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@goingthroughlife00
Bade shauq se karle hum dosti inn aansuon se,
Agar inhe ponchne tum aa jao
Phir ye dhup bhi manzoor hai
Agar tum ek pal ko chaav ban jao
Zamano ke bandisho ko todd lau
Ruthe taqdeer ke dhaago ko mai jodd aau
Manzoor hai upar wale ki berukhi mujhe
Agar tum iss zameen mai meri ban jao
rehman and uzair baloch.
throne of glass by sarah j mass // antigone by jean anouilh // elektra by sophocles
solely based on the fictionalised version depicted in aditya dhar’s dhurandhar and is not meant to glorify any of their real life counterparts.
A DIFFERENT KIND OF SILENCE
You were told you are quite lucky to be working with the man everyone wants, and to be honest, somewhere you believed it.
You were an upcoming actress and you had worked on a few films before, but you never really played a major role in any project. After a few films, you received an offer where you played the best friend of the male lead; still a side role but you had much more screen time here. The script looked promising too so you agreed, you didn't ask about who else had signed. A few days later the director told you who the rest of the cast were. The only name that made you stop on track was Akshaye Khanna, of course you knew him. You had such a big crush oh him, no one knew about it and you were very grateful for that. About a month later the shoot began.
The sets were loud but the voice you liked was quiet, the whole set seemed quiet. You knew what you had to do here, a good job. This could be a fantastic opportunity for your career and so there were no risks to be taken here. It helped that he was quiet, you remained quiet too when the cameras weren't rolling, you made sure no one saw how nervous you were. It was easy to pretend, everyone was busy with their own work. When you and Akshaye shared a scene, you would slowly take his presence in, that was enough. He would sit across from you between takes, zoning out or rereading the script as though there was something between those lines. You would do the same, look outside the window, let the air carry away any worry that hovered around, laugh and smile with the crew once in a while. it had become a routine, a dance of silences, something that you both shared; you had no idea if that was what he thought, but that was fine.
One fine day, the shoot went on for too long. You didn't have a lot of scenes but the timings were such that you had to wait the whole day. After the director got the last shot for the day, everyone started packing up, their voicing slowly fading as they left, until it was just the two of you sitting near the set. A quick yawn escaped your mouth and you let it, you were too tired to care. He saw it from the corner of his eyes, his eyebrows creasing just a little.
"You don't fidget around a lot.", he said. You scrunched your nose in confusion, "What?". "You were nervous today, but you didn't fidget at all. I know people would, they'd talk or walk too much; useless words here and there. You didn't." You thought he'd continue but he stopped, he was always short with his words. "I didn't think anyone would notice that." He looked at you when you answered, just for a second. "I do.", he said and the words hung heavy. The silence that followed after was different. too much was said yet it seemed nothing.
You looked away first. The words didn't make you blush, they terrified you a little. When you got to know you were working with him, of course, you were excited. But when the shooting started, all you had in mind was to not mess this chance up, the childlike crush that you harbored slowly started to rest in the depths of you. When he said that, the set suddenly started feeling new, so did the chair. You shifted a little, not sure what do say next. "Well, here its better to not draw attention, I'm happy being in the shadows most of the times."
He doesn't reply immediately, instead he just relaxes a little and looks at something distant. "It does draw attention, of the right kind."
That's all he says and you don't ask any further questions. Instead you quietly tuck this moment into your memories, youll think of it again when youre alone.
After some time, you both straightened up and he got up first. As soon as you turned, you saw him there- unmistakenly, he was waiting for you to walk with him.
So as everyone has the dhurandhar fever right now, I had that too. Especially for Akshaye Khanna. I watched his older movies again and really I did become his fan all over again. I remembered him first as Sid, who I didn’t understand much on my first watch but now I’ve grown to love his characters even more. I had watched taal very long ago and so I decided to rewatch it again and I found myself obsessed with its songs. They took me back to when I first listened to them and they were still as magical. The song I loved a lot was ‘ishq bina’. I found myself listening to that song so much.
I wrote a version of it, where Mansi regrets leaving Manav, she sings this for him. And when she stops, he sings back. This is ofc far from perfect, just my take on the song and its lyrics. Please do let me know how it is!
Kyu koi aayega tere banjar se ghar mai
Jaha tu hi aata kam hai
Duniya se muh mod kar
Aakhen teri hi nam hai
Kisi ki nazar na tike tujhpe
Isliye dewaare sab se unchi hai
Ghutta hai dam tera
Bas teri hi aawaz unbeech gunjti hai
Bade ehtiyaat se tune tanhaai chuni thi,
Phir usi ko apni saza keh kar ro diya,
Jo zakhm duniya de na saki kabhi,
Usey tune khud hi sambhaal kar bo diya.
Sabko dosh dene se pehle zara dekh le,
Ye qaid kisne banayi, kisne pehredaar chuna,
Jo bheed se bach kar sukoon dhoondhta raha,
Wahi aaj veerani ka shor suna.
Why do you fall in love? Nothing could be more complex: because it is winter, because it is summer; from overwork, from too much leisure; from weakness, from strength, from the need for security, from the love of danger, from desperation, from hope. Because someone doesn't love you. Because someone does love you.
Simone de Beauvoir, Quand toutes les femmes du monde
And the world will spin again,
As our grief runs through us.
We will find more people to meet, more places to see,
Even as our pain clouds us.
Some days the light will be clear,
Some days it might create a blur.
Sometimes the night is merciful,
Sometimes its presence is a curse.
And yet we move, find love to give and take.
Life’s an empty pot, really—
It gives you what you make.
Even in this stillness,
Our heart remembers how to breathe.
It carries the haunting heaviness
With both surrender and retreat.
And maybe that’s enough
To just keep walking through the days—
A quiet, trembling resilience
In our own imperfect ways.
Tu preet priye,
Manmeet priye,
Main keval ek dhwani, tu manmohit ek geet priye.
Main ruka hua kisi patte sa,
Tere sang udu toh wohi meri jeet priye.
Tu saagar ke lehro ki sargam,
Main kinaaro ki pratiksha priye.
Jo chu le mujhe tu bas ek baar,
Toh mit jaaye har doori priye.
Tu swapna hai adhuri neend ka,
Main turant aaya sawera ban jaau.
Bas ek baar yaad kar mujhe,
Main teri dhadkano mein sama jaau.
Tu gar chaand ki raani hai,
Toh main raat ka antim deep priye.
Jo tu jagmagaye, toh main bhi jal uthoon —
Bas yehi ho mera naseeb priye.
Tu reh ja mere har shabd mein,
Bankar meri preet priye.
Na ant ho, na shuruaat ho iss prem ki,
Bas chalti rahe ye reet priye.
Butterflies look so pretty you forget that they’re going to die soon
Like how you look so pretty despite the suffering, I forget that it’s there
They go through so much and grow wings, fly from flower to flower
They don’t know how quickly the end will greet them
So they fret freely,
so naive, so free
You on the other hand, you know that end will greet you
Sometimes i think you open your arms to welcome it too often
Unlike butterflies, you don’t fret, you don’t grow from your suffering
You just get taller, lonelier and more pretty
Sometimes, you remind me of them
Other times, they seem like what you wish to be
Apne samajh ki na ye zindagi hai Usse kya samjhana chahte ho Kya kya khoya hai tumne Kya paana chahte ho
Dhalta toh hai ye din tumhare liye Raat mai sukoon ke pal laata hai Chalti hai ye hawa tere sang Tumhare rone par Ye aasman bhi garaj jaata hai
Tum alag nahi ho iss duniya se Naahi isme rehne wale logon se Yaha har ek dil mai tanhayi hoti hai Har shaksh bas jeeta jaata hai
Tu apne aap ko akela mat samajh Samajhne ke pare na samajh Har ek alag hai sabse, par insaan hi hai Tu apne aap ko galat na samajh
There’s something so magical about love blooming in places of worship. I don’t think I could ever get tired of this trope.
Kuch toh khami mujhme bhi hogi
Dard haathon se nikalta hi nahi
Chahe lakh koshish karlu mai jeene ki
Jeene ka bojh mujhse uthta hi nahi
Living in the moment is fun and all, but I’d rather have something to remember that moment by.
I’d rather record my best friend laughing, so I can listen to it later and smile —
forgetting what was so funny, but knowing that happiness lived there.
Every time I look at a photo, or watch a video, there’s proof to love.
Not that love needs proof,
but we aren’t always the best witnesses to something so pure.
As time passes, we blur things out —
and in that blur, we forget the details:
how someone’s eyes looked like the moon when they smiled,
how they leaned back a little when they laughed,
how they waited for you to cross the road,
how their hair moved gently with the wind,
how you were seen,
heard,
and above all, how you were loved.
I’ve fallen victim to this forgetting,
and it’s tough to get over.
So I keep proof of the love that has saved me —
of how I have loved,
and how I have been loved.
I always thought that if I was tired, I would know
But that was not the case.
I did not know I’d spent miles walking,
With sweat dripping from my face,
With my bones crushed, with an indescribable ache.
I didn't know anything until—until you held my face—
Softly, gently,
Like a slight pressure, and it would break.
I thought if I kept walking enough, maybe someday people would know.
If I am far too banished, maybe someday I'd glow.
And I'd repent till then, for the stones that others throw.
But you came in and asked me where it ached,
And suddenly, I felt it all.
I didn't even know I was in pain,
Until you took my hand and held it firm—
And I slowly started to lean.
I had never learnt how to stop,
And suddenly, there I was—being seen.
By the most gorgeous eyes to have graced someone,
By the kindest heart.
There,
The magic was done.
I know things were going well for a few days,
but I'm scared of how this will end.
When things get a little better,
the quiet, sitting grief starts to stand.
It moves its feet slowly as it walks up to me.
I stagger on my way back, but it's all that I can see.
And there's this knot in my stomach now,
as I wait for your text.
Maybe the more they know,
their love for me becomes less.
And I don't want it to be true,
but it's all that I can hear,
as my heart beats faster,
as the impending doom comes near.
And I'm sorry I can't think about anything else,
this is all that I have learnt about love:
that the more you start to cling to it,
the harsher are its shoves.
So I sit with the fear, as I wait for the hit.
It's not new to me,
I've never made it out of that pit.
