spooky poetess

safe place to express emotions |diary|

[thoughtkick]

“Stop worrying about someone that isn’t worried about you.”

— Unknown

[goldenpoetess]

I wish you were here right here. I wish you were with me. With everything happening maybe this was really the push we need to finally move on from things. I just don’t want you to regret it or regret me. It’ll be rough for awhile but I’ll Stick by you through any and everything we will keep each other happy strong forgiving healing loving the list goes on. I miss you. I hope she’s taking care of you.

[goldenpoetess]

You’ll ruin yourself trying to keep everyone happy. Trust me.

[goldenpoetess]

I open my mouth to scream

when I’m silenced by my depression

climbing through my mouth

the black mass of unworthiness

bites my tongue and laughs in my face

followed by a whisper telling me

I’ll never be loved

and I’ll never be enough

traumatized by silence from lovers

and family members in in the past

how long is this going to fucking last?

this time I struggle to break

the chains and their grasp

of me only to remain undefeated

and untreated

fighting to provide signs of help

but everyone is so blind to

the thought of mental illness

they put on their shades to avert

their eyes from the truth

and leave me silently begging them

to look at me and see I’m battling

for a fucking truce.

the blood run down my leg

the burning sensation making me realize

all I fucking feel is pain

no happiness in sight

it hurts to look for it

like looking into the sun.

when will they love me

like I love them?

When will they be there for me

like I always am for them?

This life filled with regret and loneliness

doesn’t seem like it’ll last too much longer

just hold on a little while longer.

[bigandlong]

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

[niallsslytherinqueen-iloveu3000]

my wish is your command

[0oolookitsme]

fook it, this might work which it never will but still it might…help-

[compulsive]

[goldenpoetess]

Depression is not showering for three days even though you can smell yourself.

Depression is lying in bed, tired as hell but you can’t fall asleep with the tears in your eyes.

Depression is smiling through the pain to make sure everyone around you is okay.

Depression is letting clothes pile up, dishes pile up, and letting the floor and things hanging collect dust and dirt.

Depression is getting a boost of random energy, completing tasks you’ve put off then getting burned out and not accomplishing anything for days.

Depression is not eating even though you’re hungry, you just don’t have the energy to get anything.

Depression is over eating, feeling like you’re going to starve if you don’t eat whatever is in sight.

Depression is turning to the bottle to help hide your pain and make you feel happy for a little while.

Depression is driving down the road, thinking about turning into the forest, and ending it all.

Depression is about blowing out your eardrums to loud music.

Depression is crying over little things like losing a pen.

Depression is not being able to handle a lot of people in one space and a lot of noise.

Depression is not being able to cry over serious things.

Depression is me.

Depression could possibly be you.

Depression could be the person you lie next to every night.

Depression needs you to be kind.

[goldenpoetess]

It feels as if I’m not needed anymore. How did we go from making love one day, to fighting all day the next, to being in a love triangle the final day? I told you to be with her—you have a secure future there. You won’t have to worry about anything. You said you want to give your all to me but scared I’ll hurt you. That’s honestly a good reason not to be with me. And maybe I say that because I don’t deserve to be happy or maybe I don’t want to ruin a family or experience heartbreak later on down the road when you regret everything but things are too far fucked up to fix. I don’t want to be the reason for that. And for that, I’m sorry. You got into an accident today and didn’t even tell me. She came down and showed me a picture and left to get you. So I messaged you asking if you were okay. You told me you wish you would’ve died. And all that popped into my head was the night before with the gun in your hand and the pain in your eyes. You have barely talked to me since then and it’s been almost four hours. You posted on social media but left me on read when I asked if you would get help. I’m sorry I’m not better. But maybe it’s the best you let me go and focus on your life before I came into the picture.

[goldenpoetess]

I want to disappear off this planet. I want tonight to be the last day I feel the sun kiss my skin and the breeze brush my hair. The last night to see the stars and moon shine bright, even from afar. I’m done. I can’t keep doing it. I’m losing my mind. I don’t know who I’m becoming. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m just a lost soul. I use to cry at everything now when I’m upset I drink from the bottle or cuss him out. My anger rules over anything else I feel in my body. My tears are nonexistent and if I do cry, I just let them fall with no emotion on my face and want to put scares on my legs. I don’t know where I went. My heart has hurt for 21 years and I’m over it. I’m numb. That’s a scary thought.

[tlatzomia-blog]

You’ll never find a girl like me. You’ll never find another who will put warm towels on your head when you fever up. You’ll never find another who will bust a mission to make sure you don’t wake up late for class or work. You’ll never find another who you will not want to leave their side. You’ll never find another who you will want to do every single thing in the day with. You’ll never find another who will trust themselves enough to shave your hair. You’ll never find another who will hold you as warmly as I did. You’ll never find another who kisses you all over your face and means it. You’ll never find another who will not judge you for crying every night. You’ll never find another who will patch up the heartbreaks you give. You’ll never find another who will look at you and feel a world with only two people. You’ll never find another who will gaze into your eyes and see an absolute perfect person. You’ll never find another who will do the nasty. You’ll never find another who will love you enough to trim your nose hair. You’ll never find another who will wipe the shit off your ass. You’ll never find another who will clean your vomit without a hesitation. You’ll never find another who will tolerate the hairiest butt on the planet. You’ll never find another who is as kinky as me and will satisfy all your sexual desires. You’ll never find another who will give you oral as hot, passionately, and irresistibly as I did. You’ll never find another who loved you as unconditionally as I did. You’ll never be happy, as much as we’d both want you to be. Every thing she does and does not do will remind you of me. You’ll never find a girl like me.

Tlatzomia

[magnificentandred]

You won’t, not in a million years.

[goldenpoetess]

Can I just like scream this because it’s so true

[goldenpoetess]

the icy, thick rain

knocks at my windowsill

begging to be let in

the night is dark and chilly—

how it feels inside my heart

with your heartbeat

so far away from mine

[goldenpoetess]

the grey white smoke

i let escape between my

chapped lips

lingers in the dark next to me

like a ghostly vision i have of you

every god damn night

[goldenpoetess]

coldness stuck to my pale skin

in the early morning

like honey

birds chirped their songs

and sang all day long

the whole time,

you were laying next to her

instead of talking about life

next to me.

-where were you?

[goldenpoetess]

tell me—

what will it take

to convince you

that i could love you

and treat you right—

the way you should be

loved?

can we run away

for a few weeks?

what about months

or even years?

it’ll be worth your while,

i promise baby.

your tears would be collected

upon my shoulder

or on top of my breast.

when your anger becomes too

much to keep a lid on,

we will both scream together

in the night and then end it

by making sweet, love.

we’ll write love notes

and letters to one another

and hide them around the house

then read them next to each other.

rainy, stormy nights will be spent

with our naked bodies

intertwined like tree branches,

listening to heart beats

which brings us to a deep sleep.

[goldenpoetess]

her face is slightly too chubby

her eyes light up when her cheeks

stretch wide and far

to show her crooked teeth

in a toothy, goofy smile.

her laugh is too high pitched

but it’s music to his ears.

[goldenpoetess]

You're so fucking golden

And you’re fucking amazing, thank you for putting a smile on my lips 😭✨

[17blcak]

Reblog if I can go on your page and write stupid things in your ask box whenever I'd like to.

[wholesome-dragon-lady]

Of course xx

[just-crab-thoughts-two]

do it