Just Breathe, Interpreted
Nick x Male Reader
(Previous Chapter) - Part 3
Summary: A queer reinterpretation of 'Just Breathe' which focuses on the main characters trying to reconnect and over come their own personal struggles while shady characters lurk close by ready to cause destruction.
Overall C/W: Dead Dove: Don't Eat. Anger Management Issues. Angst. Eating Disorder Issues. Abuse/ Assault. Drugs.
Nick stared up at the sickly grey office block just off the town centre square. He sighed heavily before making his way to the entrance. On the third floor at the end of the beige corridor stood the frosted glass door with ‘State Parole Officer’ engraved on it. Peering through Nick can see a blurred figure moving within. This is the last place Nick wants to be right now and he can feel his stomach clench. Begrudgingly he pushes the door open, awaiting his fate.
Inside the office was a short, trim, well groomed man. It surprised Nick that he seemed only a few years older than himself. The man was passing behind his desk reading an open report folder, as Nick walked into the office he looked up and smiled friendly. ‘Afternoon. You must be Nick. I am Chester, your Parole Officer’. Nick shifted on the spot ‘..Hey’ he murmured, he felt put off by how chipper the parole officer was being. Chester motioned for Nick to take a seat, he watched Chester carefully as he sat down before Nick took his own seat. Leaning back in his chair, Nick's leg starts to uncontrollably bounce.
‘So look Nick.’ Chester says, opening Nick's folder flat on the desk. ‘Right now I'd say you are at a crossroads. Half the guys who walk in through my door with a similar record as yours end up back inside in under six months. I want you to be different.’ Chester pointed towards Nick's chest as he empatheised the ‘you’, like a school teacher attempting to stir up inspiration. Nick glares back motionlessly. Sensing Nick's hostility Chester tries a different approach. ‘Have you got a family Nick? Friends? People in your life you want to prove to you can make things right?’ Nick's thick brows sink further down into a scowl as his parole officer continues to pry. This guy had no right to know anything about him. About his father. About Y/N. Every fibre in Nick's body was fighting against the urge to grab the back of Chester's neck and smash his face into the wooden table. Teach him to stick his nose in what has nothing to do with him! But then Nick's mind thought of Y/N. He thought about how Y/N’s face looked earlier seeing him for the first time in over a year. Y/N had looked scared. Did he seriously think Nick would hurt him or something? Nick's silence was enough of an answer for Chester, who leaned back in his chair lifting up his hands playfully. ‘I won't push. I get it you've still got that closed book exterior around you’. Nick wondered if this was the universe's cruel way of torturing him by forcing him to engaged with the most aggravating dweeb he had ever met, and somehow this guy was in charge of Nick's future. ‘Fuck me’ Nick thought.
Bringing his hands to his weary eyes, Nicks rubs them hard and lets out a sigh, ‘Look. I don't need you to be my pal here okay. I … I just want to keep myself in the clear, you know. I've got my issues I know and ill deal with them’. Even in Nicks voice there was a tread of disbelief to his own claim, he had no idea where to start fixing the absolute fuck up he had become. ‘I just need a chance to build things up again’. Chester's thumbs rested under his chin and he silently nodded as he listened to Nick. ‘Here is what I am going to do’ Chester said after a pause, pulling open his desk drawer, he pulls out a card and begins to write something down. He slides it across to Nick. ‘This is the number for a guy who should have some work to give you. The hours will suck and the pays nothing to write home about but it's a start right’, slowly Nick picks up the card and looks it over. ‘Marshal’s Security Limited’. ‘Great. Since I am such a danger to everyone. I might as well get paid for it’. All pessimism aside, Nick agreed. A job would be a start. ‘Thank you. I appreciate it.’ Nick grumbled, putting the card in his pocket. ‘I'm here to help you Nick.’ Chester says kindly, ‘let go of whatever happened before. Start a new life. Start a fresh’. Nick solemnly nods his head. The path in front of him is dense with fog, he has no idea of when things will clear up. He has no idea if Y/N will even let him be a part of his life again. For now though, this felt like something to hold onto it.
‘Alright Nick. Before I let you go I just need to confirm some personal information.’ Chester begins to list off various details about Nick; name, date of birth, address. Nick informs him he is currently staying at his dads place. ‘I see under emergency contact you have Y/F/N Y/L/N. What is your relationship with them?’. This question caught Nick off guard and he stuttered. ‘Um .. hes .. was-’ Nicks grits his teeth, ‘Roommate … he was my roommate.’’ he said flatly. Seriously! The love of your life and the only person you ever felt truly saw the real you and you've rendered them down to just ‘roommate’? Nick hated himself most of all in that moment. ‘Ah yes. He filled out a statement with the police on the night of your arrest’ Chester said reading from Nick’s file. ‘Do you still want him as your emergency contact?’. ‘Of course!’ Nick said defensively, ‘Though … I don't have his new phone number or address’. God, I'm hopeless.
‘Oh wait, Y/F/N Y/L/N. Yes, I thought I knew the name. Funnily enough I am the PO for his brother’ Chester chuckled ‘They live down town together’. ‘Step-brother’ Nick corrected bluntly before taking a double take to what Chester had just said. ‘Wait what?’. Chester continued to sign off Nick’s paperwork as he spoke, ‘Y/N and his brother, sorry. Step-brother. Live downtown together. From what I gather things are going well’. As his parole officer carried on explaining when their next meeting would take place Nick sunk into a pit rage filled confusion. This can't be right. Of all the people in this town. Of all the people in this world. There is no way Y/N would have gone back to his fucking step-brother. It's impossible.
—-----
It was the middle of summer the first time Nick had met Y/N. The evening sun had a warm orange glow across the whole sky as Nick waited for Y/N. He had never been early for anything in this life until now. Online Y/N had been chatty and borderline cocky, taking jabs at Nick's 'cliche’ taste in films and playfully flirting. Through their messages Y/N had hinted he was gay when mentioning how he found the lead in a certain horror film attractive. Nick had jokingly replied back;
‘Lol. That's what I look like!’
Y/N had simply replied back;
‘Is that's so. ;)’
Y/N had also been funny, numerous times Nick had found himself laughing aloud while reading his phone screen messages. Nick had been the one to clock that they both lived in the same town when Y/N off handedly mentioned a local film rental shop. He had been the one to suggest they meet up in person and while Y/N had agreed through his responses Nick had picked up on a sense of nervousness from Y/N.
On the whole Y/N had looked how Nick had expected. Slightly younger and smaller build. Y/N wore baggy alternative clothes with fingerless gloves and his nails were painted black. Piercings were sprinkled across his face like stars at twilight. Yet there was something about Y/N’s face that Nick was not prepared for. It was gorgeous. Despite seeming happy to be meeting Nick, on their first encounter Y/N was both quiet and somewhat withdrawn. As they walked into the diner Nick remembered seeing Y/N looking behind his shoulder and out onto the street as if to check he wasn't being followed. Sitting on opposite sides of a diner booth, neither knew how to start the conversation. When the waitress came over Nick ordered a beer and some fries. Y/N said he didnt want anything. ‘Are you sure? I don' t mind getting you something,’ Nick offered, wondering if Y/N was short of cash. ‘No… really it's fine’ Y/N said smiling meekly at the waitress before looking back down at the table. Nick rubbed his hands up and down his jeans.
‘Sorry.’ Y/N eventually said across the booth as Nick’s food was brought over, ‘I can be a little bit of a disappointment in person, Im kinda awkward and quiet’. ‘Hey that's okay. I'm sure you're not. Don't worry about it.’ Nick insisted as he took a sip of his beer. Cars rushed past them outside and the neighbouring tables loud conversations surrounded, ‘I find being in crowded social places like this hard. All the noise’ Y/N said, twitching his head slightly as the table behind them uproared into a loud debate. ‘I know I was the one to suggest coming here’ Y/N continued to over explain as he started to fiddle with his gloves, ‘it's just the only other place I hang out is in the local library and I thought if i said to meet here you wouldn't think I was as much of a weirdo. Fuck’ Y/N chocked up a horse laugh ‘Not that im succeeding in that at all’. Nick got the sense that Y/N was panicking, he leaned in across the table to the smaller man. ‘Hey, your in the right kind of company. Im kinda a odd person myself’ Nick chuckles as he tries to lighten the mood. ‘When i was a kid actually I stopped talking. For like a whole week! My dad was freaked out, thought there was something wrong with me’. ‘What was wrong with you?’ Y/N asked quietly, focusing on Nick's story. Nick shrugged, ‘nothing really. My folks had just split up I guess I was actinging out. My dad realise there was nothing wrong with me after a week when he caught he singing along to one of my CDs in my room. He was so pissed’. Y/N laughed at Nicks story and Nick nearly spit up his own beer. The way Y/N laughed instantly became Nicks favorite sound, it was utterly unfiltered and endearing. ‘What song where you listening to?’ Y/N asked, shaking his head as he finished laughing. An idea popped into Nicks head and he began rummaging in his jean pocket. After a moment he pulled out his phone and coiled up ear phones. Handing one earhead to Y/N he searched for the song and pressed play, placing the other earhead in his own ear. ‘Oh yeah I know this!’ Y/N said as he smiled and bobbed his head, Nick couldn't help but grin. They continued to listen to the song and then the rest of the album. The music seemed to help Y/N separate from all the commotion around them and he grew calmer and more confident.
They continued to listen to music through Nicks earphones as they talked about anything and everything. Top most overrated films. How the harvest festival each year in the town was never as good as it was hyped up to be. Even their shared high school experience. ‘I think I must have been in my first or second year when you dropped out’ Y/N mused while taking a sip of a glass of ice water the waitress was finally able to get he to agree to order. ‘Jeez, thanks. That dosent make me feel old’ Nick jested and Y/N chuckled, his eyes softened as he heard the other man's laugh again, ‘Did you have any siblings in school as well?’. ‘Um. Yeah’ Y/N cleared his throat and put his glass down, ‘My step-brother. Jackson’. Nodding Nick thinks he remembers a kid a few years younger then him with that name. He remembered hearing some dodgy things about that kid as well. Y/N didn't seem to want to elaborate on the subject.
Gently throughout the evening both Nick and Y/N opened up more. Firstly with films and music and then onto their own stories. Y/N was a great listener and gave good insights, Nick found himself quickly telling Y/N things he had barely told anyone. There was a warm comforting feeling between them as their shared music played in their right ears. It started to feel like they had known each other for longer than they had. Nick was pleased to see he was able to bring Y/N out from within his shell, there was an adorable manic quality to Y/N when he got over excited while explaining something which Nick couldn't get enough of. They talked and joked until the diner closed for the night, as the doors closed behind them both men couldn't seem to stop smiling. ‘I'm glad we did this’ Y/N said ‘Thank you for helping me feel more comfortable when we started, it really helped’ bashfully Y/N pushed his hair behind his ear and smiled down at the sidewalk. ‘It was worth the wait’ Nick says kindly, apart from feeling slightly bad about having a beer and some fries while Y/N only had some tap water the whole time they were there, Nick felt like it had been a successful date. Was it a date? They had not clarified beforehand. His hand instinctively reaches out to touch Y/Ns arm but he halted at the last moment. ‘Fancy meeting up next week?’ Nick asked hopefully. Y/N grinned back and agreed.
Over the next two weeks Nick and Y/N met up twice more at the diner. Nick had never met someone he wanted to talk to more than Y/N, each little body movement Y/N had when they chatted made Nick want to be around him even more. He found it hard to conceal his own enthusiasm when in Y/N's company and as time went on, he didn't care. It was a strange feeling for Nick. He knew he saw Y/N as more than just a friend but trying to find a time to make the first move felt impossible. Nick wasn't even sure if their meeting ups were technically dates or not. The way his heart raced every time he saw Y/N walk down the street towards him sure made him feel like they were.
Other queries filled Nick's head as well. Similar to their first meeting Y/N wouldn't order any expect tap water, waving Nicks questionable response with saying he just wasn't that hungry or he ate before he came out. Additionally on their third ‘date’ when Y/N leaned across the table to try and grab Nicks earphones teasingly, Nick noticed when Y/N’s sleeve fell down there was a dark scattered line of bruises running from Y/Ns wrist up his forearm. He had wanted to say something but the moment past by too quickly.
For their fourth meeting, they had agreed to go and see a new horror film together, Nick was hoping that maybe in the darkness of the old cinema he would be able to build up the courage to hold Y/Ns hand and finally give Y/N a sign to his feelings for him. The timing for the start of the film rolled by. Y/N did not show up. Nick waited outside the cinema for over 50 minutes. There were no calls or messages from Y/N. Nick was concerned and confused. Surely he hadn't missed any warning signs. Y/N didn't seem like the kinda person to just ghost someone. Past the hour mark Nick gave up hope and started to walk back home. As he walked along the street the diner was on its metal door swung open and Nick was face to face with the guy he had been obsessively thinking about. Y/N!
‘Hey. Where were -’ Nick started to say but then took stock of Y/N appearance. He had been crying, his chest was raising and falling repeatedly as if he was about to start again any moment. Along the bottom of his left eye socket was a dark fresh crescent bruise. Nick took Y/N across to the park down the road and sitting on an empty bench Y/N explained everything to Nick.
Nicks memory of Y/N’s step brother had been correct. He had not been a nice kid. A shitty monster through high school from the sounds of it. Casting his mind back Nick remembered hearing rumours about one of boys on the football team being a bully at school to others and an even worse bully to his sibling at home. This though made Nicks skin prick all over. Y/N’s parents had adopted him when he was young and seemingly Jackson had never forgiven them. Alas, the worst part of the story came after Y/N turned seventeen. During a weekend away Y/N’s adoptive parents died in a fatal car crash. Being underaged Jackson, having just turned nineteen and prepping to go to college under a sports scholarship, had to become Y/N’s legal guardian. From the sounds of think Y/N’s step brother wouldn't have made it far in colleague but that didnt stop Jackson from solely blaming Y/N for the reason his life never panned out, and of course having nothing to do with the excessive drinking and drug taking which become a steady pattern in Jackson's adulthood.
Jackson had been beating on Y/N since he was thirteen, with gritted teeth on the park bench Y/N explained how embarrassed he felt being in his early twenties and still getting knocked around by his step brother. Jackson was obsessed with control and one of the few things he had left to control was Y/N. Y/N didnt have a phone, he had been talking to Nick on the forum via the library's public computer. Any money he made from working weekends at a local convenience store he had to give to his brother. The crux of it all was Jackson appeared to be the source Y/N’s eating patterns, or lack thereof. From when they were younger Jackson had always criticized Y/N weight, either saying he was not in shape enough or too weak. Y/N knew this was another layer of his step brother's abuse however having grown up with it for years these destructive mindsets had seeped into his own brain and controlled the way he saw food. After a long, tearful hour explaining all of his hidden life Y/n hung his head in shame. As he sniffed and whipped his nose he explained he had not told Nick any of them because he didn't want to scare Nick off or accidentally suck him into this chaotic pit which was his life. Y/N was expecting Nick to leave. To whip his hands clean of the whole situation and check out while he still could. Nick stayed right by Y/N on the park bench. Silently he took in every word. It was dark know and the street lamp above them shown down bright, casting shadows down the path.
Without warning Nick shot up to his feet, standing in front of Y/N he stretched out his hand, ‘Get up.’ he said. Y/N was dumbfounded for a moment then timidly took Nicks hand. Their palms rested against each other but the moment was less of the tender embrace Nick had originally hoped for. Currently Nicks blood was pumping and his mind was racing. Nick took Y/N to his car and upon getting inside he asked for Y/N to give him his address. As they drove down the road Y/N own breathing grew more tense. As they parked sharply outside Y/N’s place he turned to Nick desperately, ‘What are we doing here? Nick! You can't just go in there and come knocking down on jackson. Its not -’ Y/N’s word vomit was stalled when Nick placed a firm hand onto Y/N’s shoulder. Y/N could feel the weight from Nicks strong arm and he held his breath. Leaning in close Nick looked Y/N in the eyes and calmly said ‘We are going to go in there. Get your things. And you are going to stay with me’. It wasn't a threat or a demand yet Y/N could tell Nick was deathly serious. Y/N looked back and forth from the house to Nick several times before gulping down some air and whispering, ‘okay’.
Over the years Nick had tried his best to forget the state of that house. The thought of Y/N being stuck in that vile place was enough to send Nick spiraling. Beer cans and cigarettes littered the floor. Tares in the carpet and broken mirrors. A bleak wet smell was coming from the kitchen and as they passed by the doorway Nick recalls seeing padlocks of the fridge and cupboard doors. Sneaking passed the livingroom a football game blared and illuminated the walls, deep erratic snoring could be heard above it. Y/N room was small and bare, a few posters, some books and a rack of clothes. A small rucksack was packed and the two men were back insides Nicks car in under ten minutes. Y/N voice cracked as he laughed and stared at nick with wide disbelieving eyes. ‘ Is this what you expected us to be doing on our fourth date then?’, Nicks response was to weave his hand around to the back of Y/Ns neck and bring him lips crashing onto his.
—-------
The rest, to Nicks dismay, now was part of his history. For a week after rescuing Y/N, the two of them crashed in Nicks dads house without him knowing. With the amount of sneaking out and keeping his door firmly closed Nicks dad at one asked if Nick had ‘a secret girlfriend he was hiding from him’. Nick assured his dad this was not the case. By the end of the week Nick and Y/N had moved into their new flat. Now, two years later, Nick felt like the sky was crashing down on him relentlessly. None of this made any sense. How could Y/N possible go back to his abusive piece of shit step brother? After everything that had happened. None of this sat right with Nick. And he was damn certain he was going to get to the bottom of this.