a disquieted moan

g. abandoned primary. message for perblog

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did some friend figure drawing on friday // January social world for me is lots of slow evenings centered on something in the hands: drawing each other, clumsy crochet projects lined with silk, shared dinners. this time of year I don’t seek out publics so much - too much grief, too many viruses. more like a coming home.

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a sketchbook comic I made last november. something about witnessing terrible things through a mediated news stream and what the worst days of one's life is like, unfolding for nearly 365 consecutive days. Poem inspiring the opening is by Em Berry.

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SEPTEMBER 2024 HORRORSCOPES

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VIRGO:

YOUR SECRET GARDEN IS LOOKING A LITTLE NEGLECTED. THE BRICKS IN THE WALLS ARE COMING LOOSE AND THE NASTY COLONIAL IVY HAS TAKEN OVER THE ACANTHUS PATCH. THE CAST IRON TUB IN THE MIDDLE IS RUSTING OUT AND YOUR BIRD BATH IS RATHER DRY. IT SEEMS YOU HAVE NOT VISITED HER IN A VERY LONG TIME. WHAT HAS FADED FROM THE PALACE OF YOUR INTERNAL SOLITUDE, TO LET THIS PLACE WITHER? PERHAPS YOU HAVE DECIDED THAT PROPERTY IS THEFT!! OR MAYBE ITS JUST THAT A SECRET GARDEN IS A BIT TOO MUCH YARD WORK.

LIBRA: TEN YEARS AGO DID YOU KNOW THAT THE FINGERS YOU TRACED THE PATTERN OF KNOTTY WOOD WITH WOULD KEEP GROWING? NOT MUCH, SURE BUT MILLIMETER BY MILLIMETER THOSE FLESHY DEAD ENDS OF THE BODY WOULD THRUST EONICALLY OUT INTO THE AIR, DISPLACING MOLECULES AND GROWING YOU CLOSER TO ALL THAT YOU REACH FOR. THIS OCCURS WHETHER OR NOT WHAT YOU REACH FOR IS WORTH THE STRAIN OF CELL RENEWAL YOUR BODY FURIOUSLY PARTAKES.

SCORPIO: THE GIFT OF OPPOSITES LIVES IN YOU LIKE A FUN LITTLE JOKE AND YOU ARE ADEPT AT EXTERNALIZING IT. ONE THOUSAND PILLOWS DECORATE YOUR BED FOR VARIOUS FORMS OF JOINT SUPPORT WHILE YOU SLEEP UPON A STONE MATTRESS THAT YOU POURED YOURSELF OF CONCRETE THAT, IN ORDER TO COMBAT THE WORLD SAND SHORTAGE, YOU MANUFACTURED BY GRINDING DOWN GLASS BOTTLES AND OTHER REFUSE TO EXACTLY THE RIGHT SIZE GRIT FOR BOUTIQUE STONE-BED POURING. WOW. SAGITTARIUS AT SOME POINT WE ESTABLISHED NEW LINGUISTICS FOR GATHERINGS OF ANIMALS, A CONVENTION THAT PERHAPS BETRAYS OUR MYTHIC ATTACHMENTS: RAVENS AND LEMURS ARE “CONSPIRACIES” WHILE FROGS FORM AN ARMY AND A WRITHING MASS OF COCKROACHES CONSTITUTES AN INTRUSION. HUMAN GROUPS MAY HAVE QUAINTER AND BLANDER DESCRIPTIONS: “COMMUNITY” “ORGANIZATION” “PUNK HOUSE,” BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, YOUR FELLOW HUMANS ARE LIKELY TO LABEL YOUR PARTICULAR GROUPING OF FREAKS A CONSPIRACY ANYWAY. CAPRICORN: ON A WALK IN THE FOREST YOU MAY BE TEMPTED TO NOTICE THINGS THIS FALL: THE TURNING OF SPICEBERRIES FROM GREEN TO RED, THE GLINT OF AN ORANGE MUSHROOM THAT MAKES DELIGHTFUL VEGAN TREATS, THE FEELING OF THE STONES IN YOUR SHOES AS THEY PRESS SHARP ON YOUR METATARSALS. DO AWAY WITH THIS SENSE OF PRESENCE!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO “FEEL” ONES “FEELINGS”!! NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTIONS! WEAR PLATFORMS SO YOU CANNOT ACTIVELY FEEL THE GROUND THROUGH YOUR SHOES EVER!! LISTEN TO PODCASTS ALL THE TIME SO THE SOUNDS OF THE WORLD ONLY TRICKLE IN THROUGH A SOURCE OF CONSTANT ENTERTAINMENT!! LOSE YOURSELF A BIT BECAUSE NOTHING IS AS GOOD OR AS BAD AS IT SEEMS. AQUARIUS: THE PRESENCE OF PARTYGOERS ON THE STREET BEYOND YOU ALERTS YOU A SENSATION YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH AS AN URBAN DWELLER: SOME CALL IT SONDER BUT I FIND THAT WORD A BIT TOO TWEE: IT’S MORE LIKE AN ANNOYING BUT PLEASURABLE KNOWLEDGE THAT SOME PEOPLE NEAR YOU WILL BE UP TO HIJINKS YOU WILL REMAIN BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF UNLESS YOU ARE AWOKEN AT 3AM DUE TO THEIR PREDICTABLY LOUD RETURN. WHAT A GIFT IT IS TO LIVE TIGHTLY AMONGST OTHERS THOUGH, DON’T YOU AGREE?

PISCES: 

EVERY MORNING YOU FIND THE PERFECT COUCH FOR SOMEONE AS YOU SCAN THE INDEXES OF CIRCULATING OBJECTS AND LOCATE THAT GREEN VELVET STUNNER WITH YOUR PERFECT TASTE. THE DAY BREAKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND EACH MORNING IS ANOTHER DIVORCING LESBIAN COUPLE’S POSTING A PICTURE OF AN EXCELLENT KITCHEN ISLAND AND YOU, IN A BURST OF LOVING WARMTH TO YOUR PRIZED FRIENDS, SEND IT TO THE EXQUISITE CREATURE THAT MAY CHOP VEGETABLES ON THE WELL-OILED BUTCHER BLOCK. YOU HAVE ACHIEVED  A SISYPHEAN PERFECTION OF LOCATING BOULDERS NO ONE WILL EVER ROLL UP THEIR THIRD FLOOR WALK-UP BUT IT’S OKAY TO CALL IT WHAT IT IS: BLISS. ARIES: IT IS YOUR WHINING SEASON - YOU MATCH THE LONG SLOW DRUM OF THE LATE SUMMER CICADAS AS THEY GET SLOWER AND SLOWER IN THE SEPTEMBER BREEZE. YOU ARE PERFECTING YOUR PLAINTIVE HARMONIZING; YOU ARE MAKING IT KNOWN THAT YOU WILL BE HEARD THROUGH THE ARCHITECTURES. MAYBE YOU WILL EVEN PEE ON SOMEONE’S WINDSHIELD ABOUT IT. YOUR VOICE, DESPITE YOUR EFFORTS, IS RATHER PLEASANT TO LISTEN TO AT THESE PITCHES. YOU MAY NOT FIND YOUR NEEDS MET BUT YOU WILL HAVE CREATED AN EXPERIMENTAL SOUNDSCAPE SO LIKE, APPLY TO SOME GRANTS? TAURUS:

ITS REALLY BEEN A BARRAGE OF…STUFF…LATELY. WHAT KIND OF STUFF? BITS AND BOBS, TINSEL, A VERITABLE TONNAGE OF PURE SHEET ROCK, A CACAPHONY OF SLAMMING DOORS, DRYER LINT AND USED TISSUES, ASHES, ASHES, ASHES. THE REPETITION OF THE PHRASE “NOT DEAD YET,” ONE OR TWO MEWLING KITTENS? A LOT OF KINDS OF SHIT CAN FLY THROUGH ONE LONELY PLANET’S ATMOSPHERE, FAR MORE THAN IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO DODGE. SO…DON’T?

GEMINI: SOMETIMES YOU SINK YOUR TEETH OR TOES OR OTHER PROTRUDING BODY PARTS INTO SMALL GROOVES EXACTLY THE RIGHT SHAPE AND SIZE FOR SAID PARTS. IT FEELS SO GOOD - LIKE A SANDPAPER TONGUE BUT DRY AND PERFECT AND YOU ARE ABLE TO FORGET ALL THE POCKETS AND HOLES THAT DON’T FIT RIGHT. EACH DAY IS A NEW CHANCE TO FEEL LIKE A WELL MACHINED JIGSAW PUZZLE, HOWEVER, IF YOU SPEND ALL DAY SEARCHING FOR SUCH SLOTS YOU WILL FORGO ALL THE POSSIBLE PLEASURES OF MISALIGNMENT.

CANCER: IN AN ALLEYWAY BETWEEN TWO EMPTY HOUSES SITS A GILDED MIRROR NEXT TO A BAG OF TRASH. THE MIRROR AT SUCH AN ANGLE REFLECTS ONLY POWERLINES AND SKY WHILE ITS GARBAGE BESTIE GLINTS DARKLY AND STEAMS WHILE THE SUN SHINES. IF THESE WERE YOUR SCRYING TOOLS WHICH WOULD YOU COUNT ON? THE CLARITY OF GLAMOUR LAID WASTE? THAT’S THE OBVIOUS CHOICE, MIRRORS ARE WELL KNOWN SCRYING OBJECTS BUT I CAN TELL THE GARBAGE SEDUCES YOU WITH ITS LITERALISM AND VERACITY. THAT’S SOMETHING YOU MIGHT WANT TO UNPACK EVENTUALLY. 

LEO: NO ONE CAN KNOW WHAT THEY’VE MISSED - THAT’S WHY FOMO IS A FAKE FEELING AND THE DEAD DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE GRIEVING, THEY JUST WANT TO HANG OUT ON YOUR SHOULDER AND WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING BECAUSE YOU ARE THEIR BELOVED SIM AND THEY HOPE THAT YOU EAT BREAKFAST AND DON’T GET CRANKY. THEY JUST WANT YOU TO GO DANCING AT THE SIM CLUB WITH YOUR SIM MUSIC THAT IS NO LONGER COMPREHENSIBLE TO THOSE THAT HAVE SEEN THE ENTIRETY OF TIME AT ONCE. SO MAKE SURE YOUR CEREAL IS FIBER RICH AND YOUR SHOES HAVE GOOD INSOLES, YOU HAVE A LOT TO DO TODAY.

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been on this cursed website for 14 years

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figure drawing practice using internet models in my sketchbook from 2020

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this ones good too

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SKATEVIL - minneapolis, 2018.

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it doesn’t have to be like this  // the wet and sharp // there is so much extra // extra + excess it is so wild + abundant // you are terrified of the need to prune // you are paralyzed by the potential discomfort // but also, you ache for it. (2018)

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2017 summer

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sketchbook freak circa 2016

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cracked angel on her way home today

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This is a semi-abandoned sketchbook main. @inumerable for perblog text chaos

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old doodad probably 2020

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resurrection. comic by me ft. in peach pits vol 3.

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Toyin Ojih Odutola - A Countervailing Theory. These shoddy images I took two weeks ago visiting the Hirschorn with Doyun. We had been walking around the National Mall and popping into museums and made it with about 50 minutes to spend between here and the Laurie Anderson retrospective. Honestly, we went to Laurie first and spent too long with her - I need to return for more time with these large chalk and charcoal drawings. They make me want to sing and cry they are so beautiful - 40 drawings in all, depicting a speculative prehistoric narrative of a gender-segregated society in which the Eshu (female warriors) and Koba (male servants) genders may not consort, but two individuals choose to anyway. I love to see the strokes of narration, the graphic-novel style panels at this size, and the dark, overworked musculature turning the figures in heavy patterns. When I was in art school, narrative work was very out of fashion, and identity based work was only beginning to re-popularize. I remember this floor of Hirschorn being endless re-curations of modernist sculpture an only mainstream international rockstars like Ai Wei Wei. This story is told panel by panel in the round walkabout of the inter hall, and the darkness is accompanied by an eerie soundscape. Countervailance, to my knowledge, is the idea in a [political] environment in which more than one power is capable of emerging, one can emerge to counter another with equal force. This explains the fictive of the described matriarchy, and speaks to my own interest in the possibilities of speculative mythology. The point is neither the truth or the best alternative, simply that there could be one with matching sway. What felt ironic (or at least, hard to read as intentional) is that even in the spotlight of this Nigerian artist’s black drawings about a Black people, the museum couldn’t get the lighting right. Standing facing them head on, the glare from the spotlights on the shiny graphite and velvety charcoals washed the paper images out of comprehension. Only approaching them at a deep angle kept the composition intact and the expressions readable. It’s not the right kind of poetics, but it is a little funny. 

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hey love your work!!

oh! thank you! from totally scrolling through your blogue just now you have 1) a really wacky beautiful home? 2) mad nail talent! A+

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wow remember that one time @charlinebataille sent me a compliment? what a fucking star / tattoo icon who i wanna now trade with some day. time + the internet is weird as fuck.

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[upthewitchypunx]

These would be in a punk house oracle.

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does everyone like how this now - 4-year-old drawing, reblabbed by this popular blag,  features my last flip phone prominently ~~