Read the posts below.

[goddammitrussia]

Catfish vs. Catfish

[totallyworksforthesmithsonian]

ooc: Why do I not trust you?

No, you did not do EVERYTHING to clear this up. Does anyone really think I wanted to believe you were lying to me? Does anyone really think I wanted to believe you were the anon the other day? But when several things do not add up there is no other choice but to believe the truth has not been told. At the very least it became very clear I did not mean as much to you as you meant to mean. But I will outline what I found. What things you’ve done that made me suspicious. 

Now I want you and everyone to remember this is not a recent friendship. We did not start talking last week. You were the one who joked about marriage. You were the who came up with the idea for the supposed ooc wedding with me. We have been talking to each on Tumblr since Nov. 11.

1) My first real sticking point is the lack of ANY evidence of Jas or her death. Here is what was written about the death of Jas. Nowhere online is there anything about the death of a woman under 30 in the entire state of Ohio the day after Christmas from a car accident with a semi truck. NOTHING. I checked numerous sources. Four other people checked numerous places. NOTHING. That is why I asked for her full name finally on Friday night. When I was given that you said that you weren’t sure you spelled in correctly which seemed odd to me given what this woman meant to you. Doing a google search on her name gets ZERO results. And yes, again I had a couple other people search. They also got zero results. No matter what program they tried. I’m sorry given what I know about the news media today I can not believe that a sad tragic story like the one you wrote about for her was never covered by any newspaper or that an online obituary does not exist.

2.) After I got a message from your mother on April 6 saying you were likely dying that you wouldn’t make it out of the hospital alive I lost it. I sobbed for hours. I didn’t want this to be happening. But I sent a message back saying please no matter what is going on in my own life tell him to call. Because at that time I was told your vision was so poor you couldn’t see to communicate online. Again. I sent several message during that week. I did not hear anything until almost a week later. I was convinced by that point the next message I got from you would say that you had died. Instead what did I get? 

((I am home now. I tried texting you while I was in the hospital but between the meds and my phone dying completely they must have not sent cause I never got a response. Once I get my new phone next week I will call you cause I am really weak and staying focused on here is hard. I can barely salk anymore and am on bed rest unless I am going to treatment. The good news is I am at the top part of the waiting list for my kidney.))

So your eye sight was bad enough that I got no support through my own surgery? But now you can message and send text easy enough? And you said you would call. You did not at least for the next week. You would text but not call. You had my phone number since Dec. 2011 and you never called UNTIL after I posted something about being a liar. And then it was from your mother’s phone? And you only tried once and only left a five second voice mail.

3) I tried googling your name. Nothing. I tried people search engines. Still nothing. My father, the retired cop who was tired of seeing me cry over you, found nothing. What we did find makes no sense. The phone number you finally gave me comes back to belonging to a woman. And the one you FINALLY called me from, the one that was your mother’s phone? That belongs to a man.

4) You say you did everything I asked to prove who you are? Wrong. This message was exchanged on Friday night, April 19th.

You did not post said picture. Or send it to me. You did not call until after you made a post about likely quitting RP. A post you told me nothing about. So many times before you said you’d trying calling later in the week or later in the day. You NEVER called. Or you would use the excuse that you didn’t want to call because you stuttered. Or that you didn’t like talking on the phone. It never had to be a long call. But I wanted to connect with you. And I thought you wanted the same.

You hinted when I started asking more questions that you would leave Tumblr to protect me and my trust issues. I can’t imagine how I might have a few questions give what I know. Given what happened in the Maria/Leah/Elle situation. After I posted that I was leaving Annie because I’d felt lied too. After I spent a good hour crying already. THEN you tried calling. From a different number. And you left a five second voice mail. 

I feel used. I feel betrayed. I did not want to blast this all publicly. But I will. I would loved to proven wrong. But no, your word isn’t good enough of anymore. This all could have been cleared up with a phone call the second you knew I had questions. Or a video skype. And maybe I am crazy. But I feel I have a solid case to question your ability to tell the truth. There are also a thousand little things.

Like that when I told you I was going to be in LA Feb. ‘12 you informed me that meeting up was going to be impossible since that was the week your eye surgery on the Wed before I arrived. 

But at this point I’m so hurt by so many past behaviors that this friendship/relationship should have ended long ago. Like back in February where you punished me for doing a role play of Annie/Coulson, you got jealous because of the mock sex on a mission? You wouldn’t talk to me for several days. I cried over that too.

Or when our characters first started dating because your partner deleted yet again without warning. You told me you were done with her. Even if she came back. I go to my convention in LA. I get to the hotel room and what do I see on my dash? You and her rping. So many times you said you wouldn’t do something and did it anyway. 

I wanted to try to remember the good times. Now all I see are the bad. Especially given the fact that anon I got Saturday night, the one that said “Get over it.” appears to have come from your IP address.

[goddammitrussia]

The post she linked to:

((This can’t be happening,…..))

As some of you know. I posted earlier saying I was flying home. That changed on my layover waiting for my connecting flight. I got a call from my mother, hysterical, telling me that there had been an accident. I had turned my cell off when I got on the plane so she couldn’t get through till then. She told me Jas had been sitting at a stop light when a semi lost control and hit her SUV. Jas had dropped me off at the airport. I kept pleading with my mother asking if she was ok. She said no. That if I could come back to do it as soon as possible. I ran and got the next flight out. The whole flight was a blur. When I made it back my mother was waiting in the pick up area for me. I got in she dropped it on me.

Jas had died on the way to the hospital.

One of my best friends is dead.

She is gone…

FUCK! It took me literally 10 minutes to type that out. One fucking sentence!!

The girl that I saw as a sister is gone. All because she drove me to the airport when she could have been sitting at home recovering from Christmas. That makes it worse, to know that we had just celebrated Christmas yesterday. I am wearing the hoodie she got me this very second.

The last thing she said to me after asking if there was no way she could talk me into stay another week was, “You know I love you, right?” After I said yes, she kissed the corner of my mouth, gave m a teary eyed goodbye and told me to take care and be safe. I should have listened. I should have stayed. Maybe then she would not have been alone or we both could have been sitting around at her house bantering.

From what my mother told me was that Jas was sitting at a stop light, a semi lost control and hit her driver’s side and the semi had some speed behind it. The firefighters had to literally cut the door from away from her. This took about an hour. The whole time she was in and out of consciousness and SUFFERING. Yeah, no nice little boom she was hit and gone. She sat in her SUV and bled out while they had to pull the metal from her. They got her out and in the ambulance and her heart stopped in route to the hospital. They were unable to revive her.

After I got in my mother’s rental, the first place I had her take me was Jas’s parent’s house. I get along well with her stepfather and wanted to see if I could do anything since guilt is eating me. I get there and a few family members were there. I talk to her stepfather and ask if he needed anything and he asked me to talk to Jas’s mother. I went into the other room and her mother is discussing arrangements. Before I say anything else I will say that Jas and her mother did not have the best of relationships. No matter what Jas did it was not enough for her mother. The girl had two college degrees and was a semester away from completing two more and her mother only bitch that she should have went to medical school instead. The first thing I hear when walking into the room is her mother asking who would be available in the next few days to get the stuff out of Jas’s apartment and how she had to get to the bank tomorrow to make sure Jas’s accounts were switched over to her name. She knows that Jas’s has a savings account with no more than $25k in it but no less than $10k and she wants to make sure she has access to it. This is not this woman’s way of grieving, this is her being herself, a true bitch. I bit down my anger and asked her if there was anything I could do for her and she asked me to take Gambit, Jas’s dog to the humane society because there was no way she was taking care of “that mutt.” Gambit is one of the greatest dogs, other than my own that I have meet. He is sweet and very calm. This was her daughter’s child and she just wanted to toss it to the side. By that point I just nodded and told her if she needed anything else to call my cell and to let me know about the arrangements.

On the way back to my aunt’s house my mother stopped and Jas’s roommate let me have Gambit. There is no fucking way that dog is being pounded. He will go home with me so now I have a 3 year old Australasian Sheppard mix as an adopted child also that will be making the trip back to California with me. I am not letting the one thing she cared about go. Right now he is lying on the couch sleeping. I think he knows what is going on because the whole ride here he just lay in the seat instead of looking out the window as he usually does.

Right now I am just……fucking crushed. I loved the girl in a purely platonic way. She was wonderful and sweet. I have known her personally for years. Hell, when I was going to college with her there were nights I was so black out drunk that she drug my ass home and stayed up all night making sure I did not choke to death in my sleep.  This girl worked for everything she had and was humble as fuck about it. Her parents own their own company but instead of them paying for her college or anything, she did. Her mother refused to give her anything because Jas lived her life the way she wanted, which in her mothers eyes it would have been better for her to get married than to go to college and work.

I will fucking admit that I have sat here for the past hour and bawled my eyes out. I am a 25 year old man and I have sat here and wept like a baby. I am on the verge of a panic attack and I really could not give a damn. I have gone through every emotion you can think of in these past few hours. I have thrown up because my body is on the verge of shutting itself down.

My first reaction to the news was that they had to be joking since she kept asking if I could stay in for New Years. Then once I got to my aunt’s I lost it and anger took over.  When that happened I ended up punching the garage wall. I didn’t cause any damage to it but atleast with the pain I felt like I had some what punished myself for being one of the causes of her death. I don’t have an anger problem, I rarely get mad. When I lost my brother back in 2008 I went through a phase where I was completely mad at the world. I have to try everything I can so that I am not like that again. I hated myself and who I was and refuse to let years of progress go down the drain.

Jas’s roommate also gave me her laptop and camera saying that she felt it would be better for Jas if her mother was not going through her personal files. I started it up and I am able to log into her accounts so I am thinking after I type this, of posting something on her Tumblr accounts. I just cant figure out if I should post and leave them up for a few days then disable the accounts or just leave them alone after I post. I know she had some friends on there that I am sure she would want to know. I just don’t know what to do. Her camera was one of the things she loved because she loved photography. I looked through the card she has in it and there are tons of Christmas photos of her smiling and happy that are killing me. I had to stop once it got to the ones of us together…….

I don’t even know how I am going to get through these next few days. How the hell am I going to be able to go to her viewing and see her laying there? I didn’t even have to deal with that at my brother’s because it was a closed casket. Then the funeral……

Just someone please tell me this is a dream. No, more like a nightmare. Just let me wake up and be back on the plane going home. I will gladly give up anything in my ability to have her back because……

I just can’t do this without her and I feel completely alone and hollow.

This just can’t be happening.

She can’t be gone……..

[daenerystargary3n]

To Ellie and all those related;

Posting this on a side blog so my followers are not affected and that they will not see this.

This story is between those who are relevant and no one else.

It’s strange how gut feelings finally work out in the end.

I basically accidentally called you out as an RP right from the start.

And another instance of how you’d basically told me the truth in a way I never imagined.

———-[BEGIN CHAT LOG]——————-

[31/12/2012 0:15:49] Mark: But I swear, this is going to be so annoying. It’s like another RP blog of yours.

[31/12/2012 0:16:01] Ellie Lou: [pat pat pat]

[31/12/2012 0:16:13] Ellie Lou: It is, in fact, another RP blog, but you don’t have to follow.

[31/12/2012 0:16:19] Ellie Lou: Just telling you where to find me when I disappear.

[31/12/2012 0:18:54] Mark: Oh yeah, I missed that line.

[31/12/2012 0:19:22] Ellie Lou: NO, I LIKED THE PART WHERE YOU CALLED ME ANNOYING DO IT AGAIN.

[31/12/2012 0:19:25] Ellie Lou: XD

[31/12/2012 0:22:04] Mark: I never understand OC RP blogs, tbh.

Unless you’re writing something.

[31/12/2012 0:22:42] Ellie Lou: DON’T YOU HAVE RP BLOGS?

[31/12/2012 0:22:53] Mark: None.

[31/12/2012 0:23:03] Mark: OH WAIT

[31/12/2012 0:23:15] Mark: YES, BUT I RP AS MYSELF

[31/12/2012 0:23:22] Mark: IN A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE

[31/12/2012 0:23:50] Mark: And I gave it up.

[31/12/2012 0:25:26] Ellie Lou: RP allows writers who might not be the strongest to develop their writing skills without having to worry about character development.

[31/12/2012 0:25:40] Ellie Lou: They eventually move onto OCs which is what I do now primarily.

[31/12/2012 0:25:47] Ellie Lou: In fact, all but one of mine are OCs.

[31/12/2012 0:27:29] Mark: Hmm, good point.

[31/12/2012 0:28:24] Ellie Lou: You will never hear me crack on RP blogs because it takes a lot of courage to interact with people.

[31/12/2012 0:28:38] Mark: Crack?

[31/12/2012 0:28:46] Ellie Lou: Make fun of.

[31/12/2012 0:29:36] Mark: Oh, meaning people using OCs and characters to prevent them from revealing themselves?

[31/12/2012 0:29:59] Ellie Lou: No?

[31/12/2012 0:30:17] Ellie Lou: I mean that it takes a lot of gall to put you and your writing talents out there for the world to see.

[31/12/2012 0:30:39] Ellie Lou: And I’m not using and OC or a character to prevent revealing myself, I was giving you an anchor blog to find me in case I disappear.

[31/12/2012 0:31:27] Mark: Oh no, I wasn’t referring to you. I was just trying to make sense of them others, tbh.

[31/12/2012 0:31:49] Ellie Lou: People like making OCs because they don’t have to stick to a preset characterization.

[31/12/2012 0:31:52] Mark: You’re like the only one I know who does this.

[31/12/2012 0:32:25] Mark: AH, INSTEAD OF FOLLOWING CANON CHARACTERS!

[31/12/2012 0:32:34] Ellie Lou: Exactly.

[31/12/2012 0:32:41] Mark: And it allows growth and exploration.

[31/12/2012 0:33:17] Mark: A blog, wriiten in the OC’s mindset, could really reveal certain things.

[31/12/2012 0:33:33] Ellie Lou: Yes, and that’s actually a really big problem with OCs.

[31/12/2012 0:33:46] Ellie Lou: Their muns, the writer, often puts too much personal detail into their story.

[31/12/2012 0:34:34] Mark: Wouldn’t it be tough to maintain an OC and not let one’s own personality shine through too?

[31/12/2012 0:34:52] Ellie Lou: It depends on how well developed the OC is.

[31/12/2012 0:35:03] Ellie Lou: I’m NOTHING like Camille or Georgiy but Harley is all me.

[31/12/2012 0:35:09] Ellie Lou: Which is why I don’t play him much.

[31/12/2012 0:38:10] Mark: I’ve never really seen your other blogs, never fancied it.

[31/12/2012 0:38:24] Mark: But now, I’m tempted to write up an OC.

[31/12/2012 0:38:41] Ellie Lou: It’s fun to watch them sprawl.

—————-[END CHAT LOG]————————

Well, I’m seriously glad that I stayed wary of you.

That I responded minimally to you in relation to what the others went through.

I just feel really disturbed right now and very violated, I considered you a friend and to hear all this, I cannot.

But like I said in the chat log, there is absolutely no way that some parts of your personality didn’t shine through our chats.

You were a friend, and I really hope you get the help you desperately need.

[clintakahawkeye]

((I hate liars.))

[goddammitrussia]

clintakahawkeye:

I am not sure if this will make sense to anyone. I just want to give my side of the story and warn others. Be careful who you trust and if your gut is telling you something then go with it, it is usually correct. This post may have typos so sorry ahead of time, I am still visually impaired and my tablet auto corrects and sometimes I do not catch it.

Some of my older followers may remember that Clint was married to a Maria Hill a long while back ago. After several attempts and deleted accounts, they ended.  I still talked to the player who told me is when I started seeing the true Leaer name was Leah, this all happened Feburary of 2012. Clint moved on and started dating Annie. Leah kept saying she was bringing Maeia back, wguch she did on several occasions to only delete her days later claiming her haters were harassing her or kept reporting her. I got tired of the run around so I let Annie and Clint get serious as a couple. This Is when i started to see the true Leah.

As I said, through all of this I still continued to talk to Leah. After months of sharing information and stories of our lives, I started to get emotionally attached to her. Yes, I had fallen for her. This caused me to basically be blind to her lies and catching them even though my now partner caught her lying about her health issues and surgeries.

Over time Leah started to act out of character. Thiis when she changed one of her role play pages to a personal and started going by Elle. I ignored this but now was cautious.

A few days ago, all her pages were deleted. I thought nothing of this since she always does this. I then got an anon telling me to check her tag, I was blown away with everything people had posted about her.

She lied about who she was includin also wanna add, I am the last person you need to lie to. I am very understanding and do not judge.g stealing pictures online and claiming they were her. She lied about working at Disney. She lied about her education. She lied about a sister dying on the same day my best fruend died. That hurts deeply. She even went as low as to lie about dying from a Iillness. I was not the only one she claimed to want a relationship with, she had girlfriends. SHE LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I weote this to warn others. Not only about her , since she still role plays, but also to warn you whenit comes to trusting people and your gut instinct. If anyone has question then please message me or leave a comment. I

[quietandsweet]

Ooc;

There has been some stuff going down lately in life that needs to be explained, I think. But it may be a long post. So bear with me while I used this to collect my thoughts about some things that happened with this character back before she was just Blanche. Blanche came to my mind after another RPer had the thought for a character that had multiple personalities. However, instead of just having these multiple personalities running amok in that character’s head, they each had their own face. The person could shift into a different person with each personality. After interacting with this character on several different instances, I asked the RPer (We’ll call them Shae) if they felt comfortable with me spinning the idea into my own. (We are, in my opinion, very close friends and I feel comfortable telling them almost anything) After getting permission from them, and really it was a very enthusiastic yes, I began to formulate a character. Thus Layla, Blanche 1.0, Pippa and Helena was created. Each character had a distinctive personality. Layla was a very fashionable, promiscuous 23 year old (she may have been older) who was tall and blonde and very smart in her own way. Pippa was a loud bitchy girl who loved to get into fights, verbal or physical, who stood up for her “sisters” and wouldn’t let anyone talk ill of them. Helena was the smartest one out of them all. She read, wrote and spoke many different languages,  and was always on a quest for knowledge. She was part of the reason they were placed in New York, she wanted to visit the New York Public Library and learn as much as she could from the material there and in other libraries at schools around the city. Blanche was a quiet, meek girl who was about 18 or 19 in maturity, but 22 in age. (I distinctly remember this because it came up in a thread) She was smart, loved to be alone in a quiet corner and had a dog named Thor who was a Great Pyrenees. She fell into acquaintance with a person named Gray. Gray owned a coffee shop and was married to Brick. Blanche got along with both characters swimmingly. They were the ones who helped her pick out her dog, they helped her through a breakup (she was in a relationship with another character shortly after I began to play her) in which she felt awful. During this time, there were several instances that happened. Shae got a very strange anon that said something about how her schizophrenic character had no business being in love with someone because it wouldn’t be possible for him. This couple had been around for a time by now (several months if I remember correctly, perhaps almost half a year or more.) and the people who talked to either party (either the characters or the RPers separately or together; we’ll call the second one Allie) knew that the characters were extremely happy and both Shae and Allie liked the pair together. This caused Shae to delete the character because of doubt and from being upset from this anon. We thought that it was over. Later, Blanche started a relationship with a character from the same verse as Gray and Brick. Jax and Blanche were adorable, the RPer (We’ll call them Bee) behind him and I talked a lot and in great length about how we really thought they meshed well together, how they were a very cute couple and things like that. Bee told me that a friend (Ellie), whom I had roleplayed with several times, was very ill and in the hospital and very likely to die, so my threads may go untouched for days on end because all Bee wanted to do was ease Ellie’s pain and if talking to her and roleplaying with her made it better, then that was what Bee was going to do. I was fine with this, at first. I understood what Bee was doing, thought was extremely sweet of them. Until Alex popped up on the scene. Alex was Jax’s oldest friend, and had a very large crush on him (bordering and even dipping into loving him). While I knew that Ellie was behind the character, it hurt that I was stuck in limbo with my character because there were major things that needed to be tied up. Blanche was stuck and I had no idea where to take her. I then started to get anonymous messages about how Jax and Blanche shouldn’t be together. How she was too old for him and that the two were an awful couple. I was shocked and very hurt. They told me that Jax should be with Alex. I honestly did not know what to say. There was an unread thread that Jax’s RPer and I had going in Google documents that still hasn’t seen the light of day. The writing style was similar to the one my friend had gotten about her character about a month before. I finally had gotten to the point where I was too frustrated to do anything with Blanche, I couldn’t think of how to pull her out of this verse enough to roleplay with other people, to even figure out a way was difficult. The only people she really talked to were people from that verse. I finally made the decision to delete her. I queued a post with other characters that I had running at the time, and encouraged the people who said that they enjoyed my writing and enjoyed roleplaying with me to follow one of those characters and I would roleplay with them there. Because I knew that several people wouldn’t see it if I only posted it once, I had it run four times at random intervals so that people would see it. That was when I received my last anonymous message. The person had used anon to hide themselves so that they could call me an attention monger and they told me to just delete already. It hurt. I had taken the time to try to keep ties with people that I enjoyed talking to and things like that, and for my efforts was called an attention whore. That I was just doing this so people would pity me and talk to me. That was not the point. At all. I finally just deleted the blog, not posting that anon. You would think it would stop there. But it doesn’t. Unfortunately. The verse disappeared for a while, but Allie stayed in contact with Bee and Ellie. She would tell us odd things from the two every once in a while. She told us about how she had been harassed for not pushing the very same character (we will call her T) that was from the aforementioned couple with one of Ellie’s characters, but harassed because T went to a character that she already had a long standing friendship with after something upset her and finally entering into a relationship with that character after several threads. T is very friendly, and some of her actions can come of as a little flirtatious. HOWEVER, Allie said she would let them see if a relationship could happen before the character entered the other relationship. It was uncomfortable to read, and Allie said it felt uncomfortable to write. And thus that relationship did not come to fruition. It doesn’t even stop there. A couple of days ago, other things came to light. It came up to the surface that Ellie was lying. Lying about things that no one should lie about. They had lied about being in the hospital and on the verge of dying. They had lied about other things as well. They displayed and are displaying a case ofMunchausen by Internet which is a serious disease. Ellie has pretended to be many different people, including about 3 that I have interacted with (possibly more) without me knowing of it. They bragged about sending the anons to me and Shae. Which hurt deeply. Because I thought this person had toyed with my emotions and several friends’ emotions with no remorse whatsoever. They ragged on another friend’s writing style, tearing them down and almost bringing them to tears.  The point of roleplaying is to accept people. To accept them as they are, faults and all. We’re supposed to help each other grow as writers, grow as people. They have done none of this. They pretended to, the face they put on was very convincing. They pretended to be supportive, while then using something that is a tool for fun, to help a writer see what would happen if their character was a cat, as a tool for destruction.  I’m not saying that I think I could forgive this person, the hurt goes too deep for me. They pretended to have a disease that affects not only my mother, but my uncle and a friend of mine. I may more than likely develop this condition myself in a couple years or so, given my family history. To pretend that one is dying, to use it  as a tool to practically horde someone is not in any means alright. Their actions may be excusable in some minds because of their illness, it does not mean they had a right to try and tear my friends apart.  I figured I would share my side of the very deep rabbit hole that happened, and bring to light a couple of things that haven’t been brought up yet.

[shhhenanigans]

A story of [well meaning?] deceit.

This is not to tell anyone that they should not speak, it is only to show the depth of the lie I was put through and the extensive lengths taken to cover it up. There were so many points where the truth could have been told, but the depth of the mental illness I was dealing with were greater than I think anyone is really recognizing. 

All I want is for her to get help, however, without solid proof of her actually getting help I will not contact in any way. I wish her the best and despite being terribly hurt, can only hope that she will get better someday.

I’m putting the entirety behind a cut as it is long and graphic intensive. I should also put trigger warnings for miscarriage, suicide, family death, surgery, physical abuse, mental abuse, and strong language.

Thank you for your time.

Read More

[goddammitrussia]

sporkyforky:

A response to this post:

I am bitter. I am angry. I do not have the capacity to forgive as quickly as Meagn. 

I made the post to so that people who Leah/Ellie turned against Meagn before all this happened and those who didn't believe Meagn would have a second account, and I have done so. I did not make the post with the intent to shame Leah/Ellie. I was angry when I wrote that post, and certainly not in the mood for any forgiveness. 

I don't believe that Ellie/Leah is showing remorse with what I've seen, and she only came completely clean after Meagn caught her in the act. If she has, I have seen no proof of this remorse. She makes the post giving only her personal information, with no admission of guilt for what she did. Then she deletes all of her blogs. The link to her facebook doesn't work. She is virtually uncontactable. In addition, she makes a new blog and continues the charade about being Ellie? This isn't coming clean, this is hiding.

I saw no apologies to the people she had consistently lied to, and I am finding people who Ellie/Leah interacted with who have no idea what happened. I have not spoken to her, and I need time before I will.

I saw the last exchange between Meagn and Ellie/Leah, and I see nothing but selfishness in it.

It was selfish, Leah, and you say you're going to get help. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But we'll see, won't we? It depends on you.

I want you to see the consequences of your actions, and these are it. I want you to see all of the people who you've hurt by your lies. Do I have an ulterior motive? I certainly do. I want you to hurt. And I want you to know that the only way this will stop is if you get help.

I was friends with you, Leah, because I loved your personality, your talent in writing, and our time online together, not because you went through a lot of harsh things. I didn't care that you graduated from Princeton and could play piano and could sing really well, because in the end things like that don't mean jack shit if you don't like a person at their very core. And maybe you really are the Leah I knew deep down. Didn't you realize that after you broke things off with "Ellie" that all of my conversations with her were about you? Even when you pretended to be Ellie and was "nicer and softer around the edges," (your words, not mine) I only talked to Leah? I didn't care about Ellie, Leah, I cared about you. Even when you, as Leah, were accusing me of talking bad about you with Ellie I refused because. I. Didn't. Those months I spent rping and talking with you were some of the best, and seeing the truth just shattered it into little pieces. Maybe you weren't the real you with your real personality (not experiences) as the Leah I knew, but if you were, well, I just told you.

Right now, I don't think you cared about me or any of the people you hurt. And you hurt a lot of people. 

So get help.

Thanks for being with her, Kaii. I can't completely agree with you, but I do understand at least a little bit of where you're coming from. 

[xkailajayx-deactivated20200212]

Pathological lying is considered a mental illness.

So, by writing these posts and ‘sharing your experiences’, you’re shaming someone for being unwell. You wouldn’t shame someone for being depressed, would you?

Yes, she lied to me too- her girlfriend- and about me to others? But she came clean. She is trying to make things right, any you are potentially making her mental state considerably worse by flinging your posts around.

I believe Meagn. I’m also going to be there for Leah while she tries to deal with her issues.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

Meagn’s post was important. It showed the extent of the lies someone can tell when they have a mental illness that is complex, and cannot be treated easily. 

That doesn’t mean that jumping on the bandwagon and making posts about how she wish you were who she said she was, that she was dying and alone. That is an horrific thing to say to someone who honestly is trying to come clean about who she is.

She lied. About a hell of a lot of stuff. Because things got out of hand and she couldn’t just take the first, little lies back.

I do believe Meagn. I’ve talked to Leah long and hard and I believe what she’s told me now to be true. So even if you have no intentions of helping her through this- can you stop making posts about oh my god SHE LIED TO ME TO I HATE HER. That’s not helping anyone.

If she lied to you- talk to Meagn. Talk to me, even, I’m willing to talk to anyone about this. Just on a private, personal level, that isn’t going to drive the mentally ill girl I still love to get sicker.

[samivatman-deactivated20170707]

I have a lot I could say about Ellie, but it all boils down to: 

Read More

[harveyspockter-deactivated20200]

re: Ellie.

Read More

[phosphyrean]

About Ellie/Leah

No doubt you guys have seen the post on goddammitrussia, Ellie/Leah/Elle’s former blog, to which I now hold the name to. I will be reblogging this post to that blog also.

Everyone who has come into contact with Ellie/Leah has had different stories told to them about Ellie/Leah, so I’ll tell you mine.

We were all lied to.

To start: Leah/Ellie posed mainly as two different people, Leah and Ellie, when she was rping with me. I will refer to Leah as Leah and Ellie as Ellie, as they were two different people to me. She later posed as a man named Adam, Ellie’s husband.

Read More

[goddammitrussia-deactivated2013]

On Coming Clean [more information]

This was going to be a long ass essay but I decided that brief was best.

This is me. Any other pictures I’ve used, including all pictures of myself, siblings, or children are not me and have been pulled from outside sources.

This is Owen, my youngest son. He was born on June 25th, 2011.

This is Owen and Carter together. Carter is my oldest and he was born on October 29th, 2008. He doesn’t really like having his picture taken.

I live in Orlando, Florida and have lived here my entire life. I was born here. My parents divorced when I was in second grade and are both still living.

This is my brother Eli and some random girl. All of his pictures have girls in them. He’s 21.

I dropped out of college when I got pregnant with Carter and haven’t been back. I have no degrees, let alone one in linguistics.

I have one cat, a Russian Blue named Noah.

There’s a lot more but I wanted to get this out there because I told someone I would. I can be reached at mariahillofshield on Skype or through my Facebook.

Thank you to everyone that has been kind to me. I hope that we can work through this, but if we can’t, I understand.

-Leah

[shhhenanigans]

For further explanation on why this was posted.

I joined an Avengers RP sometime last year and made a friend in a girl named Leah. She played Maria Hill and we had an excellent time. Due to some writing changes, I started writing with a second girl named Ellie Chzwalicz.

About a month into writing, Leah’s little sister choked on a gummi bear and died. I panicked. I called everyone I knew in the RP and tried to garner support for her in the dark times. I called her at her house and spoke to a sobbing Leah who thanked me and hung up.

I never heard from Leah again.

Just after January, I started writing a complex story with the previously mentioned Ellie. It was fantastic and I enjoyed writing. However, some of her phrasing struck me as odd because I’d only ever seen it before in one other person: Leah. 

I asked Ellie if she was Leah and she denied it.

Ellie and I became close. I worked with her through a severe depression and suicidal thoughts. I learned of her Crohn’s disease and that she had a chronic terminal illness. I was stunned, but she had a husband and was pregnant with twins. I did what I could to keep her distracted and motivated through a dark time in her life. She lost one twin, then another to stillbirth. I was heartbroken for her. About this time her husband left her. He was violent and incredibly selfish. I had spoken to him several times before this point in their relationship and he’d actually been introduced as a character in the same Avengers RP: Charles Hannigan. Meanwhile, Ellie’s condition worsened. I spoke via email with her doctors. Chatted with some of her colleagues on Skype and had a memorable phone call with her sister Odina “Odi” when Ellie’s BP tanked and she had to be rushed into surgery. She made a recovery and continued to hold steady. She’s been in hospitals in Providence RI, Maryland [Johns Hopkins], NYC [Mt Sinai], Portland, and finally St. Louis.

Finally, around Christmas we got the news that she’d gone septic and had days to live. Tearful goodbyes all around. 

Except she didn’t die in the normal time frame of someone who’s gone septic. After doing more research after the fact, the hospitals usually medically induce comas for septic patients to keep them from screaming themselves to death due to pain. During all of this Ellie was perfectly able to type and converse easily.

I started wondering what was going on and questioning the validity of facts.

Here’s what I came up with through the course of the Ellie/Leah rabbit hole.

This? This is Leah as she was presented to me and our RP group.

She was a sweet girl who worked at Disney and had two boys and an abusive husband. She’s the one who’s little sister died and mother disowned her. 

Except, this girl is not Leah. I found her instagram:

The little girl in the bottom right is the sister who died. I was both relieved to know it wasn’t true and appalled that someone would lie about a death that way.

Now, to further explain, Ellie and I had planned to move to Portland Oregon together and room up. I trusted her.

This is Ellie as she showed herself to me:

This is her husband:

The tall one on the right in green is Adam Gubnitskaia. He’s a marine. He and Ellie had been trying to have children. She had miscarried several times. He had horrible PTSD and left her for another man.

This is a picture he sent me of their backyard one snowy day:

This is the actual post with said picture:

  Notice the picture on the right. Same picture.

This is his daughter who his ex had moved to Montana, Kelsey:

This is the same picture as a listing for birracial children:

Ellie had a respite in her illness and moved to portland. She had two friends there, Sam and Micah who she worked with at Lockheed Martin. Sam’s mother made a quilt for the house.

me: I’m probably getting some quilts again

  I love quilts and all the colors

 Ellie: Sam’s mom made us a quilt for the couch.

2:58 PM me: I swear to god everyone is perfect

This is the picture Ellie sent me:

This is that same quilt:

She had a piano room because she owned a piano. This is the picture she sent me:

This is the piano room:

She posted a picture of her desk at Lockheed to Tumblr:

So, apparently…

she’s don smith.

This is her post as she left the hospital for the first time in portland to go home. It has nine pictures total:

upper left is her backyard, top middle is her getting starbucks on the way home, top right is her newly stocked fridge, middle left is Sam Correge’s brother picking her up, middle is a view on her drive of portland, middle right is a picture of the road while driving to the house, a picture passing the college campus, the sunrise as she left the hospital and finally her feet standing on her own yard for the first time.

[10/13/2012 8:33:48 AM] Ellie Lou: I’m home!!!!

[10/13/2012 8:34:43 AM] Ellie Lou: I’m going to the grocery store when it opens in twenty five minutes and then to Target to stock up, but I should be home before you wake up. I have to take it easy for pretty much the next week, but I’m fucking h o m e.

[10/13/2012 8:35:04 AM] Ellie Lou: It’s 6:34 PST and I. am. home.

[10/13/2012 8:35:07 AM] Ellie Lou: I’ll see you when you wake up.

[10/13/2012 8:35:10 AM] Ellie Lou: I love you.

[10/13/2012 8:35:14 AM] Ellie Lou: Thank you for getting me here.

[10/13/2012 10:22:26 AM] Meagn: [flops]

[10/13/2012 10:28:08 AM] Ellie Lou: I am home!

[10/13/2012 10:28:33 AM] Ellie Lou: I went to the store and Target and Starbucks and took pictures and I am uploading them now and I love you!

[10/13/2012 10:29:08 AM] Meagn: [long and glorious slow clapping of happy]

[10/13/2012 10:29:26 AM] Ellie Lou: I got my hair did too.

[10/13/2012 10:29:30 AM] Ellie Lou: I had a busy fucking morning, man.

[10/13/2012 10:29:37 AM] Meagn: hese are all good things

[10/13/2012 10:29:45 AM] Ellie Lou: Yes, they really are.

[10/13/2012 10:29:46 AM] Meagn: god I need a haircut

[10/13/2012 10:29:49 AM] Meagn: [eyes self]

[10/13/2012 10:29:50 AM] Meagn: one day

[10/13/2012 10:30:27 AM] Ellie Lou: I am pretttty much on bedrest.

[10/13/2012 10:30:29 AM] Ellie Lou: But that’s okay.

[10/13/2012 10:31:24 AM] Meagn: hee

[10/13/2012 10:31:26 AM] Meagn: good

[10/13/2012 10:31:35 AM] Meagn: it’s fucking gorgeous outside today

[10/13/2012 10:31:50 AM] Ellie Lou: [is outside too]

[10/13/2012 10:35:04 AM] Ellie Lou: [posts all the pictures]

[10/13/2012 10:40:55 AM] Ellie Lou: PUBLISHED JUST FOR YOUUUUU.

So here, for those still following along:

notice she took the time to find a starbucks cup labelled Ellie. 

Some of you may recognize her sister Odi in the second picture. This is a facebook for a singer in Orlando.

If you’ve been talking to Ellie/Leah for awhile, you know she’s a cosplayer and loves Lady Deadpool. This is her at the San Diego Comic Con.

Except this cosplay was for dragon con.

Here is a picture of her nurse she sent me as a text:

closeup:

actually someone’s family member fucking around:

Here’s the text of her heartrate monitor. You can see I was excited because it was better than it had ever been:

however, a quick search later and she’s in The Middle East:

This is her Doctor, Kyle Tandon:

Here’s the email  I wrote him and he wrote to me explaining Ellie’s condition:

Thank you. It’s a lot to digest and I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of it. I know that you have done everything you could and I feel like you should know that both Ellie and myself have nothing but praise for the care you have given her. I’m incredibly grateful that she’s had someone in the medical community to fight for her.

I’ve got some more questions for you. I don’t actually know what to do with some of the information because it seems like it would be conflicting to my non medical knowledge.  She’s been having a constant nose bleed today, they’ve got her on blood thinners and ringers, and are talking about dosing her with Dilaudid [sp?] to help her sleep. From what I have been able to pick up, it puts her in like a mini coma and that seems like it would be bad to do when they can’t get her bleeding under control.

I keep checking in with her like you suggested when I can and try to keep her distracted but her pain levels are really intense. The last time I saw her this out of it she was having the TIA’s and seizures.

I’m really not comfortable with what’s going on there in Portland. I don’t like that she’s in quarantine and I understand it’s her viral load, but nothing seems to be bringing that down. I’m starting to really wonder what the timeline we’re looking at is here and I really really really hate that I find myself starting to think negatively about her chances of getting out of CICU. I just don’t know what sort of outcome I need to be hoping and pushing for because goodbye doesn’t really… I don’t.

Ugh, I’m sorry. I just need to know how long you think, reasonably, I have. If I should be planning for the worst? What happens if she does pass? Her family is pretty much just- they’re assholes. I can’t imagine them taking any kind of care for her wishes. Is this something I need to start discussing with her?

Wow, I have all the questions and I feel terrible to just lay this out on you, I just want her to be okay and I know that’s really not going to happen but I’m so sick of her just being in constant pain.

*

Hi Meagn,

I’m going to assume since you’ve signed your emails with your first name that it’s okay to address you with such. Let me know if I’m wrong.

Here’s a kind of crash course in what all of the viral load and blood medication nomenclature means. When your body gets an infection, you start throwing viral antibodies that show up in your blood work coupled with your white cells. The average person has a resting viral load of about ten per cell, or Tp/C. Ellie’s right now, with the staph, is at about fifty thousand per cell, or F-tp/C. That makes her highly, highly contagious for anybody with a normal resting viral load and the CDC has ordered that, to prevent the spread of staph within the hospital community, that any patient with the same considerations that she has be quarantined.

Her being on blood thinners is necessary for her kidneys or she would be in renal failure and her being on Ringers is necessary with the GSMA or she would be in a complete systems failure. The two medications are contradicted by the dilaudid because the dilaudid is a blood thinner as well, so her blood pressure is astronomically high right now. End of life care is very rarely about getting better and almost always about comfort, so when the time comes, they will take her off the blood thinners and the Ringers and focus purely on pain management.

The constant nosebleed isn’t a good sign because it means that her capillaries are weakening and starting to rupture, which could and will cause pneumonia when her lungs fill with blood. That said, they’ll put her under constant watch if she’s sedated. She will more than likely start having seizures and tachycardic episodes when her heart stresses out from trying to pump water-thin blood.

I can’t give you a timeline. I don’t know what kind of pain she’s in because I haven’t heard her voice, but I do know that if she’s saying she’s in pain, it’s ten time worse than she’s saying. I feel completely helpless and completely useless. I know that she has strict instructions to not prolong her life and I know that when the time comes, she’ll be the one calling the shots. The best guess I can give you is three to six weeks, maybe more if they can get her infection under control, but that is unlikely now. 

I think that you should discuss what she wants to do with her life. You should discuss what she would have liked to have done and don’t shy away from asking the questions you have. I try really hard to not speak ill of anybody’s family but I’m not sorry hers is on the other side of the country. I’ve been practicing medicine for six years now. She was the first patient that walked into my office on the first day of my practice and it’s been an honor.

If you need anything or have any other questions, I’m available at all hours.

Sincerely,

Kyle

To be clear.

Kyle Tandon does not exist. Adam Gubnitskaia does not exist. Ellie did not lose twins. She did not have a still birth. Odi, Liam, Raechel her brothers and sisters she posts conversational chats about do not exist.

Sam Correge does not exist. 

Esther who’s father passed away while we were RPing for coffee verse does not exist.

Ellie Chzwalicz, the person who I’d been talking to, laughing with, and generally enjoying does not exist. SHE IS NOT DYING. She is not having seizures. 

She did however tell me she was. I would stay up late to calm her nerves before surgeries. We would write stories to keep her occupied and keep her mind off of the intense and excruciating pain she was in. 

[11/24/2012 8:20:24 PM] Elle Belle: Ow ow ow fucking ow.

[11/24/2012 8:20:28 PM] Elle Belle: I hate this stupid IV.

[11/24/2012 8:21:11 PM] Meagn: I’m sorry dude

[11/24/2012 8:21:18 PM] Meagn: how long until they can move it back

[11/24/2012 8:21:30 PM] Elle Belle: They can’t, probably. My veins in my arms are blown.

[11/24/2012 8:22:05 PM] Meagn: [grumbles]

[11/24/2012 8:22:16 PM] Elle Belle: Same.

[11/24/2012 8:22:30 PM] Meagn: how’re you haning in emotionally?

[11/24/2012 8:23:12 PM] Elle Belle: I’ve only been awake for four hours, so so far, I’m okay. The dilaudid definitely starts you in the red, but I’m trying to pull out of it.

[11/24/2012 8:23:18 PM] Elle Belle: [curls around]

[11/24/2012 8:23:39 PM] Meagn: are they going to keep giving you that to help you sleep?

[11/24/2012 8:23:53 PM] Elle Belle: I hope not.

[11/24/2012 8:24:06 PM] Elle Belle: I don’t want to remain at this level of pain to require it.

[11/24/2012 8:24:21 PM] Elle Belle: My body hurts so bad that my teeth hurt and I can feel my hair growing.

[11/24/2012 8:26:00 PM] Meagn: are they expecting it to stay at that level?

[11/24/2012 8:26:13 PM] Elle Belle: Likely.

[11/24/2012 8:27:05 PM] Meagn: have they talked about your pain management or are they just still pushing morphine?

[11/24/2012 8:27:41 PM] Elle Belle: They can do a mix of morphine and Nubane. Tandy told me it’s a bad idea to go on straight Nubane because it will take away my coherency.

[11/24/2012 8:28:06 PM] Elle Belle: But other than that, it’s either deal with the pain or basically be so doped up, I’m not functioning.

[11/24/2012 8:28:14 PM] Elle Belle: And once I get to that point, I’m not coming back.

[11/24/2012 8:28:23 PM] Elle Belle: But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t SUCK.

[11/24/2012 8:28:29 PM] Meagn: oh yeah

[11/24/2012 8:28:31 PM] Meagn: okay

[11/24/2012 8:29:02 PM] Meagn: do we have any new information or still running on the previous?

[11/24/2012 8:29:10 PM] Elle Belle: Nothing new today.

[11/24/2012 8:29:23 PM] Elle Belle: Tandy said he’d let you know.

[11/24/2012 8:29:37 PM] Meagn: okay

[11/24/2012 8:29:43 PM] Meagn: I really appreciate that

[11/24/2012 8:30:47 PM] Elle Belle: He said he’s glad to have someone to tell it to because he was getting really tired of my family’s crud.

[11/24/2012 8:30:50 PM] Elle Belle: His words.

[11/24/2012 8:31:03 PM] Meagn: I’m gettin’ real tired of your shit

[11/24/2012 8:31:09 PM] Meagn: *family’s

[11/24/2012 8:31:12 PM] Meagn: wow fingers

[11/24/2012 8:31:28 PM] Meagn: they were so excited to say that it skipped a whole word

[11/24/2012 8:31:39 PM] Elle Belle: I was like [squints] I’M SORRY, I’LL DIE MORE ELEGANTLY.

[11/24/2012 8:32:01 PM] Meagn: [snort]

[11/24/2012 8:32:05 PM] Meagn: please don’t do that

[11/24/2012 8:32:31 PM] Meagn: just do not appreciate your family being asshats is all

But in the end?

This is the exchange that hurts the most.

[12/7/2012 8:00:26 PM] Elle Belle: I was telling my nurse today about how I used to pretend to be other people.

[12/7/2012 8:00:33 PM] Elle Belle: I had, at one point, eighteen different faces.

[12/7/2012 8:00:46 PM] Elle Belle: In twenty four years, I’ve never liked myself to be myself.

[12/7/2012 8:00:58 PM] Meagn: out of all the yous I’ve met

[12/7/2012 8:01:02 PM] Meagn: you’ve been my favorite

[12/7/2012 8:01:29 PM] Elle Belle: I told her that I never understood why people pretended to be sick.

[12/7/2012 8:01:45 PM] Elle Belle: Because you can always pick out someone who’s faking dying.

[12/7/2012 8:01:51 PM] Elle Belle: Not because they get their medical terms wrong.

[12/7/2012 8:01:57 PM] Elle Belle: But because they get their humility wrong.

[12/7/2012 8:02:12 PM] Elle Belle: Which is not me calling myself humble by any stretch of the imagination.

[12/7/2012 8:02:29 PM] Meagn: [refrains from snorting]

[12/7/2012 8:02:51 PM] Elle Belle: I met a girl online who faked dying from cancer for a year.

[12/7/2012 8:02:55 PM] Elle Belle: Her mother was in on it.

[12/7/2012 8:03:01 PM] Elle Belle: They bought medical supplies to take pictures with.

[12/7/2012 8:03:17 PM] Elle Belle: And in the “end,” she was talking about how all she wanted to do was go to Paris and see Europe.

[12/7/2012 8:03:26 PM] Elle Belle: And that was when I was like, wait a second.

[12/7/2012 8:03:34 PM] Elle Belle: All I want to do is brush my own teeth.

[12/7/2012 8:04:03 PM] Meagn: I’ll never forget shaving your legs man

[12/7/2012 8:04:15 PM] Elle Belle: Best day of my life.

[12/7/2012 8:04:30 PM] Elle Belle: And it sounds so stupid.

[12/7/2012 8:04:35 PM] Elle Belle: But the things I want to do this week?

[12/7/2012 8:04:41 PM] Elle Belle: I want to drink out of a cup without a straw.

[12/7/2012 8:04:46 PM] Elle Belle: I want to bathe myself.

[12/7/2012 8:04:53 PM] Elle Belle: I want to sit upright.

[12/7/2012 8:05:00 PM] Elle Belle: Not on my side lying down.

[12/7/2012 8:05:20 PM] Elle Belle: I want to catch my breath long enough to make my phonecalls.

[12/7/2012 8:05:38 PM] Elle Belle: I want to give you whatever material you need from me to finish our story without my input.

[12/7/2012 8:05:49 PM] Elle Belle: I want to talk to Raechel and tell her I forgive her.

[12/7/2012 8:05:56 PM] Elle Belle: I want to hear my nephews and nieces.

[12/7/2012 8:06:07 PM] Elle Belle: And I want my dad to tell me that he’s not disappointed in me.

[12/7/2012 8:07:02 PM] Meagn: then write it out

[12/7/2012 8:07:08 PM] Meagn: and I’ll tell raechel

[12/7/2012 8:07:21 PM] Meagn: I’ll do whatever you don’t get the chance to do

[12/7/2012 8:07:25 PM] Meagn: it’s the least I can do

[12/7/2012 8:07:39 PM] Meagn: tell me how you’d want the story to go if it was up to you

[12/7/2012 8:07:58 PM] Elle Belle: It’s not up to me.

[12/7/2012 8:08:01 PM] Elle Belle: Doesn’t work that way.

[12/7/2012 8:08:04 PM] Elle Belle: I don’t want that story.

[12/7/2012 8:08:18 PM] Meagn: then tell me what you think

[12/7/2012 8:08:27 PM] Meagn: and I’ll take that into acocunt when I write it

[12/7/2012 8:08:50 PM] Meagn: but the rest?

[12/7/2012 8:08:54 PM] Meagn: messages

[12/7/2012 8:08:57 PM] Meagn: things like that

[12/7/2012 8:08:59 PM] Meagn: I can do

[12/7/2012 8:09:01 PM] Meagn: it’s something

[12/7/2012 8:09:07 PM] Meagn: makes me feel less useless

[12/7/2012 8:09:13 PM] Elle Belle: You’re not useless.

[12/7/2012 8:09:18 PM] Elle Belle: You carried me this far.

[12/7/2012 8:09:34 PM] Meagn: told you I’d carry you as far as it took

I have been lied to. I have been manipulated. I have been… violated.

I just don’t want anyone to have any doubts. Because I don’t.

I asked her to publicly come clean about what she did to me. She posted pictures. I figured you’d need the whole story.

There’s more. I know I’ve left things out. If you have questions, feel free to message me.

What she’s displaying is a serious problem also known as Munchausen by Internet and requires treatment, not sympathy.