Personal Update: One Year Post-Kundalini Awakening Ramblings
It’s been a year since Kundalini Shakti awakened within me and began its work on my entire body-mind-spirit system. This transformation of consciousness has been challenging, interesting, blissful, scary and weird. I share with you a rambling update on my process – where I came from, where I am now, and where I feel I am going.
As a disclaimer, the spiritual awakening process is highly specific and personal to each individual. There are certainly commonalities in experiences, but each person’s path is different. For some, their timeline may be accelerated with high intensity challenges over a short period of time. For others, their timeline may be more drawn out with less intensity. It all depends on what a person brings to the table in terms of conditioning and their willingness to surrender to the process.
What has taken me a year to grow into, may take another a decade. What has taken me a decade to grow into, another may have embodied since birth.
The relative details of spiritual path are unique for each individual. The Absolute Truth is universal for all.
Eight years ago, during a period of depression, I discovered mindfulness meditation at age fifteen. The practice of active meditation, observing my thoughts and emotions throughout the day, became the number one priority in my life. For the next four years, I explored various spiritual teachings. I learned and practiced Vipassana meditation and experimented with psychedelics.
The date, December 21, 2012 was given, with talks of the beginning of a new age, of a planetary shift, and of ascension. Open minded yet skeptical, I entertained these ideas as possibilities and felt an existential desperation to awaken before this date, lest I be left behind. I practiced earnestly and desperately. During the first or second week of December 2012, I underwent a non-dual spiritual awakening involving the realization of emptiness and no-self. What I once perceived to be the world and my self vanished as if they never were at all.
I spent the next few years within this non-dual state, initially dismissing everything as merely illusory, to eventually consciously integrating my realization into everyday life as a real human being in a very real world. Despite this non-dual awakening, something in me knew that there must be more. I continued further with my exploration and practice.
In early 2015, I began to experience a series of subtle energetic symptoms occurring within my body. Spontaneous spasms, extremely powerful head rushes, mysterious chest pain, emotional breakdowns and the like. I had a handful of mystical experiences and was bombarded with mind-boggling synchronicity. The world that I once dismissed as illusory came alive and seemed to be extremely intelligent, mysterious and benevolent. I began to be drawn to the word ‘Kundalini Shakti’ and to resonate with the mystery of this divine force.
Feeling a deep heart ache, I was intuitively guided to add a new dimension to my simple meditation practice. I began to visualize my heart center as a beacon of liquid-love-light. Expanding and contracting with each breath, I experienced my heart center radiating this liquid-love-light throughout my whole system. I spent hundreds of hours with this practice, with no goal in mind. It simply felt right and irresistible.
In the summer of that year, I visited a friend in the hospital. There, I met one of my mentors for the first time, Jeanette Wayne. She was doing some energy healing work on him before his surgery. She was mysterious and yet open, radiant and straightforward. She resonated with me deeply.
Some months later in October, during a very intense romantic relationship, while practicing the heart centered meditation during a psychedelic mushroom trip, I experienced the awakening of Kundalini Shakti. Following this experience, I entered into a very dark and intense period of my life.
My relationships and work life all soon fell apart. I began to experience a phase of emotional purging and release to such an intense degree that I didn’t think was humanly possible. I experienced a wide range of psychological and physical symptoms, mystical encounters, strange phenomena and deep bliss.
I visited Jeanette and told her about this Kundalini Shakti awakening experience that I had been undergoing. Initially, she was doubtful that it could have really been that, but with a bit of probing, she understood it to be so. She said the same thing happened to her fifteen years ago. I began to cry with relief. She looked me in the eye, and said “You’re doing well.”
At this point in my path, I had known deeply that everything really is unfolding according to divine will, but the difficult experiences that I was having were causing me to doubt. I asked her, “Look, I’m pretty sure it’s all a divine orchestration, but you gotta tell me, is it really?” She said, “In this Universe, there are some accidents and there are some things that are random, but for you, everything is a divine orchestration.”
I can’t express about how deeply those words have gone on to transform my entire existence.
Everything is a divine orchestration.
Over the next year, I spent time exploring the teachings of a handful of masters – Matt Kahn, Master Chrism, Igor Kufayev, David Spero, Jan Esmann and Mary Mueller Shutan.
I would go on to experience a series of ups and downs, in emotional states, life circumstances, energy levels, inspiration, health and states of consciousness.
I fell into deep states of depression that were soothed by a bliss that transcends words. This same bliss also had me impaired, lying in bed, in tears of ecstasy for lengthy periods of time. During this time, I had no consistent income and yet was consistently supported in many ways.
I felt divinely inspired and driven and at other times I spent upwards of fourteen hours a day sleeping. My overall health was up and down, with two very intense periods of fevers that I thought were going to kill me.
I experienced extremely emotional events within my immediate family that allowed me to heal deep familial and ancestral wounds, to cultivate and refine my compassion and empathy, and to see the face of God in all.
Through these intense experiences, I have deepened my friendships immensely, have found myself in a heart-centered relationship with a beautiful woman, and refined my ability to serve as an intuitive healer and spiritual teacher.
Over the past year, I became creatively inspired and have been expressing myself through photography. I have rediscovered some musical talents. With these arts, I am learning now to relax, to allow inspiration to come in, and to humble myself before the Muse.
Things have also gotten weird at times. Sometimes I laugh thinking about how I began exploring spirituality because I simply was looking for a practical means to get out of depression. Eight years later, this path has led me to have had experiences of some of the strangest phenomena, mystical experiences, visitations and blessings from powerful beings and even contact with ETs.
My memory has fallen away and the amount of thoughts that pass through my awareness have been drastically reduced. I am aware that there is still further to go, and so I continue to practice.
I move in and out of certain states of consciousness in which everything is directly experienced as one, as divine and as not separate from what I am. Each breath sends bliss throughout my entire body. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s intoxicating.
I rely on intuition and feeling to move through the world and continue to refine and develop my ability to trust it. Certain empathic and intuitive abilities continue to blossom within me as I surrender myself to this transformation and dedicate myself to the service of all, as a teacher, healer, mentor and friend.
Jeanette told me one year ago, to get on my knees and surrender myself to service. I have done this a few times since, with each time involving a deepening of what that word – service – really means. Today, I see no other option but to serve.
This awakening, this bliss, this love and this understanding are far too vast to be solely for this limited body-mind that I call my self. It has to be for the whole world and so it is. Having served myself to a certain degree, I am here now to serve others, guided by the divine that is both within and without.
I’ve been absent from this blog for the past few months because I haven’t been able to bring myself to write. Whenever I tried to, the Shakti within, the Divine Mother, would tell me to rest and that there’s no rush. I’ve been through an intense journey, over many lifetimes, and though at times I have resisted it and felt guilty about it, that rest has been due. Now, finally, I feel rested and inspired once again to return into action.
There is a planetary ascension well underway that is accelerating before our eyes. I have recognized my purpose to be here as a grounded anchor of Love for this global transformation as together we move into a higher, heart-centered dimension of being. Under the guidance of the Universe, the Shakti, and my teachers, I am excited to be here to travel with you all whilst offering support as we move into these turbulent yet thrilling times of great change.
May all beings come to know and embody themselves as Love.
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