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@grosvetements
Hi! You can call me Vet :) This is my food and eating disorder journal! I'm NOT pro-ed.
I'm 19 years old
My starting bmi is 17.2 (November 10)
My current bmi is 16.1 (November 18)
My goal bmi is 15.9
My ultimate goal bmi is 14.3
I'm South East Asian
I like reading and taking walks
I have a disability that impedes my ability to lose weight, but let's try anyways
Binged on 3 and a half donut holes and 2 chocolatines, that's 575 calories in one sitting somebody KILL me
Calorie total today because of this was 1 471 calories.
Binged on 3 and a half donut holes and 2 chocolatines, that's 575 calories in one sitting somebody KILL me
Ruined forever one of my nice garments what if I kill myself actually
Had 3 3cm by 3cm squares of caramel bars, a bowl of arroz caldo, and a Kirkland probiotic "cherry-berry" yogurt...
1 Del Monte banana snack/lunch!
Yay, breakfast! Today I had 3 tablespoons of white rice, 1 boiled gai lan, 1 tablespoon of Kirkland rotisserie chicken and marrow, and 1 small royal gala apple.
I just want my cashews.
Dinner: 2 vegetable leaves, 2 boiled baby potatoes, 3 tablespoons of white rice, and dessert of Kirkland probiotic strawberry yogurt.
And it keeps happening. Middle school I was skipping dinner whenever I could. Pandemic I was working out whenever I could and refused anything unhealthy. Now I'm counting calories and navigating social outings foggy-headed and bizarre and sleeping everything away. God. I always come back to it.
It's just out of the frying pan and into the fire, isn't it? I can't control my academic situation, I can't control my financial situation, I can't control my fuck-ugly wardrobe, I can't control my fuck-ugly face, I can't control my family, I can't control who wants to be my friends, I can't control so much, and so I try to control my body. My body, disabled and bisected and acne-riddled and bruise-covered and bug bite-marked and unevenly coloured. Under my influence, I can change its weight. It's something. But then when I change its shape, it shifts back in the same day to that unflattering soft rectangle shape, and I can't eat food, and I can't eat food, and I can't eat food. I'm chasing my own tail. I'm walking a circular groove into the ground.
I have no control over my life.
I had a Del Monte banana earlier at 12:10 as a lunch/snack.
I had breakfast at 10 today, just didn't post then because I didn't feel like it.
I had a bit of pork and 3 tablespoons of white rice, and 1 small royal gala apple.
Ok here's what I ate in a day since I couldn't log all my meals at the actual meal times!
Breakfast: 2 boiled eggs, 3 tablespoons of white rice.
Lunch: Del Monte banana and Dempster's whole wheat bread + Jif creamy peanut butter sandwich.
Dinner: 1 small royal gala apple and 5 Kirkland whole roasted and salted cashews.
Might eat later due to social obligations, but here's hoping I don't!
A woman on the bus said my hair was beautiful! :''')
Ah yes, I forgot! Today for breakfast I had 3 tablespoons of white rice and a bit of pork.