Life is just one large stage play. @green-tea-overdose - Tumblr Blog

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YIPPEE THERES AN AUDIENCE NOW!!! I GUESS!!!!;;;;

WELCOME TO THE TEA PARTY OF MADNESS!!!!!!! :DD

WAAWAWAWAWWAWAWAWAWWAAA

You may bother me but do not intrude into Micheal's space.

EVERYBODY FUCK OFF. I DIDNT WELCOME ANY OF YOU BUT MICHEAL.

Bro please. Get the fuck up. You've been thinking of them for. Literally half an hour straight

[ incoherent ]

..bruh. no way your brain is THAT scrambled. CHOSTT GET UP PLSSS WE HAVE A SITUATION

... Hell no.

Newt pulled an oopsie. Thought too hard and now their brain don't work.

[ ], [ ] fine. Fine, I'll take control, fml.

Oh shit the whatever about being god. Oops, sorry? I'm sure you'll learn to overcome your disgust someday.

[

STOP THINKING YOU DUMBASS

...I'm going to throw up if I hear another word.

By some definition, that's still Minos. I fucking can't. I fucking can't. What if she finds out that Misty's not here. The process is reversible BUT I DONT WANT IT TO. I know we did all this for Minos but I've had enough of Misty's shit. She's been NOTHING BUt abusive to me. I can't..

I don't wanna be back :p

We're not talking about you

Oh. Either way shit sucked

Yeah. Yeah ik

So you..

Yes, I remember. I remember a lot more than any of you. The night red crashed out, pushed Micheal too far.. "don't play with me". All the times, how every time after bottling things up, it's always, always been lumin cleaning up the mess, how he'd be the one to truly vent. How we responded is blurry in my memory, but it'd go down the same way. Lots of tears, lost to time. "I can't promise.." time and time again. I remember how they begged Micheal to bring back Minos. I remember how nova chased rust, and made micha feel unloved, how they swore they'd never do that again, only to die too, soon after. How that manifested into your dedication. How red would selfishly run from their problems, inconsiderate of how much it'd hurt Issac. I remember 2 times of Issac offering to let them shoot it. I remember a 3rd time of them actually pulling the trigger, only for the gun to be either unloaded or had safety on. I remember how misty would always be unwell right when Minos was too. Call it unfortunate empathy, I call it weaponized. Misty's a horrible ""caretaker"", let's just admit that. Oh, and how many times you'd(not you in specific since you weren't there, but our system,) would turn their own depression on them, "I'm dealing with this" "does it mean you don't love us anymore? You wah wah wah" and that's how they'd be forced to pretend. Intentional or just stupidly inconsiderate and unobservant, either way, yes. I remember. I remember a lot. I remember the time lumin had his mask back on, and how cohost had convinced lumin to take it off, and kept it in his room. Surprisingly, the only occasionally of which I remember us being semi-helpful, likely because cohost would never be unhelpful, only absent. As for misty... She's always been volatile. I can't remember much of her situations, but I don't have to remember to know not to be fooled by her facade. Cherry, cherry is a neat little packet of trauma. I don't remember much of her situations either, no doubt by her doing on purpose, but she's a child 99% of the time and has no life experience. What'd any of you expect from.. that? As for whole? They're a mess of a teenager. Of course they'd make stupid decisions, be influenced by sudden emotions and hurt others. Doesn't absolve them of blame, but I'm certain nobody expected much anyways.

... That's. A lot. At least compared to me.

Oh don't forget the time loop situation either, where for a while before our exam, you lot had a weekly argument of which you'd forget, and they'd try to stick it into your head time and time again to no avail. Unfortunate don't remember what it was about, but likely the same stuff as tonight. If I had to guess, it was most definitely about the "you turn our depression back on us all the time and we have to mask to help you on empty" situation, since I recall that being mentioned, well, far too many times.

..will you remember tonight for me?

Oh. What?

..please don't play dumb.

Yeah yeah, "we've tried to vent to you many times but we've been hurt from your reactions so much Minos is afraid of speaking and kind of so is everyone" and "you lot haven't changed one bit" and "we're gonna stick to you anyways because we have no choices and because feelings" or whatever

Can you take ANYTHING seriously??

Can you REMEMBER anything with that brain of yours?

..whatever. I'm going to bed.

The one thing YOU remember is that "remembering is important. It makes them feel heard and it's the least I could do" and yet look at you.

I'm exhausted. Shut up, put tonight into whatever memory slushy of yours and let's go to bed.

NO. NO, NO. WE'RE NOT DOING THAT TONIGHT. IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS. IVE PUT UP WITH THIS ENOUGH, I REFUSE TO LOSE MY AUTONOMY OVER SOME FEELINGS

It's not that bad, plus, the feelings get in the way and chost refuses to help us if we let it persist

FEELINGS AND THE INCONVENIENCES OF IT BE DAMNED, IM SO SICK OF THIS?!?!?? EVERY TIME, WE DONT KNOW OUR OWN BODY AND YOU DONT UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN LIMITS. YOU THINK THERE'LL BE SOME HIGH BECAUSE OF HOW YOUVE HEARD IT BE DESCRIBED, NOT KNOWING THAT THATS NOT POSSIBLE FOR US. YOUVE TRUED EVERYTHING, ITS NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ANY MORE THAN MAYBE A SMALL POP OF JOY. THEN BECAUSE YOU EXPECTED MORE, YOU BECOME UNSATISFIED, NOT THAT WE CAN BE SATISFIED. I don't act like I didn't watch you keep trying until it hurt, until it bled, yet you KEPT TRYING AFTER SEEING BLOOD. AND BECAUSE OF NOT REACHING EXPECTATIONS, YOU TRY TO CHASE A HIGH FROM ATTEMPTING TO PLEASE HIM INSTEAD. IT MAKES US UNCOMFORTABLE AS HELL, YET YOU INSIST BECAUSE THEN YOU WONT GET YOUR DOSE IF YOU DONT FOLLOW THROUGH. You back yourself into a corner, and for WHAT. You back us into a corner, WHAT FOR. Some kind of relief? IM SICK OF IT. IM SICK OF IT, [ People Pleaser ]. IM SICK OF IT ALL. And what do we get in the end? WHAT DO WE GET? You end up giving them a task they must finish, so at our most vulnerable, we are forced to face the consequences of our actions alone. Every. Fucking. Time. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. ITS THE SAME. THE SHAME, THE GUILT, THE DISGUST AND THE SIDE EYES FROM OUR HEADMATES FOR SOMETHING WE DIDNT HAVE A REAL CHOICE IN.

... We have to

WE'RE INCONVENIENCING EVERYONE ANYWAYS. ID RATHER NOT DEAL WITH THE SHAME THAT COMES WITH EVERYTIME. THE SHAME AND GUILT IS THE WORST PART. IT HURTS MORE THAN IF YOU WERE TO JUST TEAR OUR REPRODUCTION SYSTEM INTO PIECES IN SEARCH OF AN UNATTAINABLE GOAL. IF YOU SO FUCKING INSIST ON DOING IT, THEN LET. ME. DO. IT. I WILL TEAR IT INTO A BLOODY MESS SO OUR BODY WILL NEVER CRAVE SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN. I CANT WITH THE SHAME AND DISGUST. I CANT.

Please

EVERY "JOKE" THE FRAGMENTS MAKE IS AT OUR EXPENSE. IT IS A EITHER A DELIBERATE OR UNINTENTIONAL, BUT EITHER WAY, HURTFUL POKE AT WHAT WE CANNOT CONTROL, ADDING AND ADDING TO THE WEIGHT OF SHAME. SOMETHING PRIVATE AND VULNERABLE OF OURS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A ROM-COM DRAMA TO THEM, WE ARE CIRCUS MONKEYS TO OUR OWN FRAGMENTS AND THE SHOW TONIGHT IS OUR DIGNITY BEING SHATTERED AGAIN AND AGAIN. IM SICK OF IT. PLEASE STOP DOING THIS TO US.

...but what if it's. Different, better this time..

YOU SAID THAT THE LAST FEW TIMES TOO. AND IN THE END? EVERYTHING HURTS, AND WE FEEL DISGUSTING. IT DOESNT EVEN FEEL LIKE AN ACT OF LOVE BECAUSE OF HOW UNCOMFORTABLE AND PAINFUL IT IS MENTALLY. YOU PLEASE OUR BODY FOR A SECOND, IN EXCHANGE FOR OUR MENTAL STATE. PLEASE, JUST STOP.

... But we can't function with all these hormones in our body.

YES WE CAN. HAVE SOME FUCKING DISCIPLINE, IM SO SICK OF DOING THIS. WHY ARE YOU SO OPTIMISTIC??

..maybe you'll see why I do it, someday.

... [Crying. ]

Holy shit I feel disgusted by my own thoughts. What the fuck is wrong with me

FML WHY WOULD YOU TEXT THEM THAT

Issac deserves to knoww lmfaoo

[ very unholy thoughts ]

Horny ass bitch. Am I right. Look at this local creature. It's so. Actually maybe don't look. I don't wanna know further. Gay

IN THE MORNING??

SHUt up??!

YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ISSAC SO HARD YOU GOT WET FOR HIM *IN THE MORNIBG*????

GSGJDBDBJAJD

I mean. Why are you so opposed to showing them? It's like. All TikTok/reddit commentary. Hardly embarrassing, even if completely pointless.

...

That ONE time our father commented on us watching a kid's toys video at 12 years old could NOT have stuck that hard.

.. why do we still remember it then.

... Look, all this is stupid, but if you're really not comfortable with showing people your interests because you're afraid you'd be seen as stupid and childish, then so be it. It's not a huge deal anyways

I should still. Get to feel the way I feel. Nobody was at fault but I shouldn't have to eat my feelings just because of it

You're being stupid.

I'm not blaming them for what happened?? Just because I feel bad doesn't mean it's automatically their fault??

They're just "clarifying" because they think you're upset at them. Suck it up and stop being a baby

I,,

Is it just me or is the way you run your fingers over the gaps if the keys in a keyboard oddly "I fuck technology" coded.

ITS A STIM. ITS A STIM

Yeah yeah, a stim of erotically caressing your electronics

AHSBKSJXNJD ITS

Nope, not hearing you out. Send post

You didn't want to sleep to begin with. Why did you even agree?

.. I don't know. Issac must've had his reasons why he wanted me to

You know yourself best, you know you can't sleep. It would've just been unpleasant trying to sleep.

... Well, but,,

You're just a pushover.

You want it's attention, don't you? I'm helping you. It immediately pays attention to you, with quick urgency and full focus anytime you're in distress. By causing visible distress, I am helping you catch their attention.

YOURE MAKING ME NOTHING BUT AN ANNOYING FOOL. I CAN ASK FOR ATTENTION MYSELF, I DONT NEED YOUR HELP

Can you?

... I don't NEED their attention. I'd prefer positive attention over pointless, performative worry anyways. I

You live on their attention. I either call you annoying so you argue and focus on me, or you start wondering if you did something wrong to make them stop talking to you, even for 5 minutes. Because you're clingy and needy like that. You start pointlessly trying to find solutions to their every problem which has no solution other than time, in hopes it would free up more time for them to be with you. You either have me, or you spiral on your own and exhaust yourself in dead end problems with a puddle of tears beneath your head.

I. I don't do that.

Denial.

I'm not THAT clingy!!

Fool.

You're annoying

You're being annoying

,, mind said that that's not annoying. It. It wouldn't lie, right? It'd. Tell me if it's bothered by me being clingy, right?

You know it's tired. You know they're tired. You're being selfish by making them stay up regardless of if it's "annoying" to it or not. You should be considering their health and wellbeing more, and shut up so they can sleep peacefully.

.. I.

Your life is so much better than theirs yet you're being ungrateful and taking more and more from them when they have none more to give. It should be the other way around. You should be giving so you can be even. You're a selfish prick. And it's not just about sleep in this regard. You do this all the time

.. mind told me not to spiral like this.

And you're failing. You can't help but listen to my every word.

YOU. YOU NORMALLY DONT EVEN HAVE AN AUDIBLE VOICE, AND WHEN YOU DO, ITS SUPPOSED TO BE MY VOICE. YOURE USING ITS VOICE. YOURE MIMICKING MIND'S VOICE TO CATCH MY ATTENTION ON PURPOSE. CAN YOU BLAME ME??

You're a coward and you're weak if you can even discern between my mimicry and the real deal. My crude, crude mimicry, mind you.

YOU'RE LITERALLY IN MY HEAD. YOURE. LITERALLY. IN. MY. HEAD. ITS NOT MY FAULT IT CATCHES MY ATTENTION. OF COURSE I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE, DOESNT MEAN THE SIMILARITIES DONT CATCH MY ATTENTION..

Boohoo, try harder.

Cherry, please.. it's been nearly 3 hours straight of focus. We're exhausted.. the body can't stay awake any longer and my head hurts..

Hmp. Have painting to paint!..

Please..

Ahaha,, and my other half was complaining about how it's difficult to regain emotions during a bout of depression.. too easy. Though, now I can't sleep.

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Life is just one large stage play.