Go Team Cancer!

I'm 26, going through treatment for Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and trying to make the best of it. Diagnosed March 2013. Relapse the weekend prior to my 5th chemo (June 29).

[goteamcancer]

Good news: going home tomorrow. Bad news: two weeks of radiation. And some other news I'm not ready to post

[goteamcancer]

My right nostril opened up and I seized the opportunity to eat and breathe through my nose and feel semi normal again.

[goteamcancer]

Brace yourselves. Bad news bears maybe be coming.

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The MIGHT move me to ICU. Uhhhh??

[goteamcancer]

No sleep. It's Friday, so they're slamming me with tests. There was actually a line at my door. Xray. Speech test? (Cancelled so far). CT scan. Groups of doctors. Single doctors. Social workers. Ughbbb

[goteamcancer]

2 am and still sitting here, wheezing. They need to fix this already. Pulmonary lady is coming back tomorrow, I believe. I kinda lost sense of days. Luckily they write down the date on the wall.

[goteamcancer]

Fuck alburitol. It doesn’t help my breathing and it raises my heart rate. Now I’m all panicky and can’t sleep.

And lasiks at 10? I'm gunna be peeing all night (lasiks make you pee. Not the eye lasers)

[goteamcancer]

Go team grandpa!

[goteamcancer]

Almost done with day 3. I still do my so daily to - do list, but it's getting hard. I'm a big guy and that shower is tiny. And I lose my breathe just walking to the bathroom, so washing and drying is exhausting. I now have to rinse my mouth with saline 4 times a day. More walking to the bathroom. Maybe they could give me a bucket? My breathing is getting bad. I'm sitting here wheezing. I'll do it!

[goteamcancer]

I just had to choose between pooping my bed or with the door open. I left the door open

The diarrhea has hit.

[goteamcancer]

:'(

[goteamcancer]

Why I Think Cedars is Trying to Kill Me

So we arrived at 8:45. 15 min late. Give us a break. I slept 2 hours. Had half a Boost and half a juice smoothie thing for brrakfast. They take 6 vials of blood. I see my doctor. Lots of talking. We wait. I go into to get a PICC line placed. The fail the first one. Now my arm is sore. Lunch. The food is good but it makes me gag and almost vomit. Settle on yogurt. PICC line attempt 2. They place sheets over my head. I nearly suffocate. The end up placing it in the same vein as my port, so if they end up filling my vein, I could have serious issues. Attempt to nap in the waiting room. Apparently the cleaning crew empties the trash cans every 10 min. No sleep. I finally get checked in. They ask a million questions. As soon as I doze off, the come back to attach a saline bag. Then I start drifting off again, they let my neighbors IV alarm go off for 10 min. Then I start to doze off again, they bring me dinner. They never took my order. I get backed fish and matzo ball soup, the 2 least likely things I'd order. I'd burrow up an d try to sleep again, but they're still going to do chemo and they check vitals every 4 hours. So they're coming...

[goteamcancer]

Admission?

More waiting. I snagged a pillow and a padded bench. Found a light switch. Time to nap.

[goteamcancer]

PICC line attempt 1: failed

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I spent a good hour texting my chemo nurse from my riverside doctor. She's been my "chemo mom." It was nice. She reassured me that sine I'm young, I shouldn't get most of the side effects that they filled my head with. Then we compared Coachella (which I had been attending every year since 2008) and Stagecoach (which she attends annually). It was a pleasant conversation after such a rough day. Now to finish packing.

[goteamcancer]

So my dad walks into my room and just shoves a new laptop in my face and tells me to set it up. I’m no rich white girl, I still have $13,000 in loans and maxed out credit cards to pay off college. I’m about to drop $1k of my own money on car insurance. I just gave the man $600 to get my truck repaired while i’m in the hospital. So yeah, I’m grateful for free stuff. But today of all days? I still have clothes to pack. I still have to dig out my art supplies. I have raging anxiety attacks. And now I have to figure out how to use windows 8 and it’s weird touchscreen weirdness and the Internet cuts out every 10 min? I have to be in LA to start a week long chemo dose and then transplant process at 8:30 am tomorrow and now I have to figure out this strange laptop. I was happy with my old one. It works just fine. I know where my websites are. It has my passwords save for those not - so - important websites. This is not the time for me to be learning new things.

[goteamcancer]

Today was ruined. I understand when someone tries to do something nice for me, but expecting me to jump with joy when I'm in the middle of an anxiety attack? I can't please you right now. I don't even want what you're offering. There is such a thing a "too much change." I just hit my limit.