Not that kind of Doctor

PhD student in Human Development trying to perfect the work/life balance

[anxietyproblem]

[jasonincalifornia]

My Kind of Sunset - Beetle Rock, Sequoia National Park

Prints/Society6

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

I’ve been here almost four days and I s2g I’m already picking up the Midwest accent again this is so bad for my rep!

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

I’m absolutely useless today! I lost motivation 2 hours ago and I’m really struggling to do the things I put on my to do list today! I don’t want to do them! But I don’t know what other work I could do to be productive but switch gears a little! Monday! What! Are! You! Doing! To! Me!

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

I think my therapist low key broke up with me so I don’t have to do it. 

[brianfulda]

Spent the weekend camping in the redwoods and exploring the foggy coastline.

Big Sur, CA. September 2016.

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

Some good things:

✨ I think I successfully ran my cluster analysis in R?

✨ A first year grad student is coming into a lab that is also studying academic development so there is a possibility for them to help out with my research/just to have more friends in this abandoned building lol 

✨ Paper revisions almost done and sent back?!

?? things:

❓ There’s a skeleton in one of the offices in here and it scares the crap out of me every time I walk by because I think a person is just LURKING what are you doing here SIR

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

I’m cleaning my apartment for a pre-move out inspection tomorrow and everything is so beige it’s difficult.

Is my floor dirty? Or does it just look that way because it’s old and beige?

The entire time I’ve lived here I’ve been uncertain about whether or not things are actually clean when I clean them.

[neu-run]

my sense of humor is extreme hyperbole delivered in a deadpan with little to no clarification

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

I think some of my frustration re: my last post too and why I haven’t told anyone I’m trying therapy is that some of my close friends talk about how transformative and healing and instantly satisfying they’ve found therapy and I have not had that. Even when I saw the person just once and tried to explain to one friend in particular that it just didn’t sit totally right with me, she did not understand. I understand that it can be a lot of hard work and that I probably just need to stick with it, but I feel like I’m just being seen as resistant and difficult, instead of people listening to me and recognizing that I am not having a similar experience to theirs. 

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

I haven’t really told anyone in my life this yet, but I started seeing a therapist. I had my second session today and I’m frustrated so I want to write about it. If you’ve ever gone to therapy and have some words of advice, I’d appreciate it 

I don’t have much experience with therapy. At the beginning of my PhD, I scheduled an appointment with a counselor on campus, because I really wanted to prevent any of the previous distress I had experienced. I went to the one session, it was an okay experience, but at this point in my life it did not feel super helpful and the logistics of seeing this particular person again were a nightmare, so I decided to not pursue therapy further.

Now, I’m about to start my third year and after some stressful events this summer and recognizing that I have re-occurring patterns of behavior related to stress, I decided to pursue therapy again and to try and stick with it. This time around, my school offers online therapy and I decided to take advantage of this because 1) it’s hard to schedule in-person visits and 2) the counseling center is right in the middle of everything making it hard to separate work and time for myself and also to be vulnerable in therapy without worrying that I’m going to run into a student/colleague/advisor/professor. 

Like I said, I’ve had my second session recently and I’m feeling frustrated. I am trying to remind myself that we are just getting to know each other, but today I felt like I wasn’t really being understood. I feel like what I want to focus in on during our time isn’t what my therapist wants to focus on. I think there were a couple times when they felt I was being resistant to their suggestions, but in reality, they were inappropriate (such as being encouraged to engage with the general public about topics I am not qualified to talk about). [[sorry I know this is vague but I don’t want to rant about super specifics]]. I also got suggestions that were CBT 101 general psych suggestions, which feels frustrating because these are already things I know how to do ? I know that therapists have a plan and I’m trying to trust the process, but I feel like I’m having to unpack a lot of emotions and frustrations by myself post-session that I should be working through with the therapist. I am going to stick with it and keep going because I know it is possible I’m just being irrational and picky. I just feel like I got left with a lot of emotional labor this time. Also she keeps bringing up yoga and it just sounds like the typical suggestion that someone without mental illness suggests as a cure. ~*~ yoga and essential oils will cure you ~*~ 

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

I have this really bad habit of leaving open a bunch of files I’m working with on DropBox, letting my computer DIE, and then coming back to them and having issues because my advisor has worked on them. My versions of the docs are all now named “133lkjhf3678hsdke234″ and now I gotta figure out how to fix this. 

[nutritionphd]

PI accepted a new job

My advisor accepted a new position at another university. She won’t be taking me. I’m officially freaking out about how I’m going to finish my dissertation. So I took the afternoon off to cry, and now I’m back to analyzing data.

Why does academia have so many challenges?

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

Ugh nooo! I’m so sorry! A similar-ish thing happened to the lab I was affiliated with and a few students were left behind, but it all worked out! I hope the everything works out for you too!!! Sending lots of good vibes 💕

[opabinia-regalis-deactivated201]

Evolutionary psychology is bullshit pass it on

[inaminadikaaa]

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

So my advisor hasn’t been in to officially tell me that the space I’m in is my office...but I’m no longer asking permission I’m just taking what’s MINE. 

And I’m cleaning it anyway and I’m pretty sure I just cleaned up a wine stain off of this desk. 

[gradgirl-getsitdone]

Summer so far...(work edition)

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