Graveyard Tales @graveyardtales-blog - Tumblr Blog

So that's a real thing

So a lesbian bus came through tonight. About 20 lesbians came piling out of the purple bus. And I'm not sure if it's because I'm a terrible person or what but I thought it was odd that they all got hotdogs... Might just be me.

#Butyouneverknow

Probably shouldve fixed your suspended license, brah.

I think I'll be okay...

Some guy in a sleeveless shirt covered in tribal tattoos with 2 earrings per ear just called me brah...

Unnecessary task #12 Counting cigarettes because 1 time 4 years ago we hired a thief. So now it's a scare tactic that goes nowhere, no records are kept or anything. I write the numbers at midnight turn it into the box to give the illusion that records are kept then at 6am it gets thrown straight from the box to the garbage.

Stinkerettes

Kings are for men, 100s are for women. That's just the way it is.

You might be a douchebag of you line the center of your car up with the line then stand out of it and smoke for 20 mins.

This has been a public service announcement from your unfriendly neighborhood asshole

During my trash removal duties today a regular customer (very nice construction excon woman) pulls up and the story was she was behind this car (car 1) going 10 under on the freeway and there was a car behind her (car 2) so car 2 goes into the fast lane to pass but then car 1 speeds up and customer is in this middle of this road rage war and waits for a chance to get over, throws on the blinker for 5 clicks and merges between them to get to her exit which brought them to their original positions, car 1, customer, car 2. So customer comes drives up and this truck flies in next to her and starts yelling at her saying how he missed his exit just to tell her how much of a shirt driver she was so being an excon she yells back and tells him to come say that to her fuckin face. So he gets furious and gets out of his truck. (meanwhile I've gone inside and am now breathing on the glass watching super intently) so he hits her door and she pushes it open on him and tells him if he wants to get his ass beat he should call the cops so there's someone to pull her off of him so he doesn't get killed. So he's calling her every name and insult and then he finally says "maybe you'll actually look over if you don't have a mirror and then totally knocks it off the side of her car (he was a fairly big dude) and my jaw was just wide open. She then the second he did that no shit she decks him across the chin and he was out. Like cold on the ground out. The police finally came since there was an unconscious construction worker in the parking lot and then an ambulance and he finally snapped out of it and totally got put in the back of the police car for reckless driving, and some form of aggravated assault. Plus it was all in the camera and when you watch it she was standing right next to the mirror so it looks like he tried to swing at her and she reacted and knocked his ass out. So I'm thinking she got super lucky. Best Monday ever

#Justgraveyardthings

My store has been invaded by these little fuckers. Pretty sure a flying ant Kingdom has decided to lay seige on the sugar Kingdom of my store.. Only one faction will survive This is literally like 300 and they're the Persians

Will never unsee "ruiz's sperm omelet tornado"

Eyes. Use them.

If I tell you at the beginning of the Isle look left and down at your ankles and you'll see what you're looking for then stand where I told you to and still can't see the item LOOKING AT YOU STRAIGHT ON THE FACE, I can't help you, nobody can help you.

Samurai delicatessen

Tonight a man came in, he was a starline coach driver, and he explained a whole samurai delicatessen skit from snl from awhile ago, with slicing motions and all (this whole process took about 10 minutes) and then continued to explain to always shoot for perfect and went on this huge rant saying if you always aim for perfect on days you're great you will be fantastic, on days you're good you will be beyond excellent etc but gave me about 50 moods. I think I understood his message after the first 2 minutes, the other 28 were just excessive. Either way, I just got paid $6.25 to get a pep talk. weird night

Universal bathroom rules

Going into the bathroom with your significant other and both going to the bathroom and only flushing after you're both finished, is gross and weird. There's such a thing as too comfortable. And it's worse that you're both 19

Know your body

If you are spilling out of 5 articles of clothing simultaneously, maybe it's time to go clothing shopping. Forcing that many pieces of clothing on every day can't be worth it. Especially when I know you've been doing it for at least 6 years.

…erotic…

So my manager is a 50 year old short bible thumping southern woman and she has incredible obliviousness when it comes to the English language, she’s lived here her whole life not foreign at all.

So it was an early spring morning, rainy as all hell and my manager drives to work at around 5am. She finally makes it here and tells me about this truck driver who was all over the road on her way here. And assuming she doesn’t know how to say erratic, she decided on using erotic. Making him the most erotic truck driver she’s ever seen.

My work rules and I have successfully broken every one of them, including the dress code rules about earrings and ripped jeans and hats with no logo.

#rebel

Introduction

Hello everyone, my name is Josh. I work at a gas station from 11pm - 7am PST 4 days a week. Because of the area I'm located in (to the south a town of hippies and to the north a town of drug dealers), we get quite a few interesting characters coming through and since I already like to people watch and be very descriptive I figure why not shed some light on what really goes bump in the night. *note there will be some very horrible language as well as anything else terrible that you could think of. I don't control what the people that come in say and will not censor myself either. So just throw some big boy panties on first* I have a normal personal Tumblr full of very funny things at broceangod.tumblr.com but I don't ever go on it. Hopefully I can make this a bit more pretty once I get home but obviously I'm at work considering the time. I'll try to fill it with some highlight reel stories to build up some content since I've been here for almost 3 years.

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