To The Girl Who Broke My Heart...
I hate you for doing this to me
For making it so hard for me to open myself up to another person
For breaking my heart to the point that I even find it hard to love myself
For giving me trust issues because of my constant fear that she will just leave me like you did
I hate how I gave so much of myself to you that it became so hard for me to rebuild myself
I may have found someone who can love me better than you did
But why is it that I don't know how to let her in?
Your place in my heart must have been that big for me not to find even a little place for her in it
No matter how I convince myself to forget you and move on, I can't seem to do it
It's been years since we last spoke to each other and you know what? I thought I have already forgotten you
But it turns out that a single text message from you can bring back those feelings that I have tried so hard to push away all these years
I know that you're happy now with someone else
But may I ask you how you did it?
Haven't you loved me for you to forget me that easily?
Or is it just me who really finds it very hard to forget you?
It hurts to think that you may not have loved me at all
That all of those things that you have said and all of those things I've felt were just childish impulses
I understand that we were young back then, but doesn't love knows no age?
Is it not possible that what we've felt back then was love?
Is love really just for grown ups?
If that's so, what have I felt? Why can't I shake this feeling of being broken hearted for years?
But you know what? I can't blame you for all of these
It is myself whom I need to blame
It is not your fault that you didn't loved me back
Because love is supposed to be unconditional right?
Writing this letter, I have came to a realization
I realized that it is not you that I hated
It is me!
I hate myself for loving you with everything I had
I hate myself for hoping that you will comeback to my arms even though it is clear that you are so damn happy in another else's
I hate myself for always putting you first that I forgot to love myself first
But do you know what's the hardest thing for me right now?
It is pushing away someone who can really love me better than you did
It is so hard for me to love her because everytime I look I her I think of you
I think of all of the "what-could've-been"s
I start to think of "us"
Everytime I try to open myself to her the feeling of doubt and anxiety creeps within me
I can't convinve myself hard enough to let her in because of the fear that she might just break my heart like you did
I hope that I can learn to forget you real soon
I hope that I can completely accept our fate and move on
I hope that one day, I can finally let my guard down and open myself up to another girl
That one day I can finally learn to love again
And by that time I am hoping and I am wishing that I will finally do it right