic about it.)
as for damon’s copium.. i think the prologue investigation is the best example, because talking to the other characters before he reaches the closet, he keeps insisting to them that the body’s just “a dummy, you don’t need to be so freaked out by it.”, which given that we’re told it was based on a real murder in-universe, does come off insensitive..
..until we see damon also trying to convince himself of that. even looking back over what the trinket tells them about the murder, he’s uncomfortable about reading what cara went through, and he has to keep himself from being physically ill when investigating the actual dummy. he’s scared. but he hides his discomfort behind a cool attitude.
coming back to damon’s attitude on his talent, the ending of the prologue.. really stuck out to me, for a number of reasons. the main one being.. god i have been in that position, not quite to that degree, but being in an argument and trying to explain my case, only to make it worse for myself? the rsd that comes from that sucks, and especially because for as much as damon made it worse, he was genuinely trying to help and believed he had the right idea. but also..
grace asks damon the big question, what makes him so special? what gives him the right to act the way he does? believing he’s so much more important than everyone else?
and that’s the thing, if damon truly believed without any doubt that his talent and he by extension was so special and important, he wouldn’t have faltered in his answer (even the voiceline for his response is the one where he stammers), he wouldn’t feel those words shaking his very being.
damon has convinced himself that he’s important, that his talent shines above all the rest, because he’s scared of the alternative. he’s clung to his talent his entire life because it’s all he has. because he’s convinced that without his talent, he’s nothing. just some nobody in the crowd. he’s dug himself into this hole because he doesn’t know any other alternative.
i really hope chapter 1 lets us see damon be more vulnerable, take away atleast some of that wall he hides behind, most importantly i hope that damon doesn’t actually end up as isolated as he thinks he’s going to be by the end of the prologue. he needs people to support him and show him he doesn’t have to think this way, that he’s worth more than his talent.
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