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When all the world starts to shiver And shimmer and shake all around me And all the world light is piecemeal and peaceless This is the atomic pain of the world The molecular tears The final crystalline structure of misery It winds its way around the wooden snakejawed growing spine Of the worlds, listen; I was taken to be betrayed whenever is hate To be betrayed wherever is hate As the body is abused by man

Though animal bled flesh marbled rivers ran in Her honour His buckled body in blood Returns to the pre-birth poise Spreadeagled like starfish - There in His eyes: Incomprehension mute pain disbelief what Blood there meant sorrow trickles there This I could not understand I bend the pages of yet another book And in its lines Great Black Lines I have not understood Please gram mercy pray for me And oh goodbye sweetest heart The wind roars in the nearness And there in my heart And all the clouds are spiralling towards us Descent indeed to the centre of it all Skipping lightly and lying truly This we shall understand I hope... His buckled body in blood Returns to the pre-birth poise Spreadeagled like starfish - There in His eyes: Incomprehension mute pain disbelief what Blood there meant sorrow trickles there This I could not understand I bend the pages of yet another book And in its lines Great Black Lines I have not understood Please gram mercy pray for me And oh goodbye sweetest heart The wind roars in the nearness And there in my heart And all the clouds are spiralling towards us Descent indeed to the centre of it all Skipping lightly and lying truly This we shall understand I hope...

And then when I die I feel I shall say I have not understood I have not understood any of this My eyes are still coal dark I have not understood Around and in my eyes the tiny flecks Of swirling crippled confused lights And to my heart I will whisper Softly quietly "There is no death there is no death" (And goodbye to you all)

Under the starlit open dome Under the star sharp pointed lights Under the star loved greeny earth When first I wanted to hold You And all the world half dead and half alive Spat into my mouth Blue sea bitter water And I am almost dead And I have not understood

jon

-the highest truths of the universe speak through you, the immediacy of what you feel, your yielding to greater forces; a grand surrender I cannot achieve, you let the knife move striaight through your body / your softness -you slide into storms of unrelenting motion -your silence makes space heavy, everything must become silent in the space around you. there is implied motion behind your cold exterior (like the sky preparing a storm) -(you are passive / you yield so) it is revealed through you, “your existence takes on the weight of a confession” -I leap into the ocean, the great beyond, the noise breaks open into a seductive freedom -the great beyond which undermines my every proposition and thought / positive claim, silvery skepticism -you are the constant humming, shaking of the earth behind every facade, defense; the grand formations of the earth, washed up without striving/strain, grand without striving -the most romantic honesty / this honesty perfect like the petals of a rose, I shatter into my affection for you -the ambiguity in the shifting atmosphere that remains forever uncaptured, escaping

-you are uneven, you become all that flows through you immediately, with no defense. shapeshifting, always in motion -your unyielding untempered anger -like the sky preparing a storm, the wrath of the gods within you, the wrath of poseidon within you your chaos escapes all understanding. all of the earth revolves around your whims, your qualitative shifts are tectonic and senseless.

-every worldly passion and the beyond at once

Sometimes I can feel the space between us collapse and I can make out a horizon sometimes you feel impenetrable the courage I cannot have, the immediacy I can no longer capture all of my dead dreams only survive through you(?), all of the greatest layers of my past appear through you

what of me survives in you? what is our common limit, where do I end and you begin? if you reach to this limit, this shared boundary, which faintly appears but always seems to withdraw, I will meet you there

this tension moves through me like a wave my blood pumps faster and heats up in your pull / pulse I can trace your fingertips moving across my body

I want all of your anger towards this world to move through my body, to enliven me

PD: “the dazzling obscurity of the secret silence” I know something special/sacred would flicker when everything else has died

take me to the woods, meet me in the still air. as we let the silent desperation possess us, make us delirious. as I wonder the realms of pain your mind swirls through. I can see the movement in you beyond your stillness, beyond your cold exterior the pain of the gap between us flows through my veins, the roots of my being.

reveal your virulent worldly passions, tell me everything that makes you angry, tell me where you are spiritually

my love, there are storms within you, as there are in me my love, storms rage through you, as they do through mez

She told me that she couldn't possibly accept A gift so dear She wouldn't like to feel Obliged... to be bound To that sort of thing

I will whisper to you: come with me into the woods Where the balmy wind blows through the tall trees / like a woodwind [Come] along the green paths where the wild rose blooms Let’s play together until evening, you will blush like a child. And when the rosy sunset blossoms When all things soften as night falls If you sigh: come, it’s better to rise and leave, In spite of your caprice and your adorable pout I will say stay and you won’t demur For I will murmur your secret name

Serenade, Arthur Cravan

And life is too much like a pathless wood Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs Broken across it, and one eye is weeping From a twig’s having lashed across it open. I’d like to get away from earth awhile And then come back to it and begin over. May no fate willfully misunderstand me And half grant what I wish and snatch me away Not to return. Earth’s the right place for love: I don’t know where it’s likely to go better. I’d like to go by climbing a birch tree, And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more, But dipped its top and set me down again. That would be good both going and coming back. One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

odetsleep

no one could ever fill your spot. no one feels your favorite lyric the exact way you do. your clothes don’t look right on anyone else. no one else knows what it’s like to sing your favorite song. your room is messy the way you like it. no one can fill your spot. keep it. your clothes won’t look right on anyone else.

The feeling that you cannot survive such whirlwinds also arises from a consummation on a purely inner plane. The flames of life burn in a closed oven from which the heat cannot escape. Those who live on an external plane are saved from the outset: but do they have anything to save when they are not aware of any danger? The paroxysm of interior experience leads you to regions where danger is absolute, because life which self-consciously actualizes its roots in experience can only negate itself. Life is too limited and too fragmentary to endure great tensions. Did not all the mystics feel that they could not live after their great ecstasies? What could they expect from this world, those who sense, beyond the normal limits, life, loneliness, despair, and death?

There are experiences which one cannot survive, after which one feels that there is no meaning left in anything. Once you have reached the limits of life, having lived to extremity all that is offered at those dangerous borders, the everyday gesture and the usual aspiration lose their seductive charm. If you go on living, you do so only through your capacity for objectification, your ability to free yourself, in writing, from the infinite strain. Creativity is a temporary salvation from the claws of death. I feel I must burst because of all that life offers me and because of the prospect of death. I feel that I am dying of solitude, of love, of despair, of hatred, of all that this world offers me. With every experience I expand like a balloon blown up beyond its capacity. The most terrifying intensification bursts into nothingness. You grow inside, you dilate madly until there are no boundaries left, you reach the edge of light, where light is stolen by night, and from that plenitude as in a savage whirlwind you are thrown straight into nothingness. Life breeds both plenitude and void, exuberance and depression. What are we when confronted with the interior vortex which swallows us into absurdity? I feel my life cracking within me from too much intensity, too much disequilibrium. It is like an explosion which cannot be contained, which throws you up in the air along with everything else.

brian I will always love you. last two lectures. I will always love you

You found me in these half frozen waters. I lay still. These drones (“Frozen Niagara Falls Pt 1”) creep stiffly, like a fog covering the earth, dragging time with them. Whispers coil seductive riddles around me. Metallic claws (“Greenpoint”) latch onto me, sending electricity through my body. These corrupt waters flow through me, slowly turning every layer of my body inside out, possessing me. I can feel you here. My love, you are fire and ice. Storms rage through you. I can see their tormented cacophony in your eyes. You are a silvery blue ocean that splits me open. Looking at you sends crashing waves through my body. Your immediacy is like a knife through my heart. Its blade cuts clean through every contour of my mediated being. It shoots through me and suddenly we share a horizon. Your existence takes on the weight of a confession. I must surrender myself to the gravity of what is true. I cannot hide. Distortion shakes me loose, and the tectonic plates inside me collide. Ceaseless tempestuous noise (“Traditional Snowfall”, “Dragonflies To Sew You Up”) grinds every crevice of my being, twisting me inside out. The ground crumbles apart in a soft trembling haze, redeeming me. Every intellectual lie that I have surrounded myself with scatters about the earth in this great purge. I am back at the center of the earth in the stillness that lingers around you. Your silence is worlds more advanced than my lies. It undermines me effortlessly. Here you echo through everything I am, my precious paradox.

wovi

joy sullivan

I still love you, it's the only thing that makes me not dissociate. one day I won't. one day I will speak to someone about philosophy and know that they care about me, and all of this will go away.

Where are you? Are you hiding from me? Are you still looking for things that no-one else can see? Where are you? Are you in some place that we cannot reach? Are you bathing in moonlight or drowned on the beach? Where are you? Are you surrounded by things we cannot penetrate? Is the cage you love the home you also hate? Your fear of death attracts such strange objects Smothering you, hiding you, don't let it spoil you Show yourself so the others may see you So the others may feed you They want to be near you If you can't get enough of your hypnotic injunction Then it's time to put an end to this invalid function Poor little ghost boy Let me be your human toy Where are you? No-one's seen you for years Have your wounds grown wings? Are you feasting on fears? I can see your dark corona is eating into you You're surrounded by things we cannot penetrate Is the cage you love the home you also hate? Life lies with the scissors inside her The surgeon was a butcher All of us are wounded, anaesthetised in A&E Numbed by stuff we should not see Each of us lies bleeding Our rivers intermingling Poor little ghost boy Let me be your human toy I'll wrap my last kiss in a bandage I'll wrap my last kiss in a bandage I'll wrap my last kiss in a bandage I'll wrap my last kiss in a bandage

A tap with your finger on the drum releases all sounds and begins the new harmony. One step of yours, and the new men rise up and march. Your head turns aside: new love! Your head turns back: new love! The children sing to you: "Change our fate, overcome the plague, and begin with time." They beg you, "Raise where you wish the substance of our fortune and our prayers." You will go everywhere, since you have come from all time. Arthur Rimbaud, To Reason

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