graysen @graybuckets - Tumblr Blog

May 31

pining for that last kiss, a permanent truth - ch 5

contains: second chances, miscommunication, religious guilt, internalized homophobia, friends to lovers, eventual smut, not actually unrequited love, angst with a happy ending, multiple wnba seasons

wc: 10.2k

master list

a/n: last chapter 🥹 ty all sm for sticking w me this series was sooo long but i hope it was worth it!! i loved writing it and i hope u guys loved reading it 😊 now here is 10 thousand words of them being in love to make up for this series being like 200k of angst

chapter five

Dallas, Texas is fine in April. It’s Paige’s third time landing in the DFW airport in the very earliest days of the month in preparation for the beginning of her WNBA season. She likes it here. The sun shines down and presses a sweet tan onto her skin in the form of warm rays and the wind likes to play with her hair and the humidity leaves her feeling almost glossy, moisture smoothing her skin. Texas has been her home the last few years and she has learned the hard way that it’s easier to slip into negatives than focusing on the good. But focusing on the good makes the good taste better. So she likes Dallas. She loves it.

This is her second time at this airport today. It’s ten-thirty at night, the dark sky shining in through all of the glass of the windows, loud lights hanging down and illuminating the building. She had flown in at six in the morning. The sky had lacked light in the opposite way, the sun prodding at the corners of it and streaking the beginnings of purple and red into the horizon like a bruise. The sun is long gone now. The moon now hangs in the sky and it smiles at her through the airport windows. It’s fat and feminine and wholly beautiful. The airport is becoming sleepier and sleepier around her. She doesn’t care. Paige is buzzing with an excitement that runs deep under her skin.

Azzi is about to land. Azzi, her beautiful girlfriend, the woman she’s loved since they were both girls. Unrivaled had been fun and so were the FIBA games and so were all of the things that they had gotten to do. But Dallas is special, because Dallas they get to be together. Dallas gets to give them a home together. Dallas means practicing every day together and traveling for games together and going to events together and sleeping in the same bed every night together. It means being together. And while Paige would love to call the idea of it sappy or make a joke about her coach from her rookie year, she’s so excited for the next six months of her life that she can’t fathom being anything but enamored with the notion.

She’s standing outside the exit from the terminals. The security guard standing next to the opening out into the arrivals area is the only person with her. Soft music plays in the building. Her fingers curl around the edges of the stupid sign she had brought with her. Azzi isn’t out yet and she’s already fighting the urge to grin. The night wraps around her and her sweat set. Her hood is pulled up over her head. Her phone buzzes in her pocket. She reaches in and pulls it out as it continues to send her more notifications, her smile widening when she sees who they’re from.

az 💗: js grabbed my bags i tried to text u when i landed but wifi was shotty

az 💗: hope u have fomo rn that im in dallas w/o u

az 💗: jk i wish u were getting here earlier ☹️ miss u and ur pretty face

Azzi is close. Azzi is just above her, grabbing her bags, and she will come down the escalator that Paige can see through the doorway right in front of her and Paige will get to see and touch her again. She’s smiling so hard to herself that she knows she looks like an idiot. She doesn’t care. Surprisingly, the airport isn’t very crowded. She thinks the fact that it’s so late on a random weekday in April may contribute to this fact. No one else has to see the idiotic smile on her face.

Paige doesn’t type out a response because she doesn’t think she could create one at the moment that wouldn’t immediately incriminate herself. She just slips her phone back in her pocket, body buzzing with excitement. She’s impatient. The airport continues to hum lazily back at her with an inactive energy as she stands there waiting. But it’s not much longer until she catches sight of a very familiar shape walking towards the escalator.

Azzi, in all her glory. All of her beautiful, lovely, perfect glory. The stuffiness of the airport has done nothing to dampen the warmth of her skin and the sweetness of her face. Her expression is flat and dimpled softly with a fatigue Paige can sense. Her eyes are large, hair pulled back and up into a bun piled on the top of her head, a few baby hairs coiling around her face. She’s looking forward blankly. Her lips are full and straight. She’s beautiful. Paige and her stupid little sign and her stupid giant grin wait for her gaze to find the blonde. She feels like she’s going to start jumping up and down.

The moment Azzi sees her is obvious. It’s something physical, like light breaks across her face, illumination infinitely more natural than what the airport tries to shine down on them and infinitely brighter than what the moon reflects onto them. Her eyes widen, brows climbing up her face. Her lips part. Paige can feel her own eyes squishing into crescents so small she can barely see out of them at the sight of her girlfriend. Her grip on her little sign tightens. Azzi’s mouth pulls into a disbelieving smile. Her actions hurry, blindly stepping down the stairs of the escalator and trying to drag her suitcases down with her. The wheels clash horribly against the metal and she can see Azzi becoming slightly off balance. Paige just laughs a little. Her entire chest swells.

She’s grateful Azzi had only noticed her close to the bottom of the escalator, because she stumbles off of it in her hurry to get to Paige, bags clunking around behind her. She’s smiling at Paige, surprise thick even in the pleasure of her expression. Paige watches as she speedwalks towards the doorway. “Paige?” Her voice is disbelieving. It’s almost high pitched with how happy she sounds. Paige just stands there, feeling herself blush, skin buzzing with the same joy reflecting itself brightly all over Azzi’s face. She looks down at the sign in Paige’s hands. The blonde watches as the girl’s eyes trace over the words on it. “What are you doing here? What is that sign? What the fuck is your deal?” She watches as Azzi’s expression finds a little bit of horror as she comprehends what Paige has written on it.

The older girl just laughs. Her fingers curl a little tighter around the edges of the sign. Despite the tinge of embarrassment finding her face at Paige’s sign, she still looks so happy, so light on her feet and quick as she walks towards Paige and so beautiful that Paige has no clue how she had ever lived without knowing this girl was hers. Azzi’s brows knit with more disgust targeted at Paige’s sign, but her smile is still so big on her face that it doesn’t matter. “Hi,” Paige says, and it’s stupid, but it’s all she can say, and Azzi just smiles wider at it. She’s passing through the doorway now. She’s so close Paige can pick out the shadows of her dimples and the lines of her face and the smudge of her sweet lashes. Every part of her feels warm. Around them, Dallas is sleepy. The two of them are electric.

“Oh my God,” Azzi says, and it’s the last thing Paige hears out of her mouth before Azzi is slamming into her, sign knocked out of her hands as the younger girl’s arms wrap around her. Paige is more than okay to drop the sign she had worked so hard on in their apartment earlier that day. The posterboard flops to the ground as Paige hugs her so hard she thinks both of their ribcages are going to snap. She can’t stop smiling. Azzi hugs her back just as hard, their arms digging into each other. She smells the way she always does, floral and fruity and warm. She can feel Azzi burying her face into the crook of Paige’s neck. The imprint of her cheeks widening with her smile is pressed into the skin there. Paige’s chin rests on her shoulder. “What are you- I fucking love you.” The words are muffled by the fabric of Paige’s hoodie.

Triumph. Sickeningly sweet triumph, almost cloying in all of its glory, washes over her. Azzi is warm in her arms and her breath is ghosting along the opening of her hood and she loves her. Paige readjusts so her chin is tucked slightly down so her face isn’t as shown despite the fact the area is nearly empty around them. “I love you, too,” she mumbles around her grin. Azzi squeezes her even tighter. Paige can’t stop smiling. She knows, realistically, that it’s stupid for both of them to be reacting like this, that the plan was for Paige to fly in two days from now and so her surprise isn’t really that big of a surprise and that they had seen each other just a few weeks ago. But it’s still so sweet every time they get to see each other again. “You’re here,” she whispers.

Azzi laughs a little. Paige can’t help herself from smiling even wider at the sound of it, the way they’re so far pressed together that Paige can feel her chest vibrating against hers. “You said you weren’t getting in until Wednesday,” she says. Her lips brush the skin of Paige’s neck as she speaks. Paige fights the urge to shiver at the feeling. Fights the urge to almost frown when she remembers they’re in public and that means no kissing, but remembers the feeling of Azzi in her arms is enough anyway.

She shifts her head a little where it lies on Azzi’s shoulder to move her mouth closer to Azzi’s ear. Her voice is quiet despite the lack of many other people in the area. “I lied. I got told I didn’t have to stay until Tuesday anymore right after I told you that. And I wanted to surprise you.” Azzi squeezes her a little harder as she speaks, a soundless way to press more excitement and gratitude into Paige’s chest. She likes the feeling of it.

Another short laugh from Azzi, her breath ghosting along Paige’s skin as she snorts against her. “Well, color me surprised. What the fuck- dude, are you serious with this sign?” Azzi pulls away slightly. She moves to look down at the sign, which has been dropped face-up on the floor next to them. The letters of it sparkle in the light. Paige had bought the materials to make it from the Hobby Lobby near her apartment, and after scrolling through some inspiration on TikTok, she’d landed on a simple message: “Welcome home from rehab! Sex addiction is nothing to be ashamed of.”

She looks at Azzi with eyes pressed nearly into slits because of how hard she’s grinning, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. Azzi pulls a little farther away from her to look her in the eye. “What?” She plays dumb. She can tell Azzi isn’t buying it when she tries to scowl around the large smile on her face. Her brows furrow at her, eyes squinting, but it still doesn’t melt the warm curve to her lips.

Azzi looks down again. “‘Welcome home from rehab, sex’- okay, I’m not even finishing that. Paige, you need to learn what’s appropriate for public settings and what isn’t. We’re celebrities. You can’t just pick me up from the airport with that sign.” She’s nearly groaning as she says it. Her arms are still around Paige, though, and Paige’s are dangerously close to slipping to be around her waist. She tries to keep them just high enough that it isn’t that suspicious.

A warm feeling blooms farther within her chest, a baptism of light and happiness at the familiarity of the bickering and the softness that underlies it. “There’s, like, four people here, mama. Also, it’s funny.” She shrugs her shoulders as she speaks. Azzi’s arms move with her, bodies so connected they can’t help but move like one unit.

Azzi just shakes her head at her. Her eyes are nearly sparkling in the airport lighting and Paige thinks it’s almost superhuman, how she’s so beautiful even after a flight. “I’m making you burn that when we get home. You’re fucking insane.” She says it as she’s pulling herself back into Paige. The words become muffled halfway through the sentiment. Paige just grins back, settling herself into Azzi again. They slot together less like puzzle pieces and more like clay, soft and natural and malleable into a thousand different ways of still fitting against each other.

“Insane for you,” Paige mumbles next to her ear. Azzi laughs again. The sound feels like salve to a wound she had gotten used to the dull ache of. She readjusts so her mouth is hidden by Azzi’s neck. “Seriously, though. I missed you.” It’s spoken like a confession, quiet and tucked into the soft skin that smoothes over her collarbone.

Azzi sighs into the crook of Paige’s neck. It carries a smile with it. “I missed you. So much, oh my God. ‘m so glad we’re back here. And I didn’t think I’d be saying that about Dallas ever in my whole life.”

At this, Paige laughs. She tightens her grip on Azzi a little more, shuts her eyes a little, lets their surroundings bleed away into something she doesn’t care about. A voice crackles over the speaker systems and it muddles itself before it can reach Paige’s ears, too far away for her to even notice someone speaking until the click of the phone being hung up sings through the speakers. “Me too,” she mumbles against her. Azzi sighs again.

Silence, for a moment. Paige thinks one of them is going to have to start slowly peeling away from the other sooner or later if they want to keep up the “just-really-close-best-friends” appearance. “I really wanna kiss you right now,” Azzi whispers. The words seep through the fabric of Paige’s hoodie and drip onto her skin. The warmth of them travels further than that of her breath.

Paige smiles widely again. She can feel the apple of her cheek protruding into the base of Azzi’s neck, skin against skin, the sticky affection of her joy pressing itself into the younger girl. “My car windows are tinted. ‘m parked real close.” Her voice is low, almost teasing. She makes sure her mouth is hidden by Azzi’s shoulder as she says it.

Azzi laughs quietly into her. “I’m not making out with you in your car in an airport parking lot. That’s, like, so high schooler behavior.” She pulls a little away from her again, their heads peeling away from the others’ skin. Azzi grins at her with big eyes and slightly furrowed brows. “Great to know you’re above kissing me in public and not bringing a sign about sex addiction rehab to pick me up. That is the worst idea you’ve ever had.” She removes an arm from around Paige’s shoulders to point at the sign on the ground as she speaks.

Paige snickers. The giddiness in her chest makes her feel like a little kid, and the way the pink glitter she had poured over the sign they’re both periodically glancing at shines in the fluorescent lighting of the airport really isn’t doing much to pull her out of that mentality. “I think it’s a good one. Wanted to embarrass you, got what I wanted.” Azzi pouts at her at this. Even Paige can see the slight upturn to her face as she does it, the way the expression barely has a hold on her. She looks away from Paige, who laughs again. “Stop it, it’s ‘cause I love you. C’mon, I’ll drive you home.”

They start to separate. The process is short but feels like peeling the top layer of her skin off, like pulling away from something she knows she was meant to hold onto forever. The backpack clinging to Azzi’s spine through her sweat set had come off in their hurry to embrace and she bends down to pick it up and sling it back over her shoulders. Paige reaches for her suitcases. “Stop, I can take my own bags.” She reaches her hands out to pause Paige, who just grips even tighter onto the handles of them both, looking at Azzi blankly. The younger girl only holds her gaze for a moment before sighing. “Fine, but I get to carry the sign.”

Paige grins at this. She starts to tug the suitcases forward as Azzi stoops down to pick up the poster board. The thick paper makes wobbling sounds as she does so. Glitter sprinkles off of it and winks up at them from the floor. “I thought you didn’t like the sign.” Azzi walks up to her side, grinning, carrying Paige’s sign next to her. Their steps fall into sync.

Azzi scrunches her nose at her a little. Paige can’t help herself from grinning like an idiot at the expression. It’s been ten long years of being flustered by how pretty the other woman is and Paige doesn’t see herself ever not being in this position. “I don’t. I get to carry it ‘cause I’m carrying it so you can’t see the words.” She glances down at the poster as she speaks, at the way her grip slightly curves the poster so the words face her legs. “Did you make this yourself? The glitter’s getting everywhere.”

Paige’s face softens into a sheepish smile as Azzi looks over to her for a response. She watches the center of Azzi’s eyes go dark with the slow spread of her pupils as they grow at Paige’s presence. “I didn’t have enough time to wait for the glue to dry. There might be glitter all over the floor of your side of the car,” she says, laughing a little. Azzi mimics the sound and shakes her head.

“Great. Perfect welcome home.” She steps to the side to knock her shoulder slightly into Paige’s, grinning over at her. Paige stumbles a little with her attempt to hold onto the suitcases while catching her balance and can do nothing but just smile back at Azzi. The airport hums around them, night blanketing the building.

Paige thinks that loving Azzi is the easiest thing she’s ever done. That it was done intuitively, a reflex her body knew better than her mind did, something done without decision. She walks with her out of the airport dragging her suitcases behind her and talking with her and it feels like the magnet that sits under her diaphragm is close enough to Azzi to let her breathe again. Her laugh tucks itself in the ridges of the shells of her ears so she can listen to it again when she wants to. She’s almost anxious to get home, anxious to leave public so she can hold her more intimately and kiss her and treat her like a girlfriend.

It gets much colder at night in Dallas, a fact Paige is only somewhat grateful for as they walk outside and the skin under her sweat set starts trying to crawl with chill. Azzi shudders once next to her. “Cold,” she says simply. Paige just hums back, squinting through the soft breeze that wafts through her hair and lashes. Her car is in the temporary parking. She leads Azzi towards it, the wheels of her bags rumbling against the concrete sidewalks, their heels hitting the ground at the same time.

Paige unlocks the trunk and shoves Azzi’s suitcases in. Azzi slings her backpack off next to them and sets the sign face-down on top of the pile of belongings. Paige snorts at it. Azzi rolls her eyes and walks around to the passenger side. The trunk slams shut. No one else is in the small parking area. The night curls itself into Paige’s ribs, trying to smooth fatigue into her skin. She opens the door and gets into the driver’s seat, the interior of her car slightly warmer than what’s outside.

Azzi’s already sitting next to her, facing her, smiling softly. Paige catches her eye as she’s closing the door behind herself. She’s leaning onto the center console. Paige grins back at her. The door clicks shut. And then Azzi’s surging forward, nearly scrambling on the center console, hands reaching out and grabbing the back of Paige’s neck. Paige barely has time to let her eyes flutter shut before Azzi’s mouth is on hers, face warm and lips sweet. Their teeth clash slightly. Paige’s head nearly slams into the window.

She kisses her back immediately, taking Azzi’s lower lip between her own and swiping her tongue along it. One hand reaches under Azzi’s arm to grip her shoulder and the other finds the give of her waist and settles in that curve. Azzi half-sighs, half-moans into her. Paige licks into her mouth. Her chest and head feel fuzzy. One of Azzi’s hands moves from the base of her neck to the back of her head, pressing her even closer to the younger girl. Paige makes a noise into her. Azzi swallows it. They keep kissing.

Azzi is the one to separate them after a few minutes, pulling away with another stupidly soft smile and a hand finding Paige’s sternum. The skin stretching across her chest hums at the contact even through the layers of clothing it has to press itself through. Her eyes are large. Paige is sure hers are, too. Their lips are both slick with spit. Azzi slinks back fully into her seat and then they just look at each other like that for a little, grinning with wet lips and big eyes and chests that rise and fall in time with their rapid heart beats.

Paige digs a hand into the pocket of her hoodie for her keys again. “Thought you said making out in the parking lot was high schooler behavior,” she says, smiling. The timer for the lights in her car goes off and the interior starts to dim, the warm light that had shone across Azzi’s face disappearing. Her teeth and the highlights of her face shine a bright white in the moonlight that pours itself in from the sky, in the harsh lighting of the fluorescents that stand to illuminate the parking lot.

“Changed my mind, I guess,” she muses as Paige shoves the key into the ignition cylinder. Paige just laughs quietly, car rumbling to life beneath them. She can feel Azzi smiling next to her, can barely hear the soft exhale of her own laughter. Her CarPlay turns on and the dashboard lights up in her face. Azzi sighs softly next to her. “‘m so tired.”

Paige, slightly amused and very affectionate, glances over at Azzi while laughing to herself. The girl is slumped back into her seat and Paige traces the lines of her side profile from where she is with her eyes. Her lashes are a lower line against her eyes than they usually are: her eyes are slightly lidded. “You gonna fall asleep on the ride home?” Paige reverses out of her spot. The gearshift is cold to the touch.

Azzi sighs again. Paige can hear the noise over the soft sound of her music beginning to spill through the car speakers. “I don’t wanna, ‘cause ‘m scared I won’t go to bed for real if I nap now.” She shifts into drive. Takes her hand off of the gearshift, moves it to the side. Sits it palm up on Azzi’s thigh. Expectant. Azzi immediately grabs it, the shape of her hand familiar in Paige’s. She rubs her thumb gently across the back of it as she begins to maneuver them out of the parking lot. “If I fall asleep, though, don’t wake me up,” Azzi mumbles.

Paige hums, squeezing her hand once. “Got it,” she murmurs. Azzi squeezes her hand back. Paige smiles out the windshield and into the cold night. The street lamps are all that shine back to her. “How was your flight? Did you sleep then?” She can feel Azzi move her free hand to start playing with Paige’s fingers, gentle prodding of her nails and soft movement of her joints. It stays clasped in the other hand. She likes it.

“No, ‘cause I was too excited. Just thinking about you the whole time. I finished my book, though.” Nails drag along the skin stretching over her knuckles. It tickles a little. Paige instinctively grabs Azzi’s hand a little tighter. Azzi exhales a quiet laugh.

Paige grins, glancing over at her as she rolls to a stop in front of a red light. Her face shines brighter than any of the lights that guide her towards the highway away from the airport. She’s real and raw and so wholly beautiful in front of her that she doesn’t know what else to do with herself other than just smile at her. “Aw, you were thinking about me?” She squeezes her hand again.

Azzi rolls her eyes. Someone behind Paige honks at her. The sound starts her and she turns forward again. “Shut up, you nerd, you literally…orchestrated this whole thing to surprise me. You were clearly thinking about me, too,” she says, voice teasing. Paige smiles at the windshield.

“‘m always thinking about you,” she says, voice light as it trails out of her mouth. Azzi is tracing soft loops along the skin of the back of her hand. The touch is just as gentle as the sound of Paige’s voice. It tickles her, dips into the softness of her heart in her chest and smears affection over her ribs like Azzi is fingerpainting.

Azzi just makes a slightly amused noise. “Sap,” she comments. Paige doesn’t try to deny it. She just smiles wider, going quiet as she tries to focus on driving as she merges onto the highway. Dallas never seems to have a shortage of cars on the road and none of the drivers in them seem to have ever lived a day on Earth in their lives. Her eyes flicker between the windshield and her mirrors as she clings to the adrenaline of having Azzi next to her to fight off the sleepiness the night brings. “You’re so pretty when you’re focused.”

Paige’s turn signal clicks rhythmically through the car. Her hand tightens on Azzi’s at the compliment, chest warming. Azzi laughs quietly at her reaction. Her hand moves up from against the back of her hand to the inside of her elbow and the light drag of the pads of her fingers nearly draws shivers out of Paige. “Stop flirting while I’m driving. What if I crash ‘cause you’re…distracting me? And…we both…die.” Someone cuts her off. She fights the urge to rip her hand out of Azzi’s grip to flip them off.

They’re both quiet for a moment. The sound of the car and the others around it rumbling and the hum of Paige’s music ebbs between them. Every street light that Paige passes washes them temporarily with nearly orange light before it fades away until they can get to another one waiting for them in the dark. Then, “Literally why would you say that?” There’s a soft bite of laughter in it as Azzi says it. Paige just furrows her brows and snorts out a little laugh.

“This guy won’t let me in,” she complains, turn signal still ticking throughout the vehicle. Azzi sighs. It sounds like the beginning of a laugh. She drags her hand back down to Paige’s to clasp it between both of hers. The warmth of her palms is soothing. Paige looks out of her windshield and sees Dallas before her, cold and industrialized, the beginning of summer making it hungry like a mechanical jaw she drives herself into. She sits with her hand held in Azzi’s and doesn’t care that she’s practically feeding herself to it.

Paige doesn’t know when, but Azzi falls asleep sometime between getting on the highway and getting home. Her head lolls to the side, neck bent, lips parted. Her grip on Paige’s hand is loose with sleep but still there. Her fingers stay threaded between Paige’s. It makes her smile when she looks at it, when the red of traffic lights washes down onto them through the glass and paints her and Azzi’s skin similar shades of maroon. When she looks up and the shadows of Azzi’s face are turned almost wine and her profile is traced with ruby and she’s so still where she sits Paige can’t help but feel calm watching her.

The journey to the parking lot outside of Paige’s apartment is familiar. The car grumbles to a stop when Paige twists her left arm to reach around the wheel and pull the key out of the fob instead of removing her right hand from Azzi’s hold. Silence finds them. True silence, because the car doesn’t let in the sound of the chirping crickets Paige has gotten very familiar with. “Az,” she prods softly. She shakes her arm a little where it is against Azzi. Leans in a little, softly settles her chin on Azzi’s shoulder in hopes the pressure of her head and the sound of her voice so close wakes her. “We’re home, mama, c’mon. You gotta…gotta get up or somethin’.”

She’s successful. Azzi starts to stir, a long exhale dragging through her lungs. Her hands tighten on Paige’s for a moment and then relax as she straightens up in her seat. Her head rolls against the rest. She grunts softly. Paige starts to pull her hand away from Azzi’s. Azzi’s face scrunches slightly at the loss of contact. Paige watches as her fingers twitch a little around nothing. Her eyes start to flutter open. They look tired. She’s beautiful, life drawing itself back up within her as she starts to shake off her sleep.

Paige gets out of the car. Rounds the front of it, opens Azzi’s door for her. Walks to the trunk to take out her bags. There’s pink glitter dusted across nearly every surface. She picks up her dark backpack and the street lights catch on it and it shines at her. She smiles to herself before slinging it over her shoulder and grabbing Azzi’s suitcases. The sign is left to rot there. She shuts the trunk.

Azzi is standing next to the car when Paige wanders back around it, dragging Azzi’s suitcases with her. She’s rubbing at her eyes. Her hair is frizzy around her head. “Lemme take one,” she mumbles, holding a hand out at Paige to ask for one of her bags. Her fingers are outstretched expectantly. Paige just shakes her head, passing Azzi and stepping up onto the sidewalk. The suitcases thunk against the lip of the concrete. She fights a wince at the sound.

“No, c’mon,” Paige says, glancing over her shoulder when Azzi doesn’t immediately follow her. The woman stares at her from beside the passenger side for a moment before starting to walk towards her. Her eyes are lidded with an exhaustion Paige yearns to wipe from her, to let her bed swallow from within her. She laughs quietly to herself. “So stubborn,” she murmurs.

Azzi scoffs from a few steps behind her. The sound barely carries itself over the sound of the crickets singing to them from the grass. “Are you joking? I’m the stubborn one?” Her voice carries with it an amusement that drags the corners of Paige’s mouth up. She looks over her shoulder again and sees that Azzi is taking long steps to catch up with her. She shines in the moonlight as they near Paige’s apartment building.

Paige snorts softly. She scrunches her nose a little, eyes squinting at her, a smile still warping the expression. Azzi steps up next to her. The wheels of the suitcase rattle against the uneven concrete. “Yes, bro, you literally got mad at me for carrying your bags. You were just standing there. That’s, like, literally bare minimum from me.” She rolls her eyes as she’s speaking. Azzi scoffs again. The conversation is entirely stupid and entirely reminding of the fact that they were best friends before they were ever girlfriends. It’s endearing in a way stupidly familiar to Paige’s chest.

Azzi gently hits her arm with the back of her hand. Paige glances at her, grinning. Azzi is moving to stuff both of her hands in the front pocket of her hoodie. The fabric slouches over her body and she smiles at Paige in a way that makes it a little obvious that her cheeks are tinged a pinker color than the rest of her face. “I wasn’t even actually mad. Shut up.” They stop in front of the front door.

The suitcases settle. Paige’s hands dig into the pockets of her sweatpants for her keys. The bulky shape of them is familiar and the metal is a little cold as she pulls them out. “Whatever you say.” Her car beeps locked. The lock on the door jingles at her as she twists the key in it. The door opens. Light from a lamp she doesn’t remember leaving on spills out immediately from the crack she puts into the doorway. She glances at Azzi, smiling. “After you,” she says. Azzi’s eyes shine with sleepiness as she steps in past Paige. Paige drags the suitcases in after herself.

The apartment is the same as it always is, the same as it was when she had left for the airport earlier in the night. It’s an agglomeration of herself and of the concept of Texas that she doesn’t really know how to feel towards other than glad she has a bed and a place to spend time with Azzi. The sitting area and dining table are the same as they had been when she had moved in two years ago. The kitchen is only not completely bare because of the small amount of groceries Paige had ordered in the few hours she had alone here. She shuts the door behind herself and slings Azzi’s backpack off to the side with the suitcases. She doesn’t have enough time to lock the door before there are arms wrapping tightly around her.

Paige grins as she moves to hug Azzi back. The girl buries her face into the crook of Paige’s neck, nose and mouth pressed against the skin there. The hug is different from the one in the airport. A little less careful, a little sleepier. Azzi presses herself far into Paige and the older girl is quick to do the same. It isn’t the hug of two girls pretending to be friends in a public area. It’s of two girls who are in love. Paige’s arms circle Azzi’s waist warmly. She moves her head slightly to press a kiss against the side of Azzi’s scalp. The girl hums softly against her skin.

They say nothing for a few minutes. The crickets that can make sound that gets through the walls fill the space of their silence. Azzi feels wholly relaxed against Paige, who slips one of her hands up the hem of her hoodie and starts drawing spiraling shapes along her bare skin. Azzi sighs into her. Paige can feel her losing energy, can feel her entire body starting to melt so far into her it’s almost like Paige is the one holding both of them up. “You can’t fall asleep standing up, baby,” Paige murmurs close to her ear.

Azzi huffs softly into her neck. Her breath is warm on Paige’s skin in a comforting way. She tightens the arm that’s still around her waist a little to hold her closer, feel the heat of her body and the rise and fall of her chest and the way her lashes tickle her neck slightly when she blinks. “‘m not, don’t even…accuse me of that.” Her words are muffled and entirely unconvincing. Sleep is thick in her voice.

Paige laughs quietly. Azzi nuzzles farther into her neck, face slipping until it’s her eyes pressed against Paige’s skin instead of her mouth. Her fatigue is obvious. It’s like a scent Paige can pick off of her. She flattens her hand against her back and rubs over the skin in an attempt to warm a little bit more life into her. “You sound pretty sleepy. D’you want food before we go to bed?” She pairs the question with another soft press of her lips against her hair.

Azzi groans. Paige tries not to laugh at the sound, at the way it collects itself in the fabric of her hoodie and warms her chest. Azzi moves her hands so one of them is resting against the back of Paige’s neck. Her eyes are still hidden by Paige’s shoulder. Her hand is solid on Paige’s skin and the way her fingers press into her makes her feel warm. “Yeah. Do we have food?”

Paige rubs Azzi’s back again. The nobs of her spine are smoothed by the palm of Paige’s hand. She knows the answer she has is not one Azzi will like. “Like…kinda? I DoorDashed stuff to make a grilled cheese ‘cause I really wanted one earlier.” She’s already fighting a grimace as she says the words.

Azzi lifts her head off of Paige. She leans back just far enough to look Paige in the eye. Hers are blurry with sleep, brows furrowed a little. Her lips are almost pouty. Paige wants to lean forward and bite her. Her arms are still around Paige’s neck. “P, babe, a grilled cheese is not a balanced meal.” She blinks lazily at her while she says it. Her skin wears fatigue along it like a coating.

She moves her hands from where they are against Azzi’s waist and back, threading them in the space between Azzi’s own arms to reach up and settle her hands against her face. Her skin is warm and she immediately softens impossibly farther at the touch. Paige smooths her hands along the sides of her hairline once to brush away her baby hairs before settling them against her cheeks. “I also got carrots. That’s a vegetable. Good for my stomach and my eyes.” She wags her eyebrows and smiles. Azzi scoffs a laugh, trying to drop her head away. She just presses her face farther into Paige’s hands. “D’you wanna grilled cheese and some carrots? Or I can order something for you.”

Azzi sighs quietly, still grinning. “No, yeah, I’ll…take the sandwich, I guess.” Paige hums before leaning forward and pressing a single kiss against her forehead. Azzi’s hands drop from around her neck. Paige pulls away to kick her shoes off and walk towards the kitchen. Azzi copies her actions, though slower. The food Paige had ordered is spread around the kitchen between the refrigerator and the countertops. She starts to pull a pan out of one of the cabinets. “You eat like a toddler and it stresses me out sometimes.”

Paige turns around herself to scowl at Azzi, though a smile cuts so cleanly through the look that she doesn’t think it could possibly hold any weight. Azzi is walking back towards her with soft steps and hands stuffed into the pocket of her hoodie. The burner clicks on under Paige’s hand. “That’s literally- bro, I did everything right, I literally have a vegetable and dairy and carbs. And fat from the butter. And- is grains the other category? That’s in bread. I have everything, it’s a balanced meal. We’re chilling.” She smiles at Azzi as she moves away to grab food.

Azzi hums a little and it sounds like disagreement. “Carbs and fat aren’t categories of food. Protein is one. So is fruit.” Paige grabs the bread and the butter and the cheese and wanders back towards the stovetop. She rolls her eyes at Azzi’s words. Azzi just sighs at her. The flame licking at the bottom of the pan isn’t warm enough yet to warrant Paige starting to cook the sandwich, so she just turns around to look at Azzi. “At least the bread is whole wheat,” she says.

She’s leaning up against the island, hands back and bracing herself on the edge of the counter. There’s a smile wiping itself across her entire face. Her dimples press themselves into the tender flesh of her cheeks and her eyes are slimmed to crescents. Paige mimics the expression back. She’s so sweet and so soft and Paige starts stepping towards her. “Bruh, flame me one more time and ‘m not making you dinner.” Azzi just laughs quietly before Paige siddles up in front of her, hands finding her hips, thumbs brushing softly at the area over the fabric of her pants.

Azzi gives in first. Still leaning against the counter, she reaches her hands up to Paige’s face and pulls her in to kiss her, Paige immediately softening into the action. It isn’t heated or messy. Their lips meet and it’s soft and familiar and Paige can feel every part of her body smoothing into nothing but a warm hum. Her hands settle a little more firmly against her hips. They’re slow as they kiss and Paige basks in it. Her tongue drags along Azzi’s mouth. Azzi sighs into her.

They’re there for a while before Azzi pulls away, moving to press a small peck to the corner of Paige’s mouth before using her hands to gently move Paige’s face away from hers. Paige feels fuzzy. She grins at Azzi when she’s far enough away from her to catch her eye. “You’re gonna burn the whole building down if you aren’t careful with the stove,” she says quietly, her own eyes shining and a little blown as she speaks. Her lips are slicked with spit. Paige unthinkingly licks her own.

She laughs quietly. Azzi thumbs over the sides of her face again. Paige feels like putty against her hands, the way they’re broad against her skin and smooth a soft warmth into her. “Damn. Can’t believe ‘m getting cockblocked by my stove.” She leans forward to press a last kiss against Azzi’s lips before stepping away to get back to the stovetop. Her face slips from Azzi’s grasp. She misses the feeling.

The burner is clicking rhythmically at her, blue heat dancing beneath the pan and swiping its tongue against the griddle. She reaches to slice a knife through the butter she brought out. She can sense Azzi taking a few steps after her more than she can see it. “Also, wait, I know it’s been…a while, but can we just sleep tonight? ‘m gonna fall asleep after eating. Like, ‘m really gonna wanna fuck you in the morning, but I don’t think I’ll be able to stay awake tonight.” Her voice is quiet, but not ashamed. Just sleepy.

Paige glances over her shoulder. Azzi is standing a foot behind her, just watching her from the halfway point between the island and the counter. “Of course, mama, yeah,” she murmurs, abandoning the knife and raising her arm to invite Azzi into another hug. The younger girl immediately takes the offer, stepping forward and tucking herself into Paige’s side. Paige wraps her arm around her shoulder. “D’you want me to jus’ take care of you? You won’t have to do anything. It’ll make you sleep better.”

Azzi’s arms circle Paige’s waist and she tucks her forehead under the corner of Paige’s jaw, head turning to look at the stovetop. Paige smiles softly to herself. They never can go too long without touching. “‘m gonna go to bed sad if I cum and you don’t. I don’t wanna blueball you.” Paige starts to rub her arm up and down Azzi’s arm, moving to try and cut a sliver of butter with her left hand. It’s unsteady. The movements aren’t natural. She bites the inside of her cheek.

The butter is cold as she starts to push the dull blade of the knife through it. “Don’t worry ‘bout me. If you don’t want to, though, we don’t have to, obviously.” The fat is sliced through. It sticks to the knife because of how tacky its chill has made it. She moves it and presses it against the bottom of the pan. It starts melting immediately, small crackles joining quiet chirping. Azzi sighs against her. Paige’s hand continues to soothe her through the sleeve of her hoodie.

“Let’s just wait. ‘m not letting the first time we fuck in Dallas this season being while ‘m half-asleep.” Paige laughs quietly at this. Azzi exhales a similar sound. Paige tries to work her way around missing an entire arm as she continues to hold Azzi close to herself and tries to open the bread clip with one hand to drop a piece of bread into the puddle of butter she’s creating. Azzi only allows this to go on for a few moments before she’s laughing. “Dude, just stop hugging me if it’s…impeding your ability to cook this bad. You can’t make a grilled cheese with just your left hand.”

Paige scoffs. Finally gets the bread clip off, watches as the baby blue piece of plastic flings itself off of the plastic covering of the bread and lands helplessly somewhere on the floor. Azzi laughs again. “Yes, I literally can. You wanna bet?” She cranes her head back a little to try and look at her girlfriend. She can feel the way her eyes are shining. Azzi stays where she is, looking forward, head not angled in a way Paige can catch her eye.

“No, ‘cause it’s my grilled cheese on the line.” She pairs this with a final sigh and a retracting of her arms around Paige. The blonde misses the contact almost immediately. She fakes a dramatic pout, watching as Azzi wanders towards the fridge. Paige uses her newly freed limb to start pulling a piece of bread out but consequently blinds herself as she stays staring at the younger girl. “‘m gonna pull out the carrots. You’re gonna eat some of ‘em with me.”

Paige scoffs again. She turns back to the stovetop, watching as the butter welcomes the soft piece of bread in with a muffling of its crackles and a warm scent. The package of cheese is her next target. “What’re you, my mom?” It’s mumbled almost completely under her breath. Azzi still snorts at it from inside the fridge. Paige can’t help but smile at the sound despite herself.

Azzi’s sandwich cooks quickly. Paige can hear the snap of her eating a few baby carrots as she waits for it and it makes her laugh a little. She sits at the island behind her and they talk as Paige digs around for a spatula to flip it the grilled cheese, as she searches for a plate in their cabinets, as she lets the pan and sandwich cool and starts to put things back where she grabbed them from. She slices it in half diagonally before sliding it across the island to Azzi, who looks at her with eyes that are incredibly tired again and a small smile that presses her undereyes up and thins her irises.

“Thanks,” she says softly, pulling the plate towards her. Paige just smiles at her and leans over the counter. She watches as Azzi picks up half of the sandwich and bites into it. The warm light of the kitchen splashes down and shines on her skin as her jaw works, entire face almost lazy. She blinks up at Paige. The older girl starts to round the island to sit with her. “We’re not doing anything tomorrow, right?”

Paige hums. “I don’t think so. We should prolly, like, get the apartment more ready to live in. ‘Cause I tried before I went and got you, but we still need to do more stuff.” The chair next to Azzi’s drags its legs along the ground as she pulls it out. Azzi almost immediately moves to be sitting sideways in her chair to face Paige. She likes the simple intimacy of the action.

“Like grocery shopping,” Azzi says almost pointedly. She raises her grilled cheese back to her mouth and takes a bite from it. Her dimples poke out at Paige as she chews; she’s smiling. It makes Paige mimic the expression.

“Like grocery shopping,” Paige agrees. Azzi glances up at her from under her lashes. She thinks it’s meant to be a look of amusement, but Paige notices nothing about it other than how pretty she looks like this, skin slightly puffy and hair slightly messy and so wholly soft and vulnerable as she eats her sandwich and tries not to fall asleep sitting at the kitchen counter. “But I changed the sheets on the bed ‘n stuff. And washed most of the dishes and wiped down the counters.”

Azzi’s smile widens slightly at this. “That’s good,” She reaches into the bag of baby carrots and pulls out two. She silently holds one out to Paige. Paige takes it from where she pinches it between two fingers, taking a bite of it without a second thought. Azzi looks pleased with this. “Oh, also, KK said she’s coming through Dallas in a few days. I meant to text you that after I got off the plane to see if you had seen that. She wants to hang out.” The snap of another bite of carrot.

Paige swallows. “Oh, yeah, I think I saw that text while I was driving. Forgot to talk to you about that. We need to reply.” Azzi hums softly. Silence finds them both again. Paige looks down at her fingernails, the skin around them bitten raw. She picks at the cuticle of her thumb. Something in her shifts slightly, less like a tight twist and more like a heavy rolling over. “I miss her,” she says.

Azzi laughs a little. Paige glances at her, face soft, mouth slightly curved with a smile. “She definitely misses you, too.” She leans over her plate to take another bite of her sandwich. Paige watches as her jaw works, eyelids slightly heavy, face lax with a gentle happiness. She swallows and her throat bobs a little with it. “‘m glad everything’s, like, good with her. ‘m excited for her to come to Dallas.”

Paige’s smile grows slightly on her face. “Yeah, me too,” she says quietly, agreeing with both statements. She’s glad KK is coming to visit them, that she gets to spend time again with someone she was so close to in college. And she’s glad, too, that they’re close again. That the year Paige had spent forcing herself away from Azzi - and by association, KK - hadn’t hammered a permanent break into their friendship. She had been collateral Paige wasn’t really ready to give up. She’s glad she has her back.

Azzi finishes her grilled cheese, conversation trading itself between them occasionally. It’s mainly just quiet. Paige likes it. She likes how the night is smothering them, how the windows are dark save for a few harsh street lamps from a few blocks away, how the lamp and the few overhead kitchen lights let them bask in something warmer than that. Paige thinks she can see Azzi nearly nodding off to sleep again right where she sits as she’s eating. It’s cute in a way that makes Paige hide a laugh.

She gets up eventually, grabbing her plate and the baby carrots. Paige will not really miss them. Azzi passes the sink first and drops her plate into it, then wanders to the fridge. “I need to get my stuff from my backpack so I can get ready for bed. I’ll actually unpack tomorrow.” The words are nearly mumbled. Paige barely hears them over the quiet hum of the open refrigerator, the muffled creaking of the crickets that sit outside.

“Yeah, I didn’t really unpack, either,” Paige says. The fridge doors shut. Azzi turns around to look at her. There’s a soft smile on her face, features dragging up at the corners while at the same time lowering with fatigue. Paige slips off of her stool at the kitchen island. “We can just get everything done tomorrow.” Azzi starts walking around the island and back towards Paige. Paige grins at her.

“We just sleep today,” she says quietly. Paige nods in silent confirmation at this. Azzi steps forward and tucks herself into Paige’s front again, wrapping her into another sleepy hug. Her face presses itself into the crook of Paige’s neck. The blonde girl sighs softly into the other girl’s hair. Azzi almost buzzes with a quiet sort of warmth that is already very effective at lulling Paige to sleep.

They stay there for a few moments longer before parting, Azzi walking back towards her stuff to grab her backpack. She carries it into the bedroom and drops it on the floor before unzipping one of the pockets and pulling out a plastic bag of toiletries. She pulls out another one made of fabric, a nice Vera Bradley one Paige remembers buying for her a few months ago. She tries not to smile too hard at the familiar sight and instead walks into the bathroom with her girlfriend.

They stand very close to each other while brushing their teeth over the sink. Paige, if she had to justify it, would simply explain that it was because there’s only one sink, so they naturally have to be standing in front of it with their sides pressed as far together as possible. It’s not the truth, though, and she also doesn’t have to justify it to anyone other than herself and Azzi. They’re just that close together because they like it. “Stop hitting me with your arm,” Azzi mutters thickly around a mouthful of toothpaste.

Paige looks at her in the mirror. Azzi is already looking back at her, brows furrowed but her mouth curved even while her toothbrush is in her mouth. Paige pulls her own out of her mouth. “‘m not hitting you, you’re…running into my arm.” She speaks oddly to try and not let any of the froth of toothpaste slip out of her mouth.

Azzi’s eyebrows furrow farther at her at this. Paige tries not to laugh, instead sticking her toothbrush back in her mouth and brushing more in silence. “How does that even work? You’re the one moving your arm back and forth.” Azzi turns to look at her in person as she says this. Paige glances over at her. She looks almost strict, but once again, there’s that soft sparkle in it that makes Paige want to grin widely at her.

“Oh my God, fine, guess I’ll just kill myself and go brush my teeth in the kitchen sink ‘cause you don’t love me,” she laments, dropping her shoulders in a display of overdramatic sadness and pretending to take a step towards the door to leave the bathroom. She can hear Azzi laugh through her toothpaste, can feel her reaching out quickly and grabbing her wrist.

Paige looks back. Azzi is fully grinning now, toothbrush sticking out of her mouth, toothpaste smearing the corners of it. “No, stop, I do love you.” Paige can barely decipher what she’s saying. She has to choke down a laugh to avoid spitting her own toothpaste everywhere, stepping back towards Azzi by the sink. “I’d rather have you hit me with your arm than you leave,” the brunette says, batting her lashes at Paige. She says it so softly Paige almost thinks it’s truly romantic.

“You’re drooling toothpaste,” she says after a moment. Azzi’s brows furrow again. Paige really can’t help herself from laughing this time, turning to lean over the sink as she spits into the basin of it. She reaches forward and turns the water on to wash it away as she does so, running her toothbrush under the stream.

Azzi leans forward and spits into the sink, too. “I hate you,” she grumbles when her mouth isn’t full of spit and toothpaste. She wipes at the corners of her mouth and runs her hand under the water above Paige’s toothbrush so the water is dirty by the time it reaches Paige. She doesn’t care. She just laughs, tapping her toothbrush against the edge of the sink and then setting it in the holder.

Paige straightens back up. Azzi sends her a pointed look out of the corner of her eye. Paige looks at her in the mirror. She’s fighting a large grin, eyes sparkling, lips pursed. “Yup, love you, too, babe.” She leans to the side and presses a kiss against the high point of Azzi’s cheek bone. Her skin is warm on her lips and she feels Azzi almost press her face a little closer to Paige’s as if to imprint the kiss farther into herself.

Paige grins at her through the mirror when she pulls away. Azzi wipes off her mouth one more time and then shuts off the sink. “My skin is minty now,” she mumbles. Paige just laughs a little. Leans forward again, presses another kiss against a similar spot. She feels Azzi’s fingers, a little cold and a little wet, find her jaw. She uses her hand to turn Paige’s head slightly until they’re facing each other. Azzi kisses her, soft and quick, and Paige still finds time to melt into her a little. Azzi smiles at her when it’s over.

They finish getting ready and then walk back into Paige’s bedroom, not even bothering to turn on the light. The darkness hugs them as they crawl into her bed. The mattress accepts their weight easily, sheets made and pillows waiting for them. They curl into each other immediately. Azzi is wearing one of Paige’s t-shirts. Paige is wearing a t-shirt she doesn’t remember who owned originally. It doesn’t matter. It’s spent time in both of their closets over the course of their time together, both as friends and as more. Its origin isn’t as important as what it is for them now; something easily traded back and forth.

They’re quiet in bed. Azzi is absent mindedly littering kisses so light Paige almost thinks she’s hallucinating them against the skin of her neck every few minutes. It makes her smile with her eyes closed. “I missed you,” Azzi mumbles into her chest after a while of laying together in silence. Paige hums quietly to agree without words. Azzi sighs softly. “I just love you so much.” Her voice is quiet and tender and it makes Paige open her eyes a little.

She doesn’t know how she ever went so long without her. She doesn’t know how she spent eight years pretending to just be friends, how she spent an entire year without any contact. “I love you more,” she murmurs into the silk of her bonnet. The words carry her entire heart with them and she thinks Azzi can sense this. She presses another kiss into Paige’s skin, a little longer than the earlier ones had been. Paige exhales softly and smiles into the dark. “G’night, Az.”

Azzi sighs again. It’s relaxed and comfortable and a sound Paige likes, a sound that drags her closer and closer to the yawning mouth of unconsciousness. “Night, Paigey.” The words collect themselves in the hollow of Paige’s throat and drip down her chest, warming her entire being. Her eyes slip shut again. Her mouth keeps its soft upwards curve to it even as she slowly slips away to sleep, her and Azzi’s breathing finding an even rhythm together.

It’s her third time arriving in Dallas for the beginning of the season. Her third April opening the door to her apartment and breathing in the dust that has collected on the surfaces like a disease. But it’s her first one where she gets to do this happily, her first one where she isn’t numb or full of dread or so incredibly depressed it’s a miracle she’s still standing. It’s her first time coming to Dallas and feeling light on her feet and grinning as she settles into her bed.

Because it’s her first time coming to Dallas that she has Azzi. Really, truly has her, in the way she’s yearned for since she was a teenager. It’s her first time landing in the airport and then driving back to pick up Azzi only a few hours later. It’s her first time walking into her apartment and watching Azzi walk in after her with a normalness they’re both used to. It’s her first time settling into her bed for the first night of the year and feeling Azzi’s weight settle next to her, skin warm as she reaches out to hold Paige, voice soft as she whispers “goodnight” and “I love you” into her chest.

It’s her first time she gets to come to Dallas and love Azzi and have Azzi love her back. It warms her in a way the southern sun never could.

#pazzi fics #azzi fudd #paige bueckers #paige x azzi #pazzi

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

graysen