Warnings: Angst, swearing, mentions of sex work (nothing explicit), mentions of breastfeeding, (let me know if I missed any)
Summary: Javier and you talk and Javier learns to change a diaper.
A/N: So I lied there will be one more part. It’ll have a little bit more of their time with Chucho and then an epilogue. Also, I’m sorry this took so long to write. I got kinda in a funk. I don’t think I was totally happy with the second part plus life stuff, so then I avoided writing this. So yeah. It’s not beta-read, so please let me know of any mistakes (especially in the Spanish!!).
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“We should probably talk”
The words are barely a whisper as they leave your mouth. Your eyes try to focus anywhere but at the burning look he gives you. You look at the water droplets that drip from his hair down the sides of his face to the way his chest and shoulders rise and fall with each breath he takes. You see his jaw clench and tighten as he strains to keep his emotions in check. Before either of you can speak a soft cough from the side catches both of your attention.
“Why don’t Steve and I take the girls for a car ride and you two can talk in private yeah?” Connie slowly steps towards you offering to take Sofia from your arms. With a nod, you hand your daughter to Connie muttering about her needing a change. Javier grunts in response and begins pacing the living room, leaving you in the hallway.
It takes Steve and Connie twenty minutes to get the girls out the door with a diaper change, putting on shoes, and finding long-lost stuffed animals. Finally, as the front door shuts and you see the car pull out of the driveway and onto the street reality starts to settle in. For the first time in a year, you are face to face with Javier. Alone.
That once all too familiar feeling starts forming in your stomach as you walk towards the living room, towards Javier. Feeling as if any moment your composure would crack and your dinner would end up on the floor. As you enter he still paces the room, brows furrowed, and a hand sliding down his face in frustration. You can practically feel the tension radiating from his broad frame. When he finally notices you, he straightens his spine and sets his jaw with his hands falling to his hips. You shift your weight anxiously, selfishly hoping he would start the conversation. He continues to stare at you with his piercing gaze, unmoving.
“Well, you probably have a few questions-”
“You think?” His eyes flash with anger. “You left without a word. Now I find you here. With a baby.”
“I know. Let me explain-” You try to keep your voice steady.
He barks out a harsh laugh, “Like you let me?”
“That’s different.” Tears prick at the back of your eyes but you will them away.
“Is it mine?” His voice is cold and calculating.
“Yes.” The beating of your heart drowns out your voice. Telling him the truth should bring relief, why does it make you feel ten times worse? Like the weight on your shoulders is getting bigger and bigger.
His face contorts for a moment, showing more emotion than he has in the past five minutes. But he continues on with his interrogation, “Did you know?”
You can’t bring yourself to admit it. You swallow the bile creeping its way up to your throat as you avoid his eyes.
“I’m not asking again.” Javier’s voice is deadly quiet. You suddenly feel like one of the sicarios he picked up off the street. The shame rises in you as you raise your head, the look he gives you tells you he already knows the answer but needs you to say it out loud. Confirm his suspicions.
“Yes, but if you’d just listen to me I can explain.” Your voice wobbles as the tears threaten to overflow.
“You lied to me. You hid my child from me. Why should I listen to what you have to say?” His voice drips with venom as his glare sends shivers down your spine.
“That's not fair. How was I supposed to tell you?” A desperate sob breaks through your throat.
“NO! YOU FUCKING LIED TO MY FACE WHEN I ASKED YOU! Don’t you DARE try to make an excuse.” The volume of Javier’s rage makes you flinch and shy away from him. He struggles to steady his emotions and regain control. You had fought with him before, plenty of times, but he had NEVER raised his voice like that to you. Your own anger starts to boil over.
“How DARE you? You act as if I am the ONLY one at fault here? The ONLY one who lied? Or did you conveniently forget that part?” You can feel your blood pressure rise with every word you practically spit at Javier.
He lets out a bitter laugh, “that is not the same and you know it.” You respond with a scoff and a roll of your eyes. “I was trying to keep you out of it.”
“Did you ever think that I wanted to know what was going on? Where you were? To know you were safe?” The roaring in your ears gets louder as you try to get him to understand.
“DAMN IT! I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!”
“AND I WAS PROTECTING HER!”
A heavy silence falls over the two of you. The light pattering of rain on the window and the sound of your deep, tired breaths fill the room. You turn from Javier and sit down on the couch, you place your shaking hands in your lap. Javier plops into the chair he leans back, hands covering his face.
His voice is hoarse when he finally speaks, “What’s her name?”
“Sofia.” A small smile blossoms on your face.
“It's a good name.”
—
The rain had stopped by the time Connie and Steve arrived back at the house with the girls and dinner in tow. Your conversation with Javier hadn’t progressed much further. The emotions too raw between the two of you to continue on. When you look at Javier his face remains stoic; his jaw clenched and deep eyes empty of emotion. He was a pot about to boil over, a storm was brewing inside him and there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it.
When Connie carried Sofia inside Javier’s eyes didn’t budge from the pale purple blanket wrapped around your daughter. There was an uneasiness in the air. Nothing had been solved and there were so many words left unsaid. You took an anxious foot forward to take Sofia from Connie.
“Hi, baby girl! Did you go for a nice ride with Auntie Connie and Olivia?” You slightly sway with your daughter as she giggles. Tossing Steve a not-so-subtle glare. You lean forward and place a soft, gentle kiss on her nose, and her chubby hand lands on your cheek. Her dark brown eyes stare up at you and remind you of the man standing behind you.
You turn slowly around to face Javier, “Do you want to hold her?”
He doesn't move at first, frozen as he tries to process what you asked and the idea of having a daughter. Then with a determined look, nods his head once and hesitantly steps forward. You carefully place her in his arms, grabbing his hands to position them around her. You step back and watch as Javier holds his daughter for the first time.
He’s never held a baby before, he never really liked them; all they do is cry, shit, and eat. Yet the minute he held Sofia in his arms with her big brown eyes staring at him, the rest of the world fell away. He smiled a teary-eyed smile before leaning his forehead on her tiny head. A powerful wave of emotions crashed over him like nothing he’d experienced. Whispered hushed promises to her as his hold on her tightened. Now that I have found you, I will never leave you. I will always protect you. Te amo siempre, luz de mi vida. Sofia cooed and gurgled in response to his heartfelt declarations. Javier watched in awe as her small hands came up to his face and poked and prodded. Her fingers tangled in his mustache and pulled, which caused a muttered ‘fuck!’ to escape him. He brushed her beautiful curls to the side as he gazed at her, he recognized her eyes as his and her hair, but her face and smile were yours. The perfect amalgamation of the two of you into a tiny human.
Sofia’s fidgeting and sharp cries broke Javier from his reverie in an instant. He tried to bounce her and soothe his daughter but it just seemed to make it worse. His anxiety spiked as her crying got louder and louder the more he tried to help. Javier felt utterly helpless. For one short moment, he had the possibility of being a good man, a good father, within reach. But how can he do either of those things when he can’t even stop his own daughter from crying? He holds the screaming baby at arm's length wildly looking for help from the other adults in the room.
“What do I do to make it stop? I can’t make it stop. Fuck What do I do!?” He rambles desperate pleas as his anxiety spikes.
“I think she’s just hungry. Here lemme have her.” You reach out for Sofia, unbothered by the loud cries, but Javier doesn’t hand her to you.
“I can do it just give me the bottle or whatever.” Stubborn as ever.
“Uh.. well… um, I am still breastfeeding her so…” Trying to subtly get the point across to him.
Understanding washes over his face and he quickly passes Sofia back to you. You gather your daughter up in your arms and head back to the spare bedroom to feed her. You walk down the hall humming and shushing the angry baby. As you enter the room you go to close the door behind you, but Javier walks through the door before you can. You pause as he closes the door behind him and your eyebrows shoot up your forehead. He stares back at you impatiently as his hands flex at his sides.
“What are you doing?” You shuffle uncomfortably, mentally begging him to stop being so grumpy and aloof so you can feed the little tyrant in your arms.
“I am waiting for you to feed our daughter so I can hold her again.” His tone so matters of fact as if to insinuate your stupidity in thinking otherwise. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen.”
You scoff and roll your eyes as you snatch a blanket off the back of the chair before sitting down. You cover your chest as you get Sofia situated and latched.
“You know a normal person would ask permission before barging in.” You toss a cold look at Javier. God, he’s such an ass, you think to yourself as you shuffle to get more comfortable.
“Yeah, well you took six months with her away from me. I’m not missing anymore.” His verbal lashing makes your jaw set and your shoulders stiffen. You hold his cold stare with an equally icy one. This will never work, you two will never get along and Sofia will be the one to pay for it.
As Sofia finishes up you hand her off to Javier and grab a towel for him.
“Here she needs to be burped.” He snatches the towel from you.
“I know. I’m not an idiot.” He snaps at you again and finally, you’ve had enough of his attitude. He has never cared for a baby in his life, yet he wants to be a dick when you try to help him? Okay, two can play at that game.
“Fine since you are so eager to do everything by yourself, she needs a diaper change too. The bag is over there.” You toss your hand in the direction of the diaper bag and smirk at the deer in headlights look that falls over Javier as you leave the room.
—
It had taken Javier well over 30 minutes to change Sofia, even with Steve’s help after you had refused. The rest of the night went, for the most part, without incident. The heavy awkwardness still hung in the air, though Olivia was blissfully unaware as she chatted away. Javier had barely spent a minute away from Sofia. He was still stiff and terrified he would hurt her if he moved, so he sat most of the night in the chair with her in his lap or on his chest. The scene before you made your heartache and the breath leave your lungs. Never in a million years would you have guessed he would be acting like this. You expected him to run for the hills, but the almost instant connection with your baby girl came right out of left field.
You practically have to pry the tired baby out of Javier’s hands to take her to bed. Once you take Sofia down the hall he finally feels the exhaustion settle into his body. His bones creak and his muscles groan as he stands up and stretches. His brain hurts with how much emotional stress has happened in just a few hours. He gathers the neatly folded blankets and pillow that Connie gave him and begins to pull out the futon so he can get some much-needed rest. He peels off the fitted denim covering his legs and lays down but as his head hits the pillow his mind starts to race again.
He was furious at you, for leaving, for lying to him, for breaking his heart. What did he do to make you do this? Yes, he lied, but if you had only listened to him he could have explained it. Javier knew he wasn’t a good man, but everything he did, good or bad, was to protect you. From what he wasn't entirely sure. He used to think it was from the dangers of his job, but maybe it was to protect you from the darkest sides of himself. With the girls at the brothels, everything was transactional. No emotional connection. Just sex or information, sometimes both. Most of the time both. He didn’t want to lie to you, he knows you knew of his...reputation. You looked him in the eye and told him so. He also knew he was never good enough for you, so maybe he placed a grenade to make sure everything exploded.
And now? Everything is so complicated. His emotions feel like a tornado inside him, his anger swirling wreaking havoc fighting against leftover feelings. He wants to hate you, every instinct he has telling him to leave and never speak to you again. It would be easier. Then those gentle brown eyes came to his mind, the giggles that echoed in his ears when he bounced his daughter on his lap. His daughter. Still a strange sensation. He could never leave her. He would never leave her. This is his chance to be a good man.
Javier had finally started to drift off to sleep when a dip in the bed beside him startled him awake.
“What the fuck cabrón?!” Javier groans as he looks over and sees Steve sitting on the end of the futon. He just wants to go the fuck to sleep.
“Shut up.” Steve crankily throws his pillow on the futon and flops onto the lumpy mattress.
“Connie kick you out?” A grunt from the blonde answers Javier’s question. Javier tries to smother a smirk, “Well you deserve it you fucking hillbilly. What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that you deserved to know your kid and that the two of you have been absolutely miserable since all that shit went down.” Steve is obviously in no mood to talk since instead of sharing a bed with his wife, he is stuck with Javier on the shitty futon. “I was thinking that you two would realize how stupid you both are and I’d be the hero who helped you realize, and then your next baby is Steve Jr.”
"Sobre mi cadáver pendejo.”
—
Three hours. That's all the sleep the little monster you birthed would let you have. Everything went fine putting her to bed in the little pack and play, but now? She was on the warpath. You loved her, you really did, Sofia was the best thing to ever happen to you, but you could do without the loss of sleep. She usually will at least let you sleep about 4, maybe 5 hours but not tonight, of course not tonight. You dance around the room bouncing, rocking, and shushing the crying baby. Pleading with her to go back to sleep or at least stop crying so she doesn’t wake the rest of the house. A soft knock on the door pries your attention away from Sofia’s red and puffy face.
“Hey is everything okay?” In the doorway stands a rumpled Javier with a sleep-heavy voice. His hair mussed from tossing and turning. “I heard her crying.”
“Yeah. She just is allergic to sleep tonight. I fed her and changed her but she still doesn’t want to sleep.” You are sure Javier could hear the desperation in your voice. In about five minutes there will be two crying women in this room.
“Take a break. I’ll try for a bit.”
“It's okay Javier you don’t-” A yawn escaping your throat cut off your protests.
“I know. I want to.” Javier carefully pulls Sofia from your arms and softly whispers to her in Spanish. “Oh, Mija. tienes que dejar que mamá duerma. Shhh, cálmate.”
As he sits down and brings her to his chest your mouth moves before you can stop the thought, “Why don’t you take your shirt off?” Javier raises an eyebrow at you, not understanding your half-formed thought. “I mean it. Skin-to-skin contact can help her bond with you… and maybe get her to calm down.” Your lips widen into a smirk, “Besides, it's nothing I haven’t seen.”
Javier rolls his eyes, but without missing a beat shoves Sofia in your arms so he could slip his t-shirt off. He would do anything to make up for lost time with his daughter. He tosses the shirt off somewhere into the dark room and settles back into the chair reaching for Sofia. He continues to murmur sweet words to your daughter as he holds her, and within ten minutes she curls into his bare chest, fast asleep. As much as Javier wanted to stay like that forever if he sat in that chair all night his back would scream at him in the morning. He slowly gets up and ever so carefully sets Sofia back down to sleep on her own. He backs away and sits next to you on the edge of the bed. The moon shining in from the break in the curtains illuminated half of your face. He could see the tiredness in your eyes.
“You really are great with her.” You broke the silence first in a hushed voice. “Better than I expected.”
A chuckle bubbles out of his throat, “She terrifies me but I want to be a father to her. I want to be there. I need to be there.”
Another long silence settles between the two of you. The anxious energy in the air is palpable, like the way it feels before a bolt of lightning hits. Javier needs you to understand he is committed. He was the second those warm brown eyes and chocolate curls look into his own.
You try not to stare at the way the moonlight shines on his skin, making it look soft and ethereal. You remember what it felt like to be enveloped by the strong arms that now rest next to yours. How it felt to lay your head on the smooth expanse of his chest. Falling asleep listening to his heartbeat was always your favorite. He held onto you, made you feel protected and loved, while the soft thump of the blood coursing through his veins lulled you into a deep sleep. You had never slept as well as you had in Javier’s arms. You missed it.
“Come to Texas with me.”
Your head snaps towards Javier, completely taken aback. You freeze, your brow furrowed and mouth hanging open. Your brain is in a frenzy trying to understand what he just said to you. Before your brain can even muster a response Javier continues to explain.
“I mean it. I want you and Sofia to come back with me.” It doesn’t sound like he’s lying or scheming. Javier sounds genuine, but how could you up and leave? You have a life, friends, a job to think about.
“Javier… I can’t just drop everything like that.” Your muscles stiffen bracing for his anger at you, but it doesn’t come. Javier lets out a heavy sigh before grabbing your hands that had been sitting in your lap unconsciously picking at your cuticles.
“I-I know I’m asking a lot and that there is still a lot that we have to discuss, but I want my dad to meet her. I want him to know her and her to know him.” His hand squeezed yours in a silent plea, “Please.”
You know how close Javier is with his father and you weren’t close with your family. You were an only child and your parents weren’t around anymore. This would be Sofia’s only chance to have a relationship with a grandparent. Something you desperately wanted for her, but what if something went wrong? What if you and Javier can’t make this co-parenting work? But deep down, below your immediate fear and anxiety, there was this glowing feeling. You wanted to risk all of this. You wanted to have a family for Sofia and yourself.
“Yes.”
Javier nearly fell off the bed, he was so sure you’d say no. He wasn’t even planning on asking you right now. He knew that's what he wanted, but he was going to wait until things settled down a bit. But being here with you, he just blurted it out without thinking. He wanted to smack himself. He never loses control like that, only when he is around you.
“Thank you. And I promise you, it will work out. You and Sofia will be taken care of. I swear.” He felt his heart rate start to return to a normal pattern and silence once again fell over the room. All he could hear was the soft breaths coming from his daughter. He realizes he hadn’t let go of your hands and he doesn’t want to either. You keep him grounded, you always had. He can feel your pulse under his fingertips and he traces the ridges of your knuckles with his thumb. Savoring the familiar weight of your hand in his for when you inevitably pull it away. But you don’t.
Slowly Javier feels your head migrate to his shoulder as your exhaustion takes over. He knows he should stop you. He should help you to bed and go back to sharing the futon with his dumb ass friend. But he can’t make himself move. He glances down at your face as your eyes start to drift closed and smiles. Your nose was crinkled and your eyebrows furrowed in the most adorable way while you slept.
“You know she is grumpy exactly like you. Same stupid grumpy face and all.” You mumble to him with a sleepy rasp to your voice. He tries to keep his shoulder a steady pillow for you while he chuckles at your comment. Finally, sleep consumes you and it's not long before Javier follows suit.
—
The next few days find you and Javier in a strange yet comfortable routine. You spent the days with the Murphys sightseeing, swimming, and seeing all that Miami has to offer. Javier has warmed up a little since that first night, when Sofia woke you both up a few hours after you had fallen asleep he had his arms wrapped around you. Your head was on his chest as your legs dangled off the end of the bed. It was not your intention to fall asleep on top of him, but you can’t deny that something about waking up in his arms felt so natural and right. Though the ache in your back from the positioning wasn’t great. Javier hasn’t mentioned that night at all, so neither have you. You can’t help but to wonder if he regrets it; do you want him to regret it? He did move all his stuff into the guest bedroom, but he stole a sleeping bag from Steve and has camped out on the floor. But that's so he can help with Sofia throughout the night, not for you.
Connie and Steve on the other hand have not had a great few days. The day after Javier’s surprise arrival was full of sarcastic remarks and passive-aggressive comments. Steve slept on the couch for one more night, before it all came to a head. As you come inside from the backyard, you didn’t realize you had walked into the middle of a very hushed argument. You slowly closed the sliding glass door and leaned on the wall dividing the living room and kitchen as you listened.
“I’m mad that you didn’t talk to me. I’m mad that you threw a hand grenade into the house and have the audacity to act smug because it didn’t immediately explode in your face.” Connie struggles to keep her voice down as she lectures her husband.
“I know okay? The next time I plan to reunite two friends who have a child together I’ll make sure to tell you.” The smirk crossing Steve’s face is ever-present in his tone of voice.
“You’re not funny. This could have ended badly.” annoyance dripped from Connie’s voice. “You weren’t there when she found out or when she left. This tore her apart. We could have lost both of them.”
Steve’s voice is no longer coated in sarcasm, “I know and I should have talked to you about it. But I also know that I have never seen Javier like that. Even with all the shit we saw, I had never seen him as scared as he was when he realized she was gone. He loves her and she loves him. I just couldn’t keep waiting for those two idiots to get their shit together. He’s been sleeping in her room for the past two nights. They just needed… a little help.”
“I know. Those two are the most stubborn, bullheaded people on the planet. Maybe, just maybe, they did need a push. That doesn’t mean I agree with your method.”
Steve’s light laughter wafted into your ears from the kitchen. “Sooo, does this mean I am allowed back into my room?” Now it was Connie’s turn for her bright laughter to fill the house again.
You walked into the kitchen, finally making your presence known, and Steve has his arms wrapped around his beautiful wife from behind, whispering in her ear. Connie had the manners to try and look embarrassed, Steve just smirked and continued to whisper and kiss his wife’s neck. “Oh, don’t mind me. I just came to get some snacks.” You grabbed the plate of fruits and veggies that Connie was cutting up off the counter. “We’ve got Olivia. You guys go and have some alone time.” You dramatically waggled your eyebrows as you sauntered off back outside. You’re just happy they are getting along again, sulking Steve is the worst, all he does is pout and look like a kicked puppy. But you can’t help but wonder if Steve is right. Does Javier still love you? Why do you care? You left, you made your choice. There is no use in dwelling in a fantasy.
—
Getting off the plane this time was much easier. With Javier there to help, either taking the bags or wrangling Sofia, it made traveling less of a nightmare. Although leaving Connie and Steve was still hard. After spending two weeks with them it was hard to say goodbye, evident by the amount of tears shed between you and Connie. You and Javier spent the entire two weeks with Sofia, only alone together at night. You two still haven’t talked yet about a plan for the future or about the two of you since that first night. There is a heaviness that constantly hangs in the air around both of you. You know you’re gonna have to address it at some point, instead of dancing around it. The timing just never seems right. You don’t want to disturb the peace that’s settled around you. He seems happier, lighter when spending time with Sofia. He has so seamlessly blended into your lives and you don’t want to say anything and ruin that.
So you didn’t talk. Not before leaving Miami and not on the five-hour flight back to Texas. The two of you stayed relatively silent, only communicating when needed. It felt weird without Connie or Steve as a buffer, like you were two strangers. Strangers who also shared a baby. You never hated something more. Now you’re standing here with the sun beating down on you, sweat dripping down your back waiting for Javier to pull his car around. He had insisted on pulling it around for you and Sofia. Whether that was because he was trying to be polite or needed a break from you or both, you don’t know.
He pulls up and starts loading the luggage in the car as you get Sofia situated. She had been fussy on the flight but now she decided to sleep soundly, because why make your life easier? You brush her soft curls off her forehead and give her a kiss before closing the door. The seat automatically sticks to your legs as you pull yourself into the front seat. Javier switches gears and quickly pulls out to start heading to his father’s ranch.
Chucho knew you were coming, you made sure Javier called him. What is with DEA men and not warning people? That didn’t soothe your anxiety at all. Your cuticles were basically nonexistent after the flight so you turned to picking at the flaking seat cover and chewing the dead skin on your lips. Anything to release this nervous energy that seemed to have possessed you. Your thoughts ran wild; he’s gonna hate me, rightfully so. I kept his granddaughter from him and his son. Fuck, what did you expect to happen? Him to welcome you with open arms?
Well, that's exactly how Chucho greeted you, much to your visible surprise. As soon as your foot hit the ground he was in front of you pulling you into a hug. You were so surprised that you didn’t even respond or hug him back.
“Bienvenida, Mija.” Chucho held you at arm's length as he spoke to you. "It is so nice to finally meet you.” His warm eyes shining as they surveyed yours. You manage a small smile at his welcome, not expecting to be greeted with such kindness. “Now, where is my pequeña nieta?”
Javier, who you now realized had been getting Sofia out of the car, carried her over to meet Chucho. As he handed Sofia to Chucho, Javier beamed with pride. Chucho rocked Sofia as he hummed to her, something Javier would do with her. It made you smile to see how easily Chucho accepted you and Sofia.
“Come, I made dinner, let's eat. I think there is much for us to discuss.” Chucho carried Sofia inside as you grabbed her diaper bag and Javier grabbed the luggage. As you walked towards the porch you glanced at Javier. He had stopped walking towards the house. His eyes glued to you. Then he smiled at you. It was small, almost undetectable, but there nonetheless. Warmth enveloped your body, the feeling of belonging not lost on you. When you first came back to the states you were alone, pregnant, jobless, and everything felt cold and dark. The future bleak except for the tiny bean you were carrying. Standing here with the warm breeze carrying the smell of Chucho’s cooking outside, everything felt right. You felt for the first time in a long time, that you were closer than ever to having a real honest to god home; and damn it you were not letting it go without a fight.
What a rollercoaster chapter! 🥹💖 Javier’s tension built from his shock and insecurity but he still wants, needs to be with Sofia. Reader’s protective wariness, challenging his attitude, and welcome surprise at Javier’s commitment… it’s all just 😘👌 And opening up to trusting him… or the possibility of trusting him… again by making all those steps from encouraging father-daughter bonding to that big move! Wow!!
I honestly really enjoyed writing this part. Writing angst is comfortable for me but writing sappy emotional bonding is tricky for me…. Says a lot about my mental state huh? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Writing the parts with Javi and Sofia really just hit me in the heart. I truly think he would be a good dad if given the chance. 💖💖💖
Warnings: Angst, swearing, pining, smoking, kissing, groping, implications of sex, pregnancy mention, genuine human emotions, probably OOC for Javier... whoops. No beta, just yeeted into the void. any typos. Let me know if I have missed any!
Summary: Javier finally decides what he wants his future to be and Chucho wins Grandpa of the year. Reference for the necklace that is mentioned. The Poem included in the epilogue is by Raymond Garfield Dandridge. Who's poem brought me peace when life was not.
A/N: This is a really bittersweet moment. I again apologize for how long it has taken me to finish this story. Life was overwhelming and I was trying to push myself into writing smut because I know it's popular. So I hit a wall because I was trying to force something out of myself that I didn't really want to write and personally didn't add much to the story. So I took the pressure off of myself. There is no smut in here just implications and allusions to it. It is not something I am just yet comfortable writing, but maybe someday. I also spent WAY TOO LONG obsessing over the timeline and trying to get everything to make sense. I am fairly certain some new grey hairs appeared on my head because of it. I gave up. I did my best. I am not perfect and this is a hobby. I have loved every second of writing this ending and I hope you like it too. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for your patience as I lose my marbles again and again. I have so many people I want to thank and dedicate this to. So many people who without them, I probably never would have posted this story or continued writing it. I hope they know who they are and how much they have meant to me. If you have ever left a like, a comment, a reblog, or sent me a message please know how much that means to me. I hope you never hit a red light and that your pillow is always cold at night. You are angels and the world is so much better with you in it. If you got this far you are a gem. I hope to write more on this blog in the future but I am done trying to force myself into a schedule. I want this to be a fun creative outlet not another obligation for me. Thank you for reading and without further ado, our two idiots need a happy ending.
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The card slips from your fingers and falls to the counter, forgotten.
The next morning you wake to the sun shining through a sliver in your curtains. Weird… usually I get waken up by a hungry infant demanding a boob. As soon as the thought crosses your mind you glance over at the crib to the right of the bed. It’s empty. Your nose scrunches in confusion but then the light banging of pots and pans echoing from the kitchen catches your attention.
You slip on your slippers and slowly pad your way to the kitchen. Your limbs still heavy with sleep. You find Chucho dressed and ready in his Sunday best for church as he makes breakfast. Sofia sitting in the high chair babbling away with her grandpa. He softly whistles an old ballad to her as he warms up a bottle. You mumble a greeting to Chucho and he tosses a cheery good morning back. You sweep your hand across Sofia’s forehead pushing the soft brown curls out of the way as you lean down to kiss her.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” You question Chucho as you make your way over to the cabinet to make yourself some tea.
“You were tired and there are bottles out here. I wanted you to rest.” Chucho replies simply with a light pat on your cheek. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I mean why else did you pump if not for this reason? Plus he was right, you were exhausted. Sofia had a rough night again. Gotta love sleep regression. Your guess was all the change in her routines. She needed normalcy and stability, and honestly? So did you.
Once the bottle was ready for Sofia, Chucho swoops the baby girl up in his arms to feed her. A soft smile blooms across your face at how sweet Chucho is with Sofia. He has a way with her. She rarely cries when he is around and he has quickly become her favorite person. Your baby girl has Chucho completely wrapped around her finger. This is all you ever wanted for your daughter, Sunday morning breakfasts and a family that is bursting with love. Lost in thought, the creak of a floorboard draws your attention to the doorway. Javier had paused before entering the kitchen, the bags under his eyes were dark and he still had yesterday’s clothes on. Your eyes meet his weary dark orbs, and his frown deepens as he looks back, almost studying you. You shifted under his gaze like a bug under a microscope.
A wave of annoyance begins to build in the pit of your stomach. Javier has no right to judge you when you did nothing wrong in the first place. You straighten your back and cool your expression into one of annoyed indifference. He quickly looks away from you as if your gaze burned him. He makes his way into the room and pats his dad on the shoulder in greeting as he swipes a mug for his coffee.
“You look awful mijo.” Chucho was never one to pull a punch.
“Gee, thanks Pop.” Javier’s voice was devoid of any emotion as he slumped on the counter with his chin pressed to his chest. Javier really did look a mess and he looked pale. You felt the familiar pinprick of tears start to burn your eyes, everything that led you both down this path started with your lie. You want to be furious at him; to yell, scream, smash something, but you can’t move. You are frozen as the quiet guilt rages a war in your brain. You blink and try to will away the traitorous tears threatening to spill and notice Chucho staring at you with a wary gaze. You quickly excuse yourself mumbling about taking a shower. Anything to escape, to give you time to think.
-
Chucho inhales deeply as he watches you practically sprint out of the kitchen. He turns to his son, brooding and quietly sipping his coffee with his eyes closed. Chucho looks down at Sofia’s milk-drunk, blissed-out expression and slowly walks over to set her down in the pack n’ play set up in the corner of the kitchen. It used to be in the living room but Sofia got fussy when she couldn’t see Chucho cook.
“You know one day you are gonna push people too far and they won’t keep coming back for more.” Chucho stares counting Sofia’s soft breaths as he addresses Javier.
Javier slowly opens his eyes as his jaw rocks. “I know.”
Chucho turns and points down the hall towards where you are, “That woman is at her breaking point. And look at you! Pale and smelling like a chimney. I cannot sit here and watch the two of you destroy each other. Either figure out what you want and fight for it or just stop and let her go.” Chucho’s tone was severe as he verbally lashed his son.
“Pops I-” Javier’s throat was dry and his voice cracked pitifully.
“No. I am taking Sofia to Church. You-” He stabs his pointer finger into Javier’s chest “Are going to talk to her. You are letting your happiness slip away from you. No one is taking it away.” Chucho reaches into his pocket and presses the small black card you left on the counter into Javier’s free hand. “If this is enough to sway you then you are far stupider than I thought you were.”
The card feels cold in Javier’s hand. His dark eyes stare unblinkingly at it. Not even looking up when Chucho leaves the room with Sofia in tow. He turns the thin piece of paper over and over between his fingers. How could he have let something so small, so meaningless burrow under his skin? He knows his father is right. He has to stop letting this fear and insecurity control him and make him lash out at you. He needs to make a choice and he needs to make it now.
“Oh, did Chucho leave?” Your voice, soft and missing its usual melodic tone, tears Javier’s eyes away from the card. There you are standing in the hallway hair still damp from your shower but loosely braided to the side. You have your favorite navy blue linen overalls on, the ones you like to wear to clean around the house. You are a vision of domestic bliss. But he can see the weariness in your eyes. The hollowness that lingers in them now.
Javier clears his throat roughly, shoving the card into his pocket. He has no idea how long he has been standing staring at it. “Uh yeah, he took Sofia to church with him.”
“Oh. Okay.” Your voice is void of emotion or any of your usual lightness. Javier feels stiff and awkward like his limbs are full of sand and he doesn’t know how to be around you anymore.
You turn to walk away from him and Javier starts panicking. Is it too late? Has he pushed you too far?
Before he can talk himself out of it, Javier blurts out the one question he should have asked the day you arrived in Texas. “Can we talk for a second?”
-
The silence was deafening. You stopped mid-step towards your bedroom and did a half-turn back to him. Your brows furrowed as you studied the man before you. The Javier that stood before you now was not the same Javier you left behind in Colombia. So many things have changed, for both of you. The wrinkles around his eyes have grown more prominent and the gray in his hair is more noticeable. He still stands with his hands on his hips and hunched shoulders, always carrying the weight of the world on his back. But it was something in his eyes, those piercing eyes that once glowed like embers lost that spark and fire, that once spoke to you. Javier’s dark orbs transfixed you, their darkness overwhelming but there was a sadness to them now. A haunting darkness in them that goes deeper than you knew.
“Sure” You held his stare for a moment, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. His eyes widened as if he assumed you’d refuse his request.
Javier quickly shook the surprise from his face and schooled his expression back to its normal frown. He motioned towards the porch and opened the front door for you. You slowly lowered yourself into the nearest rocking chair as Javier leaned on the railing across from you. The crack of the front door shutting echo across the ranch. Javier cleared his throat as he flexed his hands on the railing and stared at a crack in the porch floor. He would kill for a cigarette. Or a bottle of whiskey.
“So, um, what did you want to talk about Javier?” You never used to call him Javier so much. Only when you pretended to be angry at him or when you were teasing him. It used to be fun, hearing you huff it out between laughs or moan it in his ear. Now his name on your lips is a reminder of the mess everything has turned into. Of all the mistakes he’s made. Of the lies, he’s told. All the reasons you left him. All the reasons that he hates himself. No wonder you left and maybe you should again. Maybe that is what’s best.
–
“Javier?” You calling his name a second time caught his attention and his eyes finally met yours briefly before looking away again.
“Right. Yeah. I wanted to discuss your plans.” Javier’s hand scrubbed the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze.
“My plans?” You schooled your face into the picture of neutrality.
Javier huffed in frustration, “Yes. Your plans. Shit, you know what I am trying to say here.”
A cold fire lit behind your eyes, a predator eying their prey as they narrowed. “No Javier I don’t. I don’t know what I am doing here. I thought I did, for a moment I thought I knew what you wanted. Now? I am lost. You want to know my plan? I don’t have one. Not since you showed up in Miami and turned my whole life upside down.” You released a heavy breath trying to calm that fire that sparked in your veins.
Javier’s eyes flashed with anger and he set his jaw before he continued pressing, “I know that everything has not been the easiest lately, that I have not been the easiest to deal with-”
You scoff and wrap your arms around yourself. “Because everything was always so perfect between us.”
That struck a chord with Javier. He made mistakes. Tons of them even; but he always did what he thought would protect you. To keep you hidden from his world, from him, and the darkness that followed. He nearly growled his response, “I did what I had to do to keep you away from all that shit. To protect you.”
“Protecting me? Is that what lying to me about sleeping with your informants, all while you were fucking me is? Pretty sure that is exactly the opposite of protection Peña.”
Javier’s eyes turned cold and his next words cut you like a knife, “Well, I didn’t fucking leave without a damn word and hide a child from you.”
“You didn’t exactly give me any reason to stay. I was just a casual fuck to you and we both know if I hadn’t left, you would have.” You internally curse yourself for the tears brimming your eyes. You hate that after everything he still has this power over you, over your emotions.
Javier's whole body goes stiff, his voice is quiet barely audible above the sound of the ranch. “Is that really what you think of me?”
You lock eyes with his. Your anger quickly begins to dissipate the minute you see the pain in his eyes. “I-” You start but stop yourself.
Javier shakes his head as if he can shake the heartbreak away, “No. I don’t want to fight with you. This isn’t coming out right. I didn’t mean to..” But his voice trails off. He is desperately trying to find the words to tell you all the feelings and emotions that have been storming around in his head since the day you left.
It is a minute before either of you speaks. “I didn’t sleep with my informant that night. The one before you left.”
“What?” Your voice is barely a whisper over the frantic beating of your heart thumping in your ears.
“I hadn’t slept with any of them for a while. People just assumed and I never corrected them. I-I didn’t want to. I couldn’t admit to them or myself that you meant more to me than I let on. That you still do. I am sorry that I fucked up so much back then. That I pushed you away and made you feel that I would rather you run away than tell me you were pregnant. I am so sorry.” The tears in Javier’s eyes were clear as day.
“Javier” You slide out of the chair and stood behind him. Before thinking you reached your hand out and touched his shoulder. “No. I am sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I knew how much you did to protect me and I left like that knowing it would scare you. But in that moment, all I wanted was for you to hurt as much as I did. I was stupid and angry. What I did was selfish and cowardly, even if I thought I was protecting Sofia. I should have stayed and fought for this. How can you ever forgive me?”
“I did the moment I saw you with Sofia.” Javier’s hands find their way to your cheeks and he wipes away the tears streaming down them.
“Where do we go from here?” Your hand finds its way to his cheek as you look at Javier.
He rests his forehead on yours, “I don’t know.” He slowly leans in and brushes his lips against yours. Giving you every opportunity to push him away. But you don’t. Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him as close to you as possible, needing the grounding force of his body against yours.
Javier’s hands move to your neck, your waist, your hair, and back to your face. His scent surrounds you. He pours every ounce of emotion within him into this kiss. He pulls you flush against his chest and a whimper falls from your mouth. It only urges him on and he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip. Begging you to let him in, to let him taste you again.
You immediately give in to him. To the feelings coursing between the two of you. You reach up and pull his hair and a deep growl reverberates from Javier’s chest. His hands slide their way to your hips, then to your ass and he squeezes. It’s as if he thinks if he lets go of you, this would have all been a dream. His movements are hurried and needy. He is desperate for more of you.
You finally pull away to breathe but Javier just continues kissing down your jaw to your neck. He finds your ear lobe and sucks it into his mouth and pulls. Scraping his teeth on the delicate flesh. “Let’s go inside.” He whispers into your ear but you are jello in his arms. Hardly able to think straight. He slowly starts walking you backwards into the house. As you cross the threshold into the front hall your hands grip his jacket, trying desperately to tear it off him. Javier drags his mouth away from your neck long enough to rip his jacket and shirt off before descending onto your lips again.
This time as he crashes his lips to yours he grabs a handful of your ass and yanks you into him, his leg falling between yours. You let out a sharp gasp which he takes quick advantage of and pushes his tongue into your mouth. It's clumsy and frantic how the two of you grip each other. Trying to get as close as humanly possible. Your back slams into the nearest wall as you reach for the belt loops in Javi’s jeans and drag him impossibly close to you. As he is pressed against you Javi lets a deep groan loose as he drags his teeth down your throat, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving marks as he goes.
You are drowning in him. The sensation of his body pressed against yours, his hands digging into your ass, your thighs, tugging on your hair. The feeling of his lips on yours after so long without him. It's all too overwhelming, this is all you have been thinking about since the day he burst back into your life. Javier pulls away from your neck and brings his hands to the sides of your face.
“Wait, wait… Is this okay?” His voice is gravelly and lower than usual. His deep brown eyes are burning into yours. You want to laugh. Of course, this is more than okay, this is all you crave anymore. Javier. He consumes every waking thought and he invades your dreams. He is the biggest nuisance and he is everything you have wanted.
“No.” The minute the word leaves your mouth Javier shifts to move away from you but you stop him by grabbing his belt and pulling him back in. “No this is not okay. This is perfect.”
The two of you fall back into a familiar dance; your bodies fitting together perfectly, like two harmonies coming together in perfect time. Javier knows exactly which strings to pluck to make you sing, he has every curve, dimple, scar, and stretch mark memorized. As you lay back trying to regulate your heartbeat, you find Javier tracing the new marks on your stomach; gifts from the beautiful daughter you both brought into this world. He lightly runs his fingertips up and down, side to side. Silently adding them to his memory of you. He every so often presses soft kisses on your hairline. After a few silent moments, his eyes finally meet yours, a small smile decorating his face. You reach up and trace the lines at the corners of his eyes. You both have changed so much but at this moment, here, it suddenly feels like no time has passed between the two of you. You are back at his apartment in Colombia with a cool breeze blowing through the window carrying the smell of the Arepa shop down the street.
Javier’s hand paused in its path, “I know we have so much yet to figure out-”
“Please let's not do this now.” You begged him not wanting to ruin this perfect moment.
“Will you ever just let me finish a sentence?” Javier sits up to look down at your face, a playful glint in his chocolate eyes.
You lean up and place a chaste peck on his lips, “Nope.” and try to turn away from him.
“You are gonna want me to finish this one.” Javier takes the chance to playfully pinch your sides and laughs as you yelp and try to squirm away from him. “I know we have a lot to talk about and figure out. But I want you to know that I am all in. I want to build a life with you and our daughter, I want a house and a dog and the fucking white picket fence. I want it all. But I want it with you. I love you. Te Amo mi alma. Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás.”
You stared wide-eyed up at him, completely frozen in place. Javier starts to panic. He pushed you for more than what you were ready for. He said too much too fast. Javier Peña, ever the fucking moron. Why can’t he ever keep his fucking mouth shut? Should he take it back? No that would be so much worse. Javier was so lost in the spiral of self-doubt and intrusive thoughts that he didn’t even notice the tears beginning to overflow out of your eyes or the way that your hand was squeezing his. When you reached up and held his cheeks in your hands he was finally able to silence his thoughts.
“You are everything I have ever wanted and I promise you I will work every day to show you how much I love you and to make up for all the time we lost because I was stupid and scared. You, Javier Peña, are the most frustrating man on the planet. You are stubborn and pig-headed and you make me want to scream half the time. But you are also the most generous, kind-hearted, and selfless man I have ever met. You gave me a daughter and I cannot thank you enough for that gift. I love you with my whole heart and I cannot wait to build a future with you.”
“You scared me there for a second Hermosa. I thought I had lost you there.” Javier quickly wipes a traitorous tear than escaped his eye. “And you have nothing to make up for mi amor.”
“Yes. I do. I am not going anywhere. I am all in.”
Javier leans down and places another soft kiss along your hairline before sitting up and stretching his arms above his head. He slowly stands as you lean your head back and close your eyes, taking in the moment. You hear him rifling through his pants on the floor by the bed, his belt buckle jingling and then softly thumping on the ground.
“Dammit” Javier huffs under his breath and snatches his briefs from the scattered pile of clothes around the floor.
“What's wrong?” You keep your eyes closed starting to feel the tug of sleep starting to drag you under.
“My cigarettes are in my jacket pocket. I’ll be right back.”
-
Javier closes the door lightly, knowing that you are starting to fall asleep and not wanting to disturb you. He follows the trail of clothes from his bedroom to the hallway until he finds his jacket tossed on top of Sofia’s stroller. He begins digging through the pockets for his pack of cigarettes.
“¿Buscas estos?” Javier turns and sees Chucho leaning in the doorway, the red carton of cigarettes dangling in his hand. “Las cosas salieron bien, ya veo?”
Chucho smirked as he gestured to the random pieces of clothing and shoes tossed around the hallway leading to Javier’s room. Javier cleared his throat awkwardly and snatched the cigarettes out of his dad’s hand. He slides one out and Chucho pulls a lighter out from his back pocket and tosses it to Javier. The cigarette glowed a vibrant orange as Javier lit it and took a long drag before tossing the lighter back to Chucho.
“Uh, sí. Sí, lo hicieron.” Javier returned his father’s smirk with a goofy grin. “Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía?”
“Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse.” Chucho turned to walk back into the living room as Javier let the cigarette dangle from his mouth and started collecting the miscellaneous clothing strewn about.
“Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas.” Chucho called from the living room. Javier rolled his eyes and made his way back to his room. Back to where you were waiting for him.
Things weren’t perfect. They never would be; you two aren’t exactly saints. But the sight that lay before him in his room reminded him that doesn’t matter. You were curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed with blankets scattered around and halfway on the floor and he could hear your soft snores fill the air. He pulled the blankets around you and contorted himself to fit next to you. He leaned back on the headboard and stared down at your sleeping form silently through the haze and smoke. He could hear Chucho as he moved about in the kitchen. The clangs of pots and pans combined with the soft rhythm of your slow breaths and soft snores. For the first time in a very long time, Javier felt completely at peace. He knew that he would rather fight with you than live another day without you. He knew in that moment that Sofia was the greatest gift to have ever happened to him; that you gave him that gift. He knew that from this day on he will fight, claw, and bleed for the two of you. His little family. Los Amores de su Vida.
-
2 years later
“This stupid fucking thing” with a deep sigh of exasperation Javier rips the bow tie out from the collar of his dress shirt and tosses it on the floor.
“Why the hell did you even buy the fucking thing. You barely button your shirt most days.” Steve hands Javier a glass of whiskey. “Drink and chill the hell out.”
Javier downs the amber liquid in one go, shoving the glass back into Steve’s waiting hand. “Forgive me for trying to look respectable on my fucking wedding day pendejo.” Javier swiftly unbuttoned the top two buttons and slid on his suit jacket. He stood adjusting and readjusting in the mirror for what felt like an eternity. Everything had to be perfect. You deserved perfect and he will make it happen if it kills him.
Chucho popped his head through the door, “Es hora Mijo.” Javier took a deep, shaky breath and turned to face his father. Chucho smiled and grabbed his son by the sides of his face and pressed his forehead against Javier’s, closing his eyes for a moment, “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti.” Chucho Leaned back and Javier could see tears brimming in his father’s eyes.
“Gracias Papá.” Javier smiled back at Chucho as he smoothed his sweaty palms on his pants.
Chucho glanced at Steve, “Well then, let’s get this show on the road. Vamos.”
-
Your knuckles were completely white from the death grip you had your bouquet under. Connie had just made her way down the aisle with Sofia as the flower girl, awkwardly toddling in front of her. If her performance at the rehearsal told you anything, she dumped the entire basket of petals immediately over her head. But you don’t care about any of that. You only care that you are marrying the love of your life and the father of your child. The past few months haven’t been easy, you are marrying Javier Peña after all, the man is a well-documented hot head, and frankly, you are no better. The two of you have fought tooth and nail to be together and to build a life, a future.
Of course, nothing ever came easy for the two of you. Soon after you two made up, Javier decided to finally tell you he had to go back to Colombia. Oh, you were angry, for sure. Javier had to sleep in Sofia’s room for a couple of days before you had calmed down enough to talk to him. No matter how angry you were that he didn’t tell you, you knew Javier. He would never be able to rest until the Cali cartel was finished. He never got over being sent home for working with Los Pepes. He had unfinished business and even though you hated the idea, he went to Colombia while you and Sofia stayed in Texas. It was hard. He called. You sent care packages with drawings of Sofia and pictures. It didn’t change the milestones he missed. He did get leave for her first birthday, but it was never going to be long enough.
When you finally heard the familiar crackle of Javier’s truck on the gravel driveway you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest. Like you were finally able to take a full breath of air for the first time since the day he left. You had been in the kitchen all morning with Chucho making a welcome lunch. You were covered in flour and didn’t even take your apron off before sprinting outside. You flung the porch door open just as Javier was racing up the stops and launched yourself into his arms, nearly toppling him to the ground. There were tears and kisses and whispers of “I love yous” and “I missed yous” and “you are not leaving again.”
The two of you eventually, begrudgingly, untangled yourselves and Chucho brought a just woken up Sofia to the door. Javier immediately swooped her into his arms and rocked her against his chest. He was able to keep his cool with you but the minute his baby girl was finally in his arms again, he lost all composure and tears began to fall from his eyes. Javier took Sofia into the yard so he could try and get her to walk for him. You plopped down on the porch steps watching them play and babble back and forth. You could watch them for hours.
“Sofia, okay baby girl, walk to Mama. Go find Mama.” Javier walked behind her ready to catch her if she tumbled backward. Though she was walking on her own now, she was still unsteady and fell often and fell hard.
“C’mon baby girl. Come to mommy!” You reached out your arms as Sofia giggled and wobbled her way towards you with Javier in tow. Her stumpy little legs stopped right in front of your lap and you reached for her hands to steady her. As you grabbed her hands, she was holding something in them. She’s been hoarding rocks lately and you reach to grab it only to find that this rock wasn’t in fact a rock at all. It was a small box. “Javier, what is this?”
Javier was kneeling in front of you with his hand on Sofia’s back, “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
Now here you are almost 6 months later and you are waiting to walk down the aisle in front of all of your friends and family.
“Are you ready Mija?” Chucho grabbed your hand and placed it in the crook of his arm.
“More than ready.”
-
The whole day was a blur. It was full of tears and laughter and pure joy. Now as you sit with Javier on the porch swing gazing at the stars with your head in his lap as he runs his fingers down your back you feel completely at peace, at home.
“I know we said no gifts.” Javier paused his movements as you sat up.
“Javier, you promised.”
“I know but, I couldn’t help myself.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long slender, black velvet box. “Open it.”
“This is not fair. I don’t have anything for you!” You opened the lid and the tears were almost immediate. Javier may be the grumpiest man alive but he is also the sweetest. Javier bought you a beautiful silver necklace with three gemstones in a line. “Oh Javier, it's beautiful.”
“It's each of our birthstones. Mine, yours, and Sofia’s. I just, I don’t know, thought it would be nice. To have something of our family for you to wear”
“That's so sweet Javi.” You trace the stones with your fingertips, “It’s just that, uhm…”
“What? What’s wrong? Is it the setting? We can change it. We can return it if you don’t like it Hermosa. What is it?” Javier immediately went into fixer mode. He always took it upon himself to fix any problem you had, even the imaginary ones.
“NO. No. Javier, I love it! It’s just that, well, we are going to need to add a stone, that's all.” You looked up at Javier trying to hold back your smile and the tears. Jesus Christ, you didn’t know you had any more tears left.
Javier’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out just exactly what you said. He looked at the necklace then back at you and it dawned on him. “What? Wait. Are you serious?” He reached for your hands as a jubilant smile flickered across his face.
“Yes. I found out last month.” He couldn’t contain his excitement as dragged you into his arms and kissed your head, your cheek, your nose, your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“But…but you were drinking? You had champagne and…and cocktails at dinner.” Javier’s words were rushed. His hands were rubbing up and down your arms, it seemed to be soothing him more than it was you.
“Connie had the bartender make mocktails and give me sparkling cider.” You reached up and wiped the tears off of his cheek.
“We are having a baby?” Javier’s wide dark mahogany eyes pierced yours. The tears already threatening to overflow.
You wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you into his lap, “We are having a baby.”
-
Epilogue
Texas thunderstorms are a loud boisterous beast. The rumble of thunder shook the whole house and the cracks of lightning lit up the entire yard. The rain had been nonstop for the last couple of days. So much so that construction on yours Javier’s new home was put on hold until the weather subsided.
It was no worry though, Chucho loved having the house full of laughter and the thump of tiny little feet running around. Sofia definitely gives her Abuelo a run for his money, at just 4 and a half she is feisty as all hell and ALWAYS wants the last word. She has Chucho wrapped around her finger, and she knows it. Mateo is the opposite. He is the most soft-spoken and sensitive 2-year-old. Always trying to play peacemaker.
The rain drops beat against the kitchen window as you gather the marshmallows and steaming mugs of hot chocolate onto a tray. A new addition to the Peña family tradition of playing card games while it rains, hot cocoa, and playing out on the porch so you can sit and listen to the rain. Just like you did with your mom.
You balance the tray on your hip as you awkwardly try to open the screen door to the porch.
“Ay Mija, let me do that!” Chucho pulls Matteo off his lap and sets the book they were reading down. He grabs the tray from you and shoos you away. “Go on. Go, sit down.”
“Thank you, Chucho. I thought the third time would be easier but this one is doing jumping jacks on my kidneys I swear.” You lower yourself onto the porch swing, rubbing your belly absent-mindedly when you turn to Mateo and lift him onto your lap. “Are Papa and Sofia still yelling at each other?” You tickle his sides and his giggle erupts into the air. Mateo lays his head on your chest as you quietly hum and rub his back.
Javier and Sofia are competitive. She knows exactly how to rile him up. They have been playing go fish for an hour, and he has lost four times. You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous sight of your husband arguing with your toddler about counting cards as if she is a card shark in a casino.
“Here Mateo, pero ten cuidado. It's hot.” Chucho hands Matteo a small mug he got for his birthday. Steve and Connie got it for him, or “Unca Steve” and “Auntie Wonnie” as Mateo calls them. It had brightly colored jellyfish on it and it was from the Florida Aquarium. Steve took Matteo there when he was a baby and he was obsessed with the jellyfish and has been ever since. When we told Steve and Connie that I was pregnant with Mateo, Steve campaigned hard for Steve Jr. He about tackled Javier to the ground in the hospital room when we told him Mateo’s middle name was Esteban.
“Are you two done fighting over there? Your hot chocolate’s gonna get cold.” You took a marshmallow and pelted it at Javier’s head.
“Ay! Hermosa, quit it!” Javier gathered the cards and Sofia ran up to Chucho for her cup. You laughed to yourself as she convinced him to give her extra marshmallows on the side because “it's always good to have a snack with your drink.”
Javier plopped down beside you and Mateo on the swing chewing away on his Nicorette gum. He went cold turkey in preparation for Mateo and hasn’t had one since. He slid his arm around your shoulders rubbing the back of your neck and he playfully tries to steal marshmallows out of Mateo’s mug.
Sofia, after shoving all the marshmallows in her mouth at once, crawls up into Javier’s lap to sip on her drink. Chucho finished divvying out the rest of the mugs to you and Javier before sitting down himself. A silence fell over the Peña household as the pattering of the rain and the rumble of thunder in the distance created a beautiful song.
This blissful moment reminds you of a poem that your mother would read to you at night during loud crashing thunderstorms.
The clouds are shedding tears of joy,
They fall with rhythmic beat
Upon the earth, and soon destroy
Dust dunes and waves of heat.
Each falling drop enforcement bears
To river, lake and rill,
And sweet refreshment gladly shares
With wooded dell and hill.
Every flower, bud and leaf,
Each blossom, branch and tree
Distills the rain, 'tis my belief,
To feed the honey bee.
I pity every wretch I find
Who, frowning in disdain,
Is deaf and dumb and also blind
To beauty in the rain.
Rain causes destruction. Rain causes chaos. It is loud and booming. But rain also creates beauty. Rain creates stillness. It is also soft and peaceful. To find the beauty in the rain you have to look deeper beyond the noise and chaos. Only then will you discover the beauty in the rain.
You and Javier have been through so much together. Colombia was a difficult time and then everything that happened after. It nearly destroyed you both. You fought and yelled and screamed. You hurt each other. But you did not give up on each other. Together you tried to find the beauty beyond the chaos of your lives. You forgave each other. You worked together to create the beautiful life you now live. It is not always easy. But you both show up every day for each other.
The airy, fresh scent of petrichor filled your nose as the rain droplets thrummed away on the roof of the porch. Javier leaned over and kissed your head as his free hand fell to your protruding stomach. The scene around you was beautiful and a treasure hard-won. A teary smile spreads across your face as you bask in the outpour of love that fills the porch and this home. This moment, this life, this family, Chucho, your children, Javier. They are your beauty in the rain. They are what makes the chaos and strife worth it. They cleanse away the dust and hurt of the past to make life beautiful and vibrant and full of laughter, light, and love. You have spent your whole life searching and now find comfort in the fact you have finally found your very own beauty in the rain.
Masterlist
Spanish Translations:
Mijo - My son
Mija - My daughter
Te amo - I love you
Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás - You have all my heart and always will
Hermosa - Beautiful
Mi Amor - My love
¿Buscas estos? - Looking for these?
Las cosas salieronien ya veo? - Things went well I see?
Sí. Sí, lo hicieron - Uh, yes. Yes, they did.
Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía? - Really well. Where is Sofia?
Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse - Asleep. She didn't even get to communion before she passed out
Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas - Remember to use protection this time. We have no room for more surprises
Llos amores de su vida. - The loves of his life
Vamos - C’mon
Pero ten Cuidado - but be careful
Please let me know if any of the Spanish translations or usage is incorrect!!
My dear you didn’t miss much… I didn’t update it for a WHILE….. I personally blame my ADHD, my inability to manage my time, and my lack of a work, life, school balance of any kind lol. 🤣🤣🤣
I’m so glad that you enjoyed the ending and that you came back to finish reading! Your comments always bring me a lot of joy and you are always such a sweet individual. Thank you so much for reading and just being an amazing human!! 💖💖💖
Rating: M (no smut in this chapter but to be safe 18+ because I may try my hand at some ✨spice✨ in the next part. A heavy emphasis on MAY.)
Warnings: Angst, swearing, smoking mention, no use of y/n, run on sentences galore, a vague attempt at overarching symbolism.
Summary: Steve thinks he’s real sly. A trip to Miami brings some surprises.
(Not me realizing I posted this at first leaving the summary blank 🤦🏻♀️ I’m a dumbass)
A/N: I really hope this lives up to the response of the first part. I want to first thank @over300books for beta reading and listening to my rambling. It truly was so helpful and very much appreciated. Thank you my dear. 🥰 Also thanks to my mom for answering every question I had about taking care of a baby and 90s baby equipment. My plan is to have probably one my part at least. As always let me know if I missed any warnings and I hope you enjoy. ☺️
Masterlist Previous Part Next Part
Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear feedback!
A little over one year later
A jump of the plane jolts you awake from your unplanned nap. A deep breath fills your lungs as you try and run the sleep form your eyes. You blink a few times before your tired eyes explore your surroundings, you’ve always enjoyed people watching especially on a plane. You like to imagine what your fellow passengers' lives are like, why they are traveling; it helps pass the time.
Across the aisle, a lovely old couple catches your attention. The woman in the right whispers to her partner, making their eyes crinkle with laughter. They haven't stopped holding hands the whole flight, their love for each other radiating off them. In your head you make up a story for them; they are celebrating their 50th anniversary with beaches and cocktails and will live happily ever after. As they lean in for a soft kiss, your heart seems to tighten. To love that strongly and for so long is something remarkable, and something you don’t know if you’ll experience. But as you glance down at the tiny bundle asleep in the carrier beside you, you can’t help but smile as you feel your heart swell with emotion.
Balancing your carry-on and a now fussy baby is not the ideal way of getting off a three-hour flight. The diaper bag almost slips off your shoulder as you dig around to find a pacifier for your unruly six-month-old. Grumpiness must be a genetic trait, you think to yourself. Your eyes dart around the crowd to catch a glimpse of that familiar golden hair. Soon your eyes fall on Connie, arms laden with flowers and a bunny stuffed animal for her goddaughter.
You can feel the tension in your shoulders ease the minute you lock eyes with her. Tears threaten to spill over as you throw your arms around your dear friend. Connie has always had a calming presence to her, it's what makes her such an amazing nurse. You feel the stress and anxiety of the last year melt away as you cling to her.
Your tear-filled reunion is cut short by a loud wail from the carrier, great timing as always. You reach to grab the squirming monster, but Connie bats your hands away.
“Now do not think I forgot about my perfect goddaughter.” Connie envelopes your daughter in her arms as she rocks her. “How is my Sofia doing?”
“Probably in massive need of a diaper change.” You raise the diaper bag with a grimace.
“Give me the bag, I’ll take her. You go get your luggage.” Connie immediately jumps into action. Swooping Sofia into her carrier and snatching the diaper bag. In a whip of her blonde hair, she is gone. You stay unmoving for a moment, more tears collect in your eyes. You realize how much you have missed Connie, how lonely and isolated you have felt. But you also realize how exhausted you are and grateful to have someone help with your daughter.
You never thought anything could be worse than the heat of Colombia, but the humid Florida summer is a BEAST. In the twenty minutes, it takes for you to install Sofia’s car seat into Connie’s car and load your luggage, your shirt is almost transparent. As soon as you get in the car you blast air conditioning as high as it can go and Connie pulls out of the airport to begin the drive to her and Steve’s home. As she drives the two of you catch up but soon a pleasant lull falls over the car. As you lean your head on the window to watch the streets of Miami go by, the quiet sounds of the dance music from the radio envelop you.
—
The bass of the music in the club practically rattles your brain as you order another shot from the bar. You look around at the club-goers surrounding you, dancing and drinking, not a care in the world. Clubs are not usually your scene, working for the embassy often kept you away from Colombian nightlife, but you promised your coworker you would go out for her birthday.
Said darling coworker has promptly abandoned you to dance with the handsome stranger from across the bar. You scan the crowd of sweaty people and see the two practically humping each other on the dance floor. You smirk at her antics, knowing you will get every dirty detail tomorrow morning.
Not that you’re complaining though, you may try to live a more quiet lifestyle but that does not mean you do not enjoy living vicariously through your friend. Her carefree happiness is what drew you to her and you would not judge her for it.
The bartender hands you your drink and as you lift the shot to your lips a deep voice shouts to catch your attention, “It’s never fun to drink alone.”
You rake your eyes over the dark-haired man, you recognize him immediately. The tousled brown curls, the mustache that should have stayed in the 70s (but somehow still works for him), and that sly, condescending smirk, are dead giveaways. Javier Peña, Colombia's very own Casanova.
“Who said I was alone?” you question with a quirk of your brow.
He strides over to where you stand next to the bar and leans over you, close enough to not have to shout too loud to be heard. He’s so close you can smell the mix of his cologne, cigarette smoke, and sweat ripple off of him; it snakes its way into your senses and takes root. You drag your eyes up his glistening torso that peeks out of his half-buttoned shirt to meet his dark brown eyes.
“I don’t see anyone,” He makes the gesture to look around and you roll your eyes. “ and any man stupid enough to leave you standing alone at the bar doesn’t deserve you anyway hermosa.”
You don’t respond right away. You study his piercing eyes for a moment, the dark orbs have a practiced stoicism to them. Years of practice to not give away a hint of what he is truly thinking. You see beyond the forced confidence and bravado, the underlying tiredness within them. You wonder what his eyes look like with the morning sun shining on his face. What he would look like at peace in the quiet hours of the morning.
“You are really laying it on thick huh? Tell me, does that line really work?” Your response catches him off guard and you see a crack in his facade as he recovers. His dark eyes rake over your body, setting off a heat that rushes throughout your body. He reaches into his pocket and takes a cigarette out and taps in on the bar top as he regards you.
“It hasn’t let me down yet.” He places the cigarette between his lips and lights it. He breathes in a deep drag and releases a puff of smoke. A sardonic glint in his inky, almost black eyes.
With a scoff, you roll your eyes, reach into your bag, and place some money on the bar for your drink. “I am more than happy to be the first.” With a final smirk, you push away from the bar with your hands and away from Agent Peña.
You check in on your friend to make sure she has a way home and quickly make your way through the crowd to the exit. As you step out to meet the warm night air, a roll of thunder fills your ears. The humid air gets heavier and heavier as the rain clouds circle Bogotá. You start to make your way down the street as the rain starts to pour down. You mutter a few curses and run to the nearest cover. As you sweep your soaked hair out of your face a laugh starts to bubble up from deep within you. You notice a car pull up next to your hiding spot and you stiffen as a figure gets out and strides towards you like a man on a mission.
“Are you insane?” Your body instantly relaxes when you recognize the husky voice yelling at you. “C’mon.” Any flirtatious tone is gone from his voice as he orders you around. He stares at you for a moment and mutters under his breath, “stubborn fucking woman.”
His hands fall to his hips, his patience wearing thin, “Get in the damn car.” He could just leave you, you were obsolete to him. Just another secretary in the embassy for him to add to his collection. Yet something gnawed at your brain, Javier Peña’s reputation is well known. His bedside manner is nonexistent, so why would he care enough to stand in the pouring rain for you?
Finally, you concede with a nod and follow him to the side of his jeep. Once in he turns the key and whips the car into reverse.
The rain patters on the roof of the car as thunder rolls in the distance. You glance at Javier from the corner of your eyes, his clenched jaw and hard-set eyes unmoving. He doesn’t talk or acknowledge you, keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him. You look down and focus on your hands fiddling in your lap. You absentmindedly pick at your nail polish, hating the heavy silence of the car.
“Thank you.” You finally break the silence. “For driving me home. You really didn’t need to do that.” He grunts in response with a shake of his head. Clearly not wanting to talk for the duration of this car ride.
You sigh but refuse to sit in complete silence, “Back home in the states, the house I grew up in had this amazing porch. Wrapped around the whole house. Every time it rained my mom and I would sit in the twin rocking chairs on the porch and just listen.” You smile fondly at the memory. Javier remains quiet, but you notice his jaw unclench the tiniest bit.
“Those moments, out on the porch in the rain, we would talk about anything and everything. That's one of the things I miss the most about the states, that damn porch. There is nowhere to really sit and enjoy the rain here.” You know you're rambling but you have a feeling he doesn’t mind too much. Javier is the type to tell you to shut up if you’re bothering him. When you still get no response from him, not even a nod or grunt this time, you take the hint and sit back in the seat and turn to face the window.
“My dad and I would always play cards when it rained.” His deep gravelly voice finally breaks his silence. He doesn’t elaborate or explain, he doesn't need to. You know he just opened up to you more than he has with most everyone. For the first time since you got in the car, he looks at you, his face shining in the light from the streetlamps. You give a soft smile and his lips curve up just the tiniest bit before he sets his jaw again and returns his gaze to the road.
When he parks the jeep outside of your shared apartment building, the rain has gotten heavier. The two of you sprint to the door, he pulls the heavy door open and ushers you inside with a hand hovering on the small of your back. The light touch sends shock waves of nerves tingling throughout your body. Once inside you each turn to walk to your respective apartments.
As you arrive at your front door you turn around and call out softly. “Goodnight Javier.”
He looks up from sliding his key into his door, “Goodnight.”
—
A rueful smile spreads across your face. You feel tears form in your eyes and your heart tightens. You never would have guessed that a ride home would change the course of your entire life. If you had a second chance, would you do anything differently? A coo from the backseat brings you back to reality. You know you would never change your choice to have your daughter, she is your everything. But deep in your heart you also know, running away the way you did wasn’t fair. It was cowardly, but you can’t change that now. You can only live for your family, tiny as it is, and do right by your little love.
You shake the thoughts out of your head as Connie places the car in park outside her home. You look out the windshield and see Steve walk outside with a wave and warm smile. You step back out into the miserable heat of Miami and wave back and call out a greeting. Steve crosses the drive to grab the luggage as you unbuckle Sofia from her car seat. He places a saccharine kiss on Connie's cheek as he passes her. Steve always took any chance he could to show how much he adored his wife and rightfully so.
“Let's go, I’ve got burgers and hot dogs ready to go on the grill.” Steve corrals the four of you into the house. As you step inside you feel the love bloom around you; from the curly brown locks atop Olivia’s head as she leaps into Connie’s arms, the two-year-old babbling and giggling, to the mess of toys she's left on the floor. All negative thoughts are left behind as you and your daughter settle in to relax, eat Steve’s questionable food, and enjoy a couple of weeks with your favorite people.
—
The next day finds the five of you in the pool for most of the day. Connie had taken Sofia and was bobbing around and playing with her. Steve was splashing on the other side with Olivia playing mermaids. You overheard an argument about tail colors, and Steve was not winning.
You sit at the stairs of the pool and kick your feet through the water humming along to the radio playing. This trip was planned on a whim, a phone call with Connie and Steve interrupted with an invitation. You watch as Steve grabs Sofia from Connie and lifts Olivia in the air and bright laughter fills the air. Laughter fills your lungs as Steve sways to the music while holding Sofia, singing an off-key version of the song on the radio. Maybe you could get used to Miami, it's not that bad.
Soon the tiny humans begin to get tired and fussy and you know it's time to go inside. You give the girls a quick bath to rinse off the chlorine and so Connie and Steve can do the same. Olivia laughs and giggles as she plays with Sofia. She loved helping you wash the baby’s hair and singing with you as you washed hers. Once out of the bath and dried off Olivia rushes off to the kitchen where she hears her mom preparing lunch.
You wrap the grumpy baby in the towel and rock her trying to settle her. You walk to the guest room to feed her and set her down for her first nap of the day. As she settles down in her pack and play you spin the mobile attached to it. Within a few minutes, she is sound asleep. You grab the monitor and sneak out of the room as quietly as you can.
“Where’d Steve go?” You question as you sit next to Olivia and ruffle her hair as she munches on apple slices and carrots.
“He had an errand to run. Here eat.” Connie hands you a plate with a sparkling smile. Your stomach gurgles at the sight of the food and you give her a thankful smile.
“Okay baby girl, time for a nap.” Connie picks her daughter up off the chair. The two-year-old begins to protest but is cut off by a yawn. Connie gives you a knowing look as she chuckles, “Every day she acts more and more like Steve, I swear to god.” With a shake of your head, you follow them down the hall.
After a long negotiation for three books and a song, Connie finally gets Olivia to sleep. You finally get to take a shower then the two of you sit down to chat. After about an hour, you both hear the front door open as Steve calls out into the house.
—
Being back in the states was an adjustment for Javier. He was not the same man who left Texas more than a decade ago. His dad did his best to understand, but Javier needed a break from the constant hovering. He reaches up to wipe the bead of sweat dripping down his forehead as he looks around the parking lot. A loud horn draws his attention to the corner of the lot to the familiar blonde man leaning on the door.
With a deep sigh, he pulls his bag higher on his shoulder and strides over to his friend. He climbs into the car after tossing his bag in the back. Steve reaches into the glove box and grabs a pack of cigarettes and offers one to Javier. “Connie doesn’t allow smoking in the house with Olivia, so we have from now till we get to the house.”
Javier smirks and grabs one from the pack. He reaches into the cupholder and grabs the lighter. With a flick, he lights the cigarette and passes the lighter to Steve. Javier takes a deep drag relishing the burn of the smoke in his lungs before blowing the smoke out the window. As he and Steve sit in a comfortable silence his mind begins to wander.
He thinks of Steve’s life; a loving wife, kid, house with a picket fence, the whole package. He never once thought that he’d want that kind of life, perfectly fine with the life of a bachelor. Well, that was until you tried to walk home in a rainstorm. He looks up at the sky, it darkens as a storm begins to roll in off the coast. He brings the cigarette back to his lips as he tries to push the memory away.
He hated to admit that thinking of you still stung. The one that got away, but he can’t blame you for running. If he could he would run away from him too. As the streets of Miami pass by he thinks of the choices he's made in his life, if he could go back to that night, he would never have left. Raindrops sprinkle on his arm from where it rests out the window and he remembers he is here to relax and spend time with Steve and his family, he needs to stop wallowing and wishing for something that won’t happen. Not for him.
—
Connie gets up to greet her husband but stops dead in her tracks in the entrance hall. Her eyes wide, blue disks as she turns to lock eyes with yours. You immediately get up brow furrowed as you rush to her side. As you turn to ask Steve what’s going on, you freeze as your blood runs cold.
“Look what the cat dragged in.” Steve's words are distant in your ear, like an echo.
Your eyes meet the familiar dark stormy eyes that haunt your dreams. Your mouth opens and closes like a fish but no words come. He is here. Standing in front of you and you have no idea what to do. He is frozen in place, hard eyes not leaving yours.
Your brain finally catches up to the situation and you stomp back into the living room. Connie follows you grabbing your arm but you rip it away from her with a glare. “How could you do this?” you hiss at her.
“I swear I had nothing to do with this.” She pleads with you, her voice desperate and just as shocked as you. The front door closes and the shuffling of feet meets your ears.
Steve and Javier enter the living room slowly, as if they were approaching a feral animal. You steal your emotions. He doesn’t get to have this control over you, Steve on the other hand is deserving of all of your rage.
Javier clears his throat, his fists clenched at his side so hard he can feel the marks forming. He could throttle Steve, he really could jail time be damned. What was this fucking hillbilly thinking? He thinks he’s so slick.
Javier opens his mouth to break the silence but a sharp cry beats him to it. His eyes flick to Connie figuring Olivia just woke from a nap or whatever toddlers do. But when you cross the room in front of him, his brow creases in confusion. He steps back to get out of your way and without thinking follows you. He stops in the hallway as you walk through the door to the right.
Your voice wafts through the crack in the door, “Hi baby girl. Oh, It's okay, I know. Shhh, Mama’s got you.”
His heart leaps into his throat. Mama? Baby girl?
He peers through the crack in the door to see you rocking back and forth as you coo at the bundle in your arms. Before he knows what's happening his feet are moving. He runs past the living room, Steve calling after him. He steps out into the now pouring rain and struggles to take a breath in. Thunder cracks overhead and questions swirl through his head; Why are you here? Why didn’t you answer his calls? Where is the father? Is he the father? Is that why you left? How could you leave him if you were pregnant?
He eventually steadies his breathing. He drags himself back inside, he closes the door behind him, and finds you in the hallway. The bundle in your arms has soft brown curls peeking out from the top. His eyes slide up from the baby, to meet yours.
AHHHHHH reading your comments bring me such joy!!!! 😭😭😭😭 I just love seeing how other people experience this story and all the little things that people notice or point out. Thank you so much for commenting and sharing the love. I have no words to express my immense gratitude. 💜💖💜💖
Just me every time I see you’ve read another chapter:
Yeahhhh Steve did not entirely think things through… which tbh is pretty on brand for everyone’s fav dumb blonde. 🥰🥰
Rating: M (no smut but just to be safe 18+ only. No babies)
Warnings: Angst, pregnancy mention, unplanned pregnancy, hint at abortion (kinda), swearing, alcohol mention, smoking mention, I tried to include some Spanish but I haven’t taken it since high school so please forgive me, shittily written dialogue, no use of y/n
Summary: Two emotionally stunted idiots cannot communicate to save their lives.
Author’s note: This is my very first fic so please be gentle. I’m open to any (polite) criticism or pointers. I am a long-time reader of fics and I have wanted to try writing for a while. I have no real expectations but I hope it brings some joy to someone! I am still trying to figure out where I want to go with this or if I just want to leave it here. Also if I miss a warning for something PLEASE let me know. So here goes. If anyone is interested in beta reading please message me! I wanted to tag some fabulous writers/people who have inspired me to actually try and write myself. There are so many more though but in case this sucks I only want some of you to see it. (let me know if you don’t want to be tagged!)
Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear some feedback!
———————————————————————
The paper crinkles as your leg bounces. Doctor visits have always made you anxious and on the verge of vomiting. Although, you’ve now become accustomed to the nausea. It has been your constant companion over the past few days. The third time Javi woke up to find you locked in the bathroom he called the doctor himself. The next thing you knew Connie was offering to drive you to your appointment.
The crinkling paper gets louder as you become more impatient for the doctor to return with results. Waiting is the worst part you think, not the needles or the neverending questions. Waiting leaves you time to think and get stuck in your own intrusive thoughts. Every what-if burns through your mind like a wildfire, quick and striking. What if it’s serious? What if it’s terminal? What if they don’t find anything wrong? What if, what if what if? A brisk knock on the door startles you from your thoughts. You greet the doctor as they enter the examination room.
“Felicidades Señora, you are pregnant.” It takes a moment for you to fully grasp her accented words. “It is very common for nausea to come when you carry a baby.” She continues showing you pamphlets and offering information, but you don’t hear. Her words fade as the sound of your heart pounding envelopes your ears.
Pregnant?
Fuck.
That can’t be possible you have been so careful, well mostly. You only missed two, MAYBE three pills. All because Javi wanted you to stay the weekend and your dumb horny ass couldn’t say no. You hadn’t seen him for two weeks while he traveled to Medellin. How could you have been so stupid? How are you going to explain this to your boss? An unmarried pregnant woman is not exactly what the embassy had in mind for a secretary. Oh god, how are you going to tell Javier? Your relationship wasn’t exactly conventional. It wasn’t exactly public either, except to the Murphys. All you know is that he is not gonna react well. He is not particularly known for his tact.
“Anything else I can help you with Señora?” The doctor once again tears you from your thoughts.
“Oh, uh, no gracias.” You peel yourself from the now sticky paper, shove the pamphlets into your bag, and sprint for the door of the exam room. You are greeted by a smiling Connie in the waiting room but her smile falls when she sees your face. Your face pale as the cold white walls behind her.
“Are you okay? What did the doctor say?” She reaches for you but you speed right past her towards the door.
All you can focus on is the need for fresh air and sunlight. The crack of the door against the brick wall behind you is nothing compared to the thundering in your ears. Your breathing starts to revert back to a normal pace as the soft breeze fills your lungs. The warm afternoon sun on your face in direct contrast with the cool brick of the wall on your back.
You hear Connie’s soft approach before opening your eyes. With a weighted, heavy sigh, you tell her the news. “I’m pregnant.”
You drag your eyes open and the tears begin to overflow as you break down. Choked sobs escape your throat as you sink down the wall. She catches you before you hit the ground in her steady arms. She gathers you to the car whispering calming words. The drive home is silent. As she pulls onto the street of your shared apartment building she suddenly stops.
“What are ya gonna do?”
“I don’t know.”
She turns in her seat to face you, “Do you want to keep it?”
“I don’t know.” You let out a shaky breath, avoiding her gaze.
She grabs your clammy hands, “I am here for whatever you need. Always.”
You lift your head to meet her eyes and offer a small smile but the car does not budge. You both know that Javier and Steve are waiting for you both. Neither of you thought you’d need to cancel dinner.
“You don’t have to come.” You look at Connie as she breaks the heavy silence in the car.
“Then he’ll know something is up.” You squeeze her hand, “Please.” Your plea is followed by a few tears. Her questioning look softens to one of understanding. You know you can trust her. With a final squeeze of your hand, she lets go and continues the drive down the quiet street.
Connie’s keys jingle as they slip into the lock of her and Steve’s apartment. Olivia’s cries meet your ears before the two of you even step through the door. A wrecked Steve rounds the corner of the entryway with wild hair and panicked eyes.
He grips the screaming baby tightly, “She hasn’t stopped crying since I picked her up from the sitter. I fed her. I changed her. With no help from Javier.” he tosses the pointed remark over his shoulder to where you assume Javi is. “I don’t know what else to do.”
Connie sweeps the baby girl into her arms and soft reassuring coos can be heard as she walks into the living room. You stay put in the entryway, still in a daze. Javi side steps the family of three and plants a chaste kiss on your cheek as he whispers in your ear, “I do not envy them. She about burst my eardrum when I got here.”
You let out a noncommittal hum and make your way into the apartment wanting nothing more than a drink or food to occupy yourself with. As you head to the kitchen, Javier offers to grab you a drink as he refills his whiskey glass.
“I’m just gonna have some water.” All you want is to avoid his scrutinizing gaze.
“What did the doctor say?” The permanent crease in his brow deepens as he trails his hand up your arm. It lands on your shoulder sending shivers down your spine. You know you need to tell him, but not here. Not after his comment about Olivia’s crying.
“Everything's normal. Just a stomach bug I guess.” You shrug and hope your lie sneaks past his perceptive gaze. By the grace of God, he nods, seeming to accept your answer.
After what feels like an eternity of awkward silence, Connie comes in victorious at putting Olivia to bed. Steve and Javier head back into the living room, you assume to discuss work out of earshot and you decide to stay and help Connie with dinner.
—
An hour later and the four of you find yourselves at the dinner table making small talk. You don’t say much, just small comments here and there as you push the food around on your plate. Your unusual quietness doesn’t go unnoticed by Connie’s pitiful half-smiles and Javi’s pointed sideways glances. The only one blissfully unaware of the heaviness in the air was Steve, he kept jabbering on about anything and everything.
“You need to eat something.” Javier leaned over to whisper as his lips ghosted over your ear. An annoyed grunt escaped you as you begrudgingly took a bite of the food. You could still feel his stare burning into you. There was no way you could avoid a conversation when you got back to the apartment.
Soon you had picked at your meal enough to satisfy Javier and Connie. You practically leaped out of your chair to help clear the table and get as much distance between you and Javier as possible. As you cleaned you couldn’t help but glance over at Javier. He and Steve were bent over some paperwork on the table and speaking in hushed whispers. Javier looked at the paper and frowned as he listened to Steve. You knew this job has taken a toll on Javier, the constant work, the corruption of Columbian police, and the never-ending violence changed him. He didn’t have the best track record of coping mechanisms before meeting you, you never thought less of him for it though. It was an impossible job and you couldn’t blame him for needing ways to blow off steam.
Javi took your cue to leave when Olivia began to cry again. He grabbed his leather jacket and with his hand at the small of your back, he began to corral you to the door. He grumbled a quick goodbye and you exchanged reassuring looks with Connie and waved to Steve. As the door closed behind you, you felt a new wave of anxiety rush over you.
Before you knew it you were walking into Javier’s apartment, your own just down the hall. You don’t stay in it much when Javier is in Bogota. You slip your shoes off and lay down your purse in silence as Javier hangs his coat up and immediately goes to his make-shift bar in the corner of the living room. You watch him pour the whiskey into a glass and drink half in one gulp. Your heart beats faster and faster as you watch the muscles in his neck flex and move as the liquid burns his throat.
“Are we gonna talk about why you are acting so weird tonight?” He looks down at the glass as he swirls the amber liquid. You struggle to clear your throat as it becomes dry and he looks directly at you. All you want to do at that moment is sprint out the door and never come back, but his stare pins you in your place.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Your voice cracks as you try and act oblivious.
“Don’t act fucking dumb.” He downs the rest of his drink and firmly sets the glass back on the cart. “You have never been this quiet as long as I’ve known you, Cariño.”
“I told you I’m still not feeling well.” You bristle at his words and try to hold your ground. The audacity of this man is astounding. How dare he criticize you for closing yourself off when he is perpetually sulking? Trying to understand him is like reading a book in another language and upside down. “Just drop it. I’m going to bed.”
He glares at you as you head to the bedroom. As you turn the corner your stomach flips and a tidal wave of nausea hits you. You double over and change course to the bathroom trying to make it to the toilet before your dinner decorates the carpet. You slam the door behind you and whip the toilet seat up in quick succession.
As you empty what little contents your stomach had you hear two short knocks on the door. Before you could even tell him to go away he’s barging right in. You sit back on your haunches and slowly drag your eyes from the floor to meet his dark brown orbs. You stare at each other for a little while, the air in the room heavy and thick with unsaid emotions. Javier breaks the silence with a deep sigh.
“Please tell me you aren’t pregnant.” There’s that classic Agent Peña attitude. Straight forward and a bit of an asshole. You try to keep your face as blank as possible, you need to buy time. A lie isn’t bad if it’s for a very good reason right? You need to figure out what you are going to do before you figure out how to tell your grumpy DEA agent boyfriend.
“No, I told you I’m on birth control. It’s just a stomach bug.” You try to keep your voice steady and even, knowing that Javier Peña can sniff out a lie a mile away. He continues to stare at you, scrutinizing your words. Finally, he sighs and you can visibly see the muscles in his shoulders relax.
“Do you need anything?” His gruff tone sounds impatient like how he talks to suspects or informants. Your nails dig into your palms as you try to keep yourself from wincing at his tone.
“I’m just gonna shower, just go ahead to bed.” You slowly pull yourself off the floor. “Unless you have to go back to work?”
“I have to go talk to Carillo about tomorrow. I’ll be late.” As hard as you try you still cannot read him. Somehow he’s almost always been able to know exactly how you are feeling, but never the other way around. He’s always been clouded in deep frowns and broodiness. With a slight nod to show you heard him you turn the shower on. You know this will be the last you’ll see him tonight.
—
The next morning you wake to an empty bed after a night of tossing and turning. Nothing new, Javier probably came home late and left early. Your brain sluggishly caught up to the events of the previous day. You push yourself out of the warm bed and to the bathroom. Your reflection in the mirror looks about as bad as you feel and that all too familiar feeling starts to bubble up in your stomach and climb up your throat. You might as well start sleeping in the bathroom if this is how every day is gonna go. You slip out of Javier’s apartment back to your own to hurriedly get dressed and out the door.
When you arrive at the office you are greeted with a stack of paperwork to file and a coffee waiting for you on your desk. You look and see a note next to the cup, “Lunch?” You recognize the chicken scratch immediately as Javier’s. You hold the cup in shaky hands as your lips curl into a small smile.
When your lunch break rolls around you walk towards Javier’s and Steve’s shared office. As you round the corner to greet them you stop as their hushed conversation hits your ears.
“You are a hundred percent sure about this tip?” Steve’s whisper carries through the stale air-conditioned air.
“I vetted her myself.” You hear the familiar flick of Javier’s lighter as he lights a cigarette. “Don’t trust me now?”
Steve barks out a wry laugh, “Yeah ‘cause you’re the fucking epitome of trustworthy.”
“Listen, she confirmed the intel last night. I know this girl alright? Fuck.” You can hear Javier frustratingly hit the table. His words hit you like a bus. He lied. He didn’t see Carillo last night, he went to see an informant of his. You blink back the tears starting to make your vision wobbly.
“Yeah? Just how well do you know her?” You can hear the smirk in Steve’s voice.
“Well enough, Cabrón” Javier’s grumbled response and Steve’s following huff of laughter are the last straw. You turn on your heels and storm back to your desk. Your head is reeling, he lied to you. He was sleeping around behind your back. This is what you get for attaching yourself with the well-known man whore that is Javier Peña. You knew his reputation, you have no right to be surprised or angry. Yet you are. You want to break things and scream at the top of your lungs. Your hand absentmindedly lands on your stomach. You’ve attached yourself to Javier in more ways than one. Your decision is easy, you grab your purse, leave a note for your boss, and make your way outside. The stuffy office was becoming suffocating. You walk down the steps of the embassy taking two at a time, without thinking you hail a taxi and go straight home.
—
You hear the lock twist as the front door of your apartment opens. You stay in your slumped position on the couch watching the telenovela on the screen in front of you. You refuse to acknowledge him as he sets his gun and badge on the counter and when he walks over to the couch. He flops beside you and pulls out a cigarette and places it on his lips to light it.
“There a reason you stood me up today, Hermosa?” He asks after blowing out a plume of smoke into the air.
“Nope. Just wasn’t hungry.” You slightly shift your body away from him hoping he won’t notice. But of course, he is ever the observant federal agent.
“Are you pissed at me or something?” He turns to look at you as he takes a long-drawn-out drag from his cigarette.
“How was Carillo last night?” You turn to face him, if he’s gonna lie he has to look you in the face.
Without missing a beat he grumbles a “fine.” You study his face for a moment. Not a twitch of an eyebrow or sideways glance. You had to give him credit, he was an excellent liar.
With a sigh, you get up and move to the kitchen to get a drink of water. He follows you and leans on the counter next to his belongings. He looks at you expectantly, waiting for you to break the silence.
You stare at the glass in your hand and chuckle wryly to yourself, “You are a very good liar.”
“What are you talking about?” He looks at you through another cloud of smoke.
“I know you didn’t see Carillo last night, I overheard you talking with Steve this afternoon.” Your voice is cold and barely above a whisper. You hear him mumble a “fuck” as he presses the crease in his forehead with his thumb.
“Cariño, you don’t understand the whole situation. Just let me explain-” You cut him off with a slam of your glass on the counter.
“I understand perfectly.” Your glare is met with his usual unbothered look “Why are you even here? Just leave.”
He stalks over to your side of the kitchen, he flicks his cigarette into the sink as he stares down at you. “I am here because I want to be.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” You snap back. “Although, I am not surprised. You are very much living up to your reputation Agent Peña.” The venom in your voice surprises you as much as it does him.
His browns eyes turn black as he glowers down at you. You see his muscles tense and just as he is about to respond, his pager goes off. He rips his eyes from your stare down to check it. As quickly as he came, Javier is gathering his belongings. As he shoves his gun down the waistband of his jeans he points at you, “this is not done.”
With that the door slams behind him.
“No, I think it is.” You whisper one tear streaming down your cheek as you slide to sit on the floor.
—
You don’t hear from Javier the next day or the day after that other than a quick phone call to tell you he was called away. He said he’d be in Medellin for three weeks while you were stuck in Bogota. Your last conversation rings throughout your head and the dread of seeing him again weighs on you. You know he’s going to be back at some point and all you want is to get away. On top of all of this, you still haven’t figured out what to do about your secret. No matter where you go you can’t escape Javier. He is consuming your every thought.
You can’t think straight the longer you stay in Bogota.
Before you can talk yourself out of it you call your boss to ask for a meeting over lunch. Your boss immediately tries to talk you out of taking a leave of absence, but you don’t budge. You need to be able to walk down the hall without your mind immediately being drawn to Javier. After an hour your boss agrees to sign off on your leave and by the end of the day, you would have a plane ticket back to the states.
When you walk into your apartment building you bypass your apartment and head straight up the stairs to Connie and Steve’s. Your knock is met with a quick hush as Connie ushers you in quietly pointing to the baby monitor on the counter. As you sit at the kitchen table you begin to talk in hushed whispers. You explain the fight with Javier and your decision to take a leave of absence.
“Have you talked to Javi? You can’t just leave.” You shake your head at her question. You know you should talk to him. But you can’t bring yourself to, you know it will hurt too much and you're hurting enough already.
“Connie, I just can’t. I need time to figure things out and with Javier breathing down my neck I can’t catch a breath.” You feel the tears start to slip down your cheeks and quickly wipe them away.
“I think you’ve made your decision.” Connie leans back and folds her arms. “You’re just afraid he won’t like it.”
“I know.” With a shaky hand, you write down your phone number in the states for her. “I’ll miss you.” You squeeze her shoulder and walk out of her apartment.
The door to your home in Colombia swings open and you stare at all of the belongings you’ve accumulated during your time here.
“This is the right thing. It has to be.” You close the door behind you.
—
Javier’s heavy footfalls echo in the hallway of the apartment complex. He skips past his door deciding to go straight to yours. He hates the fight you two had. If you would just give him a chance to explain you would understand. Your stubbornness makes him so angry sometimes. He slides the key in the lock and twists.
The first thing he notices is how clean it looks. There’s no unfolded laundry by the couch or dirty dishes in the sink. He calls your name and when he doesn’t get an answer his heart rate jumps. His hand instinctively moves to his back and his fingers curl around the cold metal wedged into his waistband. He moves through the apartment to check the bathroom and your room. The bathroom door is wide open and empty and when he reaches the threshold to your room his heart drops. The closet is empty and every surface is void of your ridiculous knick-knacks and pictures. He starts to panic. Could someone have found out about his closeness with you? He starts to pace around the apartment trying to steady his breathing. It's then he notices an envelope on the table with his name on it.
He tears the paper open to reveal the contents, a key and one small note in your handwriting. He rakes his eyes over the five small words on the paper, “You should have this back.” He looks down at the key in his calloused palm and realizes it is his spare. Realization dawns on him, you left. Without a word. You just fucking left. Without a second thought, he is slamming your door behind him as he takes the stairs two by two.
He knows there's only one place you would go. He gets to Steve’s door and immediately begins banging his fist on it. An annoyed Steve throws the door open and Javier pushes past him roughly.
“What the fuck man?” Steve tries to grab Javier’s arm as he forces his way into the apartment.
“Where the fuck is she?” He stalks around the room glowering at Steve.
“What are you talking about? Who?!” Steve looks at Javier like he’s grown three heads.
“Don’t lie to me, Hijo de puta. Where is she?” He grabs Steve by the collar and roughly shoves him onto the wall. Steve tries to push him off but Javier’s grip tightens as he mutters more curses under his breath.
“Javier stop.” Connie cradles Olivia as she stands in the hallway. “She’s not here.”
Javier releases his grip on Steve’s shirt and the blonde pushes Javier away from him. Javier crosses the room in a flash. “Tell me where she went. Now.” He grits his teeth and his jaw tightens so hard he thinks his teeth might break.
“She left.” Connie passes the sleeping Olivia to Steve and goes to sit down on the couch.
Javier’s eyes don’t leave her face, “What the fuck do you mean she left?” The crease in his brows just gets deeper as he tries to figure out what is going on.
“I mean she left. She packed her bags and left.” Connie sighs and picks up a drink that was left on the coffee table.
“Well, where did she go?” Javier’s hands go to his hips as his frustration spikes.
“I can’t tell you.” Javier scoffs at Connie’s answer.
“When?”
“Yesterday.” Connie finishes the drink she was nursing in one big gulp.
“So you're telling me that she left with no way of contacting her?” The muscles in his neck tighten as his voice gets louder.
“I’m not saying that.” Connie snaps back but Javier doesn’t miss the subtle glance she gives to the kitchen table. Before she can say another word he stomps to the table and grabs the paper with your number scrawled onto it. He holds the paper up with a raise of his eyebrows and within five seconds is out the door.
—
You walk in through the door to your phone ringing. You scramble to set your grocery bags down to get to it, but before you can the answering machine clicks on. You freeze when you hear the familiar voice.
“Hermosa, Call me back. I need to talk to you.” Short and to the point. Barely a note of emotion in his voice. You figure he got your number from Connie. You walk over to the machine and immediately delete the message. You left to get away from him, not play phone tag.
The phone rings again as you are cooking dinner and you let it go to voicemail. As the machine clicks on Javier’s voice rings out again. “Please, baby, just call me back. You can’t just leave like that. I thought something happened to you. I need to hear you. Just call me back, please.” You had never heard Javier sound so desperate before. No, you can’t keep doing this to yourself, you blame the tears on the onions and ignore the message.
The third time Javier calls that night it’s late. “What the fuck were you thinking? That you could just up and leave?” The drunken slur of his words, obvious. “You can’t do that. Leave and not answer my god damn calls. Fuck. Pick up the phone.” You can feel the anger resonating off of his words. You sink further onto the floor as the tears freely flow down your face. You don’t know how much longer you can take this.
Javier calls three more times, each with varying degrees of desperation and anger. It takes everything in you not to pick the phone up and talk to him. Tell him where you are so he can come to you. But he would never do that, his job has always been his number one priority. A quality you used to admire. You take one deep breath and reach for the phone, this needs to end once and for all.
—
Javier’s head is pounding and the bright lights of the office are searing into his retinas. He gulps down the shitty embassy coffee praying for it to kick in sooner rather than later. He stares at the phone on the corner of his desk. He knows he shouldn’t call you. He’s tried six times for god sake and you’ve ignored him six times. Obviously, you don’t want to talk to him or let him explain everything. His brow furrows as he thinks back to the last night he saw you. You were upset about him lying to you but it was more than that. Something was bothering you and you didn’t want to talk to him about it. He can’t blame you. He’s not exactly the most forthcoming person. He knows he can be an asshole, but you always saw past his moods, or so he thought.
He resolved to try one more time, he just needs to hear your voice and know you’re okay. He snatches the phone off the receiver and quickly dials your number from memory. He prays to whatever god that you answer. He expected you not to answer. He had a plan for if you pick up and yell at him. What he didn’t anticipate is for every hope he had of hearing your voice to be completely shattered by one sentence.
“The number you have dialed has been disconnected.”
Awe thank you again!!!! You will definitely be added to the list. I’ve got a few ideas that I have started. I hope to post them. Thank you so much for your support and compliments!!! 💜💜💜
Warnings: Angst, swearing, pining, smoking, kissing, groping, implications of sex, pregnancy mention, genuine human emotions, probably OOC for Javier... whoops. No beta, just yeeted into the void. any typos. Let me know if I have missed any!
Summary: Javier finally decides what he wants his future to be and Chucho wins Grandpa of the year. Reference for the necklace that is mentioned. The Poem included in the epilogue is by Raymond Garfield Dandridge. Who's poem brought me peace when life was not.
A/N: This is a really bittersweet moment. I again apologize for how long it has taken me to finish this story. Life was overwhelming and I was trying to push myself into writing smut because I know it's popular. So I hit a wall because I was trying to force something out of myself that I didn't really want to write and personally didn't add much to the story. So I took the pressure off of myself. There is no smut in here just implications and allusions to it. It is not something I am just yet comfortable writing, but maybe someday. I also spent WAY TOO LONG obsessing over the timeline and trying to get everything to make sense. I am fairly certain some new grey hairs appeared on my head because of it. I gave up. I did my best. I am not perfect and this is a hobby. I have loved every second of writing this ending and I hope you like it too. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for your patience as I lose my marbles again and again. I have so many people I want to thank and dedicate this to. So many people who without them, I probably never would have posted this story or continued writing it. I hope they know who they are and how much they have meant to me. If you have ever left a like, a comment, a reblog, or sent me a message please know how much that means to me. I hope you never hit a red light and that your pillow is always cold at night. You are angels and the world is so much better with you in it. If you got this far you are a gem. I hope to write more on this blog in the future but I am done trying to force myself into a schedule. I want this to be a fun creative outlet not another obligation for me. Thank you for reading and without further ado, our two idiots need a happy ending.
Masterlist Previous Part
Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear feedback!
The card slips from your fingers and falls to the counter, forgotten.
The next morning you wake to the sun shining through a sliver in your curtains. Weird… usually I get waken up by a hungry infant demanding a boob. As soon as the thought crosses your mind you glance over at the crib to the right of the bed. It’s empty. Your nose scrunches in confusion but then the light banging of pots and pans echoing from the kitchen catches your attention.
You slip on your slippers and slowly pad your way to the kitchen. Your limbs still heavy with sleep. You find Chucho dressed and ready in his Sunday best for church as he makes breakfast. Sofia sitting in the high chair babbling away with her grandpa. He softly whistles an old ballad to her as he warms up a bottle. You mumble a greeting to Chucho and he tosses a cheery good morning back. You sweep your hand across Sofia’s forehead pushing the soft brown curls out of the way as you lean down to kiss her.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” You question Chucho as you make your way over to the cabinet to make yourself some tea.
“You were tired and there are bottles out here. I wanted you to rest.” Chucho replies simply with a light pat on your cheek. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I mean why else did you pump if not for this reason? Plus he was right, you were exhausted. Sofia had a rough night again. Gotta love sleep regression. Your guess was all the change in her routines. She needed normalcy and stability, and honestly? So did you.
Once the bottle was ready for Sofia, Chucho swoops the baby girl up in his arms to feed her. A soft smile blooms across your face at how sweet Chucho is with Sofia. He has a way with her. She rarely cries when he is around and he has quickly become her favorite person. Your baby girl has Chucho completely wrapped around her finger. This is all you ever wanted for your daughter, Sunday morning breakfasts and a family that is bursting with love. Lost in thought, the creak of a floorboard draws your attention to the doorway. Javier had paused before entering the kitchen, the bags under his eyes were dark and he still had yesterday’s clothes on. Your eyes meet his weary dark orbs, and his frown deepens as he looks back, almost studying you. You shifted under his gaze like a bug under a microscope.
A wave of annoyance begins to build in the pit of your stomach. Javier has no right to judge you when you did nothing wrong in the first place. You straighten your back and cool your expression into one of annoyed indifference. He quickly looks away from you as if your gaze burned him. He makes his way into the room and pats his dad on the shoulder in greeting as he swipes a mug for his coffee.
“You look awful mijo.” Chucho was never one to pull a punch.
“Gee, thanks Pop.” Javier’s voice was devoid of any emotion as he slumped on the counter with his chin pressed to his chest. Javier really did look a mess and he looked pale. You felt the familiar pinprick of tears start to burn your eyes, everything that led you both down this path started with your lie. You want to be furious at him; to yell, scream, smash something, but you can’t move. You are frozen as the quiet guilt rages a war in your brain. You blink and try to will away the traitorous tears threatening to spill and notice Chucho staring at you with a wary gaze. You quickly excuse yourself mumbling about taking a shower. Anything to escape, to give you time to think.
-
Chucho inhales deeply as he watches you practically sprint out of the kitchen. He turns to his son, brooding and quietly sipping his coffee with his eyes closed. Chucho looks down at Sofia’s milk-drunk, blissed-out expression and slowly walks over to set her down in the pack n’ play set up in the corner of the kitchen. It used to be in the living room but Sofia got fussy when she couldn’t see Chucho cook.
“You know one day you are gonna push people too far and they won’t keep coming back for more.” Chucho stares counting Sofia’s soft breaths as he addresses Javier.
Javier slowly opens his eyes as his jaw rocks. “I know.”
Chucho turns and points down the hall towards where you are, “That woman is at her breaking point. And look at you! Pale and smelling like a chimney. I cannot sit here and watch the two of you destroy each other. Either figure out what you want and fight for it or just stop and let her go.” Chucho’s tone was severe as he verbally lashed his son.
“Pops I-” Javier’s throat was dry and his voice cracked pitifully.
“No. I am taking Sofia to Church. You-” He stabs his pointer finger into Javier’s chest “Are going to talk to her. You are letting your happiness slip away from you. No one is taking it away.” Chucho reaches into his pocket and presses the small black card you left on the counter into Javier’s free hand. “If this is enough to sway you then you are far stupider than I thought you were.”
The card feels cold in Javier’s hand. His dark eyes stare unblinkingly at it. Not even looking up when Chucho leaves the room with Sofia in tow. He turns the thin piece of paper over and over between his fingers. How could he have let something so small, so meaningless burrow under his skin? He knows his father is right. He has to stop letting this fear and insecurity control him and make him lash out at you. He needs to make a choice and he needs to make it now.
“Oh, did Chucho leave?” Your voice, soft and missing its usual melodic tone, tears Javier’s eyes away from the card. There you are standing in the hallway hair still damp from your shower but loosely braided to the side. You have your favorite navy blue linen overalls on, the ones you like to wear to clean around the house. You are a vision of domestic bliss. But he can see the weariness in your eyes. The hollowness that lingers in them now.
Javier clears his throat roughly, shoving the card into his pocket. He has no idea how long he has been standing staring at it. “Uh yeah, he took Sofia to church with him.”
“Oh. Okay.” Your voice is void of emotion or any of your usual lightness. Javier feels stiff and awkward like his limbs are full of sand and he doesn’t know how to be around you anymore.
You turn to walk away from him and Javier starts panicking. Is it too late? Has he pushed you too far?
Before he can talk himself out of it, Javier blurts out the one question he should have asked the day you arrived in Texas. “Can we talk for a second?”
-
The silence was deafening. You stopped mid-step towards your bedroom and did a half-turn back to him. Your brows furrowed as you studied the man before you. The Javier that stood before you now was not the same Javier you left behind in Colombia. So many things have changed, for both of you. The wrinkles around his eyes have grown more prominent and the gray in his hair is more noticeable. He still stands with his hands on his hips and hunched shoulders, always carrying the weight of the world on his back. But it was something in his eyes, those piercing eyes that once glowed like embers lost that spark and fire, that once spoke to you. Javier’s dark orbs transfixed you, their darkness overwhelming but there was a sadness to them now. A haunting darkness in them that goes deeper than you knew.
“Sure” You held his stare for a moment, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. His eyes widened as if he assumed you’d refuse his request.
Javier quickly shook the surprise from his face and schooled his expression back to its normal frown. He motioned towards the porch and opened the front door for you. You slowly lowered yourself into the nearest rocking chair as Javier leaned on the railing across from you. The crack of the front door shutting echo across the ranch. Javier cleared his throat as he flexed his hands on the railing and stared at a crack in the porch floor. He would kill for a cigarette. Or a bottle of whiskey.
“So, um, what did you want to talk about Javier?” You never used to call him Javier so much. Only when you pretended to be angry at him or when you were teasing him. It used to be fun, hearing you huff it out between laughs or moan it in his ear. Now his name on your lips is a reminder of the mess everything has turned into. Of all the mistakes he’s made. Of the lies, he’s told. All the reasons you left him. All the reasons that he hates himself. No wonder you left and maybe you should again. Maybe that is what’s best.
–
“Javier?” You calling his name a second time caught his attention and his eyes finally met yours briefly before looking away again.
“Right. Yeah. I wanted to discuss your plans.” Javier’s hand scrubbed the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze.
“My plans?” You schooled your face into the picture of neutrality.
Javier huffed in frustration, “Yes. Your plans. Shit, you know what I am trying to say here.”
A cold fire lit behind your eyes, a predator eying their prey as they narrowed. “No Javier I don’t. I don’t know what I am doing here. I thought I did, for a moment I thought I knew what you wanted. Now? I am lost. You want to know my plan? I don’t have one. Not since you showed up in Miami and turned my whole life upside down.” You released a heavy breath trying to calm that fire that sparked in your veins.
Javier’s eyes flashed with anger and he set his jaw before he continued pressing, “I know that everything has not been the easiest lately, that I have not been the easiest to deal with-”
You scoff and wrap your arms around yourself. “Because everything was always so perfect between us.”
That struck a chord with Javier. He made mistakes. Tons of them even; but he always did what he thought would protect you. To keep you hidden from his world, from him, and the darkness that followed. He nearly growled his response, “I did what I had to do to keep you away from all that shit. To protect you.”
“Protecting me? Is that what lying to me about sleeping with your informants, all while you were fucking me is? Pretty sure that is exactly the opposite of protection Peña.”
Javier’s eyes turned cold and his next words cut you like a knife, “Well, I didn’t fucking leave without a damn word and hide a child from you.”
“You didn’t exactly give me any reason to stay. I was just a casual fuck to you and we both know if I hadn’t left, you would have.” You internally curse yourself for the tears brimming your eyes. You hate that after everything he still has this power over you, over your emotions.
Javier's whole body goes stiff, his voice is quiet barely audible above the sound of the ranch. “Is that really what you think of me?”
You lock eyes with his. Your anger quickly begins to dissipate the minute you see the pain in his eyes. “I-” You start but stop yourself.
Javier shakes his head as if he can shake the heartbreak away, “No. I don’t want to fight with you. This isn’t coming out right. I didn’t mean to..” But his voice trails off. He is desperately trying to find the words to tell you all the feelings and emotions that have been storming around in his head since the day you left.
It is a minute before either of you speaks. “I didn’t sleep with my informant that night. The one before you left.”
“What?” Your voice is barely a whisper over the frantic beating of your heart thumping in your ears.
“I hadn’t slept with any of them for a while. People just assumed and I never corrected them. I-I didn’t want to. I couldn’t admit to them or myself that you meant more to me than I let on. That you still do. I am sorry that I fucked up so much back then. That I pushed you away and made you feel that I would rather you run away than tell me you were pregnant. I am so sorry.” The tears in Javier’s eyes were clear as day.
“Javier” You slide out of the chair and stood behind him. Before thinking you reached your hand out and touched his shoulder. “No. I am sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I knew how much you did to protect me and I left like that knowing it would scare you. But in that moment, all I wanted was for you to hurt as much as I did. I was stupid and angry. What I did was selfish and cowardly, even if I thought I was protecting Sofia. I should have stayed and fought for this. How can you ever forgive me?”
“I did the moment I saw you with Sofia.” Javier’s hands find their way to your cheeks and he wipes away the tears streaming down them.
“Where do we go from here?” Your hand finds its way to his cheek as you look at Javier.
He rests his forehead on yours, “I don’t know.” He slowly leans in and brushes his lips against yours. Giving you every opportunity to push him away. But you don’t. Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him as close to you as possible, needing the grounding force of his body against yours.
Javier’s hands move to your neck, your waist, your hair, and back to your face. His scent surrounds you. He pours every ounce of emotion within him into this kiss. He pulls you flush against his chest and a whimper falls from your mouth. It only urges him on and he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip. Begging you to let him in, to let him taste you again.
You immediately give in to him. To the feelings coursing between the two of you. You reach up and pull his hair and a deep growl reverberates from Javier’s chest. His hands slide their way to your hips, then to your ass and he squeezes. It’s as if he thinks if he lets go of you, this would have all been a dream. His movements are hurried and needy. He is desperate for more of you.
You finally pull away to breathe but Javier just continues kissing down your jaw to your neck. He finds your ear lobe and sucks it into his mouth and pulls. Scraping his teeth on the delicate flesh. “Let’s go inside.” He whispers into your ear but you are jello in his arms. Hardly able to think straight. He slowly starts walking you backwards into the house. As you cross the threshold into the front hall your hands grip his jacket, trying desperately to tear it off him. Javier drags his mouth away from your neck long enough to rip his jacket and shirt off before descending onto your lips again.
This time as he crashes his lips to yours he grabs a handful of your ass and yanks you into him, his leg falling between yours. You let out a sharp gasp which he takes quick advantage of and pushes his tongue into your mouth. It's clumsy and frantic how the two of you grip each other. Trying to get as close as humanly possible. Your back slams into the nearest wall as you reach for the belt loops in Javi’s jeans and drag him impossibly close to you. As he is pressed against you Javi lets a deep groan loose as he drags his teeth down your throat, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving marks as he goes.
You are drowning in him. The sensation of his body pressed against yours, his hands digging into your ass, your thighs, tugging on your hair. The feeling of his lips on yours after so long without him. It's all too overwhelming, this is all you have been thinking about since the day he burst back into your life. Javier pulls away from your neck and brings his hands to the sides of your face.
“Wait, wait… Is this okay?” His voice is gravelly and lower than usual. His deep brown eyes are burning into yours. You want to laugh. Of course, this is more than okay, this is all you crave anymore. Javier. He consumes every waking thought and he invades your dreams. He is the biggest nuisance and he is everything you have wanted.
“No.” The minute the word leaves your mouth Javier shifts to move away from you but you stop him by grabbing his belt and pulling him back in. “No this is not okay. This is perfect.”
The two of you fall back into a familiar dance; your bodies fitting together perfectly, like two harmonies coming together in perfect time. Javier knows exactly which strings to pluck to make you sing, he has every curve, dimple, scar, and stretch mark memorized. As you lay back trying to regulate your heartbeat, you find Javier tracing the new marks on your stomach; gifts from the beautiful daughter you both brought into this world. He lightly runs his fingertips up and down, side to side. Silently adding them to his memory of you. He every so often presses soft kisses on your hairline. After a few silent moments, his eyes finally meet yours, a small smile decorating his face. You reach up and trace the lines at the corners of his eyes. You both have changed so much but at this moment, here, it suddenly feels like no time has passed between the two of you. You are back at his apartment in Colombia with a cool breeze blowing through the window carrying the smell of the Arepa shop down the street.
Javier’s hand paused in its path, “I know we have so much yet to figure out-”
“Please let's not do this now.” You begged him not wanting to ruin this perfect moment.
“Will you ever just let me finish a sentence?” Javier sits up to look down at your face, a playful glint in his chocolate eyes.
You lean up and place a chaste peck on his lips, “Nope.” and try to turn away from him.
“You are gonna want me to finish this one.” Javier takes the chance to playfully pinch your sides and laughs as you yelp and try to squirm away from him. “I know we have a lot to talk about and figure out. But I want you to know that I am all in. I want to build a life with you and our daughter, I want a house and a dog and the fucking white picket fence. I want it all. But I want it with you. I love you. Te Amo mi alma. Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás.”
You stared wide-eyed up at him, completely frozen in place. Javier starts to panic. He pushed you for more than what you were ready for. He said too much too fast. Javier Peña, ever the fucking moron. Why can’t he ever keep his fucking mouth shut? Should he take it back? No that would be so much worse. Javier was so lost in the spiral of self-doubt and intrusive thoughts that he didn’t even notice the tears beginning to overflow out of your eyes or the way that your hand was squeezing his. When you reached up and held his cheeks in your hands he was finally able to silence his thoughts.
“You are everything I have ever wanted and I promise you I will work every day to show you how much I love you and to make up for all the time we lost because I was stupid and scared. You, Javier Peña, are the most frustrating man on the planet. You are stubborn and pig-headed and you make me want to scream half the time. But you are also the most generous, kind-hearted, and selfless man I have ever met. You gave me a daughter and I cannot thank you enough for that gift. I love you with my whole heart and I cannot wait to build a future with you.”
“You scared me there for a second Hermosa. I thought I had lost you there.” Javier quickly wipes a traitorous tear than escaped his eye. “And you have nothing to make up for mi amor.”
“Yes. I do. I am not going anywhere. I am all in.”
Javier leans down and places another soft kiss along your hairline before sitting up and stretching his arms above his head. He slowly stands as you lean your head back and close your eyes, taking in the moment. You hear him rifling through his pants on the floor by the bed, his belt buckle jingling and then softly thumping on the ground.
“Dammit” Javier huffs under his breath and snatches his briefs from the scattered pile of clothes around the floor.
“What's wrong?” You keep your eyes closed starting to feel the tug of sleep starting to drag you under.
“My cigarettes are in my jacket pocket. I’ll be right back.”
-
Javier closes the door lightly, knowing that you are starting to fall asleep and not wanting to disturb you. He follows the trail of clothes from his bedroom to the hallway until he finds his jacket tossed on top of Sofia’s stroller. He begins digging through the pockets for his pack of cigarettes.
“¿Buscas estos?” Javier turns and sees Chucho leaning in the doorway, the red carton of cigarettes dangling in his hand. “Las cosas salieron bien, ya veo?”
Chucho smirked as he gestured to the random pieces of clothing and shoes tossed around the hallway leading to Javier’s room. Javier cleared his throat awkwardly and snatched the cigarettes out of his dad’s hand. He slides one out and Chucho pulls a lighter out from his back pocket and tosses it to Javier. The cigarette glowed a vibrant orange as Javier lit it and took a long drag before tossing the lighter back to Chucho.
“Uh, sí. Sí, lo hicieron.” Javier returned his father’s smirk with a goofy grin. “Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía?”
“Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse.” Chucho turned to walk back into the living room as Javier let the cigarette dangle from his mouth and started collecting the miscellaneous clothing strewn about.
“Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas.” Chucho called from the living room. Javier rolled his eyes and made his way back to his room. Back to where you were waiting for him.
Things weren’t perfect. They never would be; you two aren’t exactly saints. But the sight that lay before him in his room reminded him that doesn’t matter. You were curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed with blankets scattered around and halfway on the floor and he could hear your soft snores fill the air. He pulled the blankets around you and contorted himself to fit next to you. He leaned back on the headboard and stared down at your sleeping form silently through the haze and smoke. He could hear Chucho as he moved about in the kitchen. The clangs of pots and pans combined with the soft rhythm of your slow breaths and soft snores. For the first time in a very long time, Javier felt completely at peace. He knew that he would rather fight with you than live another day without you. He knew in that moment that Sofia was the greatest gift to have ever happened to him; that you gave him that gift. He knew that from this day on he will fight, claw, and bleed for the two of you. His little family. Los Amores de su Vida.
-
2 years later
“This stupid fucking thing” with a deep sigh of exasperation Javier rips the bow tie out from the collar of his dress shirt and tosses it on the floor.
“Why the hell did you even buy the fucking thing. You barely button your shirt most days.” Steve hands Javier a glass of whiskey. “Drink and chill the hell out.”
Javier downs the amber liquid in one go, shoving the glass back into Steve’s waiting hand. “Forgive me for trying to look respectable on my fucking wedding day pendejo.” Javier swiftly unbuttoned the top two buttons and slid on his suit jacket. He stood adjusting and readjusting in the mirror for what felt like an eternity. Everything had to be perfect. You deserved perfect and he will make it happen if it kills him.
Chucho popped his head through the door, “Es hora Mijo.” Javier took a deep, shaky breath and turned to face his father. Chucho smiled and grabbed his son by the sides of his face and pressed his forehead against Javier’s, closing his eyes for a moment, “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti.” Chucho Leaned back and Javier could see tears brimming in his father’s eyes.
“Gracias Papá.” Javier smiled back at Chucho as he smoothed his sweaty palms on his pants.
Chucho glanced at Steve, “Well then, let’s get this show on the road. Vamos.”
-
Your knuckles were completely white from the death grip you had your bouquet under. Connie had just made her way down the aisle with Sofia as the flower girl, awkwardly toddling in front of her. If her performance at the rehearsal told you anything, she dumped the entire basket of petals immediately over her head. But you don’t care about any of that. You only care that you are marrying the love of your life and the father of your child. The past few months haven’t been easy, you are marrying Javier Peña after all, the man is a well-documented hot head, and frankly, you are no better. The two of you have fought tooth and nail to be together and to build a life, a future.
Of course, nothing ever came easy for the two of you. Soon after you two made up, Javier decided to finally tell you he had to go back to Colombia. Oh, you were angry, for sure. Javier had to sleep in Sofia’s room for a couple of days before you had calmed down enough to talk to him. No matter how angry you were that he didn’t tell you, you knew Javier. He would never be able to rest until the Cali cartel was finished. He never got over being sent home for working with Los Pepes. He had unfinished business and even though you hated the idea, he went to Colombia while you and Sofia stayed in Texas. It was hard. He called. You sent care packages with drawings of Sofia and pictures. It didn’t change the milestones he missed. He did get leave for her first birthday, but it was never going to be long enough.
When you finally heard the familiar crackle of Javier’s truck on the gravel driveway you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest. Like you were finally able to take a full breath of air for the first time since the day he left. You had been in the kitchen all morning with Chucho making a welcome lunch. You were covered in flour and didn’t even take your apron off before sprinting outside. You flung the porch door open just as Javier was racing up the stops and launched yourself into his arms, nearly toppling him to the ground. There were tears and kisses and whispers of “I love yous” and “I missed yous” and “you are not leaving again.”
The two of you eventually, begrudgingly, untangled yourselves and Chucho brought a just woken up Sofia to the door. Javier immediately swooped her into his arms and rocked her against his chest. He was able to keep his cool with you but the minute his baby girl was finally in his arms again, he lost all composure and tears began to fall from his eyes. Javier took Sofia into the yard so he could try and get her to walk for him. You plopped down on the porch steps watching them play and babble back and forth. You could watch them for hours.
“Sofia, okay baby girl, walk to Mama. Go find Mama.” Javier walked behind her ready to catch her if she tumbled backward. Though she was walking on her own now, she was still unsteady and fell often and fell hard.
“C’mon baby girl. Come to mommy!” You reached out your arms as Sofia giggled and wobbled her way towards you with Javier in tow. Her stumpy little legs stopped right in front of your lap and you reached for her hands to steady her. As you grabbed her hands, she was holding something in them. She’s been hoarding rocks lately and you reach to grab it only to find that this rock wasn’t in fact a rock at all. It was a small box. “Javier, what is this?”
Javier was kneeling in front of you with his hand on Sofia’s back, “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
Now here you are almost 6 months later and you are waiting to walk down the aisle in front of all of your friends and family.
“Are you ready Mija?” Chucho grabbed your hand and placed it in the crook of his arm.
“More than ready.”
-
The whole day was a blur. It was full of tears and laughter and pure joy. Now as you sit with Javier on the porch swing gazing at the stars with your head in his lap as he runs his fingers down your back you feel completely at peace, at home.
“I know we said no gifts.” Javier paused his movements as you sat up.
“Javier, you promised.”
“I know but, I couldn’t help myself.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long slender, black velvet box. “Open it.”
“This is not fair. I don’t have anything for you!” You opened the lid and the tears were almost immediate. Javier may be the grumpiest man alive but he is also the sweetest. Javier bought you a beautiful silver necklace with three gemstones in a line. “Oh Javier, it's beautiful.”
“It's each of our birthstones. Mine, yours, and Sofia’s. I just, I don’t know, thought it would be nice. To have something of our family for you to wear”
“That's so sweet Javi.” You trace the stones with your fingertips, “It’s just that, uhm…”
“What? What’s wrong? Is it the setting? We can change it. We can return it if you don’t like it Hermosa. What is it?” Javier immediately went into fixer mode. He always took it upon himself to fix any problem you had, even the imaginary ones.
“NO. No. Javier, I love it! It’s just that, well, we are going to need to add a stone, that's all.” You looked up at Javier trying to hold back your smile and the tears. Jesus Christ, you didn’t know you had any more tears left.
Javier’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out just exactly what you said. He looked at the necklace then back at you and it dawned on him. “What? Wait. Are you serious?” He reached for your hands as a jubilant smile flickered across his face.
“Yes. I found out last month.” He couldn’t contain his excitement as dragged you into his arms and kissed your head, your cheek, your nose, your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“But…but you were drinking? You had champagne and…and cocktails at dinner.” Javier’s words were rushed. His hands were rubbing up and down your arms, it seemed to be soothing him more than it was you.
“Connie had the bartender make mocktails and give me sparkling cider.” You reached up and wiped the tears off of his cheek.
“We are having a baby?” Javier’s wide dark mahogany eyes pierced yours. The tears already threatening to overflow.
You wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you into his lap, “We are having a baby.”
-
Epilogue
Texas thunderstorms are a loud boisterous beast. The rumble of thunder shook the whole house and the cracks of lightning lit up the entire yard. The rain had been nonstop for the last couple of days. So much so that construction on yours Javier’s new home was put on hold until the weather subsided.
It was no worry though, Chucho loved having the house full of laughter and the thump of tiny little feet running around. Sofia definitely gives her Abuelo a run for his money, at just 4 and a half she is feisty as all hell and ALWAYS wants the last word. She has Chucho wrapped around her finger, and she knows it. Mateo is the opposite. He is the most soft-spoken and sensitive 2-year-old. Always trying to play peacemaker.
The rain drops beat against the kitchen window as you gather the marshmallows and steaming mugs of hot chocolate onto a tray. A new addition to the Peña family tradition of playing card games while it rains, hot cocoa, and playing out on the porch so you can sit and listen to the rain. Just like you did with your mom.
You balance the tray on your hip as you awkwardly try to open the screen door to the porch.
“Ay Mija, let me do that!” Chucho pulls Matteo off his lap and sets the book they were reading down. He grabs the tray from you and shoos you away. “Go on. Go, sit down.”
“Thank you, Chucho. I thought the third time would be easier but this one is doing jumping jacks on my kidneys I swear.” You lower yourself onto the porch swing, rubbing your belly absent-mindedly when you turn to Mateo and lift him onto your lap. “Are Papa and Sofia still yelling at each other?” You tickle his sides and his giggle erupts into the air. Mateo lays his head on your chest as you quietly hum and rub his back.
Javier and Sofia are competitive. She knows exactly how to rile him up. They have been playing go fish for an hour, and he has lost four times. You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous sight of your husband arguing with your toddler about counting cards as if she is a card shark in a casino.
“Here Mateo, pero ten cuidado. It's hot.” Chucho hands Matteo a small mug he got for his birthday. Steve and Connie got it for him, or “Unca Steve” and “Auntie Wonnie” as Mateo calls them. It had brightly colored jellyfish on it and it was from the Florida Aquarium. Steve took Matteo there when he was a baby and he was obsessed with the jellyfish and has been ever since. When we told Steve and Connie that I was pregnant with Mateo, Steve campaigned hard for Steve Jr. He about tackled Javier to the ground in the hospital room when we told him Mateo’s middle name was Esteban.
“Are you two done fighting over there? Your hot chocolate’s gonna get cold.” You took a marshmallow and pelted it at Javier’s head.
“Ay! Hermosa, quit it!” Javier gathered the cards and Sofia ran up to Chucho for her cup. You laughed to yourself as she convinced him to give her extra marshmallows on the side because “it's always good to have a snack with your drink.”
Javier plopped down beside you and Mateo on the swing chewing away on his Nicorette gum. He went cold turkey in preparation for Mateo and hasn’t had one since. He slid his arm around your shoulders rubbing the back of your neck and he playfully tries to steal marshmallows out of Mateo’s mug.
Sofia, after shoving all the marshmallows in her mouth at once, crawls up into Javier’s lap to sip on her drink. Chucho finished divvying out the rest of the mugs to you and Javier before sitting down himself. A silence fell over the Peña household as the pattering of the rain and the rumble of thunder in the distance created a beautiful song.
This blissful moment reminds you of a poem that your mother would read to you at night during loud crashing thunderstorms.
The clouds are shedding tears of joy,
They fall with rhythmic beat
Upon the earth, and soon destroy
Dust dunes and waves of heat.
Each falling drop enforcement bears
To river, lake and rill,
And sweet refreshment gladly shares
With wooded dell and hill.
Every flower, bud and leaf,
Each blossom, branch and tree
Distills the rain, 'tis my belief,
To feed the honey bee.
I pity every wretch I find
Who, frowning in disdain,
Is deaf and dumb and also blind
To beauty in the rain.
Rain causes destruction. Rain causes chaos. It is loud and booming. But rain also creates beauty. Rain creates stillness. It is also soft and peaceful. To find the beauty in the rain you have to look deeper beyond the noise and chaos. Only then will you discover the beauty in the rain.
You and Javier have been through so much together. Colombia was a difficult time and then everything that happened after. It nearly destroyed you both. You fought and yelled and screamed. You hurt each other. But you did not give up on each other. Together you tried to find the beauty beyond the chaos of your lives. You forgave each other. You worked together to create the beautiful life you now live. It is not always easy. But you both show up every day for each other.
The airy, fresh scent of petrichor filled your nose as the rain droplets thrummed away on the roof of the porch. Javier leaned over and kissed your head as his free hand fell to your protruding stomach. The scene around you was beautiful and a treasure hard-won. A teary smile spreads across your face as you bask in the outpour of love that fills the porch and this home. This moment, this life, this family, Chucho, your children, Javier. They are your beauty in the rain. They are what makes the chaos and strife worth it. They cleanse away the dust and hurt of the past to make life beautiful and vibrant and full of laughter, light, and love. You have spent your whole life searching and now find comfort in the fact you have finally found your very own beauty in the rain.
Masterlist
Spanish Translations:
Mijo - My son
Mija - My daughter
Te amo - I love you
Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás - You have all my heart and always will
Hermosa - Beautiful
Mi Amor - My love
¿Buscas estos? - Looking for these?
Las cosas salieronien ya veo? - Things went well I see?
Sí. Sí, lo hicieron - Uh, yes. Yes, they did.
Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía? - Really well. Where is Sofia?
Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse - Asleep. She didn't even get to communion before she passed out
Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas - Remember to use protection this time. We have no room for more surprises
Llos amores de su vida. - The loves of his life
Vamos - C’mon
Pero ten Cuidado - but be careful
Please let me know if any of the Spanish translations or usage is incorrect!!
Warnings: Angst, swearing, pining, smoking, kissing, groping, implications of sex, pregnancy mention, genuine human emotions, probably OOC for Javier... whoops. No beta, just yeeted into the void. any typos. Let me know if I have missed any!
Summary: Javier finally decides what he wants his future to be and Chucho wins Grandpa of the year. Reference for the necklace that is mentioned. The Poem included in the epilogue is by Raymond Garfield Dandridge. Who's poem brought me peace when life was not.
A/N: This is a really bittersweet moment. I again apologize for how long it has taken me to finish this story. Life was overwhelming and I was trying to push myself into writing smut because I know it's popular. So I hit a wall because I was trying to force something out of myself that I didn't really want to write and personally didn't add much to the story. So I took the pressure off of myself. There is no smut in here just implications and allusions to it. It is not something I am just yet comfortable writing, but maybe someday. I also spent WAY TOO LONG obsessing over the timeline and trying to get everything to make sense. I am fairly certain some new grey hairs appeared on my head because of it. I gave up. I did my best. I am not perfect and this is a hobby. I have loved every second of writing this ending and I hope you like it too. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for your patience as I lose my marbles again and again. I have so many people I want to thank and dedicate this to. So many people who without them, I probably never would have posted this story or continued writing it. I hope they know who they are and how much they have meant to me. If you have ever left a like, a comment, a reblog, or sent me a message please know how much that means to me. I hope you never hit a red light and that your pillow is always cold at night. You are angels and the world is so much better with you in it. If you got this far you are a gem. I hope to write more on this blog in the future but I am done trying to force myself into a schedule. I want this to be a fun creative outlet not another obligation for me. Thank you for reading and without further ado, our two idiots need a happy ending.
Masterlist Previous Part
Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear feedback!
The card slips from your fingers and falls to the counter, forgotten.
The next morning you wake to the sun shining through a sliver in your curtains. Weird… usually I get waken up by a hungry infant demanding a boob. As soon as the thought crosses your mind you glance over at the crib to the right of the bed. It’s empty. Your nose scrunches in confusion but then the light banging of pots and pans echoing from the kitchen catches your attention.
You slip on your slippers and slowly pad your way to the kitchen. Your limbs still heavy with sleep. You find Chucho dressed and ready in his Sunday best for church as he makes breakfast. Sofia sitting in the high chair babbling away with her grandpa. He softly whistles an old ballad to her as he warms up a bottle. You mumble a greeting to Chucho and he tosses a cheery good morning back. You sweep your hand across Sofia’s forehead pushing the soft brown curls out of the way as you lean down to kiss her.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” You question Chucho as you make your way over to the cabinet to make yourself some tea.
“You were tired and there are bottles out here. I wanted you to rest.” Chucho replies simply with a light pat on your cheek. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I mean why else did you pump if not for this reason? Plus he was right, you were exhausted. Sofia had a rough night again. Gotta love sleep regression. Your guess was all the change in her routines. She needed normalcy and stability, and honestly? So did you.
Once the bottle was ready for Sofia, Chucho swoops the baby girl up in his arms to feed her. A soft smile blooms across your face at how sweet Chucho is with Sofia. He has a way with her. She rarely cries when he is around and he has quickly become her favorite person. Your baby girl has Chucho completely wrapped around her finger. This is all you ever wanted for your daughter, Sunday morning breakfasts and a family that is bursting with love. Lost in thought, the creak of a floorboard draws your attention to the doorway. Javier had paused before entering the kitchen, the bags under his eyes were dark and he still had yesterday’s clothes on. Your eyes meet his weary dark orbs, and his frown deepens as he looks back, almost studying you. You shifted under his gaze like a bug under a microscope.
A wave of annoyance begins to build in the pit of your stomach. Javier has no right to judge you when you did nothing wrong in the first place. You straighten your back and cool your expression into one of annoyed indifference. He quickly looks away from you as if your gaze burned him. He makes his way into the room and pats his dad on the shoulder in greeting as he swipes a mug for his coffee.
“You look awful mijo.” Chucho was never one to pull a punch.
“Gee, thanks Pop.” Javier’s voice was devoid of any emotion as he slumped on the counter with his chin pressed to his chest. Javier really did look a mess and he looked pale. You felt the familiar pinprick of tears start to burn your eyes, everything that led you both down this path started with your lie. You want to be furious at him; to yell, scream, smash something, but you can’t move. You are frozen as the quiet guilt rages a war in your brain. You blink and try to will away the traitorous tears threatening to spill and notice Chucho staring at you with a wary gaze. You quickly excuse yourself mumbling about taking a shower. Anything to escape, to give you time to think.
-
Chucho inhales deeply as he watches you practically sprint out of the kitchen. He turns to his son, brooding and quietly sipping his coffee with his eyes closed. Chucho looks down at Sofia’s milk-drunk, blissed-out expression and slowly walks over to set her down in the pack n’ play set up in the corner of the kitchen. It used to be in the living room but Sofia got fussy when she couldn’t see Chucho cook.
“You know one day you are gonna push people too far and they won’t keep coming back for more.” Chucho stares counting Sofia’s soft breaths as he addresses Javier.
Javier slowly opens his eyes as his jaw rocks. “I know.”
Chucho turns and points down the hall towards where you are, “That woman is at her breaking point. And look at you! Pale and smelling like a chimney. I cannot sit here and watch the two of you destroy each other. Either figure out what you want and fight for it or just stop and let her go.” Chucho’s tone was severe as he verbally lashed his son.
“Pops I-” Javier’s throat was dry and his voice cracked pitifully.
“No. I am taking Sofia to Church. You-” He stabs his pointer finger into Javier’s chest “Are going to talk to her. You are letting your happiness slip away from you. No one is taking it away.” Chucho reaches into his pocket and presses the small black card you left on the counter into Javier’s free hand. “If this is enough to sway you then you are far stupider than I thought you were.”
The card feels cold in Javier’s hand. His dark eyes stare unblinkingly at it. Not even looking up when Chucho leaves the room with Sofia in tow. He turns the thin piece of paper over and over between his fingers. How could he have let something so small, so meaningless burrow under his skin? He knows his father is right. He has to stop letting this fear and insecurity control him and make him lash out at you. He needs to make a choice and he needs to make it now.
“Oh, did Chucho leave?” Your voice, soft and missing its usual melodic tone, tears Javier’s eyes away from the card. There you are standing in the hallway hair still damp from your shower but loosely braided to the side. You have your favorite navy blue linen overalls on, the ones you like to wear to clean around the house. You are a vision of domestic bliss. But he can see the weariness in your eyes. The hollowness that lingers in them now.
Javier clears his throat roughly, shoving the card into his pocket. He has no idea how long he has been standing staring at it. “Uh yeah, he took Sofia to church with him.”
“Oh. Okay.” Your voice is void of emotion or any of your usual lightness. Javier feels stiff and awkward like his limbs are full of sand and he doesn’t know how to be around you anymore.
You turn to walk away from him and Javier starts panicking. Is it too late? Has he pushed you too far?
Before he can talk himself out of it, Javier blurts out the one question he should have asked the day you arrived in Texas. “Can we talk for a second?”
-
The silence was deafening. You stopped mid-step towards your bedroom and did a half-turn back to him. Your brows furrowed as you studied the man before you. The Javier that stood before you now was not the same Javier you left behind in Colombia. So many things have changed, for both of you. The wrinkles around his eyes have grown more prominent and the gray in his hair is more noticeable. He still stands with his hands on his hips and hunched shoulders, always carrying the weight of the world on his back. But it was something in his eyes, those piercing eyes that once glowed like embers lost that spark and fire, that once spoke to you. Javier’s dark orbs transfixed you, their darkness overwhelming but there was a sadness to them now. A haunting darkness in them that goes deeper than you knew.
“Sure” You held his stare for a moment, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. His eyes widened as if he assumed you’d refuse his request.
Javier quickly shook the surprise from his face and schooled his expression back to its normal frown. He motioned towards the porch and opened the front door for you. You slowly lowered yourself into the nearest rocking chair as Javier leaned on the railing across from you. The crack of the front door shutting echo across the ranch. Javier cleared his throat as he flexed his hands on the railing and stared at a crack in the porch floor. He would kill for a cigarette. Or a bottle of whiskey.
“So, um, what did you want to talk about Javier?” You never used to call him Javier so much. Only when you pretended to be angry at him or when you were teasing him. It used to be fun, hearing you huff it out between laughs or moan it in his ear. Now his name on your lips is a reminder of the mess everything has turned into. Of all the mistakes he’s made. Of the lies, he’s told. All the reasons you left him. All the reasons that he hates himself. No wonder you left and maybe you should again. Maybe that is what’s best.
–
“Javier?” You calling his name a second time caught his attention and his eyes finally met yours briefly before looking away again.
“Right. Yeah. I wanted to discuss your plans.” Javier’s hand scrubbed the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze.
“My plans?” You schooled your face into the picture of neutrality.
Javier huffed in frustration, “Yes. Your plans. Shit, you know what I am trying to say here.”
A cold fire lit behind your eyes, a predator eying their prey as they narrowed. “No Javier I don’t. I don’t know what I am doing here. I thought I did, for a moment I thought I knew what you wanted. Now? I am lost. You want to know my plan? I don’t have one. Not since you showed up in Miami and turned my whole life upside down.” You released a heavy breath trying to calm that fire that sparked in your veins.
Javier’s eyes flashed with anger and he set his jaw before he continued pressing, “I know that everything has not been the easiest lately, that I have not been the easiest to deal with-”
You scoff and wrap your arms around yourself. “Because everything was always so perfect between us.”
That struck a chord with Javier. He made mistakes. Tons of them even; but he always did what he thought would protect you. To keep you hidden from his world, from him, and the darkness that followed. He nearly growled his response, “I did what I had to do to keep you away from all that shit. To protect you.”
“Protecting me? Is that what lying to me about sleeping with your informants, all while you were fucking me is? Pretty sure that is exactly the opposite of protection Peña.”
Javier’s eyes turned cold and his next words cut you like a knife, “Well, I didn’t fucking leave without a damn word and hide a child from you.”
“You didn’t exactly give me any reason to stay. I was just a casual fuck to you and we both know if I hadn’t left, you would have.” You internally curse yourself for the tears brimming your eyes. You hate that after everything he still has this power over you, over your emotions.
Javier's whole body goes stiff, his voice is quiet barely audible above the sound of the ranch. “Is that really what you think of me?”
You lock eyes with his. Your anger quickly begins to dissipate the minute you see the pain in his eyes. “I-” You start but stop yourself.
Javier shakes his head as if he can shake the heartbreak away, “No. I don’t want to fight with you. This isn’t coming out right. I didn’t mean to..” But his voice trails off. He is desperately trying to find the words to tell you all the feelings and emotions that have been storming around in his head since the day you left.
It is a minute before either of you speaks. “I didn’t sleep with my informant that night. The one before you left.”
“What?” Your voice is barely a whisper over the frantic beating of your heart thumping in your ears.
“I hadn’t slept with any of them for a while. People just assumed and I never corrected them. I-I didn’t want to. I couldn’t admit to them or myself that you meant more to me than I let on. That you still do. I am sorry that I fucked up so much back then. That I pushed you away and made you feel that I would rather you run away than tell me you were pregnant. I am so sorry.” The tears in Javier’s eyes were clear as day.
“Javier” You slide out of the chair and stood behind him. Before thinking you reached your hand out and touched his shoulder. “No. I am sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I knew how much you did to protect me and I left like that knowing it would scare you. But in that moment, all I wanted was for you to hurt as much as I did. I was stupid and angry. What I did was selfish and cowardly, even if I thought I was protecting Sofia. I should have stayed and fought for this. How can you ever forgive me?”
“I did the moment I saw you with Sofia.” Javier’s hands find their way to your cheeks and he wipes away the tears streaming down them.
“Where do we go from here?” Your hand finds its way to his cheek as you look at Javier.
He rests his forehead on yours, “I don’t know.” He slowly leans in and brushes his lips against yours. Giving you every opportunity to push him away. But you don’t. Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him as close to you as possible, needing the grounding force of his body against yours.
Javier’s hands move to your neck, your waist, your hair, and back to your face. His scent surrounds you. He pours every ounce of emotion within him into this kiss. He pulls you flush against his chest and a whimper falls from your mouth. It only urges him on and he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip. Begging you to let him in, to let him taste you again.
You immediately give in to him. To the feelings coursing between the two of you. You reach up and pull his hair and a deep growl reverberates from Javier’s chest. His hands slide their way to your hips, then to your ass and he squeezes. It’s as if he thinks if he lets go of you, this would have all been a dream. His movements are hurried and needy. He is desperate for more of you.
You finally pull away to breathe but Javier just continues kissing down your jaw to your neck. He finds your ear lobe and sucks it into his mouth and pulls. Scraping his teeth on the delicate flesh. “Let’s go inside.” He whispers into your ear but you are jello in his arms. Hardly able to think straight. He slowly starts walking you backwards into the house. As you cross the threshold into the front hall your hands grip his jacket, trying desperately to tear it off him. Javier drags his mouth away from your neck long enough to rip his jacket and shirt off before descending onto your lips again.
This time as he crashes his lips to yours he grabs a handful of your ass and yanks you into him, his leg falling between yours. You let out a sharp gasp which he takes quick advantage of and pushes his tongue into your mouth. It's clumsy and frantic how the two of you grip each other. Trying to get as close as humanly possible. Your back slams into the nearest wall as you reach for the belt loops in Javi’s jeans and drag him impossibly close to you. As he is pressed against you Javi lets a deep groan loose as he drags his teeth down your throat, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving marks as he goes.
You are drowning in him. The sensation of his body pressed against yours, his hands digging into your ass, your thighs, tugging on your hair. The feeling of his lips on yours after so long without him. It's all too overwhelming, this is all you have been thinking about since the day he burst back into your life. Javier pulls away from your neck and brings his hands to the sides of your face.
“Wait, wait… Is this okay?” His voice is gravelly and lower than usual. His deep brown eyes are burning into yours. You want to laugh. Of course, this is more than okay, this is all you crave anymore. Javier. He consumes every waking thought and he invades your dreams. He is the biggest nuisance and he is everything you have wanted.
“No.” The minute the word leaves your mouth Javier shifts to move away from you but you stop him by grabbing his belt and pulling him back in. “No this is not okay. This is perfect.”
The two of you fall back into a familiar dance; your bodies fitting together perfectly, like two harmonies coming together in perfect time. Javier knows exactly which strings to pluck to make you sing, he has every curve, dimple, scar, and stretch mark memorized. As you lay back trying to regulate your heartbeat, you find Javier tracing the new marks on your stomach; gifts from the beautiful daughter you both brought into this world. He lightly runs his fingertips up and down, side to side. Silently adding them to his memory of you. He every so often presses soft kisses on your hairline. After a few silent moments, his eyes finally meet yours, a small smile decorating his face. You reach up and trace the lines at the corners of his eyes. You both have changed so much but at this moment, here, it suddenly feels like no time has passed between the two of you. You are back at his apartment in Colombia with a cool breeze blowing through the window carrying the smell of the Arepa shop down the street.
Javier’s hand paused in its path, “I know we have so much yet to figure out-”
“Please let's not do this now.” You begged him not wanting to ruin this perfect moment.
“Will you ever just let me finish a sentence?” Javier sits up to look down at your face, a playful glint in his chocolate eyes.
You lean up and place a chaste peck on his lips, “Nope.” and try to turn away from him.
“You are gonna want me to finish this one.” Javier takes the chance to playfully pinch your sides and laughs as you yelp and try to squirm away from him. “I know we have a lot to talk about and figure out. But I want you to know that I am all in. I want to build a life with you and our daughter, I want a house and a dog and the fucking white picket fence. I want it all. But I want it with you. I love you. Te Amo mi alma. Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás.”
You stared wide-eyed up at him, completely frozen in place. Javier starts to panic. He pushed you for more than what you were ready for. He said too much too fast. Javier Peña, ever the fucking moron. Why can’t he ever keep his fucking mouth shut? Should he take it back? No that would be so much worse. Javier was so lost in the spiral of self-doubt and intrusive thoughts that he didn’t even notice the tears beginning to overflow out of your eyes or the way that your hand was squeezing his. When you reached up and held his cheeks in your hands he was finally able to silence his thoughts.
“You are everything I have ever wanted and I promise you I will work every day to show you how much I love you and to make up for all the time we lost because I was stupid and scared. You, Javier Peña, are the most frustrating man on the planet. You are stubborn and pig-headed and you make me want to scream half the time. But you are also the most generous, kind-hearted, and selfless man I have ever met. You gave me a daughter and I cannot thank you enough for that gift. I love you with my whole heart and I cannot wait to build a future with you.”
“You scared me there for a second Hermosa. I thought I had lost you there.” Javier quickly wipes a traitorous tear than escaped his eye. “And you have nothing to make up for mi amor.”
“Yes. I do. I am not going anywhere. I am all in.”
Javier leans down and places another soft kiss along your hairline before sitting up and stretching his arms above his head. He slowly stands as you lean your head back and close your eyes, taking in the moment. You hear him rifling through his pants on the floor by the bed, his belt buckle jingling and then softly thumping on the ground.
“Dammit” Javier huffs under his breath and snatches his briefs from the scattered pile of clothes around the floor.
“What's wrong?” You keep your eyes closed starting to feel the tug of sleep starting to drag you under.
“My cigarettes are in my jacket pocket. I’ll be right back.”
-
Javier closes the door lightly, knowing that you are starting to fall asleep and not wanting to disturb you. He follows the trail of clothes from his bedroom to the hallway until he finds his jacket tossed on top of Sofia’s stroller. He begins digging through the pockets for his pack of cigarettes.
“¿Buscas estos?” Javier turns and sees Chucho leaning in the doorway, the red carton of cigarettes dangling in his hand. “Las cosas salieron bien, ya veo?”
Chucho smirked as he gestured to the random pieces of clothing and shoes tossed around the hallway leading to Javier’s room. Javier cleared his throat awkwardly and snatched the cigarettes out of his dad’s hand. He slides one out and Chucho pulls a lighter out from his back pocket and tosses it to Javier. The cigarette glowed a vibrant orange as Javier lit it and took a long drag before tossing the lighter back to Chucho.
“Uh, sí. Sí, lo hicieron.” Javier returned his father’s smirk with a goofy grin. “Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía?”
“Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse.” Chucho turned to walk back into the living room as Javier let the cigarette dangle from his mouth and started collecting the miscellaneous clothing strewn about.
“Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas.” Chucho called from the living room. Javier rolled his eyes and made his way back to his room. Back to where you were waiting for him.
Things weren’t perfect. They never would be; you two aren’t exactly saints. But the sight that lay before him in his room reminded him that doesn’t matter. You were curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed with blankets scattered around and halfway on the floor and he could hear your soft snores fill the air. He pulled the blankets around you and contorted himself to fit next to you. He leaned back on the headboard and stared down at your sleeping form silently through the haze and smoke. He could hear Chucho as he moved about in the kitchen. The clangs of pots and pans combined with the soft rhythm of your slow breaths and soft snores. For the first time in a very long time, Javier felt completely at peace. He knew that he would rather fight with you than live another day without you. He knew in that moment that Sofia was the greatest gift to have ever happened to him; that you gave him that gift. He knew that from this day on he will fight, claw, and bleed for the two of you. His little family. Los Amores de su Vida.
-
2 years later
“This stupid fucking thing” with a deep sigh of exasperation Javier rips the bow tie out from the collar of his dress shirt and tosses it on the floor.
“Why the hell did you even buy the fucking thing. You barely button your shirt most days.” Steve hands Javier a glass of whiskey. “Drink and chill the hell out.”
Javier downs the amber liquid in one go, shoving the glass back into Steve’s waiting hand. “Forgive me for trying to look respectable on my fucking wedding day pendejo.” Javier swiftly unbuttoned the top two buttons and slid on his suit jacket. He stood adjusting and readjusting in the mirror for what felt like an eternity. Everything had to be perfect. You deserved perfect and he will make it happen if it kills him.
Chucho popped his head through the door, “Es hora Mijo.” Javier took a deep, shaky breath and turned to face his father. Chucho smiled and grabbed his son by the sides of his face and pressed his forehead against Javier’s, closing his eyes for a moment, “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti.” Chucho Leaned back and Javier could see tears brimming in his father’s eyes.
“Gracias Papá.” Javier smiled back at Chucho as he smoothed his sweaty palms on his pants.
Chucho glanced at Steve, “Well then, let’s get this show on the road. Vamos.”
-
Your knuckles were completely white from the death grip you had your bouquet under. Connie had just made her way down the aisle with Sofia as the flower girl, awkwardly toddling in front of her. If her performance at the rehearsal told you anything, she dumped the entire basket of petals immediately over her head. But you don’t care about any of that. You only care that you are marrying the love of your life and the father of your child. The past few months haven’t been easy, you are marrying Javier Peña after all, the man is a well-documented hot head, and frankly, you are no better. The two of you have fought tooth and nail to be together and to build a life, a future.
Of course, nothing ever came easy for the two of you. Soon after you two made up, Javier decided to finally tell you he had to go back to Colombia. Oh, you were angry, for sure. Javier had to sleep in Sofia’s room for a couple of days before you had calmed down enough to talk to him. No matter how angry you were that he didn’t tell you, you knew Javier. He would never be able to rest until the Cali cartel was finished. He never got over being sent home for working with Los Pepes. He had unfinished business and even though you hated the idea, he went to Colombia while you and Sofia stayed in Texas. It was hard. He called. You sent care packages with drawings of Sofia and pictures. It didn’t change the milestones he missed. He did get leave for her first birthday, but it was never going to be long enough.
When you finally heard the familiar crackle of Javier’s truck on the gravel driveway you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest. Like you were finally able to take a full breath of air for the first time since the day he left. You had been in the kitchen all morning with Chucho making a welcome lunch. You were covered in flour and didn’t even take your apron off before sprinting outside. You flung the porch door open just as Javier was racing up the stops and launched yourself into his arms, nearly toppling him to the ground. There were tears and kisses and whispers of “I love yous” and “I missed yous” and “you are not leaving again.”
The two of you eventually, begrudgingly, untangled yourselves and Chucho brought a just woken up Sofia to the door. Javier immediately swooped her into his arms and rocked her against his chest. He was able to keep his cool with you but the minute his baby girl was finally in his arms again, he lost all composure and tears began to fall from his eyes. Javier took Sofia into the yard so he could try and get her to walk for him. You plopped down on the porch steps watching them play and babble back and forth. You could watch them for hours.
“Sofia, okay baby girl, walk to Mama. Go find Mama.” Javier walked behind her ready to catch her if she tumbled backward. Though she was walking on her own now, she was still unsteady and fell often and fell hard.
“C’mon baby girl. Come to mommy!” You reached out your arms as Sofia giggled and wobbled her way towards you with Javier in tow. Her stumpy little legs stopped right in front of your lap and you reached for her hands to steady her. As you grabbed her hands, she was holding something in them. She’s been hoarding rocks lately and you reach to grab it only to find that this rock wasn’t in fact a rock at all. It was a small box. “Javier, what is this?”
Javier was kneeling in front of you with his hand on Sofia’s back, “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
Now here you are almost 6 months later and you are waiting to walk down the aisle in front of all of your friends and family.
“Are you ready Mija?” Chucho grabbed your hand and placed it in the crook of his arm.
“More than ready.”
-
The whole day was a blur. It was full of tears and laughter and pure joy. Now as you sit with Javier on the porch swing gazing at the stars with your head in his lap as he runs his fingers down your back you feel completely at peace, at home.
“I know we said no gifts.” Javier paused his movements as you sat up.
“Javier, you promised.”
“I know but, I couldn’t help myself.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long slender, black velvet box. “Open it.”
“This is not fair. I don’t have anything for you!” You opened the lid and the tears were almost immediate. Javier may be the grumpiest man alive but he is also the sweetest. Javier bought you a beautiful silver necklace with three gemstones in a line. “Oh Javier, it's beautiful.”
“It's each of our birthstones. Mine, yours, and Sofia’s. I just, I don’t know, thought it would be nice. To have something of our family for you to wear”
“That's so sweet Javi.” You trace the stones with your fingertips, “It’s just that, uhm…”
“What? What’s wrong? Is it the setting? We can change it. We can return it if you don’t like it Hermosa. What is it?” Javier immediately went into fixer mode. He always took it upon himself to fix any problem you had, even the imaginary ones.
“NO. No. Javier, I love it! It’s just that, well, we are going to need to add a stone, that's all.” You looked up at Javier trying to hold back your smile and the tears. Jesus Christ, you didn’t know you had any more tears left.
Javier’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out just exactly what you said. He looked at the necklace then back at you and it dawned on him. “What? Wait. Are you serious?” He reached for your hands as a jubilant smile flickered across his face.
“Yes. I found out last month.” He couldn’t contain his excitement as dragged you into his arms and kissed your head, your cheek, your nose, your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“But…but you were drinking? You had champagne and…and cocktails at dinner.” Javier’s words were rushed. His hands were rubbing up and down your arms, it seemed to be soothing him more than it was you.
“Connie had the bartender make mocktails and give me sparkling cider.” You reached up and wiped the tears off of his cheek.
“We are having a baby?” Javier’s wide dark mahogany eyes pierced yours. The tears already threatening to overflow.
You wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you into his lap, “We are having a baby.”
-
Epilogue
Texas thunderstorms are a loud boisterous beast. The rumble of thunder shook the whole house and the cracks of lightning lit up the entire yard. The rain had been nonstop for the last couple of days. So much so that construction on yours Javier’s new home was put on hold until the weather subsided.
It was no worry though, Chucho loved having the house full of laughter and the thump of tiny little feet running around. Sofia definitely gives her Abuelo a run for his money, at just 4 and a half she is feisty as all hell and ALWAYS wants the last word. She has Chucho wrapped around her finger, and she knows it. Mateo is the opposite. He is the most soft-spoken and sensitive 2-year-old. Always trying to play peacemaker.
The rain drops beat against the kitchen window as you gather the marshmallows and steaming mugs of hot chocolate onto a tray. A new addition to the Peña family tradition of playing card games while it rains, hot cocoa, and playing out on the porch so you can sit and listen to the rain. Just like you did with your mom.
You balance the tray on your hip as you awkwardly try to open the screen door to the porch.
“Ay Mija, let me do that!” Chucho pulls Matteo off his lap and sets the book they were reading down. He grabs the tray from you and shoos you away. “Go on. Go, sit down.”
“Thank you, Chucho. I thought the third time would be easier but this one is doing jumping jacks on my kidneys I swear.” You lower yourself onto the porch swing, rubbing your belly absent-mindedly when you turn to Mateo and lift him onto your lap. “Are Papa and Sofia still yelling at each other?” You tickle his sides and his giggle erupts into the air. Mateo lays his head on your chest as you quietly hum and rub his back.
Javier and Sofia are competitive. She knows exactly how to rile him up. They have been playing go fish for an hour, and he has lost four times. You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous sight of your husband arguing with your toddler about counting cards as if she is a card shark in a casino.
“Here Mateo, pero ten cuidado. It's hot.” Chucho hands Matteo a small mug he got for his birthday. Steve and Connie got it for him, or “Unca Steve” and “Auntie Wonnie” as Mateo calls them. It had brightly colored jellyfish on it and it was from the Florida Aquarium. Steve took Matteo there when he was a baby and he was obsessed with the jellyfish and has been ever since. When we told Steve and Connie that I was pregnant with Mateo, Steve campaigned hard for Steve Jr. He about tackled Javier to the ground in the hospital room when we told him Mateo’s middle name was Esteban.
“Are you two done fighting over there? Your hot chocolate’s gonna get cold.” You took a marshmallow and pelted it at Javier’s head.
“Ay! Hermosa, quit it!” Javier gathered the cards and Sofia ran up to Chucho for her cup. You laughed to yourself as she convinced him to give her extra marshmallows on the side because “it's always good to have a snack with your drink.”
Javier plopped down beside you and Mateo on the swing chewing away on his Nicorette gum. He went cold turkey in preparation for Mateo and hasn’t had one since. He slid his arm around your shoulders rubbing the back of your neck and he playfully tries to steal marshmallows out of Mateo’s mug.
Sofia, after shoving all the marshmallows in her mouth at once, crawls up into Javier’s lap to sip on her drink. Chucho finished divvying out the rest of the mugs to you and Javier before sitting down himself. A silence fell over the Peña household as the pattering of the rain and the rumble of thunder in the distance created a beautiful song.
This blissful moment reminds you of a poem that your mother would read to you at night during loud crashing thunderstorms.
The clouds are shedding tears of joy,
They fall with rhythmic beat
Upon the earth, and soon destroy
Dust dunes and waves of heat.
Each falling drop enforcement bears
To river, lake and rill,
And sweet refreshment gladly shares
With wooded dell and hill.
Every flower, bud and leaf,
Each blossom, branch and tree
Distills the rain, 'tis my belief,
To feed the honey bee.
I pity every wretch I find
Who, frowning in disdain,
Is deaf and dumb and also blind
To beauty in the rain.
Rain causes destruction. Rain causes chaos. It is loud and booming. But rain also creates beauty. Rain creates stillness. It is also soft and peaceful. To find the beauty in the rain you have to look deeper beyond the noise and chaos. Only then will you discover the beauty in the rain.
You and Javier have been through so much together. Colombia was a difficult time and then everything that happened after. It nearly destroyed you both. You fought and yelled and screamed. You hurt each other. But you did not give up on each other. Together you tried to find the beauty beyond the chaos of your lives. You forgave each other. You worked together to create the beautiful life you now live. It is not always easy. But you both show up every day for each other.
The airy, fresh scent of petrichor filled your nose as the rain droplets thrummed away on the roof of the porch. Javier leaned over and kissed your head as his free hand fell to your protruding stomach. The scene around you was beautiful and a treasure hard-won. A teary smile spreads across your face as you bask in the outpour of love that fills the porch and this home. This moment, this life, this family, Chucho, your children, Javier. They are your beauty in the rain. They are what makes the chaos and strife worth it. They cleanse away the dust and hurt of the past to make life beautiful and vibrant and full of laughter, light, and love. You have spent your whole life searching and now find comfort in the fact you have finally found your very own beauty in the rain.
Masterlist
Spanish Translations:
Mijo - My son
Mija - My daughter
Te amo - I love you
Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás - You have all my heart and always will
Hermosa - Beautiful
Mi Amor - My love
¿Buscas estos? - Looking for these?
Las cosas salieronien ya veo? - Things went well I see?
Sí. Sí, lo hicieron - Uh, yes. Yes, they did.
Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía? - Really well. Where is Sofia?
Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse - Asleep. She didn't even get to communion before she passed out
Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas - Remember to use protection this time. We have no room for more surprises
Llos amores de su vida. - The loves of his life
Vamos - C’mon
Pero ten Cuidado - but be careful
Please let me know if any of the Spanish translations or usage is incorrect!!
✨✨Okay. Okay. OKAAAYYY! I'M COMPLETELY FINE! BUT THIS, was just *chef's kiss* I'M so glad that they eventually made up and worked hard for each other 😭 the wait was so worth it! And I loved it all! Thank you @ew-erin for this beautiful masterpiece 💖✨✨
My love!!!!! Thank you so much!! I am just now getting a chance to go through and read the reblogs/comments and I appreciate you beyond words. 💕💕 You are a piece of actual sunshine and I thank you for blessing me with your presence. 💖💖
Warnings: Angst, swearing, pining, smoking, kissing, groping, implications of sex, pregnancy mention, genuine human emotions, probably OOC for Javier... whoops. No beta, just yeeted into the void. any typos. Let me know if I have missed any!
Summary: Javier finally decides what he wants his future to be and Chucho wins Grandpa of the year. Reference for the necklace that is mentioned. The Poem included in the epilogue is by Raymond Garfield Dandridge. Who's poem brought me peace when life was not.
A/N: This is a really bittersweet moment. I again apologize for how long it has taken me to finish this story. Life was overwhelming and I was trying to push myself into writing smut because I know it's popular. So I hit a wall because I was trying to force something out of myself that I didn't really want to write and personally didn't add much to the story. So I took the pressure off of myself. There is no smut in here just implications and allusions to it. It is not something I am just yet comfortable writing, but maybe someday. I also spent WAY TOO LONG obsessing over the timeline and trying to get everything to make sense. I am fairly certain some new grey hairs appeared on my head because of it. I gave up. I did my best. I am not perfect and this is a hobby. I have loved every second of writing this ending and I hope you like it too. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for your patience as I lose my marbles again and again. I have so many people I want to thank and dedicate this to. So many people who without them, I probably never would have posted this story or continued writing it. I hope they know who they are and how much they have meant to me. If you have ever left a like, a comment, a reblog, or sent me a message please know how much that means to me. I hope you never hit a red light and that your pillow is always cold at night. You are angels and the world is so much better with you in it. If you got this far you are a gem. I hope to write more on this blog in the future but I am done trying to force myself into a schedule. I want this to be a fun creative outlet not another obligation for me. Thank you for reading and without further ado, our two idiots need a happy ending.
Masterlist Previous Part
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The card slips from your fingers and falls to the counter, forgotten.
The next morning you wake to the sun shining through a sliver in your curtains. Weird… usually I get waken up by a hungry infant demanding a boob. As soon as the thought crosses your mind you glance over at the crib to the right of the bed. It’s empty. Your nose scrunches in confusion but then the light banging of pots and pans echoing from the kitchen catches your attention.
You slip on your slippers and slowly pad your way to the kitchen. Your limbs still heavy with sleep. You find Chucho dressed and ready in his Sunday best for church as he makes breakfast. Sofia sitting in the high chair babbling away with her grandpa. He softly whistles an old ballad to her as he warms up a bottle. You mumble a greeting to Chucho and he tosses a cheery good morning back. You sweep your hand across Sofia’s forehead pushing the soft brown curls out of the way as you lean down to kiss her.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” You question Chucho as you make your way over to the cabinet to make yourself some tea.
“You were tired and there are bottles out here. I wanted you to rest.” Chucho replies simply with a light pat on your cheek. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I mean why else did you pump if not for this reason? Plus he was right, you were exhausted. Sofia had a rough night again. Gotta love sleep regression. Your guess was all the change in her routines. She needed normalcy and stability, and honestly? So did you.
Once the bottle was ready for Sofia, Chucho swoops the baby girl up in his arms to feed her. A soft smile blooms across your face at how sweet Chucho is with Sofia. He has a way with her. She rarely cries when he is around and he has quickly become her favorite person. Your baby girl has Chucho completely wrapped around her finger. This is all you ever wanted for your daughter, Sunday morning breakfasts and a family that is bursting with love. Lost in thought, the creak of a floorboard draws your attention to the doorway. Javier had paused before entering the kitchen, the bags under his eyes were dark and he still had yesterday’s clothes on. Your eyes meet his weary dark orbs, and his frown deepens as he looks back, almost studying you. You shifted under his gaze like a bug under a microscope.
A wave of annoyance begins to build in the pit of your stomach. Javier has no right to judge you when you did nothing wrong in the first place. You straighten your back and cool your expression into one of annoyed indifference. He quickly looks away from you as if your gaze burned him. He makes his way into the room and pats his dad on the shoulder in greeting as he swipes a mug for his coffee.
“You look awful mijo.” Chucho was never one to pull a punch.
“Gee, thanks Pop.” Javier’s voice was devoid of any emotion as he slumped on the counter with his chin pressed to his chest. Javier really did look a mess and he looked pale. You felt the familiar pinprick of tears start to burn your eyes, everything that led you both down this path started with your lie. You want to be furious at him; to yell, scream, smash something, but you can’t move. You are frozen as the quiet guilt rages a war in your brain. You blink and try to will away the traitorous tears threatening to spill and notice Chucho staring at you with a wary gaze. You quickly excuse yourself mumbling about taking a shower. Anything to escape, to give you time to think.
-
Chucho inhales deeply as he watches you practically sprint out of the kitchen. He turns to his son, brooding and quietly sipping his coffee with his eyes closed. Chucho looks down at Sofia’s milk-drunk, blissed-out expression and slowly walks over to set her down in the pack n’ play set up in the corner of the kitchen. It used to be in the living room but Sofia got fussy when she couldn’t see Chucho cook.
“You know one day you are gonna push people too far and they won’t keep coming back for more.” Chucho stares counting Sofia’s soft breaths as he addresses Javier.
Javier slowly opens his eyes as his jaw rocks. “I know.”
Chucho turns and points down the hall towards where you are, “That woman is at her breaking point. And look at you! Pale and smelling like a chimney. I cannot sit here and watch the two of you destroy each other. Either figure out what you want and fight for it or just stop and let her go.” Chucho’s tone was severe as he verbally lashed his son.
“Pops I-” Javier’s throat was dry and his voice cracked pitifully.
“No. I am taking Sofia to Church. You-” He stabs his pointer finger into Javier’s chest “Are going to talk to her. You are letting your happiness slip away from you. No one is taking it away.” Chucho reaches into his pocket and presses the small black card you left on the counter into Javier’s free hand. “If this is enough to sway you then you are far stupider than I thought you were.”
The card feels cold in Javier’s hand. His dark eyes stare unblinkingly at it. Not even looking up when Chucho leaves the room with Sofia in tow. He turns the thin piece of paper over and over between his fingers. How could he have let something so small, so meaningless burrow under his skin? He knows his father is right. He has to stop letting this fear and insecurity control him and make him lash out at you. He needs to make a choice and he needs to make it now.
“Oh, did Chucho leave?” Your voice, soft and missing its usual melodic tone, tears Javier’s eyes away from the card. There you are standing in the hallway hair still damp from your shower but loosely braided to the side. You have your favorite navy blue linen overalls on, the ones you like to wear to clean around the house. You are a vision of domestic bliss. But he can see the weariness in your eyes. The hollowness that lingers in them now.
Javier clears his throat roughly, shoving the card into his pocket. He has no idea how long he has been standing staring at it. “Uh yeah, he took Sofia to church with him.”
“Oh. Okay.” Your voice is void of emotion or any of your usual lightness. Javier feels stiff and awkward like his limbs are full of sand and he doesn’t know how to be around you anymore.
You turn to walk away from him and Javier starts panicking. Is it too late? Has he pushed you too far?
Before he can talk himself out of it, Javier blurts out the one question he should have asked the day you arrived in Texas. “Can we talk for a second?”
-
The silence was deafening. You stopped mid-step towards your bedroom and did a half-turn back to him. Your brows furrowed as you studied the man before you. The Javier that stood before you now was not the same Javier you left behind in Colombia. So many things have changed, for both of you. The wrinkles around his eyes have grown more prominent and the gray in his hair is more noticeable. He still stands with his hands on his hips and hunched shoulders, always carrying the weight of the world on his back. But it was something in his eyes, those piercing eyes that once glowed like embers lost that spark and fire, that once spoke to you. Javier’s dark orbs transfixed you, their darkness overwhelming but there was a sadness to them now. A haunting darkness in them that goes deeper than you knew.
“Sure” You held his stare for a moment, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. His eyes widened as if he assumed you’d refuse his request.
Javier quickly shook the surprise from his face and schooled his expression back to its normal frown. He motioned towards the porch and opened the front door for you. You slowly lowered yourself into the nearest rocking chair as Javier leaned on the railing across from you. The crack of the front door shutting echo across the ranch. Javier cleared his throat as he flexed his hands on the railing and stared at a crack in the porch floor. He would kill for a cigarette. Or a bottle of whiskey.
“So, um, what did you want to talk about Javier?” You never used to call him Javier so much. Only when you pretended to be angry at him or when you were teasing him. It used to be fun, hearing you huff it out between laughs or moan it in his ear. Now his name on your lips is a reminder of the mess everything has turned into. Of all the mistakes he’s made. Of the lies, he’s told. All the reasons you left him. All the reasons that he hates himself. No wonder you left and maybe you should again. Maybe that is what’s best.
–
“Javier?” You calling his name a second time caught his attention and his eyes finally met yours briefly before looking away again.
“Right. Yeah. I wanted to discuss your plans.” Javier’s hand scrubbed the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze.
“My plans?” You schooled your face into the picture of neutrality.
Javier huffed in frustration, “Yes. Your plans. Shit, you know what I am trying to say here.”
A cold fire lit behind your eyes, a predator eying their prey as they narrowed. “No Javier I don’t. I don’t know what I am doing here. I thought I did, for a moment I thought I knew what you wanted. Now? I am lost. You want to know my plan? I don’t have one. Not since you showed up in Miami and turned my whole life upside down.” You released a heavy breath trying to calm that fire that sparked in your veins.
Javier’s eyes flashed with anger and he set his jaw before he continued pressing, “I know that everything has not been the easiest lately, that I have not been the easiest to deal with-”
You scoff and wrap your arms around yourself. “Because everything was always so perfect between us.”
That struck a chord with Javier. He made mistakes. Tons of them even; but he always did what he thought would protect you. To keep you hidden from his world, from him, and the darkness that followed. He nearly growled his response, “I did what I had to do to keep you away from all that shit. To protect you.”
“Protecting me? Is that what lying to me about sleeping with your informants, all while you were fucking me is? Pretty sure that is exactly the opposite of protection Peña.”
Javier’s eyes turned cold and his next words cut you like a knife, “Well, I didn’t fucking leave without a damn word and hide a child from you.”
“You didn’t exactly give me any reason to stay. I was just a casual fuck to you and we both know if I hadn’t left, you would have.” You internally curse yourself for the tears brimming your eyes. You hate that after everything he still has this power over you, over your emotions.
Javier's whole body goes stiff, his voice is quiet barely audible above the sound of the ranch. “Is that really what you think of me?”
You lock eyes with his. Your anger quickly begins to dissipate the minute you see the pain in his eyes. “I-” You start but stop yourself.
Javier shakes his head as if he can shake the heartbreak away, “No. I don’t want to fight with you. This isn’t coming out right. I didn’t mean to..” But his voice trails off. He is desperately trying to find the words to tell you all the feelings and emotions that have been storming around in his head since the day you left.
It is a minute before either of you speaks. “I didn’t sleep with my informant that night. The one before you left.”
“What?” Your voice is barely a whisper over the frantic beating of your heart thumping in your ears.
“I hadn’t slept with any of them for a while. People just assumed and I never corrected them. I-I didn’t want to. I couldn’t admit to them or myself that you meant more to me than I let on. That you still do. I am sorry that I fucked up so much back then. That I pushed you away and made you feel that I would rather you run away than tell me you were pregnant. I am so sorry.” The tears in Javier’s eyes were clear as day.
“Javier” You slide out of the chair and stood behind him. Before thinking you reached your hand out and touched his shoulder. “No. I am sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I knew how much you did to protect me and I left like that knowing it would scare you. But in that moment, all I wanted was for you to hurt as much as I did. I was stupid and angry. What I did was selfish and cowardly, even if I thought I was protecting Sofia. I should have stayed and fought for this. How can you ever forgive me?”
“I did the moment I saw you with Sofia.” Javier’s hands find their way to your cheeks and he wipes away the tears streaming down them.
“Where do we go from here?” Your hand finds its way to his cheek as you look at Javier.
He rests his forehead on yours, “I don’t know.” He slowly leans in and brushes his lips against yours. Giving you every opportunity to push him away. But you don’t. Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him as close to you as possible, needing the grounding force of his body against yours.
Javier’s hands move to your neck, your waist, your hair, and back to your face. His scent surrounds you. He pours every ounce of emotion within him into this kiss. He pulls you flush against his chest and a whimper falls from your mouth. It only urges him on and he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip. Begging you to let him in, to let him taste you again.
You immediately give in to him. To the feelings coursing between the two of you. You reach up and pull his hair and a deep growl reverberates from Javier’s chest. His hands slide their way to your hips, then to your ass and he squeezes. It’s as if he thinks if he lets go of you, this would have all been a dream. His movements are hurried and needy. He is desperate for more of you.
You finally pull away to breathe but Javier just continues kissing down your jaw to your neck. He finds your ear lobe and sucks it into his mouth and pulls. Scraping his teeth on the delicate flesh. “Let’s go inside.” He whispers into your ear but you are jello in his arms. Hardly able to think straight. He slowly starts walking you backwards into the house. As you cross the threshold into the front hall your hands grip his jacket, trying desperately to tear it off him. Javier drags his mouth away from your neck long enough to rip his jacket and shirt off before descending onto your lips again.
This time as he crashes his lips to yours he grabs a handful of your ass and yanks you into him, his leg falling between yours. You let out a sharp gasp which he takes quick advantage of and pushes his tongue into your mouth. It's clumsy and frantic how the two of you grip each other. Trying to get as close as humanly possible. Your back slams into the nearest wall as you reach for the belt loops in Javi’s jeans and drag him impossibly close to you. As he is pressed against you Javi lets a deep groan loose as he drags his teeth down your throat, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving marks as he goes.
You are drowning in him. The sensation of his body pressed against yours, his hands digging into your ass, your thighs, tugging on your hair. The feeling of his lips on yours after so long without him. It's all too overwhelming, this is all you have been thinking about since the day he burst back into your life. Javier pulls away from your neck and brings his hands to the sides of your face.
“Wait, wait… Is this okay?” His voice is gravelly and lower than usual. His deep brown eyes are burning into yours. You want to laugh. Of course, this is more than okay, this is all you crave anymore. Javier. He consumes every waking thought and he invades your dreams. He is the biggest nuisance and he is everything you have wanted.
“No.” The minute the word leaves your mouth Javier shifts to move away from you but you stop him by grabbing his belt and pulling him back in. “No this is not okay. This is perfect.”
The two of you fall back into a familiar dance; your bodies fitting together perfectly, like two harmonies coming together in perfect time. Javier knows exactly which strings to pluck to make you sing, he has every curve, dimple, scar, and stretch mark memorized. As you lay back trying to regulate your heartbeat, you find Javier tracing the new marks on your stomach; gifts from the beautiful daughter you both brought into this world. He lightly runs his fingertips up and down, side to side. Silently adding them to his memory of you. He every so often presses soft kisses on your hairline. After a few silent moments, his eyes finally meet yours, a small smile decorating his face. You reach up and trace the lines at the corners of his eyes. You both have changed so much but at this moment, here, it suddenly feels like no time has passed between the two of you. You are back at his apartment in Colombia with a cool breeze blowing through the window carrying the smell of the Arepa shop down the street.
Javier’s hand paused in its path, “I know we have so much yet to figure out-”
“Please let's not do this now.” You begged him not wanting to ruin this perfect moment.
“Will you ever just let me finish a sentence?” Javier sits up to look down at your face, a playful glint in his chocolate eyes.
You lean up and place a chaste peck on his lips, “Nope.” and try to turn away from him.
“You are gonna want me to finish this one.” Javier takes the chance to playfully pinch your sides and laughs as you yelp and try to squirm away from him. “I know we have a lot to talk about and figure out. But I want you to know that I am all in. I want to build a life with you and our daughter, I want a house and a dog and the fucking white picket fence. I want it all. But I want it with you. I love you. Te Amo mi alma. Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás.”
You stared wide-eyed up at him, completely frozen in place. Javier starts to panic. He pushed you for more than what you were ready for. He said too much too fast. Javier Peña, ever the fucking moron. Why can’t he ever keep his fucking mouth shut? Should he take it back? No that would be so much worse. Javier was so lost in the spiral of self-doubt and intrusive thoughts that he didn’t even notice the tears beginning to overflow out of your eyes or the way that your hand was squeezing his. When you reached up and held his cheeks in your hands he was finally able to silence his thoughts.
“You are everything I have ever wanted and I promise you I will work every day to show you how much I love you and to make up for all the time we lost because I was stupid and scared. You, Javier Peña, are the most frustrating man on the planet. You are stubborn and pig-headed and you make me want to scream half the time. But you are also the most generous, kind-hearted, and selfless man I have ever met. You gave me a daughter and I cannot thank you enough for that gift. I love you with my whole heart and I cannot wait to build a future with you.”
“You scared me there for a second Hermosa. I thought I had lost you there.” Javier quickly wipes a traitorous tear than escaped his eye. “And you have nothing to make up for mi amor.”
“Yes. I do. I am not going anywhere. I am all in.”
Javier leans down and places another soft kiss along your hairline before sitting up and stretching his arms above his head. He slowly stands as you lean your head back and close your eyes, taking in the moment. You hear him rifling through his pants on the floor by the bed, his belt buckle jingling and then softly thumping on the ground.
“Dammit” Javier huffs under his breath and snatches his briefs from the scattered pile of clothes around the floor.
“What's wrong?” You keep your eyes closed starting to feel the tug of sleep starting to drag you under.
“My cigarettes are in my jacket pocket. I’ll be right back.”
-
Javier closes the door lightly, knowing that you are starting to fall asleep and not wanting to disturb you. He follows the trail of clothes from his bedroom to the hallway until he finds his jacket tossed on top of Sofia’s stroller. He begins digging through the pockets for his pack of cigarettes.
“¿Buscas estos?” Javier turns and sees Chucho leaning in the doorway, the red carton of cigarettes dangling in his hand. “Las cosas salieron bien, ya veo?”
Chucho smirked as he gestured to the random pieces of clothing and shoes tossed around the hallway leading to Javier’s room. Javier cleared his throat awkwardly and snatched the cigarettes out of his dad’s hand. He slides one out and Chucho pulls a lighter out from his back pocket and tosses it to Javier. The cigarette glowed a vibrant orange as Javier lit it and took a long drag before tossing the lighter back to Chucho.
“Uh, sí. Sí, lo hicieron.” Javier returned his father’s smirk with a goofy grin. “Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía?”
“Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse.” Chucho turned to walk back into the living room as Javier let the cigarette dangle from his mouth and started collecting the miscellaneous clothing strewn about.
“Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas.” Chucho called from the living room. Javier rolled his eyes and made his way back to his room. Back to where you were waiting for him.
Things weren’t perfect. They never would be; you two aren’t exactly saints. But the sight that lay before him in his room reminded him that doesn’t matter. You were curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed with blankets scattered around and halfway on the floor and he could hear your soft snores fill the air. He pulled the blankets around you and contorted himself to fit next to you. He leaned back on the headboard and stared down at your sleeping form silently through the haze and smoke. He could hear Chucho as he moved about in the kitchen. The clangs of pots and pans combined with the soft rhythm of your slow breaths and soft snores. For the first time in a very long time, Javier felt completely at peace. He knew that he would rather fight with you than live another day without you. He knew in that moment that Sofia was the greatest gift to have ever happened to him; that you gave him that gift. He knew that from this day on he will fight, claw, and bleed for the two of you. His little family. Los Amores de su Vida.
-
2 years later
“This stupid fucking thing” with a deep sigh of exasperation Javier rips the bow tie out from the collar of his dress shirt and tosses it on the floor.
“Why the hell did you even buy the fucking thing. You barely button your shirt most days.” Steve hands Javier a glass of whiskey. “Drink and chill the hell out.”
Javier downs the amber liquid in one go, shoving the glass back into Steve’s waiting hand. “Forgive me for trying to look respectable on my fucking wedding day pendejo.” Javier swiftly unbuttoned the top two buttons and slid on his suit jacket. He stood adjusting and readjusting in the mirror for what felt like an eternity. Everything had to be perfect. You deserved perfect and he will make it happen if it kills him.
Chucho popped his head through the door, “Es hora Mijo.” Javier took a deep, shaky breath and turned to face his father. Chucho smiled and grabbed his son by the sides of his face and pressed his forehead against Javier’s, closing his eyes for a moment, “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti.” Chucho Leaned back and Javier could see tears brimming in his father’s eyes.
“Gracias Papá.” Javier smiled back at Chucho as he smoothed his sweaty palms on his pants.
Chucho glanced at Steve, “Well then, let’s get this show on the road. Vamos.”
-
Your knuckles were completely white from the death grip you had your bouquet under. Connie had just made her way down the aisle with Sofia as the flower girl, awkwardly toddling in front of her. If her performance at the rehearsal told you anything, she dumped the entire basket of petals immediately over her head. But you don’t care about any of that. You only care that you are marrying the love of your life and the father of your child. The past few months haven’t been easy, you are marrying Javier Peña after all, the man is a well-documented hot head, and frankly, you are no better. The two of you have fought tooth and nail to be together and to build a life, a future.
Of course, nothing ever came easy for the two of you. Soon after you two made up, Javier decided to finally tell you he had to go back to Colombia. Oh, you were angry, for sure. Javier had to sleep in Sofia’s room for a couple of days before you had calmed down enough to talk to him. No matter how angry you were that he didn’t tell you, you knew Javier. He would never be able to rest until the Cali cartel was finished. He never got over being sent home for working with Los Pepes. He had unfinished business and even though you hated the idea, he went to Colombia while you and Sofia stayed in Texas. It was hard. He called. You sent care packages with drawings of Sofia and pictures. It didn’t change the milestones he missed. He did get leave for her first birthday, but it was never going to be long enough.
When you finally heard the familiar crackle of Javier’s truck on the gravel driveway you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest. Like you were finally able to take a full breath of air for the first time since the day he left. You had been in the kitchen all morning with Chucho making a welcome lunch. You were covered in flour and didn’t even take your apron off before sprinting outside. You flung the porch door open just as Javier was racing up the stops and launched yourself into his arms, nearly toppling him to the ground. There were tears and kisses and whispers of “I love yous” and “I missed yous” and “you are not leaving again.”
The two of you eventually, begrudgingly, untangled yourselves and Chucho brought a just woken up Sofia to the door. Javier immediately swooped her into his arms and rocked her against his chest. He was able to keep his cool with you but the minute his baby girl was finally in his arms again, he lost all composure and tears began to fall from his eyes. Javier took Sofia into the yard so he could try and get her to walk for him. You plopped down on the porch steps watching them play and babble back and forth. You could watch them for hours.
“Sofia, okay baby girl, walk to Mama. Go find Mama.” Javier walked behind her ready to catch her if she tumbled backward. Though she was walking on her own now, she was still unsteady and fell often and fell hard.
“C’mon baby girl. Come to mommy!” You reached out your arms as Sofia giggled and wobbled her way towards you with Javier in tow. Her stumpy little legs stopped right in front of your lap and you reached for her hands to steady her. As you grabbed her hands, she was holding something in them. She’s been hoarding rocks lately and you reach to grab it only to find that this rock wasn’t in fact a rock at all. It was a small box. “Javier, what is this?”
Javier was kneeling in front of you with his hand on Sofia’s back, “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
Now here you are almost 6 months later and you are waiting to walk down the aisle in front of all of your friends and family.
“Are you ready Mija?” Chucho grabbed your hand and placed it in the crook of his arm.
“More than ready.”
-
The whole day was a blur. It was full of tears and laughter and pure joy. Now as you sit with Javier on the porch swing gazing at the stars with your head in his lap as he runs his fingers down your back you feel completely at peace, at home.
“I know we said no gifts.” Javier paused his movements as you sat up.
“Javier, you promised.”
“I know but, I couldn’t help myself.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long slender, black velvet box. “Open it.”
“This is not fair. I don’t have anything for you!” You opened the lid and the tears were almost immediate. Javier may be the grumpiest man alive but he is also the sweetest. Javier bought you a beautiful silver necklace with three gemstones in a line. “Oh Javier, it's beautiful.”
“It's each of our birthstones. Mine, yours, and Sofia’s. I just, I don’t know, thought it would be nice. To have something of our family for you to wear”
“That's so sweet Javi.” You trace the stones with your fingertips, “It’s just that, uhm…”
“What? What’s wrong? Is it the setting? We can change it. We can return it if you don’t like it Hermosa. What is it?” Javier immediately went into fixer mode. He always took it upon himself to fix any problem you had, even the imaginary ones.
“NO. No. Javier, I love it! It’s just that, well, we are going to need to add a stone, that's all.” You looked up at Javier trying to hold back your smile and the tears. Jesus Christ, you didn’t know you had any more tears left.
Javier’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out just exactly what you said. He looked at the necklace then back at you and it dawned on him. “What? Wait. Are you serious?” He reached for your hands as a jubilant smile flickered across his face.
“Yes. I found out last month.” He couldn’t contain his excitement as dragged you into his arms and kissed your head, your cheek, your nose, your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“But…but you were drinking? You had champagne and…and cocktails at dinner.” Javier’s words were rushed. His hands were rubbing up and down your arms, it seemed to be soothing him more than it was you.
“Connie had the bartender make mocktails and give me sparkling cider.” You reached up and wiped the tears off of his cheek.
“We are having a baby?” Javier’s wide dark mahogany eyes pierced yours. The tears already threatening to overflow.
You wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you into his lap, “We are having a baby.”
-
Epilogue
Texas thunderstorms are a loud boisterous beast. The rumble of thunder shook the whole house and the cracks of lightning lit up the entire yard. The rain had been nonstop for the last couple of days. So much so that construction on yours Javier’s new home was put on hold until the weather subsided.
It was no worry though, Chucho loved having the house full of laughter and the thump of tiny little feet running around. Sofia definitely gives her Abuelo a run for his money, at just 4 and a half she is feisty as all hell and ALWAYS wants the last word. She has Chucho wrapped around her finger, and she knows it. Mateo is the opposite. He is the most soft-spoken and sensitive 2-year-old. Always trying to play peacemaker.
The rain drops beat against the kitchen window as you gather the marshmallows and steaming mugs of hot chocolate onto a tray. A new addition to the Peña family tradition of playing card games while it rains, hot cocoa, and playing out on the porch so you can sit and listen to the rain. Just like you did with your mom.
You balance the tray on your hip as you awkwardly try to open the screen door to the porch.
“Ay Mija, let me do that!” Chucho pulls Matteo off his lap and sets the book they were reading down. He grabs the tray from you and shoos you away. “Go on. Go, sit down.”
“Thank you, Chucho. I thought the third time would be easier but this one is doing jumping jacks on my kidneys I swear.” You lower yourself onto the porch swing, rubbing your belly absent-mindedly when you turn to Mateo and lift him onto your lap. “Are Papa and Sofia still yelling at each other?” You tickle his sides and his giggle erupts into the air. Mateo lays his head on your chest as you quietly hum and rub his back.
Javier and Sofia are competitive. She knows exactly how to rile him up. They have been playing go fish for an hour, and he has lost four times. You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous sight of your husband arguing with your toddler about counting cards as if she is a card shark in a casino.
“Here Mateo, pero ten cuidado. It's hot.” Chucho hands Matteo a small mug he got for his birthday. Steve and Connie got it for him, or “Unca Steve” and “Auntie Wonnie” as Mateo calls them. It had brightly colored jellyfish on it and it was from the Florida Aquarium. Steve took Matteo there when he was a baby and he was obsessed with the jellyfish and has been ever since. When we told Steve and Connie that I was pregnant with Mateo, Steve campaigned hard for Steve Jr. He about tackled Javier to the ground in the hospital room when we told him Mateo’s middle name was Esteban.
“Are you two done fighting over there? Your hot chocolate’s gonna get cold.” You took a marshmallow and pelted it at Javier’s head.
“Ay! Hermosa, quit it!” Javier gathered the cards and Sofia ran up to Chucho for her cup. You laughed to yourself as she convinced him to give her extra marshmallows on the side because “it's always good to have a snack with your drink.”
Javier plopped down beside you and Mateo on the swing chewing away on his Nicorette gum. He went cold turkey in preparation for Mateo and hasn’t had one since. He slid his arm around your shoulders rubbing the back of your neck and he playfully tries to steal marshmallows out of Mateo’s mug.
Sofia, after shoving all the marshmallows in her mouth at once, crawls up into Javier’s lap to sip on her drink. Chucho finished divvying out the rest of the mugs to you and Javier before sitting down himself. A silence fell over the Peña household as the pattering of the rain and the rumble of thunder in the distance created a beautiful song.
This blissful moment reminds you of a poem that your mother would read to you at night during loud crashing thunderstorms.
The clouds are shedding tears of joy,
They fall with rhythmic beat
Upon the earth, and soon destroy
Dust dunes and waves of heat.
Each falling drop enforcement bears
To river, lake and rill,
And sweet refreshment gladly shares
With wooded dell and hill.
Every flower, bud and leaf,
Each blossom, branch and tree
Distills the rain, 'tis my belief,
To feed the honey bee.
I pity every wretch I find
Who, frowning in disdain,
Is deaf and dumb and also blind
To beauty in the rain.
Rain causes destruction. Rain causes chaos. It is loud and booming. But rain also creates beauty. Rain creates stillness. It is also soft and peaceful. To find the beauty in the rain you have to look deeper beyond the noise and chaos. Only then will you discover the beauty in the rain.
You and Javier have been through so much together. Colombia was a difficult time and then everything that happened after. It nearly destroyed you both. You fought and yelled and screamed. You hurt each other. But you did not give up on each other. Together you tried to find the beauty beyond the chaos of your lives. You forgave each other. You worked together to create the beautiful life you now live. It is not always easy. But you both show up every day for each other.
The airy, fresh scent of petrichor filled your nose as the rain droplets thrummed away on the roof of the porch. Javier leaned over and kissed your head as his free hand fell to your protruding stomach. The scene around you was beautiful and a treasure hard-won. A teary smile spreads across your face as you bask in the outpour of love that fills the porch and this home. This moment, this life, this family, Chucho, your children, Javier. They are your beauty in the rain. They are what makes the chaos and strife worth it. They cleanse away the dust and hurt of the past to make life beautiful and vibrant and full of laughter, light, and love. You have spent your whole life searching and now find comfort in the fact you have finally found your very own beauty in the rain.
Masterlist
Spanish Translations:
Mijo - My son
Mija - My daughter
Te amo - I love you
Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás - You have all my heart and always will
Hermosa - Beautiful
Mi Amor - My love
¿Buscas estos? - Looking for these?
Las cosas salieronien ya veo? - Things went well I see?
Sí. Sí, lo hicieron - Uh, yes. Yes, they did.
Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía? - Really well. Where is Sofia?
Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse - Asleep. She didn't even get to communion before she passed out
Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas - Remember to use protection this time. We have no room for more surprises
Llos amores de su vida. - The loves of his life
Vamos - C’mon
Pero ten Cuidado - but be careful
Please let me know if any of the Spanish translations or usage is incorrect!!
Warnings: Angst, swearing, pining, smoking, kissing, groping, implications of sex, pregnancy mention, genuine human emotions, probably OOC for Javier... whoops. No beta, just yeeted into the void. any typos. Let me know if I have missed any!
Summary: Javier finally decides what he wants his future to be and Chucho wins Grandpa of the year. Reference for the necklace that is mentioned. The Poem included in the epilogue is by Raymond Garfield Dandridge. Who's poem brought me peace when life was not.
A/N: This is a really bittersweet moment. I again apologize for how long it has taken me to finish this story. Life was overwhelming and I was trying to push myself into writing smut because I know it's popular. So I hit a wall because I was trying to force something out of myself that I didn't really want to write and personally didn't add much to the story. So I took the pressure off of myself. There is no smut in here just implications and allusions to it. It is not something I am just yet comfortable writing, but maybe someday. I also spent WAY TOO LONG obsessing over the timeline and trying to get everything to make sense. I am fairly certain some new grey hairs appeared on my head because of it. I gave up. I did my best. I am not perfect and this is a hobby. I have loved every second of writing this ending and I hope you like it too. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for your patience as I lose my marbles again and again. I have so many people I want to thank and dedicate this to. So many people who without them, I probably never would have posted this story or continued writing it. I hope they know who they are and how much they have meant to me. If you have ever left a like, a comment, a reblog, or sent me a message please know how much that means to me. I hope you never hit a red light and that your pillow is always cold at night. You are angels and the world is so much better with you in it. If you got this far you are a gem. I hope to write more on this blog in the future but I am done trying to force myself into a schedule. I want this to be a fun creative outlet not another obligation for me. Thank you for reading and without further ado, our two idiots need a happy ending.
Masterlist Previous Part
Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I’d love to hear feedback!
The card slips from your fingers and falls to the counter, forgotten.
The next morning you wake to the sun shining through a sliver in your curtains. Weird… usually I get waken up by a hungry infant demanding a boob. As soon as the thought crosses your mind you glance over at the crib to the right of the bed. It’s empty. Your nose scrunches in confusion but then the light banging of pots and pans echoing from the kitchen catches your attention.
You slip on your slippers and slowly pad your way to the kitchen. Your limbs still heavy with sleep. You find Chucho dressed and ready in his Sunday best for church as he makes breakfast. Sofia sitting in the high chair babbling away with her grandpa. He softly whistles an old ballad to her as he warms up a bottle. You mumble a greeting to Chucho and he tosses a cheery good morning back. You sweep your hand across Sofia’s forehead pushing the soft brown curls out of the way as you lean down to kiss her.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” You question Chucho as you make your way over to the cabinet to make yourself some tea.
“You were tired and there are bottles out here. I wanted you to rest.” Chucho replies simply with a light pat on your cheek. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I mean why else did you pump if not for this reason? Plus he was right, you were exhausted. Sofia had a rough night again. Gotta love sleep regression. Your guess was all the change in her routines. She needed normalcy and stability, and honestly? So did you.
Once the bottle was ready for Sofia, Chucho swoops the baby girl up in his arms to feed her. A soft smile blooms across your face at how sweet Chucho is with Sofia. He has a way with her. She rarely cries when he is around and he has quickly become her favorite person. Your baby girl has Chucho completely wrapped around her finger. This is all you ever wanted for your daughter, Sunday morning breakfasts and a family that is bursting with love. Lost in thought, the creak of a floorboard draws your attention to the doorway. Javier had paused before entering the kitchen, the bags under his eyes were dark and he still had yesterday’s clothes on. Your eyes meet his weary dark orbs, and his frown deepens as he looks back, almost studying you. You shifted under his gaze like a bug under a microscope.
A wave of annoyance begins to build in the pit of your stomach. Javier has no right to judge you when you did nothing wrong in the first place. You straighten your back and cool your expression into one of annoyed indifference. He quickly looks away from you as if your gaze burned him. He makes his way into the room and pats his dad on the shoulder in greeting as he swipes a mug for his coffee.
“You look awful mijo.” Chucho was never one to pull a punch.
“Gee, thanks Pop.” Javier’s voice was devoid of any emotion as he slumped on the counter with his chin pressed to his chest. Javier really did look a mess and he looked pale. You felt the familiar pinprick of tears start to burn your eyes, everything that led you both down this path started with your lie. You want to be furious at him; to yell, scream, smash something, but you can’t move. You are frozen as the quiet guilt rages a war in your brain. You blink and try to will away the traitorous tears threatening to spill and notice Chucho staring at you with a wary gaze. You quickly excuse yourself mumbling about taking a shower. Anything to escape, to give you time to think.
-
Chucho inhales deeply as he watches you practically sprint out of the kitchen. He turns to his son, brooding and quietly sipping his coffee with his eyes closed. Chucho looks down at Sofia’s milk-drunk, blissed-out expression and slowly walks over to set her down in the pack n’ play set up in the corner of the kitchen. It used to be in the living room but Sofia got fussy when she couldn’t see Chucho cook.
“You know one day you are gonna push people too far and they won’t keep coming back for more.” Chucho stares counting Sofia’s soft breaths as he addresses Javier.
Javier slowly opens his eyes as his jaw rocks. “I know.”
Chucho turns and points down the hall towards where you are, “That woman is at her breaking point. And look at you! Pale and smelling like a chimney. I cannot sit here and watch the two of you destroy each other. Either figure out what you want and fight for it or just stop and let her go.” Chucho’s tone was severe as he verbally lashed his son.
“Pops I-” Javier’s throat was dry and his voice cracked pitifully.
“No. I am taking Sofia to Church. You-” He stabs his pointer finger into Javier’s chest “Are going to talk to her. You are letting your happiness slip away from you. No one is taking it away.” Chucho reaches into his pocket and presses the small black card you left on the counter into Javier’s free hand. “If this is enough to sway you then you are far stupider than I thought you were.”
The card feels cold in Javier’s hand. His dark eyes stare unblinkingly at it. Not even looking up when Chucho leaves the room with Sofia in tow. He turns the thin piece of paper over and over between his fingers. How could he have let something so small, so meaningless burrow under his skin? He knows his father is right. He has to stop letting this fear and insecurity control him and make him lash out at you. He needs to make a choice and he needs to make it now.
“Oh, did Chucho leave?” Your voice, soft and missing its usual melodic tone, tears Javier’s eyes away from the card. There you are standing in the hallway hair still damp from your shower but loosely braided to the side. You have your favorite navy blue linen overalls on, the ones you like to wear to clean around the house. You are a vision of domestic bliss. But he can see the weariness in your eyes. The hollowness that lingers in them now.
Javier clears his throat roughly, shoving the card into his pocket. He has no idea how long he has been standing staring at it. “Uh yeah, he took Sofia to church with him.”
“Oh. Okay.” Your voice is void of emotion or any of your usual lightness. Javier feels stiff and awkward like his limbs are full of sand and he doesn’t know how to be around you anymore.
You turn to walk away from him and Javier starts panicking. Is it too late? Has he pushed you too far?
Before he can talk himself out of it, Javier blurts out the one question he should have asked the day you arrived in Texas. “Can we talk for a second?”
-
The silence was deafening. You stopped mid-step towards your bedroom and did a half-turn back to him. Your brows furrowed as you studied the man before you. The Javier that stood before you now was not the same Javier you left behind in Colombia. So many things have changed, for both of you. The wrinkles around his eyes have grown more prominent and the gray in his hair is more noticeable. He still stands with his hands on his hips and hunched shoulders, always carrying the weight of the world on his back. But it was something in his eyes, those piercing eyes that once glowed like embers lost that spark and fire, that once spoke to you. Javier’s dark orbs transfixed you, their darkness overwhelming but there was a sadness to them now. A haunting darkness in them that goes deeper than you knew.
“Sure” You held his stare for a moment, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. His eyes widened as if he assumed you’d refuse his request.
Javier quickly shook the surprise from his face and schooled his expression back to its normal frown. He motioned towards the porch and opened the front door for you. You slowly lowered yourself into the nearest rocking chair as Javier leaned on the railing across from you. The crack of the front door shutting echo across the ranch. Javier cleared his throat as he flexed his hands on the railing and stared at a crack in the porch floor. He would kill for a cigarette. Or a bottle of whiskey.
“So, um, what did you want to talk about Javier?” You never used to call him Javier so much. Only when you pretended to be angry at him or when you were teasing him. It used to be fun, hearing you huff it out between laughs or moan it in his ear. Now his name on your lips is a reminder of the mess everything has turned into. Of all the mistakes he’s made. Of the lies, he’s told. All the reasons you left him. All the reasons that he hates himself. No wonder you left and maybe you should again. Maybe that is what’s best.
–
“Javier?” You calling his name a second time caught his attention and his eyes finally met yours briefly before looking away again.
“Right. Yeah. I wanted to discuss your plans.” Javier’s hand scrubbed the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze.
“My plans?” You schooled your face into the picture of neutrality.
Javier huffed in frustration, “Yes. Your plans. Shit, you know what I am trying to say here.”
A cold fire lit behind your eyes, a predator eying their prey as they narrowed. “No Javier I don’t. I don’t know what I am doing here. I thought I did, for a moment I thought I knew what you wanted. Now? I am lost. You want to know my plan? I don’t have one. Not since you showed up in Miami and turned my whole life upside down.” You released a heavy breath trying to calm that fire that sparked in your veins.
Javier’s eyes flashed with anger and he set his jaw before he continued pressing, “I know that everything has not been the easiest lately, that I have not been the easiest to deal with-”
You scoff and wrap your arms around yourself. “Because everything was always so perfect between us.”
That struck a chord with Javier. He made mistakes. Tons of them even; but he always did what he thought would protect you. To keep you hidden from his world, from him, and the darkness that followed. He nearly growled his response, “I did what I had to do to keep you away from all that shit. To protect you.”
“Protecting me? Is that what lying to me about sleeping with your informants, all while you were fucking me is? Pretty sure that is exactly the opposite of protection Peña.”
Javier’s eyes turned cold and his next words cut you like a knife, “Well, I didn’t fucking leave without a damn word and hide a child from you.”
“You didn’t exactly give me any reason to stay. I was just a casual fuck to you and we both know if I hadn’t left, you would have.” You internally curse yourself for the tears brimming your eyes. You hate that after everything he still has this power over you, over your emotions.
Javier's whole body goes stiff, his voice is quiet barely audible above the sound of the ranch. “Is that really what you think of me?”
You lock eyes with his. Your anger quickly begins to dissipate the minute you see the pain in his eyes. “I-” You start but stop yourself.
Javier shakes his head as if he can shake the heartbreak away, “No. I don’t want to fight with you. This isn’t coming out right. I didn’t mean to..” But his voice trails off. He is desperately trying to find the words to tell you all the feelings and emotions that have been storming around in his head since the day you left.
It is a minute before either of you speaks. “I didn’t sleep with my informant that night. The one before you left.”
“What?” Your voice is barely a whisper over the frantic beating of your heart thumping in your ears.
“I hadn’t slept with any of them for a while. People just assumed and I never corrected them. I-I didn’t want to. I couldn’t admit to them or myself that you meant more to me than I let on. That you still do. I am sorry that I fucked up so much back then. That I pushed you away and made you feel that I would rather you run away than tell me you were pregnant. I am so sorry.” The tears in Javier’s eyes were clear as day.
“Javier” You slide out of the chair and stood behind him. Before thinking you reached your hand out and touched his shoulder. “No. I am sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I knew how much you did to protect me and I left like that knowing it would scare you. But in that moment, all I wanted was for you to hurt as much as I did. I was stupid and angry. What I did was selfish and cowardly, even if I thought I was protecting Sofia. I should have stayed and fought for this. How can you ever forgive me?”
“I did the moment I saw you with Sofia.” Javier’s hands find their way to your cheeks and he wipes away the tears streaming down them.
“Where do we go from here?” Your hand finds its way to his cheek as you look at Javier.
He rests his forehead on yours, “I don’t know.” He slowly leans in and brushes his lips against yours. Giving you every opportunity to push him away. But you don’t. Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him as close to you as possible, needing the grounding force of his body against yours.
Javier’s hands move to your neck, your waist, your hair, and back to your face. His scent surrounds you. He pours every ounce of emotion within him into this kiss. He pulls you flush against his chest and a whimper falls from your mouth. It only urges him on and he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip. Begging you to let him in, to let him taste you again.
You immediately give in to him. To the feelings coursing between the two of you. You reach up and pull his hair and a deep growl reverberates from Javier’s chest. His hands slide their way to your hips, then to your ass and he squeezes. It’s as if he thinks if he lets go of you, this would have all been a dream. His movements are hurried and needy. He is desperate for more of you.
You finally pull away to breathe but Javier just continues kissing down your jaw to your neck. He finds your ear lobe and sucks it into his mouth and pulls. Scraping his teeth on the delicate flesh. “Let’s go inside.” He whispers into your ear but you are jello in his arms. Hardly able to think straight. He slowly starts walking you backwards into the house. As you cross the threshold into the front hall your hands grip his jacket, trying desperately to tear it off him. Javier drags his mouth away from your neck long enough to rip his jacket and shirt off before descending onto your lips again.
This time as he crashes his lips to yours he grabs a handful of your ass and yanks you into him, his leg falling between yours. You let out a sharp gasp which he takes quick advantage of and pushes his tongue into your mouth. It's clumsy and frantic how the two of you grip each other. Trying to get as close as humanly possible. Your back slams into the nearest wall as you reach for the belt loops in Javi’s jeans and drag him impossibly close to you. As he is pressed against you Javi lets a deep groan loose as he drags his teeth down your throat, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving marks as he goes.
You are drowning in him. The sensation of his body pressed against yours, his hands digging into your ass, your thighs, tugging on your hair. The feeling of his lips on yours after so long without him. It's all too overwhelming, this is all you have been thinking about since the day he burst back into your life. Javier pulls away from your neck and brings his hands to the sides of your face.
“Wait, wait… Is this okay?” His voice is gravelly and lower than usual. His deep brown eyes are burning into yours. You want to laugh. Of course, this is more than okay, this is all you crave anymore. Javier. He consumes every waking thought and he invades your dreams. He is the biggest nuisance and he is everything you have wanted.
“No.” The minute the word leaves your mouth Javier shifts to move away from you but you stop him by grabbing his belt and pulling him back in. “No this is not okay. This is perfect.”
The two of you fall back into a familiar dance; your bodies fitting together perfectly, like two harmonies coming together in perfect time. Javier knows exactly which strings to pluck to make you sing, he has every curve, dimple, scar, and stretch mark memorized. As you lay back trying to regulate your heartbeat, you find Javier tracing the new marks on your stomach; gifts from the beautiful daughter you both brought into this world. He lightly runs his fingertips up and down, side to side. Silently adding them to his memory of you. He every so often presses soft kisses on your hairline. After a few silent moments, his eyes finally meet yours, a small smile decorating his face. You reach up and trace the lines at the corners of his eyes. You both have changed so much but at this moment, here, it suddenly feels like no time has passed between the two of you. You are back at his apartment in Colombia with a cool breeze blowing through the window carrying the smell of the Arepa shop down the street.
Javier’s hand paused in its path, “I know we have so much yet to figure out-”
“Please let's not do this now.” You begged him not wanting to ruin this perfect moment.
“Will you ever just let me finish a sentence?” Javier sits up to look down at your face, a playful glint in his chocolate eyes.
You lean up and place a chaste peck on his lips, “Nope.” and try to turn away from him.
“You are gonna want me to finish this one.” Javier takes the chance to playfully pinch your sides and laughs as you yelp and try to squirm away from him. “I know we have a lot to talk about and figure out. But I want you to know that I am all in. I want to build a life with you and our daughter, I want a house and a dog and the fucking white picket fence. I want it all. But I want it with you. I love you. Te Amo mi alma. Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás.”
You stared wide-eyed up at him, completely frozen in place. Javier starts to panic. He pushed you for more than what you were ready for. He said too much too fast. Javier Peña, ever the fucking moron. Why can’t he ever keep his fucking mouth shut? Should he take it back? No that would be so much worse. Javier was so lost in the spiral of self-doubt and intrusive thoughts that he didn’t even notice the tears beginning to overflow out of your eyes or the way that your hand was squeezing his. When you reached up and held his cheeks in your hands he was finally able to silence his thoughts.
“You are everything I have ever wanted and I promise you I will work every day to show you how much I love you and to make up for all the time we lost because I was stupid and scared. You, Javier Peña, are the most frustrating man on the planet. You are stubborn and pig-headed and you make me want to scream half the time. But you are also the most generous, kind-hearted, and selfless man I have ever met. You gave me a daughter and I cannot thank you enough for that gift. I love you with my whole heart and I cannot wait to build a future with you.”
“You scared me there for a second Hermosa. I thought I had lost you there.” Javier quickly wipes a traitorous tear than escaped his eye. “And you have nothing to make up for mi amor.”
“Yes. I do. I am not going anywhere. I am all in.”
Javier leans down and places another soft kiss along your hairline before sitting up and stretching his arms above his head. He slowly stands as you lean your head back and close your eyes, taking in the moment. You hear him rifling through his pants on the floor by the bed, his belt buckle jingling and then softly thumping on the ground.
“Dammit” Javier huffs under his breath and snatches his briefs from the scattered pile of clothes around the floor.
“What's wrong?” You keep your eyes closed starting to feel the tug of sleep starting to drag you under.
“My cigarettes are in my jacket pocket. I’ll be right back.”
-
Javier closes the door lightly, knowing that you are starting to fall asleep and not wanting to disturb you. He follows the trail of clothes from his bedroom to the hallway until he finds his jacket tossed on top of Sofia’s stroller. He begins digging through the pockets for his pack of cigarettes.
“¿Buscas estos?” Javier turns and sees Chucho leaning in the doorway, the red carton of cigarettes dangling in his hand. “Las cosas salieron bien, ya veo?”
Chucho smirked as he gestured to the random pieces of clothing and shoes tossed around the hallway leading to Javier’s room. Javier cleared his throat awkwardly and snatched the cigarettes out of his dad’s hand. He slides one out and Chucho pulls a lighter out from his back pocket and tosses it to Javier. The cigarette glowed a vibrant orange as Javier lit it and took a long drag before tossing the lighter back to Chucho.
“Uh, sí. Sí, lo hicieron.” Javier returned his father’s smirk with a goofy grin. “Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía?”
“Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse.” Chucho turned to walk back into the living room as Javier let the cigarette dangle from his mouth and started collecting the miscellaneous clothing strewn about.
“Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas.” Chucho called from the living room. Javier rolled his eyes and made his way back to his room. Back to where you were waiting for him.
Things weren’t perfect. They never would be; you two aren’t exactly saints. But the sight that lay before him in his room reminded him that doesn’t matter. You were curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed with blankets scattered around and halfway on the floor and he could hear your soft snores fill the air. He pulled the blankets around you and contorted himself to fit next to you. He leaned back on the headboard and stared down at your sleeping form silently through the haze and smoke. He could hear Chucho as he moved about in the kitchen. The clangs of pots and pans combined with the soft rhythm of your slow breaths and soft snores. For the first time in a very long time, Javier felt completely at peace. He knew that he would rather fight with you than live another day without you. He knew in that moment that Sofia was the greatest gift to have ever happened to him; that you gave him that gift. He knew that from this day on he will fight, claw, and bleed for the two of you. His little family. Los Amores de su Vida.
-
2 years later
“This stupid fucking thing” with a deep sigh of exasperation Javier rips the bow tie out from the collar of his dress shirt and tosses it on the floor.
“Why the hell did you even buy the fucking thing. You barely button your shirt most days.” Steve hands Javier a glass of whiskey. “Drink and chill the hell out.”
Javier downs the amber liquid in one go, shoving the glass back into Steve’s waiting hand. “Forgive me for trying to look respectable on my fucking wedding day pendejo.” Javier swiftly unbuttoned the top two buttons and slid on his suit jacket. He stood adjusting and readjusting in the mirror for what felt like an eternity. Everything had to be perfect. You deserved perfect and he will make it happen if it kills him.
Chucho popped his head through the door, “Es hora Mijo.” Javier took a deep, shaky breath and turned to face his father. Chucho smiled and grabbed his son by the sides of his face and pressed his forehead against Javier’s, closing his eyes for a moment, “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti.” Chucho Leaned back and Javier could see tears brimming in his father’s eyes.
“Gracias Papá.” Javier smiled back at Chucho as he smoothed his sweaty palms on his pants.
Chucho glanced at Steve, “Well then, let’s get this show on the road. Vamos.”
-
Your knuckles were completely white from the death grip you had your bouquet under. Connie had just made her way down the aisle with Sofia as the flower girl, awkwardly toddling in front of her. If her performance at the rehearsal told you anything, she dumped the entire basket of petals immediately over her head. But you don’t care about any of that. You only care that you are marrying the love of your life and the father of your child. The past few months haven’t been easy, you are marrying Javier Peña after all, the man is a well-documented hot head, and frankly, you are no better. The two of you have fought tooth and nail to be together and to build a life, a future.
Of course, nothing ever came easy for the two of you. Soon after you two made up, Javier decided to finally tell you he had to go back to Colombia. Oh, you were angry, for sure. Javier had to sleep in Sofia’s room for a couple of days before you had calmed down enough to talk to him. No matter how angry you were that he didn’t tell you, you knew Javier. He would never be able to rest until the Cali cartel was finished. He never got over being sent home for working with Los Pepes. He had unfinished business and even though you hated the idea, he went to Colombia while you and Sofia stayed in Texas. It was hard. He called. You sent care packages with drawings of Sofia and pictures. It didn’t change the milestones he missed. He did get leave for her first birthday, but it was never going to be long enough.
When you finally heard the familiar crackle of Javier’s truck on the gravel driveway you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest. Like you were finally able to take a full breath of air for the first time since the day he left. You had been in the kitchen all morning with Chucho making a welcome lunch. You were covered in flour and didn’t even take your apron off before sprinting outside. You flung the porch door open just as Javier was racing up the stops and launched yourself into his arms, nearly toppling him to the ground. There were tears and kisses and whispers of “I love yous” and “I missed yous” and “you are not leaving again.”
The two of you eventually, begrudgingly, untangled yourselves and Chucho brought a just woken up Sofia to the door. Javier immediately swooped her into his arms and rocked her against his chest. He was able to keep his cool with you but the minute his baby girl was finally in his arms again, he lost all composure and tears began to fall from his eyes. Javier took Sofia into the yard so he could try and get her to walk for him. You plopped down on the porch steps watching them play and babble back and forth. You could watch them for hours.
“Sofia, okay baby girl, walk to Mama. Go find Mama.” Javier walked behind her ready to catch her if she tumbled backward. Though she was walking on her own now, she was still unsteady and fell often and fell hard.
“C’mon baby girl. Come to mommy!” You reached out your arms as Sofia giggled and wobbled her way towards you with Javier in tow. Her stumpy little legs stopped right in front of your lap and you reached for her hands to steady her. As you grabbed her hands, she was holding something in them. She’s been hoarding rocks lately and you reach to grab it only to find that this rock wasn’t in fact a rock at all. It was a small box. “Javier, what is this?”
Javier was kneeling in front of you with his hand on Sofia’s back, “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
Now here you are almost 6 months later and you are waiting to walk down the aisle in front of all of your friends and family.
“Are you ready Mija?” Chucho grabbed your hand and placed it in the crook of his arm.
“More than ready.”
-
The whole day was a blur. It was full of tears and laughter and pure joy. Now as you sit with Javier on the porch swing gazing at the stars with your head in his lap as he runs his fingers down your back you feel completely at peace, at home.
“I know we said no gifts.” Javier paused his movements as you sat up.
“Javier, you promised.”
“I know but, I couldn’t help myself.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long slender, black velvet box. “Open it.”
“This is not fair. I don’t have anything for you!” You opened the lid and the tears were almost immediate. Javier may be the grumpiest man alive but he is also the sweetest. Javier bought you a beautiful silver necklace with three gemstones in a line. “Oh Javier, it's beautiful.”
“It's each of our birthstones. Mine, yours, and Sofia’s. I just, I don’t know, thought it would be nice. To have something of our family for you to wear”
“That's so sweet Javi.” You trace the stones with your fingertips, “It’s just that, uhm…”
“What? What’s wrong? Is it the setting? We can change it. We can return it if you don’t like it Hermosa. What is it?” Javier immediately went into fixer mode. He always took it upon himself to fix any problem you had, even the imaginary ones.
“NO. No. Javier, I love it! It’s just that, well, we are going to need to add a stone, that's all.” You looked up at Javier trying to hold back your smile and the tears. Jesus Christ, you didn’t know you had any more tears left.
Javier’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out just exactly what you said. He looked at the necklace then back at you and it dawned on him. “What? Wait. Are you serious?” He reached for your hands as a jubilant smile flickered across his face.
“Yes. I found out last month.” He couldn’t contain his excitement as dragged you into his arms and kissed your head, your cheek, your nose, your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“But…but you were drinking? You had champagne and…and cocktails at dinner.” Javier’s words were rushed. His hands were rubbing up and down your arms, it seemed to be soothing him more than it was you.
“Connie had the bartender make mocktails and give me sparkling cider.” You reached up and wiped the tears off of his cheek.
“We are having a baby?” Javier’s wide dark mahogany eyes pierced yours. The tears already threatening to overflow.
You wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you into his lap, “We are having a baby.”
-
Epilogue
Texas thunderstorms are a loud boisterous beast. The rumble of thunder shook the whole house and the cracks of lightning lit up the entire yard. The rain had been nonstop for the last couple of days. So much so that construction on yours Javier’s new home was put on hold until the weather subsided.
It was no worry though, Chucho loved having the house full of laughter and the thump of tiny little feet running around. Sofia definitely gives her Abuelo a run for his money, at just 4 and a half she is feisty as all hell and ALWAYS wants the last word. She has Chucho wrapped around her finger, and she knows it. Mateo is the opposite. He is the most soft-spoken and sensitive 2-year-old. Always trying to play peacemaker.
The rain drops beat against the kitchen window as you gather the marshmallows and steaming mugs of hot chocolate onto a tray. A new addition to the Peña family tradition of playing card games while it rains, hot cocoa, and playing out on the porch so you can sit and listen to the rain. Just like you did with your mom.
You balance the tray on your hip as you awkwardly try to open the screen door to the porch.
“Ay Mija, let me do that!” Chucho pulls Matteo off his lap and sets the book they were reading down. He grabs the tray from you and shoos you away. “Go on. Go, sit down.”
“Thank you, Chucho. I thought the third time would be easier but this one is doing jumping jacks on my kidneys I swear.” You lower yourself onto the porch swing, rubbing your belly absent-mindedly when you turn to Mateo and lift him onto your lap. “Are Papa and Sofia still yelling at each other?” You tickle his sides and his giggle erupts into the air. Mateo lays his head on your chest as you quietly hum and rub his back.
Javier and Sofia are competitive. She knows exactly how to rile him up. They have been playing go fish for an hour, and he has lost four times. You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous sight of your husband arguing with your toddler about counting cards as if she is a card shark in a casino.
“Here Mateo, pero ten cuidado. It's hot.” Chucho hands Matteo a small mug he got for his birthday. Steve and Connie got it for him, or “Unca Steve” and “Auntie Wonnie” as Mateo calls them. It had brightly colored jellyfish on it and it was from the Florida Aquarium. Steve took Matteo there when he was a baby and he was obsessed with the jellyfish and has been ever since. When we told Steve and Connie that I was pregnant with Mateo, Steve campaigned hard for Steve Jr. He about tackled Javier to the ground in the hospital room when we told him Mateo’s middle name was Esteban.
“Are you two done fighting over there? Your hot chocolate’s gonna get cold.” You took a marshmallow and pelted it at Javier’s head.
“Ay! Hermosa, quit it!” Javier gathered the cards and Sofia ran up to Chucho for her cup. You laughed to yourself as she convinced him to give her extra marshmallows on the side because “it's always good to have a snack with your drink.”
Javier plopped down beside you and Mateo on the swing chewing away on his Nicorette gum. He went cold turkey in preparation for Mateo and hasn’t had one since. He slid his arm around your shoulders rubbing the back of your neck and he playfully tries to steal marshmallows out of Mateo’s mug.
Sofia, after shoving all the marshmallows in her mouth at once, crawls up into Javier’s lap to sip on her drink. Chucho finished divvying out the rest of the mugs to you and Javier before sitting down himself. A silence fell over the Peña household as the pattering of the rain and the rumble of thunder in the distance created a beautiful song.
This blissful moment reminds you of a poem that your mother would read to you at night during loud crashing thunderstorms.
The clouds are shedding tears of joy,
They fall with rhythmic beat
Upon the earth, and soon destroy
Dust dunes and waves of heat.
Each falling drop enforcement bears
To river, lake and rill,
And sweet refreshment gladly shares
With wooded dell and hill.
Every flower, bud and leaf,
Each blossom, branch and tree
Distills the rain, 'tis my belief,
To feed the honey bee.
I pity every wretch I find
Who, frowning in disdain,
Is deaf and dumb and also blind
To beauty in the rain.
Rain causes destruction. Rain causes chaos. It is loud and booming. But rain also creates beauty. Rain creates stillness. It is also soft and peaceful. To find the beauty in the rain you have to look deeper beyond the noise and chaos. Only then will you discover the beauty in the rain.
You and Javier have been through so much together. Colombia was a difficult time and then everything that happened after. It nearly destroyed you both. You fought and yelled and screamed. You hurt each other. But you did not give up on each other. Together you tried to find the beauty beyond the chaos of your lives. You forgave each other. You worked together to create the beautiful life you now live. It is not always easy. But you both show up every day for each other.
The airy, fresh scent of petrichor filled your nose as the rain droplets thrummed away on the roof of the porch. Javier leaned over and kissed your head as his free hand fell to your protruding stomach. The scene around you was beautiful and a treasure hard-won. A teary smile spreads across your face as you bask in the outpour of love that fills the porch and this home. This moment, this life, this family, Chucho, your children, Javier. They are your beauty in the rain. They are what makes the chaos and strife worth it. They cleanse away the dust and hurt of the past to make life beautiful and vibrant and full of laughter, light, and love. You have spent your whole life searching and now find comfort in the fact you have finally found your very own beauty in the rain.
Masterlist
Spanish Translations:
Mijo - My son
Mija - My daughter
Te amo - I love you
Tienes todo mi corazón y siempre lo tendrás - You have all my heart and always will
Hermosa - Beautiful
Mi Amor - My love
¿Buscas estos? - Looking for these?
Las cosas salieronien ya veo? - Things went well I see?
Sí. Sí, lo hicieron - Uh, yes. Yes, they did.
Realmente bien. ¿Dónde está Sofía? - Really well. Where is Sofia?
Dormido. Ni siquiera llegó a comulgar antes de desmayarse - Asleep. She didn't even get to communion before she passed out
Recuerda usar protección esta vez. No tenemos lugar para más sorpresas - Remember to use protection this time. We have no room for more surprises
Llos amores de su vida. - The loves of his life
Vamos - C’mon
Pero ten Cuidado - but be careful
Please let me know if any of the Spanish translations or usage is incorrect!!
One more round of editing for the final touches and then I will send it off into the void. I am also tagging my tagslist so hopefully people will see this post.
Summer Rains Part 5:
Beauty in the Rain
Will be posted tomorrow 7/2 at 2pm EST.
Thank you all for your patience and kind messages.
I have two more scenes to write plus the epilogue and then the last chapter of Summer Rains will be complete. I'm gonna finish writing and editing tomorrow and then hopefully post it tomorrow night or Friday at the latest. I've been working some ten-hour days this week but I really want to finish this story.
Ahhhh you are so cute. Thank you so much my dear. You have been so supportive from the beginning and I cannot thank you enough for that. You make my heart so happy and I hope you know how much your comments and messages have meant to me. 💖💖
I have two more scenes to write plus the epilogue and then the last chapter of Summer Rains will be complete. I'm gonna finish writing and editing tomorrow and then hopefully post it tomorrow night or Friday at the latest. I've been working some ten-hour days this week but I really want to finish this story.
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