benjiclaringtonâ:
Getting to know you sounds a lot like someone whoâd wanna be a friend would do. Which I wanted to do until you just acted like you know what kinda friend Iâd be. When you obviously donât.
Also, newsflash: I donât know where my mom is. I literally donât know if sheâs even alive. I was literally ripped from her as a toddler and forced to live with my dad who literally finds joy in paying a secretary to watch my every move and âpunishâ me in weird ways if I do something he doesnât like, or I skip too many of the stupid classes and trainings heâs paying for, or if I get below an A- in a class. All while simultaneously basically ignoring the fact that I exist because I like getting fucked by men. My brotherâs mother was basically the only person in our family who wasnât completely terrible and she died when Hunt was a kid and I was like⌠still a toddler. My last relationship was with a guy one and a half times my age who I just recently realized was nothing but a possessive creep who tried to isolate me from everyone who wasnât him and gaslit me into thinking he was my soulmate.
I may be stupid, but one thing I know for sure is that I have trauma. Especially trauma about people leaving me. And thatâs never made me prejudge someone before Iâve even talked to them for like 10 minutes.
Private:Â
I never prejudge you. Or lets I wasnât meaning to. I donât know you. I have no idea what kind of friend you would be. Itâs not you personality. Itâs everyone. I keep everyone at a distance. There is a reason I like being with my cat. Yes, I said I donât have friends, but itâs a choice. Again I didnât say I donât want to be your friend, I said I donât do friends. So if someone else said âiâll be your friendâ I would say to them the same thing. Acquaintances to me are people I would like to see time to time, talk to once and while. Maybe I want that to change deep down but itâs still something that freaks me out. Something Iâm not used to, having someone that might care about me honestly and truthfully. Thatâs all. Itâs not personal.Â
What happened to you sounds horrible. What you went through is terrible. No one should have to deal with all that at a young age and continue to have to deal with. The fact that you seem to be doing well is amazing. By well I mean going to college and seemingly happy and willing to be open with people. Iâm sorry for your trauma and you going through that. I wasnât going to talk about this, but maybe I should. Mostly because you probably do understand... My dad beat the shit the out me and kicked me out of the house because I like guys. I became homeless at the age of 16, I worked my ass off to get through high school. I worked two jobs while being in high school to get enough money to moved to LA after high school. I started modeling and got in with some horrible people, who at the time I didnât know were horrible. They were people who swore they cared about me, people who I thought had become family to me. But they helped to get me hooked on all kinds of drugs, used me for my money and who, at the end of day, would have only cared if I died because their money would have ran out. Iâm still fairly new at being sober... College isnât the best place for staying sober, but Iâm trying to rebuild myself and keep myself level. Iâm sorry if it sounded like I prejudged you, but I wasnât.Â