forgive me father

for i have SINNED

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

i’ve low key been dreading making this post, but here it is: i’m leaving.

i was admitted to the hospital about a week or so ago because i was so unhappy and wanted to die and while i was there, i did a lot of self reflection and realized a lot about myself and one of those things was just how unhappy i am on tumblr. please know this wasn’t caused by anyone on this site, i love all of you dearly, but there’s just something about this site i can’t do anymore. and rather than sacrificing my happiness to please others like i have in the past, i’m putting myself first for once. so i’m out.

i won’t be deleting my blog lest through some miracle, i wanna come back (plus i love my theme too much), but don’t expect to contact me here any longer. i’ll probably reblog this post a few times just so everyone sees it, but otherwise i won’t be here. if you wanna keep in contact with me, however, feel free to add me on discord. just please let me know who you are. i will be more than willing to rp on discord as well if anyone wants to so it’s not like matt won’t live on. i just can’t do tumblr anymore.

my discord is makehimbleed#0569 if anyone wants it. otherwise, i guess i’ll see you guys on the flip side. love you. <3

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

i’ve low key been dreading making this post, but here it is: i’m leaving.

i was admitted to the hospital about a week or so ago because i was so unhappy and wanted to die and while i was there, i did a lot of self reflection and realized a lot about myself and one of those things was just how unhappy i am on tumblr. please know this wasn’t caused by anyone on this site, i love all of you dearly, but there’s just something about this site i can’t do anymore. and rather than sacrificing my happiness to please others like i have in the past, i’m putting myself first for once. so i’m out.

i won’t be deleting my blog lest through some miracle, i wanna come back (plus i love my theme too much), but don’t expect to contact me here any longer. i’ll probably reblog this post a few times just so everyone sees it, but otherwise i won’t be here. if you wanna keep in contact with me, however, feel free to add me on discord. just please let me know who you are. i will be more than willing to rp on discord as well if anyone wants to so it’s not like matt won’t live on. i just can’t do tumblr anymore.

my discord is makehimbleed#0569 if anyone wants it. otherwise, i guess i’ll see you guys on the flip side. love you. <3

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

jules:

she’s tempted to roll her eyes , though it seems a petulant move , regardless of whether or not he witnesses it . ❝ well , you’d know all about those , wouldn’t you  ?  ❞ juliette replies , though jaw clenches despite attempts to remain stoic . she doesn’t understand why he’s doing this to her . why he feels compelled to keep reopening the wound . as though he hadn’t caused her enough pain as it were . sigh exhaled , brunette curl tucked behind ear . she isn’t sure whether to attribute the shiver snaking down her spine to the cold or to him . ❝ oh , you wound me matthew . if i’d known that all it took was the stench of desperation and a few shots of the cheapest tequila at the bar to get you off , i would’ve saved myself a year and a half .  ❞

he doesn’t mean to clench his hands into fists the way he does, but... dammit if she doesn’t manage to royally piss him off. even more so than he had already been. ❝ fuck you, jules! i told you why i left! so quit acting like you’re the only fucking victim in this! ❞ he doesn’t mean to raise his voice the way he does either, but between the rage and the alcohol running through his veins, he can’t seem to contain himself. violent desires make themselves present in his mind, typical for when he gets this enraged, though none of them involve touching a hair on juliette’s head. if will’s smart, he’ll stay away. 

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

jules:

❝ he knows i deal with men in costume far more dangerous than you on a daily basis . ❞ she snaps in reply , fair features contorting in annoyance . he doesn’t even know will . he’s a good man , an orthopedic surgeon from a hospital in brooklyn . he volunteers . he shoots pool . he’s the kind of guy they would’ve both grabbed a beer with , before . not that she can say such to him , suggest they could all be friends . the concept is laughable .  ❝ i’m not going to stand here and take judgement from the one sleeping around with women slimier than the dives you pick them up in . ❞ far from kind , far from her typical demeanor , but she can’t take this . not again . not anymore . she’s trying , and fuck him if he won’t let her move on when he’s the one who had kicked her to the curb to begin with . 

that one has him laughing. a genuine chuckle, however bitter it may sound, tumbles from his lips as he shakes his head gently. hands place themselves upon his hips as he looks down to her. even if he can’t actually see her. ❝ sounds like a pussy excuse to run away, ❞ he counters, though his voice seems to come off significantly calmer than hers. even if he’s only seconds away from decking the next person that walks by in the face without second thought. he’s beyond frustrated, beyond angry, but he doesn’t dare take that out on her. not physically, anyway. ❝ at least they know how to fuck. ❞ 

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

jules:

it’s been nice . he was nice . perhaps a little tame , a little safe , but anyone would argue that was exactly what juliette needed . and god knows she’s been trying . to move on , to let herself be a normal twenty six year old . to let herself be happy , even if only for a little while . and she is happy , so much so that her attention is undivided . even now , she’s yet to notice the other . so she drinks good wine and laughs at his stories and when he offers a taste of fresh air , she agrees . because she deserves this . to enjoy herself . to be with someone who enjoys her , too . 

it’s cool outside , welcome on her skin . she isn’t sure if the laughter that drips from tongue is due to his jokes or the wine or her elation at feeling good for once , but she’s trying not to over think it . almost succeeds , as they meander down the sidewalk , until . until , their path is obstructed and her heart sinks to her stomach and her delight tapers to silence . her date seems to tense , and juliette faintly registers his inquiry ( what the hell ? ) but her own reply interrupts such .  ❝ will , would you go grab the car ? ❞ and the look at accompanies such a request has the other muttering some irate reply before hesitantly departing . jaw clenched , gaze falls upon him .  ❝ what the hell do you think you’re doing ? ❞

❝ so he has no idea who i am and just leaves you alone with this? ❞ he gestures to himself with a scoff. ❝ that’s cute. i could just be a fucking serial killer for all he knows. ❞ there’s a smile toying at his lips, but it’s far from genuine or even remotely happy looking. rather, it’s almost mocking. like he’s judging her and her newfound taste in men. or maybe she’s always had shitty judgement. ❝ nice fucking choice, jules, ❞ he spits, intentionally avoiding the question being asked of him. truth be told, he’s not entirely sure, anyway. part of him has some twisted belief that he can somehow win her back this way, but deep down, he knows better. knows this won’t solve anything. if anything, he’s probably just making matters worse, but he can’t quite say he cares within that very moment. so long as he’s ruining will’s night, he’s content. 

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

"I'm already starting to warm up from your hospitality." Clint says smoothly, doing as Matt directed and he flopped down on the couch making himself comfortable as he usually does when he is here. "Been awhile since I had a cooked meal, smells great. Now serious, how's it going, been weeks."

He sighs quietly at Clint’s persistence. Not that he doesn’t appreciate it to some degree. It’s nice to know he’s cared for, he supposes, but that doesn’t prevent him from feeling as though he doesn’t deserve it. Not when he distances himself the way he does. “It’s been fine.” It’s not entirely the truth, but the other doesn’t need to know that. So he walks to the kitchen, makes up two bowls for the duo before returning to the couch, grabbing two spoons on his way back. Handing one off to Clint, Matthew takes his seat down by his feet. “You?”

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

jaw clenches at the sound of her laughter, something that once garnished a smile, perhaps even a chuckle of his own, previously. it’s different when it’s another man eliciting such a sound out of her, however. when her attention isn’t on him. not that he deserves it. he did this to himself. he can admit that, but that doesn’t change the heat boiling in the pit of his stomach. the way his head cocks to the side as though to better hear him when he speaks up, asks if she rather go outside. and she agrees. he squeezes his glass so hard that he can hear it begin to crack within his grasp. like hell he’s getting any closer to her than he already has. 

still, he allows them to exit the bar before he exits out the back, suit being stripped to reveal his daredevil costume underneath. he’s drunk, probably shouldn’t be doing any of this. knows he shouldn’t and yet he pulls his mask over his head and heads towards the front of the establishment. towards the sound of her god awful giggling. fuck his suit, his glasses, his cane. he had more important matters to attend to. ❝ where ya headed? ❞ he all but grumbles as he stands before the pair. 

@banncrcd

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

continued from here

it’s not often that one sole person has matt’s undivided attention for long, but she does. especially now, with bruises and scratches littering her body, he’s sure. granted, he can’t see a single one of them, but he knows she’s bound to be scarred, both emotionally and physically, after that night. he wants to comfort her. to simply hold her and shield her away from the world. hell, maybe even admit to the fact that it was him who saved her, but that seems a little much. it’s better this way, after all. her not knowing. would likely save her life in the end, even. so he merely stands there with her, content to remain within her presence until he feels her fingers gripping around his glasses. and he can’t help but tense slightly at the removal. he’s not used to being seen without them, has formed a type of barrier with them. prevents him from getting too close to people. too close to those he could lose, but he doesn’t stop her. no, if anything, there’s a part of him who wants to rid himself of that barrier. at least around her. so he gives in, both in regards to allowing his sunglasses to be removed along with the kiss that connects their lips together. as if he could say no to her. as if he ever could. 

still, he hesitates, as though he’s allowing mj to decide whether or not this is something she genuinely wants. doesn’t want her to feel pressured into anything, especially not now, when she’s potentially in such a fragile state. after a moment, she curls her fingers into his hair, seemingly being the sign he needs to return the kiss that he every so gently gives to her. at least initially. it doesn’t take long for matt to add just a bit more force to it. hands find her hips as he cocks his head off to the side, enough so to allow him to deepen the kiss between them, though his actions remain testing, giving her every chance to back out of it if she so chooses. 

@nytigress

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

"Nah, not your fault. It's this weather, I hate it." The cold just hit him, Clint complains and whines to Matt. He doesn't mind the holiday season, he just hates cold weather. "So what's cookin', good lookin'?"

“Chili, actually,” he smiles gently as he guides Clint to the couch. Gesturing for him to sit, Matt nods towards the kitchen. “Hungry? It’ll warm you up at the very least.” 

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

"The Amazing Hawkeye freezing his ass off? It's fucking cold out here! When did it get so damn cold? Matty, let me in!"

Oh. Oh shit. He runs to the door, then, opening it up and dragging Clint within the warmth of his apartment. Closing the door behind them, Matt grabs a nearby jacket hanging from a hook before wrapping it around the other. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he mumbles as he gently runs his palms along his arms. 

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

"Knock, knock."

“Who’s there?”

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

jules:

plush pout upturned at his reaction , some semblance of pride swelling in her chest at the ability to garner such a reaction from him . so often serious , as though the weight the of the world is one he bears upon his shoulders , that his laughter is always a welcome departure .  ❝ saying that before you’ve tasted anything is a rookie move , murdock . ❞ she murmurs in reply , and though he might not see the tell tale blush creeping upon her cheeks , she knows he’ll pick up on it . he always seems to , at least . 

if she finds pride in her ability to garnish laughter from his being than he finds the same in being able to tint her cheeks pink the way he does. not that he can see it, but he can surely sense the warmth radiating from her cheeks. it’s a shame he can’t actually witness the change in hue, but he’ll take what he can get as he smiles just a little bit wider. ❝ not if i already know i’ll love it, ❞ he quips right back before reluctantly releasing her wrists to remove himself from the couch. as though unable to be without her for long, however, he then makes his way around only to scoop her up into his arms bridal style, carrying her over to the kitchen and towards the scent of food. ❝ grab the plates. ❞

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

jules:

draped over the back of couch , she presses lips to the stubble of his cheek . she’s far too pleased with herself , smiling against his skin whilst the answer rolls off her tongue . ❝ he was a bird of pray . ❞ banner woman chimes . and of course it’s terrible , and cheesy , and lame , and she’ll readily admit to such . but he brings it out in her , a playfulness , lighthearted disregard for her own vanity and reputation when she’s with him . she doesn’t have to maintain an appearance . perhaps why she seems so content , heartbeat calm in her chest while she presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth .  ❝ — dinner’s ready .  ❞

and yet, as terrible a joke it may be, he laughs. genuinely laughs. a sucker for awful jokes, matt turns his head almost as soon as she does, allowing lips to connect pleasantly as he grins. partially from the aftermath of his laughter and partially from the simple fact that he’s making contact with her. as though he’s been without it for too long despite such not being the case in the slightest in all honesty.  ❝ have i ever told you how perfect you are? because if not, i’m really slacking at my job, ❞ he all but whispers against her lips. 

[fitzandmontgomery]

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

jules:

                         it’s two sizes too big , and the sleeves are rolled up to a near comical degree , but juliette wears stolen sweatshirt as proudly as she might a versace gown . perhaps the darkened skies and droplets of rain racing down immense panes of glass ought to dampen her mood , but such doesn’t seem the case . she’s light on her feet , stirring a chili that fills the loft with some semblance of hearty spice while sweeter scent of honey drifts from cornbread in the oven ( of the proper southern variety , or say claims the banner ) . ❝ oh ! i’ve got one . a good one , i swear . ❞ abrupt exclamation , and it seems she’s upon him in an instant , stretched upon toes to drape arms over broader shoulders , petite form resting comfortably against the other .  ❝ — why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple ?  ❞

@gotthedevilinem​ gets ya girl just because !

pleasant aroma fills his nostrils as he sits upon the couch, a file written in braille placed upon the coffee table before him that his fingers skim over only to pause when she wraps her arms around him. it’s difficult to focus when she’s around, but he’s not exactly complaining either. he grins rightly as he lifts his hands to gently lay upon her own, fingers clasping at her wrists to lightly hold them as he looks up to her. ❝ why? ❞ he bites. not that he doesn’t love awful jokes and puns, he adores them. especially when they come from her. 

[gotthedevilinem-blog]

pete:

he hunches over & hangs his head in defeat. he didn’t necessarily expect to win if he was being honest. he’s seen the devil ‘work’ & he’s no match. matt can hear him through walls. peter’s reflexes are better but — actually that gives him another idea. he all but bounces over to the other & drops himself onto the sofa beside matt, poorly attempting to hold back a wide smile. “ tag then!  tag you’re it. ” the grin is audible now & peter is quick to launch himself into the air, the pads of his fingers & toes sticking him to the ceiling.

his eyebrows furrow slightly at first, as though he’s not registering the words being spoken to him before peter leaps up onto the ceiling. he can’t see it, but he can hear it, the impact of the other’s body coming into contact with the ceiling. it’s hesitant, but he smiles. “ i’ll get my cane to swat you off there, ” he warns playfully as he sets his beer on the coffee table and takes to his feet. 

[hongskulls]

I’m not seeking penance for what I’ve done, Father. I’m asking forgiveness…for what I’m about to do.