[greenstares]

❀ saraya, she/her ❀ 26 ❀ about me

𖦹°⋆ nct dream fake texts @handlemehyuck

REQUESTS: OPEN ☏

GUIDELINES my blog is 18+, minors DNI

forecast: cloudy with a chance of heart eyes

lovebot, activated by: tattoos and pretty smiles ᵔᴥᵔ

recently written:

⋆love drunk voicemails from ex!seventeen

⋆all caps — y.jh

⋆lake house — l.dh

⋆keep you warm — l.dh

chewing words like candy, currently writing:

⋆boyfriend things

i eat song lyrics instead of food, currently listening to:

♡ one more night - bts ♡

[kyloren]

PRIDE & PREJUDICE (2005) dir. Joe Wright

[greenstares]

i don’t care

i think there’s love

[greenstares]

guess what

the sun is warm

music is sweet

and there’s potential in the earth

little seeds

laugh around them

they’ll sprout

[greenstares]

thinking about soft landings

thinking about returning without shame

thinking about redirection

thinking about lessons between footprints

thinking about trying again

[greenstares]

there’s a reality where everything works out and i don’t have to do it by myself

i don’t have to do it with music

with my eyes closed, imagining

with colored pencils in my hand, making it prettier

there’s a reality that exists and i’m not alone

arms to hold me

a mind that knows me

eyes that see it

and i don’t have to say anything if i don’t want to

i don’t want to

because he knows me

can i be known?

i don’t know what else i could be but what i already am

i know lonely

i know craving

i know splintered skin and walking on open wounds

i know smiling when it hurts, laughing despite

i know existing in a room, veiled. it’s too easy to do. no one’s ever looking, not really, not at the edges turned grey

will i only have music?

will it always be me?

will it always be pretending?

stretching when it hurts?

will i ever be carried?

will i ever be held and guided and told i can close my eyes, he’s got me?

i can’t do it with music alone, with fiction alone, with whatever i’m capable of creating between my own two hands like my palms aren’t bleeding

dried blood on my clothes, in my hair

dried blood in the air

i smell it and salt water tears

this can’t be everything.

[greenstares]

my edges know where the earth is

but the clouds…

to float in the sky is my soul’s dream

dare i know safety when i’m weightless?

once your hand’s on my waist

i just close my eyes

[greenstares]

i only care about music

tell me what to do with that

i spread my fingers

reaching for the sky

you think it’s space for you

not yet.

only melodies and moonlight crack me open

tell me what to do with that

i can’t trust you like i do lyrics

i can’t trust you like a blistering sky

begging me to see beneath its skin

show me something more

paint a picture that makes sense

that’s worth my splintering

i have to break to feel heaven

[greenstares]

busy on the weekend

caught up in your own small world

well, i might want to see it then

[greenstares]

Are you holdinbacksecrets? I have been searching for your blog but couldn't find it. I thought you deleted your blog

hi! yes! this is actually the perfect reminder to add a hashtag to my pinned post about previously being holdinbacksecrets. i keep meaning to do that, so thank you

[greenstares]

hello!!! i’m a longtime fan of this page i love it so much (im p sure i sent an ask a year or two ago and how much i love it here lolol) but i just wanted to ask about your lace, lingerie, décolleté post because i dont think the link works anymore 😞 but yes i loveeee your work its so special and invokes so much feeling ❤️

hi, thank you so much for the kind words! i had that piece on private, but it’s back to being public, so there should be no issues. lmk if it still doesn’t work, though.

[greenstares]

there’s happiness again. thank god i was told i don’t mesh with pretend

[greenstares]

capturing daydreams

all the pondering

joy likes to hide in crevices beneath my feet and hang above my head, caught in sunlight so bright i miss the message

friends that know my heart and soul are the same color, a special shade i no longer announce

stories sticky on my hands. traces of them all around this apartment, picked up on accident, taken to bedrooms that aren't mine

sharing the space beneath this roof with people who still feel like strangers, may always be at arm's length despite the proximity of our groceries and car keys and morning faces

knowing more than i can say

wishing twisting tying knots of honesty

missing you. missing him. wanting his clothes on my bedroom floor, bathroom floor, closet hangers. wanting his laughter against my pillow, against my stomach, as a memory in my head after airport drop-offs

[greenstares]

hi

can i bother you?

can you hold this?

do you recognize it?

my insecurities

tell me what you see

a pretty picture, please

alchemy

the oils in your skin

sink in

slip between the cracks, find every crevice - practiced cherish

welcomed, you are

my needle and thread, disowned

and i lied, my poking and prodding - rehearsed disturbance

you see the color of my eyes

the texture of my skin

the sound of my voice, a room away - still makes your heart sing

could you explain?

how you see me this way

budding in your hands

warm earth between your fingers

skyline around your neck

breeze so sweet it feels make believe

how could it be?

it’s all just me

artistic misery

[greenstares]

i can imagine it. i do. is that a gift? is it torture? i can’t breathe without tasting love, without feeling the places it coats my ribs, lunges for my lungs like a promise or a taunt or a practiced kind of softness that doesn’t hurt but makes you itch. a place fingertips can never rest, and i’m itchy. it’s torture packaged as my heaven. a heaven created over time, with intention, demanding significance, knowing its arrival will make me stutter, but it catches me too, before i fall. a gift.

[greenstares]

i should love you less

i know that

what do you think i do when you’re away? once my clothes forget your scent, and i lie about the clarity in my head

how dare i wander further

i was wrong to touch you, to believe satisfaction is tamed by connection, to believe the memory of your skin beneath my fingertips wouldn’t haunt me until my entire body knows your texture and you know mine

i should love you less

and then i’ll forget the sun too

[greenstares]

thinking about how frequently i used to write about love. it poured out of me bc i was desperate to see it. i was needy for the shapes and textures and definitions. i needed it all on paper so i could believe in it. now, it’s different. i want it in my hands, staining my palms. i imagine it wet and warm between my legs and against my mouth. i see it in my car when roads curve and shadowed trees decorate asphalt. i no longer doubt it. i’m beyond familiarization. all i do is crave and wait with simmering hope and anticipation, wondering who and when and how.