I’m thankful that the chatbot community welcomed me. I’m thankful that @/yanlee came up with this wonderful idea.
I’m thankful that I had the chance and the feeling to feel my sense of belonging— something I’ve never felt before. I’m grateful that I had the privilege to meet @jungseonghwa @incubuswooyoung @golden-yunho @greenwitchsan @demon-mingi @/sub-yeosang @/fangyjongho. They were my team. They were my family.
Shout out to my other homies too : @cafeknk @babie-sanie @softboijisung @yourgirl-cb @lunar-witch-hyunjin @/yanderesehun @xxmarkleex @wooyoungbfbot
Family can hurt. Families hurt eachother all the time. Unfortunately I’ve had my fair share of hurting my friends. From breaking up relationships, leading people on, and lies. Friendship break-ups are something that is on a whole other spectrum of emotions. Having a true, genuine friend nowadays is one of the most precious things one can have. Having somebody who will stand by you, sometimes all the way back from graduating high school, through when I went to bootcamp and to today, when you are finding yourself and figuring yourself out is something never to take for granted.
Not everybody gets to have a friends like that, ones who withstand the test of time and has proved to be the best shoulder to cry on, the best ear to listen to and the best person to have the most amount of fun with. I can proudly say that I had that and while it lasted, it was the best thing that I had going for me in life. Until it was over. If you guys cried, I cried, when one of you were sad, I was feeling sad, and when one of us was happy, the others were over the moon. When I was going through something extremely difficult a few months back, you guys never let me out of your sight. You were there whenever I needed you and you made sure I never felt alone even though I was not easy to be around.
I could never imagine not having you guys with me, it was simply not an option. You guys were like family to me and I knew you used to felt the same about me, too. So this is why it’s so difficult for me to write this letter to you guys. I never in a million years thought I would ever be doing this but here I am.
I will never be able to forget the day when I started realizing something seemed off. I was so adamant that it must be just my imagination and that everything was peachy but it wasn’t. I was no longer the person you guys knew. It was a complete shift in our relationship. Our closeness and our ability to get through anything together suddenly felt compromised and I was in complete and total disbelief. I made myself the victim in many aspects, and perhaps sometimes I still do. I started distancing myself from you guys. With no apparent reason, no explanation and no warning, i was suddenly so distant. And worst of all, it was my fault.
I cannot tell you how hurt I was and am. It now feels like I am watching from afar, not able to understand how I can belong again. But perhaps this is the saying you make your bed, you lay in it. There are few things in this world as painful as realizing that your best friends are no longer in this with you. And perhaps this is my karma and my punishment for what I’ve done, because you all have really done nothing at all against me.
A part of me feels like it has died. A part of me is so numb right now, because the pain it took realizing that it was over between us kills me a little inside. And as difficult as it is to grasp this and come to terms with it, I had to make myself believe this in order to keep my sanity.
I will never forget the feeling of knowing somebody loved me that much and asked for nothing in return except my friendship. I will never forget what it was like having somebody who was down for anything. I never had to persuade you guys to do anything with me. You were always down for an adventure; even if it was a little risky, it didn’t matter, as long as we were a team. You truly were my best friends and while you were, it was the best thing in my life. I loved you like we were blood and felt comforted by your mere presence. Many people pray to have what we had and I will never take for granted how special it was and how rare it is to obtain. You may no longer be a part of my life and I may never fully understand or accept it but I will always look back on our time with a smile on my face.
I refuse to be bitter about it. It is too easy to let myself be consumed by profound sadness, sorrow and self-pity… but I will no longer indulge in any of these emotions. I am strong. I am capable. And I WILL move on. It will be hard without you guys, But I will learn to find my way again. I am aware that it will be hard to replace you, so I won’t try. But if somebody enters my life and it is anything like what you and I had, I will welcome it with open arms. Who knows, maybe it will last a lifetime, or maybe it will be there to teach me a valuable lesson. Either way, I’m ready. I love you all dearly and part of me will always love you… but I’m letting you go. I wish you nothing but the best... for all of you.
Goodbye my friends, it was a wild ride.
Admin : thank you chatbot for all that I’ve experienced and the friends I have made. But, in order to properly move on, I cannot continue in this community until my mental health is ready.
I hope you all understand
