RELIEVED OF DUTY. i’m balls deep in writing my novel. anyways, i’ll be around on discord mostly. nyssa al cool#0990.Anyways, I’ve been watching Catfish recently and it’s really brought up a lot of hurt I thought I had gotten over. i need to get this off my chest. catfish tw, manipulation tw, abuse tw below.
When I was 16, I used to write as Sigyn on Facebook. My god I loved this character so much. I’d been writing her since I was 11. Anyways, I began writing with a Loki, and the mun and I started becoming friends ooc. Let’s call him Adam. Around that time, an Angrboda came around. (If you don’t know anything about Loki, his first wife was Angrboda, and later married Sigyn). We were all fine with writing together. Angie’s mun, let’s call her Christina and I also became very good friends. It was so pleasant; our little trio.
Christina told me she was 32. Adam told me he was 28, and I said I was 16. (at first I said i was 18, but then I felt too bad about lying, so i corrected it. i didn’t even want to write smut. i just wanted to be cool. don’t lie about your age. even to look cool. it’s wrong.). After a while, Christina confessed that she had real feelings for Adam and that she didn’t want to hurt me. Ironically, so did I. But I knew that I would never be able to be with Adam, so I told her that I wasn’t going to intervene and that I was happy for them. Adam later came to me and confessed his feelings for me, but that he didn’t want to hurt Christina.
Being the naive sixteen year old I was, I confessed my feelings as well, but that I didn’t want to hurt her either, so we stayed friends. However, it didn’t last long. Christina said that she stopped crushing on him, so Adam and I finally got “together”.
Everything was fine. We mostly kept our IRL relationship in the dark because well, I was only 16. I told him my real age, but he didn’t tell me his. Adam made me believe he was in his 20′s and that he was single, lived in New York, etc. We made plans for me to move out there once I graduated high school.
All was well, but he began to be manipulative. He also borderline stalked my irl facebook page.
Adam wrote Loki, a usually notorious cheater. At that time, I was a single-ship writer... For every character that I wrote. We both agreed that we wouldn’t write any romantic or sexual relationship with anyone else. However, he began to write orgies and shit with other characters. He wrote romantic relationships with LITERALLY almost everyone he met. No matter how many times I asked him about it, he said that “Sigyn is who he goes to at the end of the day. She’s obviously most important, so you should be happy”. So, I began to understand that his literal harem would stick around. I also understood that if I decide to break off the ship, our relationship would be over. He made that very clear.
About two months into this relationship, our Thor, Lisa was shunned from the group. Adam said that she would vaguebook about him and badmouth him etc. etc. Of course, not really knowing Lisa caused me to go on his side. I watched in silence as Adam ruined her reputation on Facebook and caused her go to underground.
Two-three months after that, Christina was shunned out of our group. Adam said that he found out that Christina had been stalking him and teamed up with Lisa to ruin his reputation. That’s really when I realized that something was wrong with Adam.
He started distancing himself from me. I didn’t understand why. Christina and I had been in contact, though it was in secret from Adam. She told me that Adam had lied about his last name, and his martial status.
Of course, this freaked me the fuck out. So I went to Adam about it, he said it was true, he DID have a wife, but that he was in the middle of divorcing her... which is why he’d been distant. He’d been dealing with the legal things and moving out.
I foolishly said I’d still stay with him, but my trust was lost. At this point, he’d manipulated me to the point where I was blindly infatuated with this fool. Adam came clean about seeing a psychiatrist to understand his connection to me, but that he still loved me and stuff. It was very hard. He was so off again, on again depending on what character “Loki” was talking to.
I also started to realize how nutso he was at this point. He claimed that Loki “lived in his head”. All day, and that basically he had this norse deity in his mind. He wasn’t able to discern the character from the human anymore. He believed all of these characters pining for Loki’s attention were women seeking HIS love and attention. He saw himself as a god.
Even through this, I trudged on. I had been manipulated, groomed and lied to for about six months at this point. I forgot what was reality and what wasn’t. I would watch him break our shipping oath and cheat on me with other REAL LIFE women every fucking day. At that point, I believed I deserved it.
Christina warned me one more time. She said that Adam hadn’t told me the whole truth, as I already assumed. She warned me to get out of there. I brushed her off, thinking she was just jealous. BUT, it stuck with me.
I finally asked Adam for the real truth. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to, kids.
He said that he had lied to me about his age, and that he was really 39. He also said that his wife was pregnant with his child (after a night of passion two months ago. six months into OUR relationship), and he decided to try and make it work with her, but he didn’t think it was possible, so I could still stay.
That was the final straw. I told him that I had to go and deleted all character accounts I had. I blocked everything of his. I reached out to Christina to apologize for everything I didn’t believe of hers, etc. The reason she and Lisa were kicked out was because they learned the truth about him. They did something he didn’t like, and Adam couldn’t handle it.
Months later, I gave role-playing another try. Not with him, but we accidentally bumped paths. I was looking for my old writing buddies and stumbled across Adam’s page. His latest post was a lie, saying that I had found a new boyfriend and suddenly became too busy for my real friends. He also said that once I learned about break-ups, that I’d be back and he’d welcome me home.
I went back to my writing silence, furious. I stayed away from writing for months... until I found tumblr and started writing as a certain Fish Mooney.
The last contact I had with Adam was telling him to fuck off after he posted on Christina’s new Angrboda wall, asking how she was doing (along with knowing who she was).
Christina also told me around this time that he believed he had two other kids all this time. He posted a picture of his “nieces and nephews”... which we believe might be his actual children. The lies kept coming to light.
This fucktard who was FOURTY YEARS OLD took away my sophomore year of HIGH SCHOOL. He took away my innocence and my happiness for a whole fucking year. He made me distance myself from my friends because I was so embarrassed to tell them the truth. He made me fail two classes after demanding my attention every second of every day.
God knows what would’ve happened if I’d told my parents. He made me isolate myself and feel like I was worth nothing without him. Adam made me believe I was the reason he was a pedophilic fuck. In fact, I STILL feel ashamed about it. I KNEW he had a wife, yet I chose to stay because he lied and twisted the truth SO much.
He also made me believe that I deserved as much as Sigyn did. So long as he came home to me in the evening, I should be happy. I haven’t even been able to successfully write Sigyn since then. I tried on my multi... but I’m so afraid of running into him. I know he has a tumblr somewhere.
So that’s my story. That’s why I get so nervous about shipping characters and still role-playing can be so hard to do. Just... Be safe on the internet, friends. I know a lot of you are very kind and gentle but there are predators out there who need to lose their genitalia. So just, be careful. I just don’t want to see anyone have to go through what I did.
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