clockpins:
“S'pose their ain’t shame in believin’ in th’ created condition of justice when people still believe in th’ fae that take your teeth. Hell, thieves n’ lawmen both will bend knee to a buncha scales like they still believe in’ God.”
He tears up the floor with a bit more precision. Anger turning into thinking, thoughtfulness in the act of ripping up some floorboards. Saburov chops around the pipes and kicks up old clay and ancient rat bones. The foundation of the place was the only part where expense wasn’t spared. All the dead things were lying on top of the sturdy cement.
Jester’s tail twitched at the sight of the rats. They hadn’t had much trouble with vermin since moving her and Notkin in.
“Thing that connects all of those worries is a perception that you ain’t gonna die. Nothin’ will happen tomorrow n’ I’ve got all the time in th’ world. Anybody that believes it ain’t got worries for what’s real outside their doors.”
The stove cracks when Saburov tears chunks of flooring out and feeds the flame. It does a bit for warming the room, and then the cold presses down again like a spot of pure pressure.
“People are gonna be angry at whoever the hell they want, Old Bite. People gonna tell each other Pest wasn’t even real cause’ they ain’t got food. People gonna say it wasn’t even that deadly, cause’ they never looked outside or they want an excuse for why it hurts. Just keep feedin’ em’ until they find somethin’ else to bitch about as long as they keep being tailors and leatherworkers. Someone else with a hell of a lot more patience for that shit’ll, or a job for it, will come along and tell’ em’ they’re fuckin’ loons.”
Saburov stalks over his handiwork to sink his hands on Jester and scratch behind her ears. She doesn’t move. It’s because he’s slurring and mean.
“Eh? He’s fine n’ with friends. Go ask him yourself if you wanna see how fine he is.”
The rumbling purrs do soothe and cure the draining morale.
And again, Grief had a point. It didn’t matter what people believed, so long as they provided what they needed to. So long as the leatherworkers worked leather, so long as the tailors sewed, so long as the butchers kept butchering... maybe there was a chance.
Grief was also apathetic. Not that he could blame the man. He shouldered the burden of derision and distrust from a young age. The apathy was moulded into him as a necessity of survival.
It’s the same he’d seen with others that had survived combat alongside him. You can’t care about your enemies in wartime. It’s counterproductive. You can’t show compassion to those who would rather have you dead.
Leave that to the medics.
The only thing a soldier can do, is follow orders. Kill quickly and follow the Laws of combat, and pray to whatever deity that you take down a hundred more before you fall. Conscience... is not for soldiers. Not suited for those that must kill to survive.
No, the burden of conscience fell to the generals and the politicians. It was his burden now... and the uncertainty was agitating. He didn’t even know if he had something that could be called ‘conscience’. There was Law, and the Law exists to maintain order.
Justice first. It wasn’t up to him to decide what ‘goodness’ could do.
Katerina had been a crutch for him. Designate when he should be merciful, and when he should not.
Perhaps it was time to let that go. The town didn’t need kindness right now. They needed order. Water, food, shelter, heat... Conscience is for those who survived.
We aren’t quite there yet, he thinks, but the children...
Stepping away from his break, and leaving Jester to her considerably gaudy and danger-prone throne, Saburov grabs the hammer in hand.
“Perhaps I will, if he doesn’t run from my approach. Or I’ll ask Snout and Scout to relay a message. They’re quite the couriers. Sharp enough to know a lot. Keen enough to be sure they aren’t cheated, too.”
He muses, returning to the work at hand, “... I don’t have high hopes for the adults. Adults often don’t change their minds unless a confrontation with Death forces their hands. Children? They’re used to change. Especially these ones.”
“In any case,” he continues, dropping the sledge down on the wood, following the careful patterns set along the pipes, “Notkin hasn’t run from you, yet- so you’re doing something right- or at the very least, aren’t half-bad at what you’re doing.”
It’s a small bit of humor to return the favor of listening to a man almost fourteen years his senior ramble about frustrations and philosophies.














