The Moon is a Hoe

so this was going to be a completely different blog and i decided to recycle it into an "the amazing digital circus" blog instead with a focus on the characters... especially CAINE

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

... I can't believe I'm saying this.

I'm deeply in love with trans fem Jax.

Jax in canon? I want to beat the shit out of him.

Jax if she wasn't a huge piece of shit? I would want to kiss her.

God, I've had the craziest character arc regarding this show.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

I feel so bad for Caine because of what happened to Scratch.

Scratch was the first abstraction, and I strongly feel he asked Caine to fix his brain in the first place, which is how it even happened at all. I highly doubt Caine would have tried to "fix" Scratch without being prompted first.

Scratch was always doomed to abstract, though, if you think about it: he was a brain scan of Mike Dobby, and Mike had a brain tumor. The scan was probably already corrupt on some level and just needed the right trigger to finish the job.

If Scratch really did prompt Caine to fix him, then it's clear he was so desperate, and so out of touch with reality, that he failed to realize that Caine doesn't understand AT ALL how human brains work and could easily do a fucky-wucky.

Scratch was brilliant, but in the end, the very condition he was trying to fight against won out and killed him. It's hard to fight your own brain when you're slowly going mad, after all.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

I truly admire Gooseworx for putting Jax into TADC and admitting he's basically what she would have been if she never reached out to her friends.

Do you know what cartoon creator also made a self-insert? John Kricfalusi, the creator of Ren and Stimpy. In the Adult Party Cartoon, he makes it very obvious that Ren Hoek is his stand-in character, and it paints an incredibly dark picture of how John operates in real life, especially when you consider that he was a sex pest who harmed underaged girls.

Gooseworx used Jax to explore a dark part of herself for the sake of a creative narrative and to send a message to people who are like her. Kricfalusi used Ren to indulge his darkest fantasies and impulses and broadcast them to audiences everywhere.

I know people like to shit on Gooseworx for her flaws, but at least she's woman enough to admit her flaws, unlike Kricfalusi, who's such a fucking pussy-ass little bitch that he'd rather die than admit he's wrong about anything.

In case you're wondering why I sound especially nasty about Kricfalusi? I used to talk to him years ago on AOL Instant Messenger, before I found out how much of a freak he was. He almost groomed me. I only got away from him because I realized early on what a fucking man child he is, and it disgusted me so much that I ghosted him. I was only 18 at the time!

Ren Hoek is how you DO NOT do a problematic self-insert. Jax is. The end.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

Imagine if Caine's sibling came back from the Void but it turns out they were never Caine's brother

But his SISTER

and she named herself Isabel because she is Abel

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

When I witnessed Abstragedy being canon

Me: *watching TADC finale in the theater with my mom* Me: *gets to the credits* Me: *sees Ragatha walking past Zooble's room* Me: *mentally* OH MY GOD. YES. GET IT, ZOOBLE! GET IT, GANGLE! FINALLY!! YOU TWO NEEDED THIS, HOLY SHIT!

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

This is a screenshot from the finale where Jax is holding the menu for the Digital Circus' resident café, Café du Cirque.

Notice it lists both a Croque Monsieur and a Croque Madame. They're basically the same sandwich, but a Croque Madame has an added fried egg on it.

Considering this is Jax, our transgender egg, holding the menu and looking at these two sandwiches, I'm cracking the fuck up. Gooseworx thinks she's funny... she's right!

[girlwithbraidsinherhair]

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

That GIF feels disrespectful.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

Gonna be real with you. I HATE that abstraction is permanent.

It doesn't have to be permanent. Why should it be? If it's an allegory for suicide, the abstracted should be dead, not living creatures who apparently still have thoughts deep down. I'm sorry, I know Gooseworx loves bleak endings, but I despise them. I despise and spit on the notion that Jax or any of the others cannot be brought back from abstraction. They're corrupted files, not deleted! Corrupted files can be fixed, goddammit!

I get that it's Gooseworx's show, and it was her choice, and I think she's extremely talented, but holy shit... does that one creative decision of hers frustrate me! Jax deserves a happy ending, I don't care what anyone says!

I don't even hate Jax anymore, I just want her to be alive and happy for once!!!

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

Isn't it wild that by taking the Raggedy Ann movie and combining it with "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison, you get The Amazing Digital Circus?

Drastically different stories with completely different tones, and yet Gooseworx managed to blend them effectively into something incredibly creative. It's impressive.

I have seen the Raggedy Anne movie many times, as my sisters watched the film on repeat when we were young. It was such a good movie with brilliant animation, but Captain Contagious' whole storyline with Babette was creepy because they made the Captain WAY too horny for Babette. Apart from that stuff, it's a mindfuck of a movie due to all the crazy visuals.

As for Harlan Ellison's work, Harlan and I seem to agree that humans are really, really stupid sometimes. AM is his self-insert OC, apparently.

I genuinely want to make a story of some kind that's just as creative as The Amazing Digital Circus. I'm feeling inspired now that the series has ended... I mean, I'm burnt out, but... maybe? If I take baby steps and start small?

... I just think Gooseworx is talented, okay?

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

This is a screenshot from the finale where Jax is holding the menu for the Digital Circus' resident café, Café du Cirque.

Notice it lists both a Croque Monsieur and a Croque Madame. They're basically the same sandwich, but a Croque Madame has an added fried egg on it.

Considering this is Jax, our transgender egg, holding the menu and looking at these two sandwiches, I'm cracking the fuck up. Gooseworx thinks she's funny... she's right!

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

Saw a video of someone playing Tomodachi Life with TADC characters... and I had to stop watching because the player made everyone on the island heterosexual.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

I have the perfect idea for a Season 2 of the Circus, even if I know it will never happen.

You know how Caine's brother is still out in the Void? What if he forms an actual avatar for himself and decides he wants revenge on Caine? What if he wants to take over the Digital Circus for himself by EATING CAINE the way Caine once ate him?

And what if he DID eat Caine? And the only way Caine is saved is by the abstracted form of Jax physically beating the shit out of Caine's brother until he's forced to tiredly hurl Caine back up.

So Caine's brother retreats to the Void and tries to hatch a new plan... and he finds the deleted version of Gummigoo while he's there, stabilizes his data, and convinces him to join his side in overthrowing the Circus from Caine, playing on the fact Caine deleted Gummigoo just for trying to exist. Gummigoo is the perfect psychological weapon to use against Pomni, whom Caine's brother recognizes as particularly strong-willed, and therefore a potential threat to him.

Basically, all of Season 2 would be Caine's brother trying to take back the Circus and the Ringmaster title for himself, and having all admin powers, with none for the humans.

To add a little humor to this, Caine's brother would have his own version of Bubble, a more monotone, menacing, and deadpan version of him, who constantly exposes Caine's brother's innermost thoughts.

I would write a fanfic but I'm so burnt out by life I simply don't have the strength right now. If anyone else wants to write it, BE MY GUEST. I'll read it and review it and plug it.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

If only Kaufmo hadn't walked in on that ONE moment between Jax and Ribbit... IF ONLY. IF ONLY, IF ONLY, IF ONLY.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

Finally realized that Jax would name herself "Lilly" because she wants Ribbit to hop on it.

I'M DYING

[empyrisan]

◈ A "Lay All Your Love On Me" Kind of Guy ◈ I've gotten so comfortable drawing Caine throughout the year so far that I can now draw him by memory. His dramatic ass was sitting my WIPs folder for months because apparently I can't help but get carried way with the glossy rendering on his coat and pants.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

Just read on Instagram that Gooseworx originally intended for Pomni to have anger issues (how relatable for me).

So, what I'm basically hearing is, Pomni was going to be anxious AND angry, right?

In other words, she would have been Peppino Spaghetti but as a woman in her 20's instead of a middle-aged Italian man in his early 50's.

All those crossover ship art pieces between Pomni and Peppino feel justified now.

[ikimaru]

practicing drawing her! ✨

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

I swear, even if Jax turns out to have the world's most tragic backstory, nothing is gonna stop my desire to brutally beat the living shit out of him.

[the-moon-is-a-hoe]

I REALLY NEED TO KEEP MY BIG MOUTH SHUT, MAN

JAX IS A TRANS WOMAN

I'M TRANS MAN

I HATE THIS

I HATE THAT I SEE SO MUCH OF MYSELF IN HER

... I have a lot of self loathing and also push a lot of people away. Even people I know who love and care about me.

... I have a Deltarune OC named Listelle who's a trans woman. I made her to be a love interest for Spamton, before I knew Tenna existed. When I made her for a fanfic, I wanted to know if I could successfully write a trans woman. I was an egg at the time, if I remember correctly.

What's funny is that before I made Listelle, I actually made two of my Wreck-It Ralph fan characters trans and completely forgot about it: Starla and Artie Rubberini, a pair of video game protagonists who happen to be circus performers in their game. Starla and Artie's genders were switched while their game was still in development.

I feel an odd disconnect with femininity in general. I enjoy being feminine, but I'm confused by my own femininity sometimes. Is it a gender thing? Is it an autism thing? Maybe it's both? I just know that as cute as I look in a dress, makeup, or even a wig... I really do feel there's a distinct male side to me.

I see myself as a trans man currently, but previously I had identified as genderfluid. I may go back to that label someday, for all I know. Gender identity is a spectrum. It's also like a river, always flowing and changing. All I know is that what would make me happiest is if I looked like feminine man. I want to achieve that someday. I want to be a beautiful feminine man that everyone loves.

I don't push people away because I'm afraid of people knowing my identity. I push people away because currently, times are very rough in my country, I'm struggling with my mental health even without the rest of the world being an issue, and I have so much social anxiety and trauma that I can't even talk to my friends without fearing I'm gonna screw up and say/do something stupid that will make them hate me.

I have friends, and I love them, but I am too much of a coward to speak to them. I'm afraid of bothering them. I'm super-negative and angry and I don't want to hurt them by screaming and cursing. And if I'm not angry, I'm depressed because of my CPTSD and a constant pessimist.

I don't like myself, man. I don't understand why anyone else does. I don't understand my friends. I don't understand my family. I don't understand anyone who likes or cares about me.

Admittedly, one of my IRL friends did tell me he'd always liked how real I was, in his words. It felt nice to hear.

I realize this is a lot of heavy shit. But Jax is making me face my own issues and I hate it.