Undeserving

depressed, trans, south america, upper 20s/lower 30s vent blog

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Is it better if people don't answer when you speak or if they just say "no, actually" when you try to say you like a thing?

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

My foot might kill me, stay tuned

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

My head is such a hostile enviroment

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Literally who cares

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

4 ammmmmmmmm

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Back to feeling nothing i guess. Why is this my life

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Can't even fucking cry properly. Pathetic pathetic pathetic, maybe i thought anything had changed? Maybe i didn't realize i was still just me

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Stopid body couldn't i die when i choked on my spit

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

A third person wouldn't tolerati it if someone else was talking this poorly about me. That's why people don't tolerate me

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Maybe i'm destined to go back to bed. Be sure to call me a sad loser and ask if i'm even trying to take care of myself really condescendingly please

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

You don't understand it's vital that i stay up until 3 am so that rheres no time for 8 hours of sleep. i'm doing this bc i hate myself or something

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Doing it again because im still me

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Romance stories always make you feel a little hollow when you finish them right? And also while it's in the middle and a little bit at the start too? Is mu thorat supposed to tighen for a second while seeing a kiss? Could any of that happen to me?

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Writing romance is always hard, right? Like you get to the flirting part and you have no clue what to write, and then you push past to the big kiss and you don't know what to write, then you get to the sex and you have no clue what to write. Then you get to the aftermath and don't know what to write, right? It's always like this? It's not me? Please tell me it's not me

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

I'm barely more than a husk. I haven't been a person for 27 years. My psych described it as being in a sensory deprivation tank. Alone, cold, wet, lost. But my family loves their son. Their brother. They like me just like this. Why

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

I'll always be my mother's son apparently

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

I love those jokes when you say "i like x, x is nice and cool" and somebody goes "no, you're wrong lol" it's just like my inner monologue that tells me how wrong all my opinions are

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Holding big knife trying to only cut the pizza and leave it

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

Big knife voice: blood blood blood blood blood maybe if you cut your arm open you won't feel that devastating need to scratch blood blood blood

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

What if i am constantly scared of being ridiculous. How do i stop thinking that i'll be ridiculous. Please. How do i do it

[godsleastfavouritemiddlechild]

I wanna meet people but i'll end up abandoning them too