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@gracelizabeth
Kate (@longestacresfarm)
my soul feels heavy and my jaw has been killing me lately. it is constantly tense and rigid. i notice it often and when i do, i try to relax the muscles, move it around, loosen it up a bit. then a few minutes later, i feel the tension again.
my soul feels heavy and i keep experiencing things throughout my day -- situations, thoughts, funny moments, weird moments, sad moments, happy moments -- but at the end of the day, i don’t feel like sharing them with anyone. i feel exhausted and drained by the thought of interaction. more specifically, the thought of explaining myself, making someone understand, to a point of not wanting to attempt. i’m a talkative person, endlessly chatty, so that’s weird coming from me. this is all weird coming from me.
but i can’t keep denying that my soul feels heavy. i feel like i’m marching forward -- not blindly, but numbly. i feel numb. i feel drained. actually, now that i think about it, i really don’t feel much at all. when is the last time i did?
Journal entry February 28, 2017:
“The idea of alternative living, I guess is a longing for simplicity in an ever more complicated world” - Alex Strohl
Morning at the meadow Poranek na łące
does anyone else feel.... a complete and total shift in their being? like, i don’t even really remember what it felt like to be the person i was four months ago, let alone a year ago. i feel so much more aware of my “shadow side” and so far from being at peace with it, yet also so content with how much more i’ve come to know myself. i’ve gotten so much more comfortable with boundaries - with setting them, recognizing them, and respecting them. i’ve become much more mindful of my independence, of my own identity, of not leaning too heavily onto others but instead looking inward for support. i’ve also grown IMMEASURABLY with responsibility, like i have a fucken dog now!!! who i walk and feed and bathe and comb and spoil with treats and toys. i’m 27 which, like any other age, is the oldest age i’ve ever turned, but this time it feels... different. i feel more mature. i feel lightyears and lightyears away from the girl i was in my early twenties, and lifetimes from who i was just 2 or 3 years ago. i feel so aware of my faults, conscious of my mistakes, and determined for the future of my state of mind. i still feel confused and torn in so many ways, but also so much more settled and reassured - if not in my end goal, then at least in my direction. man, i don’t know. i could have written this all in my journal but for some reason typing it out onto this strange website that i’ve been visiting on and off for a whole ass DECADE now is a different kind of release. even though no one i actually know comes on here anymore, does anyone at all actually come on here anymore? i hope someone reads this and feels heard, or hopeful. goodnight.