The Mythical Baker

Just a girl, trying to figure it all out.

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Feelings and Things

Do you ever have the overwhelming urge to run away?

You know, leave a note, pack a bag, and head out somewhere, anywhere else… Then you can start over as some different version of yourself where nobody knows you and you can do whatever and be whoever you want. 

Perhaps, I could be on a beach in the Bahamas tomorrow, or drinking wine and reading a book near the Eiffel Tower, or practicing my Spanish in Madrid.

Someday. Sooner than later.

I’ve been working a lot lately. It feels like I’ve been putting in so much effort for such little pay off. Like Sisyphus pushing his damned boulder up that damned hill, just to be forced to do it all over again after he finally reaches the top. Now, I realize that I am not the only person in the world who feels this way, but sometimes it feels better to get it out and move on up that hill than to keep quiet.

Recently, I’ve had this feeling of waiting and expectation, like every aspect of my life is on the verge. There are no decisions to be made, at least not yet. They are all going to come in one giant tsunami and everything is going to change all at once. I can feel it. Is this relationship going anywhere? Is this job worth it? Is there any reason to stick around? Meanwhile, I’m floating in the middle of the vast ocean of “just getting by,” waiting. Working hard, trying to sleep, and waiting.

Only over the last few days has it occurred to me that I can run away. Just a little thrifty planning and some creativity and I could be strolling by the Seine whenever I want. Pourquoi pas?

Take a deep breath and keep it up. We’ll get there.

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Let’s sing about it together...

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It’s been a while...

I had a dream the other night that it was already Christmas time, and I thought to myself as I sadly decorated a tree, I can’t believe summer is already over and I missed it! Time is moving so quickly! When will I ever have time to live?

That is my biggest worry lately: there’s just not enough time...

I’ve been quiet for a while. The last few months I’ve been working on finishing yet another year of college, while I work toward my Bachelor’s in Food Service Management (about as dry as it sounds). Lots of accounting and food service/hospitality specific business classes. That ended in May, and now I’m on my summer vacation, if you can call it that. I’m still working full-time at the brewpub while my business partner, Sam, and I are trying to get our business moving.

I suppose I should mention that I am a co-owner of a baking company in which we specialize in craft beer and pastry pairings called The Whisk Sisters. It’s indulgent and niche, but why not?! It’s a jumping-off point for so many other future goals.

My summer so far has involved a few concerts, some hikes, some bike rides, and a few crushes. I’m still sticking to my resolution to live more. It’s often harder than it seems like it should be, especially when sometimes all I want to do is get in bed and sleep. But, I’ve found that if you make a little bit of an effort, positive opportunities will come your way. The hardest part is allowing myself to say, “Yes.” It’s amazing how easy it is to get into the habit of saying “no” and feeling sorry for yourself when time seems to be flying by without you. No more of that. I am officially an investor in life experiences.

I found out today that my ex-boyfriend of 8 years has a shiny new girlfriend. They seem happy together, and I’m glad for him. Yet, even though it’s been well over a year since we broke up and we’ve both moved on with our lives, the sting is still there. Especially since I know that a very dear friendship may very well be coming to an end, at least for now. I guess that’s what this year is supposed to be about: a new beginning to a new chapter. With new beginnings come bittersweet endings. And love to any degree always hurts.

After finding this out, I bought myself a dress, then drank Bloody Marys and ate pancakes with some girl friends. It helped a little.

Cookies also help. I shall make some today.

Thanks for letting me vent, Internet. For now, I’ll take a deep breath and keep moving forward. On to the next adventure!

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"I have hope that inside is not a heart, but a kaleidoscope." -Sara Bareilles

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Though I may be going down, I'll take in flame over burning out.

Sara Bareilles "Uncharted"

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2015: The Year of Griffen

2014 was a weird year for me. 

It started in sequins with a jolly time at a bottle share party full of brewers and drinkers. A few months later, my fiancee of 8 years and I broke up and lived together for a month after that. During that time I was serving tables and bartending full-time while attending pastry classes on the week mornings, and working at a local bakery on the weekends, all the while getting very little sleep. The cat and the dog live with him now. 

I met my future business partner and friend, Sam, and we started the Whisk Sisters, and we got tattoos. I met Michael who gave me lots of firsts, and we had adventures. I moved into my apartment in Boulder, and hated at first but then learned to love living alone. I dated. I went to concerts. I got a job at a local brew pub, learned a lot about beer, drank too much with my coworkers. I baked. I cooked. I walked. I read. I danced. I raved. I cried. And I laughed, sometimes while I was crying. The year ended in sequins and a Molly high with bass vibrating in my bones and lights flashing in my soul. It was a good way to end it.

I'm glad it's over.

This year is new. My resolution is to do things I haven't done before. It's a broad one, I know, but I think it'll stick. I've gotten hooked on exercise (that's something you're supposed to do in the New Year, right?), and spent over $400 on tickets for a 3-night Bassnectar concert which is definitely something I've never done before. I learned how to climb and boulder, and it turns out I'm a natural!

So today, I decided that in order to hold myself accountable for my resolution, I'm going to write about it online. It's not really for anyone but me. But if someone comes across my thoughts I won't stop them from examining them. So, here goes…