Dear you, I came to terms with the fact that we had an unhealthy relationship long ago. I felt as though if I waited long enough, you would change. Honestly, I was also afraid to leave. At first, I thanked God that it was over. My heart was so full of bitterness toward you for all the ways you had hurt me, that I felt no pain. All I felt was relief. As I came to the realization that my internal rage was seeping into other parts of my life, I stopped all of my emotions. Either I'm a good actress or people were kind enough (or perhaps apathetic enough) to ignore it. In public, I'm still a rock. No one can hurt me and I'm better than ever. Behind closed doors, I'm coming to a new conclusion. I'm not sad, so don't mistake that. I wouldn't relive that. I don't want it back. I guess the best word would be confused. I've gone over all of the questions I had for myself, but I can't come up with any good reason why I stayed. I'm left with so many questions for you. How could you cheat through our entire relationship? This whole thing began on lies, and although I'm glad that that foundation crumbled, I wish I'd never started building on it. Did you think I was stupid? I wholeheartedly believe that you did. You told me that you had an extremely manipulative personality but that you'd never manipulate me. That was manipulation itself. You had me fooled for over two years. How could you sleep at night? Knowing that I was working my ass off doing 16 hour shifts while you were unemployed, sleeping, and playing video games. I thought I was being so committed, but I didn't understand healthy commitment. How could you lie about love for that long? I don't know why I question that... You lied about everything else, but I don't exactly understand that either. Did you ever love me at all? Why didn't you fight when I told you I was calling off the wedding? All you did was change my name in your cell phone. Honestly, I wouldn't have taken you back, but you don't know what it felt like to be in my situation and have the other person simply accept it and walk away. I went through so much before I got to that point, but you just let it go. I just can't quite wrap my head around the fact that the last 2.5 years of my life have been a lie. I am hurting. I should be. I lost my grandmother, my dog of 13 years, and had to quit my job within the same month that we ended our relationship. I cry frequently. In all of the chaos of that month, you took away my time to grieve my losses. I'm still in that process. I cry when I am reminded of her. I cry at dog commercials on the Hallmark channel. I do not cry for you. I am hurting, but my self confidence and self worth have not fallen. I want to make that very clear. The whole reason I had the strength to walk away from you was because my family and friends had my back. You did nothing positive for my self image. You torn it down. You made me believe that I couldn't live without you. You took so much from me that I will never get back. That doesn't matter anymore. I don't need you. I don't need any man to validate me. I am complete. I don't not need an "other half," because I am whole. I thank God for my family and my close friends; they've proven that they're real. I am content with myself now and I am able to grieve what I have put off for so long so that I may continue forward. I have an excellent job, I'm making friends with my coworkers as well as new people outside of work, I'm going back to school, I have a dog that I love more than 98% of the people on earth, and I'm happy. I don't have to think about anyone else. I don't have to dance around your feelings. I can finally focus on my own needs, the ones that were overshadowed by your own. I'm taking care of myself and I'm embracing this chapter of my life. I don't wish ill on you or your family. I honestly hope that you can turn your life around and that you'll be able to treat a girl right one day, but until that day, I pray you won't hurt anyone else like you hurt me. Just learn to take care of yourself. I'm not paying your way through life anymore and one day your parents will have to stop too. Do well. Do good. Be happy. I'll be doing the same. No longer yours, Me
gracieabrams
titsay
origamiaround
pixelskylines
2087
blakekathryn
